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I think that I want to stay forever young. I wonder if I keep smiling, luring them in with my childlike innocence, then perhaps they'll never want to leave.

But judging by what I am I can already see the end results. Sometimes half and half do not make a whole. Instead they consume one another, canceling the other out until neither exists. I cannot have both my 'perfect' worlds: to stay oblivious—naïve—and to always stay with my family. Because if try to, both will crumble into pieces I could never salvage.

I truly want to stay in the dark...

But I want to stay with my family a million times more.
Aside from the muffled sound of the radio, the impala is mostly quiet. Even Curt has long since settled down, resting peacefully inside the cup holder. You run a lazy finger about the top of his gelatinous head and even in his sleep the pale blue creature purrs. You glance over to Cas who, like you, was leaning against the car door and peering out the window. The filtering moonlight gleams down on his face and you can see the troubled expression upon his face.

“Is something wrong, Cas?”

Castiel blinks absently before shifting his gaze to peer at you.

“Does something seem wrong?”

You give him a slight smile before twisting your body to lift your feet and rest them upon Castiel’s unsuspecting lap. Castiel eyes you curiously and you merely smirk. At last he smiles and moves to further accommodate your position, resting his folded hands upon your ankles.

With a playful smirk you lightly tap the center of his chest with your foot. This was all so nostalgic. Despite the evident passing of time you could recall that day clearly: Castiel tickling so frequently that it became hard to breathe with Sam and Dean acting as parentals. You all had long since become a family, that you firmly believed. The only family you’d ever known, Bobby and Curt included.

The thought creates a tight sensation in your chest. What if you lost all of this? You honestly couldn’t imagine anything worse. Castiel’s brows furrow as he watches the smile fall from your lips. The angel need not say words; you can already tell what he means to inquire: 'Are you alright?'

You shake your head as the tightness in your chest grows. Folding your hands in your lap you glance at Castiel. You can see Sam and Dean peering at you through the rearview window.

“No…I’m not,” you say still shaking your head, bringing your hands up to shield your face.

You had never been one for tears, that much all three men knew, so to see you cry left them stupefied.

“I’m pulling over.” is Dean’s quick response.

He changes lanes with great fervor, abandoning the empty road, and you remain silent from then on.
The diner, at this early hour of the morning, is empty. Normally you always beg to eat at the counter, having grown fond of the swiveling seats, but this time around you lead the others to a booth at the back of the diner. The Winchester brothers take a seat beside one another and you sit, closest to the window, beside Castiel and across from them. The waitress, who is oddly enthusiastic for such an early time of the day, comes up with menus, pen, and pad in hand. You force a smile and, order a cup of hot chocolate. Normally you would joke around and try to order a cup of coffee and Dean would playfully, yet somehow quite seriously, reiterate the fact that coffee was a beverage you were never allowed to partake in. But not today…

Castiel doesn’t order anything while Sam inquires after a glass of water and Dean a black coffee. The blonde waitress smiles before flouncing off to turn in the drink orders.

You're all silent, awkwardly avoiding meeting another's gaze, but after the waitress brings your drinks Dean caves.

"I know I'm no good with all that emotional stuff, but kid, Sam and I are dense and if you don't tell us were never going to know."

Sam snorts with dismay with a quick utterance of ‘speak for yourself’ and you can't help but offer a watery smile.

“I know. I know. I’m just afraid you’ll hate me for what I have to say.”

The expression upon the brother’s faces relayed a keen disbelief that anything could ever make them detest you, but you had an inkling doubt. When it came to ‘work’ you knew better than anyone what rules and guidelines the brothers abided by. Feelings aside, a job was a job and that was something you had long since come to understand.

Neither of the men says anything as you rack your brain for the most appropriate words.

“When you fist found me I couldn’t remember much about anything. It was as though I’d slept my short youth away and had only awakened. But lately I had begun to recall a few things from when I was ‘awake.’”

