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I did it! I successfully passed my state exams and I've earned a master's degree, yay! I've been so terrified of the exams because many people around (classmates and lecturers both) think of me as a very, very smart and critically thinking student... so I was afraid that they would expect some sort of miraculous performance of me during the exams that I won't be able to fullfill. In the end the exams weren't all that teriffying, my lecturers were very kind and understanding of my inability to be as eloquent in my verbal speech as I am in my writing. That's a rare thing at university and it speaks volumes about our department.

I loved past 2 years at gender studies. I learned so much and I like to think that it helped me to grow as a person immensly, and at the same time made me realize how learning is never ending journey. I met awesome lecturers who not only passed a great deal of knowledge onto me but they also gave me a lot of direct and valuable feedback. I will miss them greatly. I will miss our class discussions where it was possible for me to engage in critical discussion with people who appreciate my point of view, people who see me as a talented and smart person. I don't get that sort of recognition very often, people mostly think that I am strange, that my views and thinking is odd/unconvential - which is not always a compliment.
In a way, I'm terrified now more than ever. Because now there is a gaping abyss in front of me. A great period of my life has come to an end and it feels like one wall of my internal world has shattered, I can't lean on it anymore. And I know that my future life will be whatever I'll make it to be, and this responsibility is awesome and scary - both at once.

I know that there are good things ahead. I'll make it so. But right now, I just feel like crawling in bed and staring at the ceiling. Let me rest before I leap. Let me cry for a bit, mourn the life period I'm leaving behind. I'll be back in a few days with more positive attitude. I can't stand wallowing in past for very long

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body div#devskin0 hr { }

I did it! I successfully passed my state exams and I've earned a master's degree, yay! I've been so terrified of the exams because many people around (classmates and lecturers both) think of me as a very, very smart and critically thinking student... so I was afraid that they would expect some sort of miraculous performance of me during the exams that I won't be able to fullfill. In the end the exams weren't all that teriffying, my lecturers were very kind and understanding of my inability to be as eloquent in my verbal speech as I am in my writing. That's a rare thing at university and it speaks volumes about our department.

I loved past 2 years at gender studies. I learned so much and I like to think that it helped me to grow as a person immensly, and at the same time made me realize how learning is never ending journey. I met awesome lecturers who not only passed a great deal of knowledge onto me but they also gave me a lot of direct and valuable feedback. I will miss them greatly. I will miss our class discussions where it was possible for me to engage in critical discussion with people who appreciate my point of view, people who see me as a talented and smart person. I don't get that sort of recognition very often, people mostly think that I am strange, that my views and thinking is odd/unconvential - which is not always a compliment.
In a way, I'm terrified now more than ever. Because now there is a gaping abyss in front of me. A great period of my life has come to an end and it feels like one wall of my internal world has shattered, I can't lean on it anymore. And I know that my future life will be whatever I'll make it to be, and this responsibility is awesome and scary - both at once.

I know that there are good things ahead. I'll make it so. But right now, I just feel like crawling in bed and staring at the ceiling. Let me rest before I leap. Let me cry for a bit, mourn the life period I'm leaving behind. I'll be back in a few days with more positive attitude. I can't stand wallowing in past for very long