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Slipped

Numbness has overtaken my body. It has seeped into every organ, every limb. I can’t move my arms or legs, it’s a miracle I’m breathing and it feels like there is a wrestling match going on inside my head. All in all, I’m pretty used to it. It’s been like this for two days.

Ugh. I hate being here. There’s nothing to do at the General, even if you can move. I tell myself that’s why my friends haven’t come to see me, but I’m probably lying to myself. I don’t belong in here; I belong out there with them. I don’t understand why I’m in here. I’m normal. This stuff is only supposed to happen to the alcoholic people on the news, right? The party girls and the frat boys. This isn’t supposed to happen to a twelve-year-old.

My parents are outside with Meghan. She’s crying again. I know she blames herself for my condition, even though she won’t say it. She doesn’t deserve this on her head. She’s having her baby soon and needs to focus on that. Besides, it’s not her fault. It’s his.

At least, I think it was a man. I couldn’t see; the headlights were shining in my eyes. It started out a normal night. My parents were out at a work party and I was home with Meghan. She should be living with her husband but he was killed last month in Afghanistan. She can’t be alone right now so she stays with us. That night I was up with her, even though it was 3:00 a.m. I was in my room reading and trying to sleep when Megs came bounding in.

“Manda, are you up?”

I sighed and sat up. “I am now.” I smiled to let her know that I wasn’t angry. “What is it?”

“I’m hungry,” chirped Meghan.  I rolled my eyes. Meghan gets the weirdest cravings for things. Last week I think she wanted spinach ice cream with cashews on top…anyway, I was used to it.

“Kay, what do you want?”

“We need to go to the store. I feel like cream soda pudding…” Meghan licked her lips, already tasting the concoction in her mouth.

“Okay, what does that have to do with me?” I asked.

Her glassy eyes grew wide with fear. “I can’t let you stay here alone! What if someone breaks in, what if there’s a fire, what if….”

“Ugh, fine, I’m coming.” I slowly stood up and walked to my closet and grabbed a sweater. “Ready.”

Meghan nodded. “I’ll go start the car.” She ran outside and got in the Mazda. I went down the hallway and slipped on my running shoes. I heard the engine start and went outside. Meghan was trying to take the club off the steering wheel when I got in the car.

“I hate this thing!” she declared.

“You’ve just got to have the right touch.” I grinned, grabbing the keys and wrenching the theft preventer off the wheel. Meghan gave me an astonished look.

“How do you do that?”

“Just jiggle the keys a bit. Can we go now?” I asked impatiently. “I was half asleep.”  Meghan rolled her eyes and started to drive to Mac’s.

We got there at a quarter after, just as the clerks were starting to doze off. Meghan and I strutted in and Meghan immediately started interrogating the clerk to see if he had everything she wanted. While the young man nervously stammered, I looked around. I decided I’d get a treat for the next day. Instead of my usual cookies and cream, I grabbed a Caramilk bar.  Walking up to the counter, I saw Meghan buying a two litre of cream soda and the smallest box of pudding in the store. I remember thinking; I don’t want to see how that turns out. Meghan turned around and saw me.

“Hey! Ready to go?”

“Yeah, just let me get this chocolate bar and we’ll go home.”

“You know, those things are going to rot your teeth.”

I pointed to her purchases. “Look who’s talking.” She stuck her tongue at me as I paid. We then left the store and started to walk to the car.

“Geez Megs, why did you have to park on the other side of the lot?” I wheezed.

“I need the exercise, and it looks like you do too.” She dug in her pocket for her keys. “We’re almost there anyway.” I stopped. “What are you doing now?”

“Tying my shoe.” I bent over to fix the offending laces, muttering under my breath. “Done!” As I stood up, I heard tires screeching but they didn’t register. I didn’t clue in until Meghan started screaming “Manda look out!”