You pause to see if anyone had something to say as of yet, but you should’ve known better. Of course none of them would speak up until they’ve heard the story in its entirety. You smile to yourself before shaking your head and continuing your tale.

"I always remembered Lyssa saying that I was special, I just couldn't seem to remember why. Now I do. She said I was of both worlds.”

“Both worlds?” Deans utters questioningly, mostly to himself.

Still you nod as his words before you make to speak again, “Angel and demon.

“How’s that possible? We would’ve known, right. We’ve been together for—what?—5? 6 years?”

Sam mentioning how long you’d all been together stirred up a bitter warmth in your chest. Had it honestly been that long? Six questionable and loving years with your bizarre family, the strange family you feared you’d lose.

“It’s all still hazy, but she said something about my blood being mixed, so it cancelled out my scents making me undetectable as any creature other than human. I’m not sure how it all works. I was really little so...”

"That would mean your parents were an angel and a demon,” Castiel mutters to himself as he observes you with a strange sense of hope.

Was it unheard of? Yes, but certainly not impossible. But after many, many centuries of war and odium, Castiel could never imagine an angel and a demon coming together without murderous animosity. But it would seem that two had, the perhaps that meant there was still…hope?

You nod softly at Cas' words as you readjust yourself so that you could sit on your knees, “Supposedly. Lyssa didn’t tell me too much and I never bothered to ask. Back then I really didn’t care about much of anything.”

“Well you were just a kid. You still are,” Dean teases with a loose smile and you give him a lost smile.

“Perhaps, but…I don’t know how to explain it. I just felt…empty. But then I stumbled into you all and then I felt whole.”

You think back fondly to the day they took you in and all your favorite times you all wandered aimlessly and a soft smile graces your lips.

Dean glances at his brother before leaning back in his seat with a shrug, "You got me all worked up for nothing. I thought you were going to tell us something important."

Your eyes snap up to Dean with a surprised glint and when he smirks and offers you a wink you cannot help but smile as the tears fell.

Sam nods, "Agreed. I honestly thought you were going to say you wanted a normal family and that being with us was getting too hard."

“What? Really?” you practically exclaim, hands waving in a repetitive motion to ensure them that such a though had never crossed your mind.

Castiel nods as he stretches out an arm to tug you into his side and happily you allow it.

"Yes. That just may be the worst thing you could do to us,” Sam says with a evident sigh of relief.

"What do you mean? Do what?"

"Leave, kid. That would be the worst thing you could ever do,” Dean fills in before taking a sip of his coffee, body visibly relaxed.

Sam nods before unconsciously bring an inquisitive finger up to his lips, “I’m not exactly sure what to say about this…revelation shall we say, but somehow I doubt it matters. You’re family now and family takes care of one another, through the good and bad.”

You give Sam a loopy sort of grin, honestly feeling beyond ridiculously happy.

“So basically what Sammy is trying to say is that you’re stuck with us, kid.”

You breathe a sigh of relief, relinquishing the anxiety and fear you’d been feeling for quite some time now, before nestling closer to Cas.

“Sooo…now that’s all cleared up, do you think I could have some coffee. It sure would help me feel even better.”

You give the eldest Winchester your best puppy eyes. There’s laughter as Sam shakes his before sipping his water, as Cas runs a hand through you hair, as Dean grins somewhat devilishly.

“Yeah right. Nice try, kid,” he says with a taunting wink before taking another sip of coffee.

You roll your eyes before a thought dawns on you, “Then at least tell me pie not off the menu.”

“Hell no! Pie is always on the menu!”

“Hell yeah!”

“Dean! (Y/N)! Language!”

You and Dean and laugh in time, both playfully rolling your eyes.

“Technically Hell is a place so…”

“Yeah, you sure weren’t using it like a noun.”

“Oh, lay off, Sammy. The kid’s been havin’ a rough time. She can spare a few ‘hell’s every now and then, right?”

And all Sam can do is shake his head with a resigned sort of disappointment.