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kkscatnip — Bitter Strokes [NSFW]
Published: 2004-09-20 18:57:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 180; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 27
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Description Jordan hummed to himself as he walked out of the back door of the fine arts building, glad to be slipping away from practice a bit early and hopefully unseen. Going out the back way was best: a nice, long breezeway and an entire courtyard to hide in if Leliah got any bright ideas about trying to find him.

"Incoming!" He barely had time to turn around before he was being shoved against the wall, but not in an entirely unkind way.

"Fuck! I tol--" Trent kissed Jordan hard, effectively stealing away the power of speech for the few moments. Something about the way Trent kissed, demanding and in-your-face, never to be mistaken for anything but a guy.

When the kiss broke Jordan was panting. He closed his eyes, tilting his head back against the building and just trying to regain a little control.

"Told me what?" Trent asked. He knew damned well Jordan could no sooner come up with a response than fly to the moon.

"That's what I thought," he said, voice dropping down into a low, husky tone that sent shivers down Jordan's spine.

After that he was being dragged toward Trent's car, being pulled by means of gropes and teasing touches. Into the back seat of the old Cadillac, Trent pushing Jordan back against the seat and kissing again. Hot, hot mouth, and it was all Jordan could do to arch up against it and kiss back.

"Any objections to blowing me after this?"

Jordan shook his head. He liked giving blow jobs. He liked it even more when Trent had these random attacks of gayness that he felt the need to alleviate via Jordan.

"Good." That low, sexy voice again.

Trent pushed Jordan's head back, kissing along his jaw and then going for his neck. Shaky fingers found Trent's jacket, gripping it tightly as Jordan bit down on his lip just as hard.

Semi-public sex wasn't normally his thing. But for Trent, he'd have semi-public sex every fucking day of the week.

That was the last coherent thought Jordan had. The rest of his coherency disappeared somewhere between Trent's mouth on him and Trent's fingers around his cock. Loose grip at first, then tighter as Jordan whimpered and arched into the touches. He didn't last long, but he never did.

"You're so easy." He sounded amused now, like it was his personal in-joke.

Closing his eyes, Jordan worked on catching his breath even as his hands moved downward. Unzipped Trent's pants and pulled his cock out. His head spun and he touched Trent's cock, slightly shaky hands stroking over the hard heat that he was rapidly becoming familiar with.

"Christ, you're such a whore." It was a compliment.

Jordan sat up just a little bit, enough to comfortably wrap his mouth around the end of Trent's erection. No teasing because Trent didn't like teasing. He skipped straight to the deepthroating, barely having time to enjoy the taste of precome.

"That's good. That's good." Trent liked to talk. He also liked it when Jordan let Trent fuck his mouth. Jordan opened his mouth and relaxed his throat, letting Trent fuck him however he liked. He didn't care about the way his neck and jaw started to ache. Didn't matter. Trent mattered.

"Take it." The words were barely more than a breath, a brief exhale. That was the only warning that Jordan had before Trent was coming in his mouth, hand on Jordan's head now, making sure he didn't pull away. Jordan leaned his head back against the hand, reveling in the little bit of touch that Trent gave him. The feel of Trent's fingers in his hair was incredibly nice, more than he usually got.

He fell back against the seat as soon as Trent pulled his hand away. Jordan stared up at Trent, actually catching Trent smiling down at him for a split second before he looked away.

"Thanks, man." He was gone as suddenly as he'd appeared, leaving Jordan in the back seat. There was a bitter taste on his tongue, but knew that he'd do it again. He'd always do it again.
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Comments: 2

catrin [2004-09-22 00:58:34 +0000 UTC]

Wow. It was so brief, but your pacing captured that real feeling of brevity in this situation. Along with the first commenter, I would say that you need to establish your point of view more clearly. I myself would prefer that you stay only with Jordan's thoughts; keeping the mystery of Trent is part of what makes the story so hot. And it is! Also, the sentence fragments add to the quick pacing. Thanks for submitting this!

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sackermanmo [2004-09-20 19:54:39 +0000 UTC]

Nice story! Personally, I'd like to see a little more of the inside of Jordan's head, though. You touch on his emotional make-up a couple of times, but pretty much drop the ball on it in favor of detailing the sex. The pacing of the story really does a great job of showing the nature of the sex going on here, so I'm wondering if the details of what Trent and Jordan are doing together are quite so critical.

You've got an excellent start on an exploration of two guys, who I assume present themselves as straight, who are actually desperate for a connection they can't get from straight sex. But you've also got something going toward exploring Jordan's desperate need for approval and human touch. There is something more going on in that head than just plain horniness. Take some time to give us a better glimpse of whatever that is. We've all seen cock before, but we haven't all been Jordan or had sex with Jordan. Tell us more about him.

One final note about this sentence: He also liked it when Jordan let Trent fuck his mouth.

In the previous sentence, you've already told us that we are now seeing Trent's thoughts. The sentence would read better as : He also liked it when Jordan let him fuck his mouth.

Thanks for the story. I really did enjoy it a great deal.

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