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Description
Rating:  PG-13 (maybe)
Warning: It may have violence and sexual scenes. If you don't like a gay story (male/male), please, don't read
Helper: GoldShadow
Beta: Rauschele
Who translated english-french: thundervolt

Summary:
"Once upon a time, there was a magic King, who created a child from a demon as his father. Together they spread terror and chaos in the  faraway lands... And built a forbidden love."

"Jesus, salvator mundi
Tue famuli subveni
Quos pretioso sanguine
Quos pretioso sanguine
Redemisti"

Chapter 1

--

"Are there just tree and animal dung in that putrid planet?! This forest never ends!"

"Lord ... I must report that we started to walk only five minutes ago ... "

"Do not interrupt ZIM! Keep moving, YOU LAZY SCRAP! "

"YES, SIR!"

The morning sun shone on the high leaves of the dense forest, while near the ground still seemed at night, but the invader was exploring the land with disdain, his face contorted by the smell of the environment. How it did bother him.

"Argh, stupid creatures with their intestinal organs." He said, covering his thin antennae for no longer need to smell it.

"... Master by the research we did last night with the long-eared creatures called 'hare', they need the organs to not blow up like a lethal stink bomb. "

"S.I.R., my brain is intelligent enough to remember it and NOT WANT TO REMEMBER NEVER MORE, DID YOU UNDERSTAND BETWEEN THE LINES?"
Even screaming so loudly he couldn't blame the robot. After the fifth hare about to be opened it has spit a yellow liquid in Zim, making him now mention about poop and pee involuntarily.
He would love to erase that data from his memory without mercy, but he made a promise that he would report all his steps and activities for his leaders.

They were adults in regards to leadership, but curious as a child ... and Zim was much worse than that.

---

"You took too long." The words fell like ice from the lips of the male leader.

"Aw, don't be so annoying to him, Spork. I bet his journey was more tiring than our days without doughnuts. You can stop bowing now, Invader."

"Forgive Zim, my Tallest, I didn't know the distance from my precious homeland to here would be so far." Slowly he stood erect from his almost painful bow of 180 degrees, thanking Miyuki in his mind.

Being hard when she needed be, she gave more value to her army though. It could tell she was the sensitive and caring side of Spork, but that wasn't considered a compliment in Irk's system. Be "cheesy" could be a flaw in the Empire's current.
But the female leader knew it, using her partner as controller of her impulsive acts in wars.

Both were essential to Irk. Both controlled and conquered more than 43 galaxies, a great act in the history of the planet.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we don't have all day ... or night ... whatever." Spork said bored "We're making a bet on how long this time you will end this planet. 3 days? 1 hour? What do you think?" He asked with a smirk.

Zim gasped. He feared they would ask this, but now he would have to reveal his plan which was scheduled a few months ago while his ship was going to Earth. It was now or never ...

"My Tallest, asking permission to not destroy this planet!... At least... not... now?" He couldn't contain stuttering slightly while the face of his rigid leader was writhing in hatred with the words, slowly rising from his throne.

"My antennae are damaged?"

"Huh, n-no, my Tallest, your antennae are perf-"

"Then I heard right." He interrupted him, his voice sharp as a spiderleg. "Our best invader has just done an act of rebellion against the Empire."

"N-no! S-sir, I think you're precipitating a-"

"The Tallest NEVER precipitate, Zim!"

"Obviously, I'm sorry for my rudeness and stupidity, b-but what I'm saying is-"

"MY EMPIRE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU, SLAG?! DO YOU HAVE ANY OBJECTION AGAINST OUR LAWS? "

"N-NO, MY TALLEST!"

"Oh, could you two stop?! This is making me have a headache." Miyuki finally said, stroking her temples. Quickly the other leader turned to her angrily.

"But you heard what he just said?? He doesn't want to destroy the planet!! "

"Not now, m-my Tallest!" Zim stammered, almost at his limit. "But I will! I-I only ask a l-little more time. "

"See? He WILL destroy the planet, just not now, hasty." And giggled, which resulted in a scowling face from the other. "Now tell me, soldier" she began, turning to the little alien. "Why this sudden idea?"

