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Description

Calvinus takes a Moment to try to figure out what just happened.

EP to Calvinus

This will count for Calvinus's Idle Paws training assignment.

writing segment- [note this deals with mental health issues, I'm not entirely sure what exact warnings may be needed. I also won't be able to add them for a moment here, rushing to get this posted right now.]
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Calvinus wasn't really sure what had happened. One moment, he was happy as a flamingo, wading into the waters of one of Lightning Empire's shallower lakes. The bottom was fill of stones, and Cal was searching the bottom for any bright colors or interesting materials to take back with him, pelt of the day abandoned to one side of the shore along with a bucket that already had a few things stored in it. The next moment, he was… well, everything came rushing into his mind all at once.

He was having 'a moment', as his mothers would have said when he was younger, whenever any of them had a tantrum or got really frustrated. "Oh, Calvinus is just having a moment, give him some alone time to sort things out in his head."

But this Moment wasn't quite the same. Instead of frustration, Calvinus had been full to the brim with emotions he didn't understand. It was like an internal earthquake, shaking him to his very core- not that he was sure he hadn't shook externally as well. He'd felt like the world was caving in on his mind, if only for a moment. His heart pounding in his mind like ceremonial drums, he'd felt like the water was thickening like blood, seeping into his throat and choking out his breath, the world felt like it was spinning.

And after a moment, he looked up.

And everything was fine.

The world was calm and peaceful, like nothing had happened. Grass swayed in the breeze, and the lake swayed gently around him. Water. Not blood. Yet, he wasn't sure if that made it any less terrifying.

The… memories, which had bubbled to the surface in the flood in the wake of the Moment, even after he'd buried them so deep, didn't make sense either. He was so far from that… Wolf- it was painful to think of him as a cat, to remember him at all- and his homeland, there was no way he'd ever see him or that raging river ever again.

But it had felt real, not even knee-deep in calm, warm water did he feel safe. Calvinus remembered so clearly being tossed along the rapids, thrown from rock to rock until it felt like his bones were breaking into shrapnel inside him. He had been lucky, insanely so, not to have broken across a rock, and rolled downstream for some unfortunate soul to discover later. It was pure luck- or maybe fate looking down on him favorably for once- that he'd found a branch to hold on to. Calvinus had always thought the punishments dealt by the Law of the Land to be fair and just, until he was victim to one. But, innocent or guilty, once The Court condemned a cat for the Highest of Offences, he was thrown into the river no matter who he was. Prince or not, the Law spares no cat. Not even the innocent.

It didn't matter anymore, Calvinus supposed. Whether or not he was at fault for the crime. He would never see those cats again, so it didn't matter to argue his case to anyone. Even if he were to return, it was likely he'd be killed. That Wolf would make sure of it, even if The Court pardoned him, he was sure.
Whatever it was, whatever it was that caused his Moment in that lake, it didn't really matter anymore. Yet, it still disturbed his mind. Why had it happened? What had all of that been?

He felt conflicted, especially as he returned to the forge with merely a bucket of small, dry pieces of flint, and nothing to show from his venture to the lake. That had been Calvinus's whole purpose that evening, and he already felt guilt and shame settling on him. Moment or not, he had failed. Whatever weakness in him had caused that, Cal needed to work harder to flatten it out with a hammer, like metal. He needed to smooth his shell, rid it of the dent that had let dangerous feelings seep in.

He took a deep breath, but try as he might to muster a smile he still looked quite dejected as he padded into camp, with nothing but a bucket of junk.

Description

Calvinus takes a Moment to try to figure out what just happened.

EP to Calvinus

This will count for Calvinus's Idle Paws training assignment.

writing segment- [note this deals with mental health issues, I'm not entirely sure what exact warnings may be needed. I also won't be able to add them for a moment here, rushing to get this posted right now.]
-----------
Calvinus wasn't really sure what had happened. One moment, he was happy as a flamingo, wading into the waters of one of Lightning Empire's shallower lakes. The bottom was fill of stones, and Cal was searching the bottom for any bright colors or interesting materials to take back with him, pelt of the day abandoned to one side of the shore along with a bucket that already had a few things stored in it. The next moment, he was… well, everything came rushing into his mind all at once.

He was having 'a moment', as his mothers would have said when he was younger, whenever any of them had a tantrum or got really frustrated. "Oh, Calvinus is just having a moment, give him some alone time to sort things out in his head."

But this Moment wasn't quite the same. Instead of frustration, Calvinus had been full to the brim with emotions he didn't understand. It was like an internal earthquake, shaking him to his very core- not that he was sure he hadn't shook externally as well. He'd felt like the world was caving in on his mind, if only for a moment. His heart pounding in his mind like ceremonial drums, he'd felt like the water was thickening like blood, seeping into his throat and choking out his breath, the world felt like it was spinning.

And after a moment, he looked up.

And everything was fine.

The world was calm and peaceful, like nothing had happened. Grass swayed in the breeze, and the lake swayed gently around him. Water. Not blood. Yet, he wasn't sure if that made it any less terrifying.

The… memories, which had bubbled to the surface in the flood in the wake of the Moment, even after he'd buried them so deep, didn't make sense either. He was so far from that… Wolf- it was painful to think of him as a cat, to remember him at all- and his homeland, there was no way he'd ever see him or that raging river ever again.

But it had felt real, not even knee-deep in calm, warm water did he feel safe. Calvinus remembered so clearly being tossed along the rapids, thrown from rock to rock until it felt like his bones were breaking into shrapnel inside him. He had been lucky, insanely so, not to have broken across a rock, and rolled downstream for some unfortunate soul to discover later. It was pure luck- or maybe fate looking down on him favorably for once- that he'd found a branch to hold on to. Calvinus had always thought the punishments dealt by the Law of the Land to be fair and just, until he was victim to one. But, innocent or guilty, once The Court condemned a cat for the Highest of Offences, he was thrown into the river no matter who he was. Prince or not, the Law spares no cat. Not even the innocent.

It didn't matter anymore, Calvinus supposed. Whether or not he was at fault for the crime. He would never see those cats again, so it didn't matter to argue his case to anyone. Even if he were to return, it was likely he'd be killed. That Wolf would make sure of it, even if The Court pardoned him, he was sure.
Whatever it was, whatever it was that caused his Moment in that lake, it didn't really matter anymore. Yet, it still disturbed his mind. Why had it happened? What had all of that been?

He felt conflicted, especially as he returned to the forge with merely a bucket of small, dry pieces of flint, and nothing to show from his venture to the lake. That had been Calvinus's whole purpose that evening, and he already felt guilt and shame settling on him. Moment or not, he had failed. Whatever weakness in him had caused that, Cal needed to work harder to flatten it out with a hammer, like metal. He needed to smooth his shell, rid it of the dent that had let dangerous feelings seep in.

He took a deep breath, but try as he might to muster a smile he still looked quite dejected as he padded into camp, with nothing but a bucket of junk.