I looked up to see shining lights. They blinded me and held me to the spot. I couldn’t move; they were so bright I forgot where I was for a second. When I finally realised light = headlights = car, it was too late.  The car slammed into me, sending me flying across the parking lot. For a moment, I didn’t feel anything. Then the pain hit me like a wave. I tried to cry out, but all that came out of my mouth was blood. The last thing I heard was Meghan screaming.

So here I am, twelve years old and dying in a hospital. How can people want to do this to themselves? The people who want to kill themselves by stepping out into traffic must be crazy, because being hit by a car is awful. So is dying, come to think of it. How can people want to kill themselves? Death might be nice, I don’t know yet, but dying sucks. You can’t move and the pain is almost unbearable. You’re just waiting to leave. Waiting to slip.

A feeling of icy coldness starts at my feet and begins working it’s way up. I panic, trying to push the air into my lungs. But I can’t. My parents run in, Meghan following beside them. I can vaguely feel them beside me, drawn in by my frantic pants. They cry and pray, but they can’t save me.  It’s too late. The bright lights return, and the moment I’ve been waiting for comes. I slip.

“Oh my god, Oh my god.” My brain repeats those words as my mouth does, a frantic flow of words fuelled by mortal panic. I didn’t mean to hit that girl! I was changing the radio station, looked up and there she was. Who am I kidding, I was drunk! Drunk out of my head, stoned, wasted. And I don’t even go to parties that often, I hate the things. I didn’t even want to go to that one, but I just can’t say no to Ashley. Maybe I should have listened to my girlfriend…

“You shouldn’t go to that party.” She sat crossed legged on my bed, glaring at me with her huge glassy eyes. Her mouth was tilted down in an expression of concern.

“You don’t understand Jenna.” I frowned, putting on my brown leather jacket. “I have to go.”

“No you don’t!” She got up and walked over to me, standing on her toes to look me in the eyes. “It’s just an excuse for teenagers to get drunk for free. And then Ashley sells them her drugs. It’s a cesspool of illegal activity! You’re a grown man, Karl, you should know that!”

I paused, not knowing how to explain the situation. “It’s…complicated.”

Then she knew. “It’s your ex, isn’t it?” She snapped, more a statement than a question. I couldn’t answer; I just stared at my feet. “That girl is nothing but trouble, you know that better than I do!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air. “At times like this I just…”

“Relax Jen.” I grabbed her hands and pinned them to her sides. “You could come if you wanted to. I’m going because Ashley’s giving me back some money she owes me.”

“No thanks, I have a therapy session.” She shook out of my grip and folded her arms across her chest.  “I love you Karl, and…”

“I know, I know, ‘that’s why I get so worried, you’re going to get drunk and do something stupid.’” I imitate her voice, which earns me a stern look. I smile at her. “Don’t worry Jen. I won’t get drunk, I promise.”

“Good.” She smiles back and pecks me on the cheek. “I’ve got to go, I’ll be back at ten. If you’re not here an hour later, I’m going to come get you.” She gives me a cute yet utterly psychopathic look. I wave her off.

“Don’t worry, It’s probably going to suck anyway.”

And it did suck. Just as Jenna said, there were drunken teenagers everywhere, passed out where people weren’t standing or screwing. Ashley, as I suspected, was stoned when I got there. She tried to paw me up a couple times with her boyfriend watching and that’s not how I roll, so I grabbed a box of beer and went outside. I didn’t mean to, but I downed the whole thing. Everything became a blur after that, but I do remember stumbling inside to get more. As soon as I walked into the door, Ashley shoved car keys into my hands and pushed me out the door.

“You, Karl man, you get me more beer. I want, I want more beer.” Ashley was practically foaming at the mouth, and even in my drunken state I realised that I was the soberest person. So I took the car keys and left.

I went to Mac’s to get the beer. Who goes to Mac’s to get beer? I was so drunk I lost my mind. Anyway, I was driving through the parking lot, more to hear the engine noise than anything else. Next thing I know there’s this kid in front of me. I can’t stop; the brain can’t send the message to my foot fast enough. I hit her. I could feel her bones crunching over my hood; I can feel my car sending her flying. Someone around starts screaming. The screams bring me back to my senses. I couldn’t, no, I wouldn’t hit someone! In a panic I turn around and drive away.

