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Description
TW: Fictional mentions of Self-Harm, Emotional/Psychological Abuse

So, it's been a whole year since I retired my old persona for this one. This persona while not extravagant or beautiful like a lot of Vtubers/personas, holds a lot of sentimental value. A lot of my persona reflects me and my regret to what I did to my friends in high school. In particular, I hurt an ex-friend in the worst way possible and I knew it would hurt them. They're an artist, and I was petty over a stupid fight that I started. I created fake accounts berating their art. When we made up, I felt guilty and thought about how I should tell them because I didn't want to hide the fact I was the one hurting them while holding the facade that our relationship was okay. I revealed it in a heated moment and that was the end of our friendship. I asked for forgiveness but when I think about my apology, it wasn't genuine at all. I know them leaving was for the best because there was a chance I would've continued the cycle of hurt.

I think the reality of my actions didn't sink in until 3 years later when I was 20. That's when I was horrified at the fact I was and am an abuser. I remember asking strangers if someone toxic can change. To be fair, I should've said I'm an abuser because that's what I classify myself as. It may not have been physical but I basically used a tactic to deliberately hurt them. The strangers said I already started my first step by acknowledging my past and to seek therapy. I have yet to go to therapy which I need for several reasons. There are times where I hate myself for forgetting what I've done. There was even a time where I tried to push away one of my closest online friends because I also treated him like garbage when I was in high school. I went no contact with him for the a couple of months because I said he deserved someone who wasn't a POS. We've been really good friends again for over a year, and i can't thank him enough because I still feel like a POS for my past.

Anyways, why all this? The lore of my persona has evolved but I always wanted to highlight that I wasn't always a good person. I still don't think I am even though as humans we probably desire to be seen as good. Most people assume my persona is a furry (literally every kid that comes across my now main channel for gaming). She's a rabbit kemonomimi that basically wanted to repent for actions and her madness drove her to cut up her face, not caring if it deforms her. In her bloodied state, a mask appears. When she puts it on, she realizes it's enchanted which starts binding into her face with the blood activating it. When she wakes up, she feels her face as if it's normal skin but it now reflects something different.

I decided to do an unmasked version because one day I would like to use a human vtuber model (kind of). In reality, in my head I've planned different storylines such as an alter-ego named "The Destroyer". I think her forgiving herself and being able to move forward as a better person would be nice. Even if that's not the path that happens for me irl, I would like to give my persona that as a gift. Which in turn allows her to take off the mask (although, she likes keeping it around as an accessory).

Description
TW: Fictional mentions of Self-Harm, Emotional/Psychological Abuse

So, it's been a whole year since I retired my old persona for this one. This persona while not extravagant or beautiful like a lot of Vtubers/personas, holds a lot of sentimental value. A lot of my persona reflects me and my regret to what I did to my friends in high school. In particular, I hurt an ex-friend in the worst way possible and I knew it would hurt them. They're an artist, and I was petty over a stupid fight that I started. I created fake accounts berating their art. When we made up, I felt guilty and thought about how I should tell them because I didn't want to hide the fact I was the one hurting them while holding the facade that our relationship was okay. I revealed it in a heated moment and that was the end of our friendship. I asked for forgiveness but when I think about my apology, it wasn't genuine at all. I know them leaving was for the best because there was a chance I would've continued the cycle of hurt.

I think the reality of my actions didn't sink in until 3 years later when I was 20. That's when I was horrified at the fact I was and am an abuser. I remember asking strangers if someone toxic can change. To be fair, I should've said I'm an abuser because that's what I classify myself as. It may not have been physical but I basically used a tactic to deliberately hurt them. The strangers said I already started my first step by acknowledging my past and to seek therapy. I have yet to go to therapy which I need for several reasons. There are times where I hate myself for forgetting what I've done. There was even a time where I tried to push away one of my closest online friends because I also treated him like garbage when I was in high school. I went no contact with him for the a couple of months because I said he deserved someone who wasn't a POS. We've been really good friends again for over a year, and i can't thank him enough because I still feel like a POS for my past.

Anyways, why all this? The lore of my persona has evolved but I always wanted to highlight that I wasn't always a good person. I still don't think I am even though as humans we probably desire to be seen as good. Most people assume my persona is a furry (literally every kid that comes across my now main channel for gaming). She's a rabbit kemonomimi that basically wanted to repent for actions and her madness drove her to cut up her face, not caring if it deforms her. In her bloodied state, a mask appears. When she puts it on, she realizes it's enchanted which starts binding into her face with the blood activating it. When she wakes up, she feels her face as if it's normal skin but it now reflects something different.

I decided to do an unmasked version because one day I would like to use a human vtuber model (kind of). In reality, in my head I've planned different storylines such as an alter-ego named "The Destroyer". I think her forgiving herself and being able to move forward as a better person would be nice. Even if that's not the path that happens for me irl, I would like to give my persona that as a gift. Which in turn allows her to take off the mask (although, she likes keeping it around as an accessory).