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And at that very moment I realized:  I realized why I couldn’t live without people.  Why I allowed them so much power over me… Why I gave them the ability to possibly crush me, which they tended to do often.  It was very simple: they surprised me.

Somehow as time goes on people grew predictable, but once in a while they throw you so off guard that you realize all over again why you put up with them in the first place.  Whether it is simply an unexpected gesture, or a gift you never knew they had noticed you longing after.  A confession of a secret you never imagined them possibly having.  Harsh words you never thought them possible of.  Whatever it is… they always find ways to surprise you.  The list could go on and on…  A selfish impulse, a selfless offering, a greedy trick, a thoughtful sacrifice.  It really doesn’t matter.  All of these things have power over us.  It scares and warms.  It panics and calms.  All of those all at the same time…  It’s exhausting.  Yet…  We put up with it, time and time again…  But why?  Why do we allow this?  Why allow these strangers who could break us apart with a second’s effortless work, to be in our lives, call them friends, love them, offer them power over us…

For each of us I think it’s different.  But on the big scale I think it is just one reason.  But… I know at least for me, it’s because no matter how precise a computer calculates, no matter how fate twists and yanks us around, no matter how much unconditional love an animal can give us, with humans…  Its different.  I think it’s that we simply make that huge mistake of thinking that we know them.  Just to have our feet yanked out from under us at a seconds notice.

So, again, I ask the question:  Why?  Why do we put up with it?  Well, since all I can offer you is the question, not the answer, maybe we all can put aside our differences and try to figure it out together.

But of course in the mean time we shall all continue to trust and be hurt, open ourselves up and be let down…  Honestly, I think no matter how many times we get hurt in the process we will never stop.  Because it’s not like the answer on a test.  The question being the same you just have to pick the right answer.  It’s… not like that.  The situation always varies.  It’s always different.  So that when that moment arises that we must make the choice, that choice of to trust, or not, to proceed, or hold back, to open, or close…  I think we all know our choice.

But maybe…  Just maybe.  Maybe we can keep that in mind the next time we ourselves decide to hurt someone.  Remember that if the roles were reversed we wouldn’t be so keen on opening ourselves up and getting crushed.  So it all comes down to one thing…  Trust?  And be trusted?  Or hold back, and hurt others.  You decide.  As for me…  I know my decision already.  At least I think I do.  I'm stupid…  And therefore I will always trust, and always get hurt.  I don’t think I want to be strong enough not to.  ^_^

What’s your decision?