HOME | DD

Description

I was sat on the end of the bed when she walked in. Her face was red and puffy and her eyes streaming. I knew Id upset her but I didn’t think this much, but then, I think I also wanted this, in the back of my mind. I couldn’t look her in the eyes at first, staring down at the purple carpet.

“I can’t do this anymore Lou.” She sobbed.

I looked up at her and could see in her eyes that she meant it this time, I could see the hurt Id caused already but I didn’t want to. I looked back down at the carpet concentrating on a piece of Green fluff on the floor so that she didn’t see the tears forming. I was trying hard not to let them out, not to make it any longer or harder than I knew it would be. I knew what was coming but still I asked.

“This! Us! The arguing and the bickering, I just cant take it anymore. Everyday is a struggle, I don’t know what I can and cant say to you in case it causes an argument or you storm off in a huff. We don’t talk anymore, we’ve not had a civil conversation in months, and god knows I’ve tried. But you just push me away and I don’t know what to do to make it better. I don’t know you anymore.” She cried.

Although I was expecting it, the words still stung. I knew it was coming and I think subconsciously I instigated it by causing the argument in the first place, but still, they cut deep. I stayed staring at the floor, silent, concentrating on not letting those tears run out. I couldn’t look at her because I knew that if I did I would fall apart. I knew I’d beg her to take me back, that Id change, but I couldn’t do it this time. It wasn’t fair on either on us and I couldn’t hurt her anymore with empty promises. Yes I would change, for a couple of months, but then we’d be back in this situation and that wasn’t fair to her. I couldn’t carry on breaking her heart, and so I had to break my own to save hers. So I carried on looking at the floor.

“Lou look at me please. Please. Why wont you look at me? Don’t you have anything to say? Do you even care anymore? Do you even love me? Did you ever?

I looked up at this comment, by this point the tears were rolling down thick and fast and no matter what I did, they wouldn’t stop.

“Of course I love you, its not about loving you. It never has been. Love isn’t the problem.” I said and looked back down at the floor. “ I just, I know. Your right, we can’t carry on like this, It isn’t fair and I don’t want to hurt you anymore. All I ever seem to be doing is making you cry and I don’t even know why I’m doing it. Or that I am even doing it so I cant give you the answer you want. So we can’t carry on no. And I think we both know this was coming.” I whispered, barley audible.

We both stood there in silence for what seemed like an age. Neither of us wanting to say the words that needed to be said. I looked up at her and her head was bowed, she was sobbing silent. I put my hand out to her chin to lift her head, knowing that I was about to say the words that we didn’t want to hear. As I put my hand out she lifted her head,

“Please don’t Lou, Please. I’m begging you please no. I love you, don’t say it” She was crying uncontrollably now. She grasped my hand and held It close in both of hers against her chest. I could feel her heart beating so fast, I could hear it breaking in her words.

“ I love you too, so much. I really do, but I have to do this, I cant do this to you anymore. I’m sorry. I don’t want to, but we have to.” I cried, gently pulling my hands away.

“Then don’t, we don’t have to. We can work it out, sort things out. I’ll change, we’ll get out of here. Anything please, just don’t do this to me. PLEASE!” She begged

“I have to. I’m sorry but I have to. I love you.” I sobbed, letting go of her hand, I pulled her into me to hold her one last time. She sank her head into my shoulder and sobbed hysterically as I held her tight as tears quietly rolled down my cheeks. Our relation ship was over and I had to finally let her go. I couldn’t bear to break free from her so we stood in the middle of the room until her tears subsided. I kissed her head as I let her go, one final loving kiss. She looked at me sniffing, the sadness in her eyes ripping my heart into tiny little shreds and scattering them all over our bedroom floor. I picked my car key up off the side and walked towards the door. She turned to watch me go and as I open the door I turn to her and tell her I love her and always will. I tell her I’m sorry and turn and walk don the stairs. I hear her wails and I want so much to run back and tell her it will be ok, to hold her close to me and never ever let her go, but I know I cant, not this time, so I walk out of the front door and out of her life.

