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Description
Lol rather than dog on myself for not creating the exact replica of how i'm viewing an image in my head, I just took a minor drawing that I disliked and rolled with it. So for this, it was based on a dream I had last night. This dream made all the days prior to last year after having an experience with ayahuasca feel like I was a living zombie. An imposter to myself, feeding to the demands of others without a single clue as to whether or not I was living the way I wanted. Looking back now, those days felt like I was living a nightmare that I was complacent in. Even while moving forward it was like walking ahead with a blindfold on, as I didn't want to take in any of my new experiences. Between the continuous ideation of death's chokehold and the demands of social conformity was continuously gripping me. It was a repeating cycle as my gauge/mental-programming for understanding what was authentically "me" was broken. I kept getting convinced that there was something to find. There was no search needed. We're built to explore and experiment. I was in that mental terrain for so long I had grown accustomed to played the "role" that was created for me. Fuck that. The me of today may not be the me of forever, but I know for sure that I will no longer be living someone else's dream. I used to be uncomfortable about it but I realize that was just part of the game. I understand now that no matter the situation, as long as I live the way that I want to, any consequence that life has to offer can be taken openly. I will be fine. Death? Ha. To me, I was already living in a death-like state (Whether we want to call it Freeze, dissociation or zombification, it's the same thing). Death just means the game ends. We play with death at every moment. You could go at any second, and is the last thought of "I was living the life that other people wanted, and never got to live ecstatic about life" satisfying? Be aware of how you perceive yourself, others and of that which we call "life". Nothing is so stagnant that it is incapable of change, and nothing is so vague that it can't become clear.

Description
Lol rather than dog on myself for not creating the exact replica of how i'm viewing an image in my head, I just took a minor drawing that I disliked and rolled with it. So for this, it was based on a dream I had last night. This dream made all the days prior to last year after having an experience with ayahuasca feel like I was a living zombie. An imposter to myself, feeding to the demands of others without a single clue as to whether or not I was living the way I wanted. Looking back now, those days felt like I was living a nightmare that I was complacent in. Even while moving forward it was like walking ahead with a blindfold on, as I didn't want to take in any of my new experiences. Between the continuous ideation of death's chokehold and the demands of social conformity was continuously gripping me. It was a repeating cycle as my gauge/mental-programming for understanding what was authentically "me" was broken. I kept getting convinced that there was something to find. There was no search needed. We're built to explore and experiment. I was in that mental terrain for so long I had grown accustomed to played the "role" that was created for me. Fuck that. The me of today may not be the me of forever, but I know for sure that I will no longer be living someone else's dream. I used to be uncomfortable about it but I realize that was just part of the game. I understand now that no matter the situation, as long as I live the way that I want to, any consequence that life has to offer can be taken openly. I will be fine. Death? Ha. To me, I was already living in a death-like state (Whether we want to call it Freeze, dissociation or zombification, it's the same thing). Death just means the game ends. We play with death at every moment. You could go at any second, and is the last thought of "I was living the life that other people wanted, and never got to live ecstatic about life" satisfying? Be aware of how you perceive yourself, others and of that which we call "life". Nothing is so stagnant that it is incapable of change, and nothing is so vague that it can't become clear.