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"Damn, well it's about fuckin' time you gave her a smack-down!" Roxy laughed, tears rolling down her face as I finished my story.

"I wish I coulda' been there!" She took another swig of her drink - something alcoholic by the smell of it - and went back to laughing.

"Yes, I am sure you would have been a great help." I said, chopping up some tomatoes and onions for her spaghetti. Hey, it was useful to be able to cook when you sometimes shared a house with a bottomless pit. Roxy chuckled, then sobered up. I waited for the question I wished she would not ask.

"So… Whatcha' gonna do about Seth?"

Not exactly the question I was expecting, but close enough to still make me uncomfortable. I sighed and put my knife down before I stabbed her with it.

"I honestly do not know, Roxy-chan. I have closed myself off for far too long to know how I feel anymore." I sighed again.

"Damn teenage drama-queen." The wolf girl muttered under her breath. I chuckled lightly, realizing how true that statement was. I was almost like my indecisive (distant) cousin Bella was at one point, torn between what she needed and what she thought she wanted. What a stupid place to be, almost the literal example of "stuck between a
rock and a hard place."

Roxy laughed, too, at the comical little truth. Again, she sobered up. "But really, Kyuu, ya gotta go one way or the other on this one. Ya can't be you this time around. Ya need to make an actual decision this time."

I knew exactly what she meant. All the little meaningless flings I had had over the centuries did not hold a candle to how I needed to feel now. Could I stand to break the boy that had given his heart to me? Could I stand to make myself feel again, with the risk of being broken once more? I did not think I could stand another one. I did not think I would be able to heal from another hope dashed on the ground. But then I thought of everything that I would be missing as I picked up my knife and started cooking again, Roxy tasting every so often.

If I could overlook the possibility of losing him, I might be able to stand it. Could I remember how to love, to be loved, to live together with someone? I glance at Roxy at that thought. I did live with someone, true, but we were rarely home at the same time, so it did not really count. I did not know yet if I could stand being loved at all, knowing what a monster I was… Was that it? Was it simply because I knew that Seth could do so much better than a creature like me that I was pushing him away? I could not see any other reason, and by all means, it was not a very good one. I smiled despite myself, finally
discovering what my fear (was that the right word?) was.

Roxy began to stare at me; not only was it rare for me to talk so much around company, but it was also rare for me to talk too little around Roxy. I could (almost) stand to talk to her, but sometimes, with a great distance of time between each event, she would see too much about me and hit a sensitive spot with one of her questions. She opened her mouth to ask me something more, but I distracted her with a question of my own.

"So, how's your boyfriend?"

*************************

Now that I had a full belly, I needed to talk to Seth. It was high time we set things straight; no more miscommunications. I no longer wanted to simply ignore what he feels for me. It was probably one of the hardest things I ever would have to do. It was not hard in that I needed to accept that he had feelings for me; it was needing to comprehend the emotions in which they were directed at me; and it was terrifying. Why could I not be brave like my loud-mouth friend Roxy?

I walked towards La Push, more terrified of the conversation I was about to have then the threat of breaking the treaty. As I approached the treaty line, I slowed even more. Could I really break the treaty that supposedly protected the Cullen's and the Quileute's? I stopped, right on the boundary line and hesitated. Do I go forward? Was the treaty not already broken by Edward and Bella… And even Jacob, before he ever believed in any of this? I sat down on a near by rock, almost glaring at my high-heeled boots. Was I really afraid of a conversation when I had lived for 4000 years and could stare death in the face without breaking a sweat?

Yes, I was.

I sighed sadly and pulled my knees to my chest. I sat there, deliberating my next move, when I heard a twig snap behind me. I sat perfectly still, pretending to be oblivious to it, in case I needed to defend myself with a surprise attack on my surprise attacker.

"Wow, didn't think I'd find you here. But I am glad it's you. Last time I saw you, you were on the verge of killing Rosalie..."

I was still frozen as Seth walked out in front of me, smiling from ear to ear. I stared stupidly at him, still completely unprepared to talk to him. He stared back, but not as long.

"Well, your eyes are golden today, so I'm glad to know you're well fed."

I stared back down at my boots. If I had any blood coursing through my veins, I would be blushing. I still had not said a word to him and he was starting to get a little uncomfortable.

"S-Seth-san," I started, patting the rock.

"Hm?" He looked slightly confused at my stuttering.

"We need to talk." I looked at him softly, trying to smile.

