echo-si [2003-03-25 00:48:18 +0000 UTC]

oooh, very nice. very effective.
I don't have anything critical or terribly useful to say; very nice work ^_^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

stellarshifting [2003-03-20 00:40:55 +0000 UTC]

this is a great poem. i like the concept alot. the funny thing, is that when i saw it, it made me think of this book i read. it's called "Ishmael" and the author escapes me at the moment (i'm very bad with names.) anyway, part of the book talks about how one can mistake falling for flying and i just thought it was neat. like you think you're flying for a minute and then you realize this is not the case. anyway, great poem! i'm going to check out your other stuff.

A

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

drd69 [2003-03-02 09:07:41 +0000 UTC]

I don't think I've ever read a poem that I could visualise so clearly... awesome.

A very nice style of writing.
Funny how its the shit in life that brings out the best creativity in us, eh?
I just hope the battering was restricted to the emotional area... nothing I hate more than physical abuse.
But I do know the emotional impact that hurts far worse in some ways...my last girlfriend ended things with the impact of a double decker bus, she left to go to australia.... and didn't come back.
It's taken me a while to pick my self up off the rain soaked street.

A me thinks.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

rcybergeek [2003-01-09 16:00:00 +0000 UTC]

Excellent. I have not seen the end of a relationship stated in such a way before. I can see why it has gotten so many s Think I will add one to the count.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

dace [2002-12-28 03:45:27 +0000 UTC]

This poem, if I had to describe it in a word, would be "ingenious". I kid thee not.
It's fluid, vivid, metaphorical, emotional, even to an extent spiritual.
A kind of poem I would give kids in high school to read and learn and write an essay about. Why? Because they should be raised on this, taught this is how it's supposed to be. Everything in it is right. I adore this, and could go on about it all day, and I would if it wasn't 3:45 am. I will say that I bet anyone who has been through that (let's say 70% of people 13 yrs old and up) will have had a wry grin upon their face while reading, nodding in agreement to each line. In fact, it's the type of poem that I won't look for criticisms in. It's like terrestrial beauty, it shouldn't be examined underneath a harsh light. Simply enjoyed for what it is. I enjoyed this immensly. Thank you for it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

angel112183 [2002-12-16 21:16:34 +0000 UTC]

ooooh, such a perfect analogy...ive thought i was flying so many times, just to fall hard...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

-henrique- [2002-12-16 18:16:36 +0000 UTC]

tingly, spine tingly

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ladynyk [2002-12-16 16:50:53 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow.. wonderful analogy! I would choose a favorite part.. but I really love the whole thing!

Very well done..

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

loxy [2002-12-16 16:42:47 +0000 UTC]

"gray and meaningless
commonplace as wet cement in the rain
and i slipped on you"

i love those first three lines. this is really great...and im sorry about what happened.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

-tank [2002-12-16 03:29:04 +0000 UTC]

the symbolism and the whole idea behind the poem is amazing...perfectly written...great work
-tank

-=don't fear to imagine=-

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

brilliance [2002-12-16 03:06:02 +0000 UTC]

Wow. This is amazing. You really painted a picture for me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

echoes [2002-12-16 02:18:55 +0000 UTC]

This whole poem just makes me gape in awe. The imagery is vivid. I love how everything is presented as stained, tainted, imperfect, except for the bit about flying, (which turns out to be just something leading to smacking into the cement, so I guess it's tainted too). The other main thing I really enjoy about this is the way you convey everything in a moment, just that brief time it takes to slip and fall, and get up. It makes it seem like I'm watching what's happening to the person in slow motion... amazing that you could achieve that effect with just words. I don't think it's angsty, because it focuses more on the pain of the person and not of the cruelty of the boyfriend/girlfriend. And I agree with simmy, the comparison between the person falling and being hurt by a boyfriend/girlfriend is great. I really like the optimistic ending too. +fav

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

simmy [2002-12-16 01:59:46 +0000 UTC]

I thought it was great. i liked the comparison.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0