Zim was still trembling slightly, a bit traumatized by the Spork's shouting. That didn't mean this was the first time, though he couldn't help to feel afraid of his beloved leader. Sighing he began to recover his speech.

"You see, we always have destroyed, exploded and disintegrated the planets without even doing a deep research of their knowledge. Not that I think it's a bad idea doom everything, in fact I LO-VE it, really." He added quickly, afraid that Spork could have another attack, though being sincere at the same time "What if, with the technology of other galaxies, we could do bigger and better weapons that could double, no, quadruple the Empire?! So I humbly ask for my Tallest to give me a limited time to collect information of this planet, and so, see if it has something useful here before I destroy it. What do you think?"

The leaders looked at each other surprised. It was strange an alien with so little high with an idea of that magnitude.

"Why ... do you think it would help? What is your purpose?" Miyuki asked, his eyes slightly trembling.

Then he opened a malicious smile.

"To see more blood, of course! Bodies on the floor, dead by several fun ways! Mass destruction! Fire! Explosions! Paaaaants ...." he whispered, shaking his wrists with excitement. He could hardly wait for new technologies, new weapons in his hands, ready to be used on enemies. Imagine creatures being crushed, frozen, burned, cut in half! That would be the paradise ...

And with that the Tallest concluded in their minds with relief: he was still the same idiot as ever. Helpful, the best invader they had, but idiot. He didn't even imagine remotely how that idea could revolutionize for trades and other n-universal issues. Their leader seats would have their asses sitting there for a long time.

"Okay, Invader Zim" Spork said then in a voice quieter but laughing inside. "After much thought, the result is ..." He showed his thumb up. "Positive. You have our permission to the research."

The small Irken had to restrain himself to not laugh with joy. Finally! Some fun!

"How much time is required for this 'great' idea?" Miyuki asked, trying to be kind with a drop of irony.

"I ask for three years, my Tallest! According to the calculations of my computer it's 45 years in this place, and that's enough even for those who live here evolve on their weapons, improving the destruction to my leaders. "

"Well, we give then three years. Good luck, Invader." Three years was more than enough for them to use this idea on other planets to their advantage.

They were curious like a child. And selfish like one too.

In their faces it could see a single enigmatic smile, something the Irken on Earth couldn't see, too busy being happy with the acceptance.

"Don't worry, Zim will tell everything I see, touch, smell and stuff! And I'll show you the best technology that you've never seen in your life! You'll be so proud of me! "

---

"But I think a gun with rabbit manure as ammunition is not exactly what would made them proud," he thought annoyed, as he stepped in silence, his robot following him mechanically. Until now he didn't find anything interesting in that place infested by trees. And there seemed have no living being smart enough to do something besides stinky balls.

"Okay, now I'm tired." He stopped suddenly, without any inspiration to continue that stupid walk. "There's some intelligent form of life around here?"

S.I.R. gave a slight buzz, his eyes focused beyond the wild planting.
"There is a village of humanoids ... in a stone fortress. "

"Great! Non-filthy creatures!.... wait, 'stone'?" he narrowed one eye as a confusing signal.

"Yes, sir."

"That's not possible ... THAT'S TOO PRIMITVE!" If he had hair he would disheveled like crazy.

"But there are some humanoids mounted on  long snouts creatures and they are using a kind of ... metal armor. "

Zim was even more confused.

"Hm ... maybe this is a way to reflect the attacks of the laser cannons? ... It must be a pretty powerful metal..."his eyes widened with an innovative sparkle "Maybe the building is only a camouflage of what they REALLY have there. Yeah ... Maybe it's to attract the enemies who think they are too weak to defend themselves and then, then ....! BAM!" his own palm excited "Something destructive happens!"

"... or maybe they are really weak, master ... "

"S.I.R.! Don't say nonsenses! This is what they want YOU to think! So stay mindful as Zim! Hah, I'm so smart!" concluded with his hands in his own waist, proud of himself.

"Yes, master, you are."

"That's why it was a good idea to leave the ship where it was. To avoid being caught by surprise. Try your best to think as logically as your Master." he smiled at him before faced the trees while they walk again. "We just need to know the distance to pick it up later... how long it takes to walk from the ship to the 'latrine' of stone? "

"'Fortress'."