Description

I was sat on the end of the bed when she walked in. Her face was red and puffy and her eyes streaming. I knew Id upset her but I didn’t think this much, but then, I think I also wanted this, in the back of my mind. I couldn’t look her in the eyes at first, staring down at the purple carpet.

“I can’t do this anymore Lou.” She sobbed.

I looked up at her and could see in her eyes that she meant it this time, I could see the hurt Id caused already but I didn’t want to. I looked back down at the carpet concentrating on a piece of Green fluff on the floor so that she didn’t see the tears forming. I was trying hard not to let them out, not to make it any longer or harder than I knew it would be. I knew what was coming but still I asked.

“This! Us! The arguing and the bickering, I just cant take it anymore. Everyday is a struggle, I don’t know what I can and cant say to you in case it causes an argument or you storm off in a huff. We don’t talk anymore, we’ve not had a civil conversation in months, and god knows I’ve tried. But you just push me away and I don’t know what to do to make it better. I don’t know you anymore.” She cried.

Although I was expecting it, the words still stung. I knew it was coming and I think subconsciously I instigated it by causing the argument in the first place, but still, they cut deep. I stayed staring at the floor, silent, concentrating on not letting those tears run out. I couldn’t look at her because I knew that if I did I would fall apart. I knew I’d beg her to take me back, that Id change, but I couldn’t do it this time. It wasn’t fair on either on us and I couldn’t hurt her anymore with empty promises. Yes I would change, for a couple of months, but then we’d be back in this situation and that wasn’t fair to her. I couldn’t carry on breaking her heart, and so I had to break my own to save hers. So I carried on looking at the floor.

“Lou look at me please. Please. Why wont you look at me? Don’t you have anything to say? Do you even care anymore? Do you even love me? Did you ever?

I looked up at this comment, by this point the tears were rolling down thick and fast and no matter what I did, they wouldn’t stop.

“Of course I love you, its not about loving you. It never has been. Love isn’t the problem.” I said and looked back down at the floor. “ I just, I know. Your right, we can’t carry on like this, It isn’t fair and I don’t want to hurt you anymore. All I ever seem to be doing is making you cry and I don’t even know why I’m doing it. Or that I am even doing it so I cant give you the answer you want. So we can’t carry on no. And I think we both know this was coming.” I whispered, barley audible.

We both stood there in silence for what seemed like an age. Neither of us wanting to say the words that needed to be said. I looked up at her and her head was bowed, she was sobbing silent. I put my hand out to her chin to lift her head, knowing that I was about to say the words that we didn’t want to hear. As I put my hand out she lifted her head,

“Please don’t Lou, Please. I’m begging you please no. I love you, don’t say it” She was crying uncontrollably now. She grasped my hand and held It close in both of hers against her chest. I could feel her heart beating so fast, I could hear it breaking in her words.

“ I love you too, so much. I really do, but I have to do this, I cant do this to you anymore. I’m sorry. I don’t want to, but we have to.” I cried, gently pulling my hands away.

“Then don’t, we don’t have to. We can work it out, sort things out. I’ll change, we’ll get out of here. Anything please, just don’t do this to me. PLEASE!” She begged

“I have to. I’m sorry but I have to. I love you.” I sobbed, letting go of her hand, I pulled her into me to hold her one last time. She sank her head into my shoulder and sobbed hysterically as I held her tight as tears quietly rolled down my cheeks. Our relation ship was over and I had to finally let her go. I couldn’t bear to break free from her so we stood in the middle of the room until her tears subsided. I kissed her head as I let her go, one final loving kiss. She looked at me sniffing, the sadness in her eyes ripping my heart into tiny little shreds and scattering them all over our bedroom floor. I picked my car key up off the side and walked towards the door. She turned to watch me go and as I open the door I turn to her and tell her I love her and always will. I tell her I’m sorry and turn and walk don the stairs. I hear her wails and I want so much to run back and tell her it will be ok, to hold her close to me and never ever let her go, but I know I cant, not this time, so I walk out of the front door and out of her life.