Which brings us to now. “Oh my god, Oh my god.” I say the words like a chant. I can’t believe what I’ve done! I shake as I walk up the steps to our place, where I live with Jenna. Oh my god, Jenna! I was supposed to be home two hours ago, what is she going to think. I picture her screaming at me. Thinking of screaming makes me want to vomit, which I do on the front porch. I pound in the thin door hysterically; as if the louder I am the more likely I won’t remember what I did. Why didn’t I listen to Jenna, why…?

Jenna! The door swings open and Jenna stands in front of me, an angry look on her face. I push past her and fall on the couch, still shaking.

“Where were you? It’s three thirty, I’ve been waiting up for five hours!” She’s about to chew me out when she notices my face. “Baby? Baby, what happened? Are you okay?”

I shake my head, whimpering. Instead of accusing me, she simple breathes, “You’re drunk aren’t you?” I nod. She sighs. “Damn it, Karl.”

“I hit a kid.” I blurt out. Her face goes pale.

“You did WHAT?!”

“I hit it, I hit it, oh god I killed it…” I start crying and cursing and rocking back and forth. Jenna puts her arms around me.

“Damn it Karl, what did you do?” She says in monotone.

“I just drove away.” I sob. “I just drove away.”

She smacks me on the head. “What did you do that for? That’s a federal offence!”

“I know!” I howl. “I know!”

She sighs and gets up. “I heard about that on the news. I didn’t think it would be you.” She grabs my armpits and pulls me to my feet. “Get up. You’re going to sleep, and in the morning you’re going to the hospital and saying sorry to that girl.”

“It was a girl?”

Jenna nods solemnly. “Name’s Manda Gettel, twelve years old.” There is a hint of anger in her voice. “Twelve years old, damn it Karl.” I try to stand up and follow her to the room we share. I flop on my bed.

“I have to?” She turns around and gives me the ‘You disgusting little…” look. I roll my eyes. “I guess I do, then.”

Jenna has already changed into her pyjamas. “Just go to sleep. You have a lot to think about.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I mutter as I pull the covers over my head and slide into a troubled sleep.

On the morning of June 17th, 2008, a black SUV pulled up to the front of the general hospital. Inside it were a couple, a man and a woman arguing.

“I don’t want to, Jen. They’re going to be so pissed off at me.” Whined the man.

“And whose fault is that?” The woman rolled her eyes. “Just do like we talked about. You could have dressed a little nicer; you look like a stoner. Maybe clean up before you see them.”

“Ugh, fine.” Murmured the man, who started to get out of the car. “Love you, Jen.”

“Love you too Karl. I’ll just find a spot and then I’ll come up if it takes more than an hour. The woman drove off, leaving Karl alone in the front of the hospital.

He entered the building, dragging his feet on the floor. The receptionist noticed him right away.

“I’m sorry sir, but our rehab wing is under renovations at the moment. May I suggest the Wascana?”

“I’m not here for rehab.” Said the man, squinting at the lights.

“Okay.” The receptionist dug in her bag to find a small piece of paper, attached to a string by a clip. “Just take this and go to the cafeteria. We’re giving out free soup today.”

“But…” The man had no time to say anything as the receptionist shoed him into a hallway. He began to walk through it. “This was a bad idea.” He whispered to himself. “Instead of seeing that kid, I’m wandering in circles.”

On his fifth lap around the main floor, he saw a young girl crying. She looked to be 22, and had to be at least seven months pregnant. ‘Must be here for an ultrasound. She might know where to go.’ He wondered why she was crying.

The girl barely looked up as he sat beside her. He looked at her with concern, then shook his head. All he wanted to do was apologise and go. “Excuse me miss, do you know where I can find the girl who got hit by a car last night?”

The girl dried her tears and looked up at him, pain evident in her wide eyes. “She’s not here.”

“Why not?” asked the man impatiently.

“She slipped.”

By: Kelsey Mills