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“Now, mortal, have you ever wanted to be a Duke?”

“...what?!” You looked at him like he was crazy, which to be fair, he was crazy.

“Yes, of course! You need to win the respect of my citizens. They’ll need a leader to look up to when I’m gone. They’re the backbone of any great land,” he explained. Your facial expression went from confusion to realization once you understood.

“Except,” Sheogorath continued, “when the backbone is an actual backbone. Ever been to Malacath’s realm...?” You shook your head. “HohO, nasty stuff. BUT, back to the business at hand.”

“Right,” you responded. “My only question is how will I become a Duke? We already have two and there are only two parts to the city.” Sheogorath chuckled a little bit.

“Only one question? I like you, mortal. You’re actually useful to me. But to answer your question: that, my dear, is your current task,” he said with a dark grin on his face. You had to say, hearing him call you “my dear” made your face turn slightly pink.

“You’ll need to control one of the Courts. Replace a current Duke. Or Duchess. Whichever one you prefer. That will command respect!”

“I don’t know th-”

“The people will rally around you. You’ll have their love, their admiration, their complaints! As long as it keeps them on our side!” Oh boy, he was getting really into this.

“Okay, I think I get it,” you said, hoping he would get back on track. “What about the dukes? Won’t they be upset with me?”

“No! No, no, no. Absolutely not. Actually... yes. Absolutely. Bit of a shame for them. But, sometimes you need to break a few eggs. Or skulls! There are rules, of course. Yes, even in Isles. Rituals and rules. You need to follow them,” he said in a serious way.

“I see. What are these rules?” you asked, hoping there wouldn’t be too many. Sheogorath then grinned.

“Speak to Arctus and Dervenin, the High Priests at the Sacellum Arden-Sul. They can explain what needs to be done. And you’ve always got our man Haskill to call on for help. Faithful like a good hound, that one,” he giggled. “And he looks better in a suit.” Before you walked away he added one last thing.

“It’s already started, but you may be able to stop it. We’re making you into a leader the people can trust. Someone to look up to. Someone to blame! When I’m gone, things tend to get bad quickly. Lots of defections. Lots of carnage. But with you at the helm, things will be different! This time, I’ll beat him! I can’t stand losing. And I don’t mind cheating.”

After that, you made your way to Sacellum Arden-Sul. Still, you tried to think about what Sheogorath might be thinking. He is the Mad God, but could he have reasonable emotions? Is he scared of the Greymarch? It doesn’t seem like he’d deal with mortals usually, but the Greymarch must be very troubling if he’s going to a mortal for help. Not that you minded. You liked how different he was compared to others, and it didn’t help that he seemed to like you more and more each time you reported back to him.

You sighed, for even though you knew you’d never really be able to have a relationship with him, you still hoped that wasn’t true.