Seth suddenly looked nervous as he registered my sad look. He sat down on the rock, not facing me. We sat, leaning on each other's backs. I took a few deep breaths and began. "Please, I ask one favor before I begin. Just… listen to what I have to say. Do not interrupt me. Listen to everything I say and mull it over before you respond. Alright?" Seth simply nodded.

"Seth-san, I am truly honored that you imprinted on me, truly I am. Sadly, I do not think that I can ever return your love. Do not get me wrong, I have been thinking on this constantly since I first learned of your interest in me, almost too much thought went into it. You will be glad to know that you have made me question myself and many of my beliefs. But I do not have a… good reason as to why I am so… opposed… to you loving me. The only thing that I can think of is that… I am afraid. I do not want to hope for something that may end abruptly, the way it did those many years ago. I also do not want to make you think that this is my way of telling you to stay away. My… being… simply is not used to being truly loved and, being a vampire and, therefore, frozen in time, it is going to take some time to make that shift. I just do not want you to be… broken simply because I am making you wait or because I am leading you on. Because you love me, I want you to be happy…

"I am also confused as to why you could ever love such an evil creature as me. You seem like an intelligent young man with good instincts. You could do so much better, Seth-san, than someone like me." I rested my head on my knees as I wrapped up my speech.

"…Alright. I am finished. Please, take your time in creating your response. I do not want to force you to--" I was cut off as I was suddenly engulfed in heat.

His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into an embrace. I rested my head against his chest and my hands twitched at my side. I remembered this feeling. I did the exact same thing the first time Ookamiotoko hugged me. I realized my hands twitched because they longed to hug him back. I did not think I was mentally prepared for that step.

"I'll wait. As long as it takes for you to accept me, I'll wait for you. I'll wait for you forever if I have to." Seth mumbled into my hair. I brought my hands up and pushed him back slowly.

"Please do not say that." I whispered as I looked up into his pained face.
It looked as torn as I felt.

"Please do not give up your life hoping for something that might never happen." I started pushing him gently away and starting to back up.

He grabbed my arm securely. "Is there any chance," He asked, "Any chance at all?"

I looked down trying to escape his gaze as he tried to find the truth in my eyes.
"I…"

A howl ripped through the air then, pulling Seth's attention away from me. "What could Jacob need now?"

As his grip weakened with curiosity, I wrenched my arm away and bolted
as fast as I could.

Description
"Damn, well it's about fuckin' time you gave her a smack-down!" Roxy laughed, tears rolling down her face as I finished my story.

"I wish I coulda' been there!" She took another swig of her drink - something alcoholic by the smell of it - and went back to laughing.

"Yes, I am sure you would have been a great help." I said, chopping up some tomatoes and onions for her spaghetti. Hey, it was useful to be able to cook when you sometimes shared a house with a bottomless pit. Roxy chuckled, then sobered up. I waited for the question I wished she would not ask.

"So… Whatcha' gonna do about Seth?"

Not exactly the question I was expecting, but close enough to still make me uncomfortable. I sighed and put my knife down before I stabbed her with it.

"I honestly do not know, Roxy-chan. I have closed myself off for far too long to know how I feel anymore." I sighed again.

"Damn teenage drama-queen." The wolf girl muttered under her breath. I chuckled lightly, realizing how true that statement was. I was almost like my indecisive (distant) cousin Bella was at one point, torn between what she needed and what she thought she wanted. What a stupid place to be, almost the literal example of "stuck between a
rock and a hard place."

Roxy laughed, too, at the comical little truth. Again, she sobered up. "But really, Kyuu, ya gotta go one way or the other on this one. Ya can't be you this time around. Ya need to make an actual decision this time."

I knew exactly what she meant. All the little meaningless flings I had had over the centuries did not hold a candle to how I needed to feel now. Could I stand to break the boy that had given his heart to me? Could I stand to make myself feel again, with the risk of being broken once more? I did not think I could stand another one. I did not think I would be able to heal from another hope dashed on the ground. But then I thought of everything that I would be missing as I picked up my knife and started cooking again, Roxy tasting every so often.

If I could overlook the possibility of losing him, I might be able to stand it. Could I remember how to love, to be loved, to live together with someone? I glance at Roxy at that thought. I did live with someone, true, but we were rarely home at the same time, so it did not really count. I did not know yet if I could stand being loved at all, knowing what a monster I was… Was that it? Was it simply because I knew that Seth could do so much better than a creature like me that I was pushing him away? I could not see any other reason, and by all means, it was not a very good one. I smiled despite myself, finally
discovering what my fear (was that the right word?) was.

