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I wonder if you’re okay- back on Earth, I mean. I wonder if Chrysanth told you that I’m gone. That Helena captured all of us. It’s not like there’s a real difference between night and day here, so who knows how long I’ve been gone? I’m sure it’s been a fair amount of time, but it feels like one long night that starts over and over again when I open my eyes. I wonder when (if) it’ll stop, and we’ll be freed; sometimes, when I’m awake, I wonder if we’re going to die here.

Dad- dad, I failed. I mean, no, I succeeded, but in the worst possible way. Mom always told me I’d be Helena’s messiah, that I’d bring Her back … and that’s exactly what I did. I spent so long trying to get away and trying to show that I didn’t need anybody- that my destiny was my own- but it’s just the same shit. I proved her right. I played right into everything mom told me, and now I’m trapped in Helena’s world with no way of getting back. This was our first trial, and it was going to make me want to keep going forward, but this is rock bottom. This was so much worse than anything I could’ve imagined.

When I look at those two twin moons outside, I want to feel angry. Or sad. But all there is is this hollowness in my chest because I don’t even have the energy to feel those things. How am I even supposed to feel? After everything mom did to me, I still got to be her puppet. It’s like I never even had a choice to begin with.

I’ve hardly left the caves. I just can’t bring myself to eat or drink, because everything that lives here is Hers. Taking any of it means that She wins. She’d give me sustenance and a reason to get up each day, even if the reason was just to not be hungry anymore. I’d go under her wing and give up on making my own path entirely. Helena would win. Mom would win. And I would lose.

I guess I already lost, though.

Love you, dad. I’m sorry for giving up. Goodnight.>>

plip is goin thru it : (

Description

<
I wonder if you’re okay- back on Earth, I mean. I wonder if Chrysanth told you that I’m gone. That Helena captured all of us. It’s not like there’s a real difference between night and day here, so who knows how long I’ve been gone? I’m sure it’s been a fair amount of time, but it feels like one long night that starts over and over again when I open my eyes. I wonder when (if) it’ll stop, and we’ll be freed; sometimes, when I’m awake, I wonder if we’re going to die here.

Dad- dad, I failed. I mean, no, I succeeded, but in the worst possible way. Mom always told me I’d be Helena’s messiah, that I’d bring Her back … and that’s exactly what I did. I spent so long trying to get away and trying to show that I didn’t need anybody- that my destiny was my own- but it’s just the same shit. I proved her right. I played right into everything mom told me, and now I’m trapped in Helena’s world with no way of getting back. This was our first trial, and it was going to make me want to keep going forward, but this is rock bottom. This was so much worse than anything I could’ve imagined.

When I look at those two twin moons outside, I want to feel angry. Or sad. But all there is is this hollowness in my chest because I don’t even have the energy to feel those things. How am I even supposed to feel? After everything mom did to me, I still got to be her puppet. It’s like I never even had a choice to begin with.

I’ve hardly left the caves. I just can’t bring myself to eat or drink, because everything that lives here is Hers. Taking any of it means that She wins. She’d give me sustenance and a reason to get up each day, even if the reason was just to not be hungry anymore. I’d go under her wing and give up on making my own path entirely. Helena would win. Mom would win. And I would lose.

I guess I already lost, though.

Love you, dad. I’m sorry for giving up. Goodnight.>>

plip is goin thru it : (