"That's what I said. Answer me! "

"4 hours and 21 minutes, sir."

He stopped again. "... And how long are we walking? "

The machine stopped along, blinking his red eyes.

"By my calculations ... 7 minutes."

"GAH! We will never leave here at this rate!" Suddenly thick cables with clamps at the ends come out of the strange little metal backpack on his back, grasping around SIR "Fly now. You will take me there." Zim said simply.

The little robot just stared for a few seconds.

"Huh, sir, I think this will not w..."

"JETS AT 100% OF CAPACITY! ALL SPEED AHEAD! "

"YES, SIR!" Suddenly in a millisecond the machine was faintly in the air, the strings stretched, and Zim was fired at the forest that was just waking up.

But that, which seemed a wonderful plan, was actually a flop. And the alien realized this when his body was brutally against a tree trunk, 0.8 seconds after the takeoff.

And it didn't stop there.

"AAGH! S-S.I.--PUH! STO-TCH! I SAID STO-CAKUUH!!!" He was whining, screaming, asking for help, but the branches were whipping him, trunks were crushing him, the squirrels were biting him, while the robot rid of the obstacles with perfection ... And because of the noise of the jets, any other sound was muffled.
And two minutes the Irken had to endure.

2.

Minutes.

"I'll become a puddiiiing." the poor guy thought, totally torn apart with slime-green goo all over his head and swollen as if he had a lot of ripe fruit growing inside him.
He was almost losing consciousness when he saw a figure, quickly opening his eyes curious ... or it was more than one?

"SIR, STOP NO-KIPAAAH!" there was no use on cry or try to complete a sentence, that was the small finally realized. Then he grabbed the shimmering rope and pulled with all the strength that was left in his body.

Even though it was very lightly the robot felt, stopping at the same instant. Which didn't help much, because, blindly following the laws of physics, the alien continued at the same speed, hitting a last tree.

".... uuuh, doh ....." that was the only thing he managed to say before passing out and, without wanting, releasing his servant off his cables, falling into a bush that scratched with the thorns.

"YOUCH!" The Irken jumped out scared, falling on the dead leaves from the ground, exhausted.

"You're alright, Master?" Asked S.I.R. concerned with all sincerity in the world.

The other couldn't restrain a roar of anger, ready to strangle him before suddenly his antennae moved. His acute hearing was activated.

Voices.
Coming from not so far, maybe some 20 meters.

His head turned, alert. Were they the figures he had seen? Slowly calming down he tried to better understand what they were saying ...

"J'ai entendu quelque chose par là bas."

"Bien sur que tu a entendu , la foret entière l'a entendu ! C'est pourquoi nous ferions mieux de partir! Ce doit étre un avertissement à ne pas aller plus loin!"

Zim didn't understand of what they spoke at all. What a strange language ... Cautiously, he whispered to his little machine:

"Make a scanner of what they are talking and translate for me."

With the speed of a advanced computer his voice changed to harsh and human, imitating what the true bearers were speaking in a new language and in a low tone to avoid detection:

"Was it a man-eater wolf? Perhaps a griffin! We could cut off its head! Our Majesty would be so happy! Maybe it would help him in his incurable disease. Long live the king! "

"Did you hit your head on the boar's horn that we were hunting?! Of course it wouldn't help! It can be a guardian of some witch who lives near here! Imagine the curse that she could pray if we killed it! "

"Hm ... and if it is a phoenix?! They say that a feather is enough to give eternal life, that if it doesn't burn before. "

"... We can capture it! I heard that if you throw rock salt on the tail of a bird it can let him stuck. "

"In a NORMAL bird, you mean ..."

The invader got even LESS than before of they were talking about, blinking his large ruby eyes.

"It must be some kind of code of war." thought admired, before muttering to his companion. "With that amount of weird words they said you can already deduct all language, can't you? Do a file, so I download to my PAK. "

"Yes, sir." With a faint hum a cable went out the robot's head, connecting in the metallic backpack.