Roxy began to stare at me; not only was it rare for me to talk so much around company, but it was also rare for me to talk too little around Roxy. I could (almost) stand to talk to her, but sometimes, with a great distance of time between each event, she would see too much about me and hit a sensitive spot with one of her questions. She opened her mouth to ask me something more, but I distracted her with a question of my own.

"So, how's your boyfriend?"

*************************

Now that I had a full belly, I needed to talk to Seth. It was high time we set things straight; no more miscommunications. I no longer wanted to simply ignore what he feels for me. It was probably one of the hardest things I ever would have to do. It was not hard in that I needed to accept that he had feelings for me; it was needing to comprehend the emotions in which they were directed at me; and it was terrifying. Why could I not be brave like my loud-mouth friend Roxy?

I walked towards La Push, more terrified of the conversation I was about to have then the threat of breaking the treaty. As I approached the treaty line, I slowed even more. Could I really break the treaty that supposedly protected the Cullen's and the Quileute's? I stopped, right on the boundary line and hesitated. Do I go forward? Was the treaty not already broken by Edward and Bella… And even Jacob, before he ever believed in any of this? I sat down on a near by rock, almost glaring at my high-heeled boots. Was I really afraid of a conversation when I had lived for 4000 years and could stare death in the face without breaking a sweat?

Yes, I was.

I sighed sadly and pulled my knees to my chest. I sat there, deliberating my next move, when I heard a twig snap behind me. I sat perfectly still, pretending to be oblivious to it, in case I needed to defend myself with a surprise attack on my surprise attacker.

"Wow, didn't think I'd find you here. But I am glad it's you. Last time I saw you, you were on the verge of killing Rosalie..."

I was still frozen as Seth walked out in front of me, smiling from ear to ear. I stared stupidly at him, still completely unprepared to talk to him. He stared back, but not as long.

"Well, your eyes are golden today, so I'm glad to know you're well fed."

I stared back down at my boots. If I had any blood coursing through my veins, I would be blushing. I still had not said a word to him and he was starting to get a little uncomfortable.

"S-Seth-san," I started, patting the rock.

"Hm?" He looked slightly confused at my stuttering.

"We need to talk." I looked at him softly, trying to smile.

Seth suddenly looked nervous as he registered my sad look. He sat down on the rock, not facing me. We sat, leaning on each other's backs. I took a few deep breaths and began. "Please, I ask one favor before I begin. Just… listen to what I have to say. Do not interrupt me. Listen to everything I say and mull it over before you respond. Alright?" Seth simply nodded.

"Seth-san, I am truly honored that you imprinted on me, truly I am. Sadly, I do not think that I can ever return your love. Do not get me wrong, I have been thinking on this constantly since I first learned of your interest in me, almost too much thought went into it. You will be glad to know that you have made me question myself and many of my beliefs. But I do not have a… good reason as to why I am so… opposed… to you loving me. The only thing that I can think of is that… I am afraid. I do not want to hope for something that may end abruptly, the way it did those many years ago. I also do not want to make you think that this is my way of telling you to stay away. My… being… simply is not used to being truly loved and, being a vampire and, therefore, frozen in time, it is going to take some time to make that shift. I just do not want you to be… broken simply because I am making you wait or because I am leading you on. Because you love me, I want you to be happy…

"I am also confused as to why you could ever love such an evil creature as me. You seem like an intelligent young man with good instincts. You could do so much better, Seth-san, than someone like me." I rested my head on my knees as I wrapped up my speech.

"…Alright. I am finished. Please, take your time in creating your response. I do not want to force you to--" I was cut off as I was suddenly engulfed in heat.

His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into an embrace. I rested my head against his chest and my hands twitched at my side. I remembered this feeling. I did the exact same thing the first time Ookamiotoko hugged me. I realized my hands twitched because they longed to hug him back. I did not think I was mentally prepared for that step.

"I'll wait. As long as it takes for you to accept me, I'll wait for you. I'll wait for you forever if I have to." Seth mumbled into my hair. I brought my hands up and pushed him back slowly.

"Please do not say that." I whispered as I looked up into his pained face.
It looked as torn as I felt.

"Please do not give up your life hoping for something that might never happen." I started pushing him gently away and starting to back up.

He grabbed my arm securely. "Is there any chance," He asked, "Any chance at all?"

I looked down trying to escape his gaze as he tried to find the truth in my eyes.
"I…"

A howl ripped through the air then, pulling Seth's attention away from me. "What could Jacob need now?"

As his grip weakened with curiosity, I wrenched my arm away and bolted
as fast as I could.