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Feelings;
So fragile and yet so complicated.
No matter what, there’s always; there will always be, a problem, an obstacle, in the way of happiness.
Though we try, we cannot fight our feelings, nor can we change them.
We can only try to hide them, ignore them, hope no one notices them.
‘Life is a stage’ or so they say, but in the end, the mask will fall, the lies will be revealed, and all that will be left is the hatred, the pain, the deceit.
Even the people who never frown will eventually break down.

I try so hard to make sense of them, but my mind says one thing, and my heart says another. Which one do I follow? I wish I knew how to understand them, nothing I do is ever right. I got advice from friends, but they only tell me what I don’t want to hear. My head hurts, my heart aches. I suffer in silence, alone. There is only one solution, to save me from self-destruction.

They run towards me, screaming for me to stop. I wish I could. I stare at him, tears rolling down my cheeks. His eyes, burning with pain, fear, regret. I knew he loved me then. I wanted risk, and yet I wanted fun. I wanted to be understood. He did that so well. We had a connection, one that ran deeper than any other. We had been through the same experiences, felt the same sorrow. He was there for me when I needed him the most, and I was always there for him. His cheek bones; so defined, his body; like that of a Greek god, his smile; so perfect, his eyes; so deep I feel like I’m melting. But I know that it could never be. My love for him was forbidden. And this I just can’t bear. His friend; my boyfriend, knew what was wrong, he could see it in our eyes. He understood, as much as it hurt him. All he wanted was for me to be happy, he would have given up everything for me, but that somehow wasn’t enough for me.
I care too much for both of them, but I can only choose one. I chose the only possible option.
I push it closer to my head, look at him one last time, and slowly pull the trigger.