"Good job. While the download doesn't complete and my body is still healing, I need an outfit. Glad I brought my kit of disguises for occasions like that." Then his bag opened alone, giving to its owner a big purple box. With a squeeze on the button on the side of the thin crack that traversed half of the strange object, it opened and a small cylinder holding a screen appears, showing different types of people, from beggars to knights.

"Hm ... then that's a human with a metal armor. It seemed that the animal they use is called ... 'Whorse' ... but it's a disguise to big for you, S.I.R. I would have to ride you."

"That wouldn't be very pleasant, master."

"I agree. Hmm .." he wondered distractedly "... and if I did the same game as them? Pretend that I am ... urgh ... 'Nice'?" said trembling with disgust by the word. Then he saw a prototype of himself with long black hair to the trapezius, eyes with white sclera and purple iris and clothes which seemed to alien as bag of snacks that has the validity over since 1000 years ago, along with a strange necklace. "... Perfect! They would never suspect! "

"Great, master, so you better get dressed soon, the humans are only eight meters."

"Do not rush me, junk!", The Irken tried to maintain a low voice to the others didn't  hear them. Activating the box, it shook in his hand, and the next moment the machine had grown to the size of Zim, covering him for awhile.

" Est-ce que tu vois la même lumière que moi?" exclaimed one of the hunters, pointing to a shrub that emanated a soft light not far from them.

"Ce sont les ailes de feu du Phénix , soyons prudent!" said one of his companions, making a nod to the others follow him.
The men prepared their arrows in their bows as they walked slowly to the strange glow. They felt an uncomfortable silence in the air as they were approaching, the light falling. Just a few more steps ...

Then, leaping ferociously over the plant, the weapons pointed to the small clearing.

"AAAAAAHH!" Cried a small man, his slippers and his old brown cloak rustling against the leaves as he retreated by fright. The cap – even with the sudden assaults in order to stay away from the men - not slipped to the shoulders, instead it covered more the stranger's face, but it could see a radical black hair, normal for that times, coming out of the circle of darkness. And a simple necklace, made of a thin rope and a wooden cross, hung around his neck.

The hunters could only stare wide-eyed.

[S-sorry, Father, we thought it was a creature of the forest! Are you okay?!] they exclaimed worried, trying to get closer to see if he was injured.

Inside the cap Zim looked totally shocked and surprised at the reaction ... "Father"? They recently treated him as a threat, and now were now so ... smooth. If it wasn't for the full download he would have stabbed them with his spider legs thinking they would kill him. However, suspicious, he rose quickly, taking a few steps back. That only left the humans scared.

[We really are sorry, Father! Please forgive us and clean us from our sins! We don't want to go to hell for pointing a gun to your holiness!], then they knelt, intertwining their own hands. And more and more those beings surprised him in a strange way.

[It's ... eh ... okay. I forgive you.] , finally said the fake human, entering in the game.

[Oh, thank God.], they sigh of relief, rising with joy. [What you are doing so within the forest of 'Fontaine Belle eau' , Father? Didn't you know that's a dangerous place? Only hunters are allowed to enter here.]

[Oh yeah, it's b-because that ...] "Think of an excuse! Think!" the Irken thought in panic [... I-I ... Zim always do morning walks, you know? To feel this wonderful stench of manure hare ...]

Blinking confused for such a bizarre response, one of them laughed nervously. [Eh ... heheheheh ... that'ss right, all creatures of God need to be visited ...]

[... Except griffins ...], one said suddenly.

[Shut up, fool! Griffins are the devil's!]

[... And Phoenix?]

[... I have no idea ...?], the man stared at the alien in disguise. [Phoenix are creatures of God or of the devil, Father? We wanted to use a gift to the King, but if it is only illusions of hell, then it could be fatal!]

[Hu-hum ....] "God"? "Demons"? And the mention of those strange names again ... Now he was in trouble, he didn't know what to say, beginning to stammer ...

Suddenly a strong bark scared everyone, and a huge green animal with red eyes appeared in front of the fake priest, growling to the humans.

[AH, what's that??!!], they shouted, pointing their bows and arrows ominously for the animal.

[T-This is!], Zim began quickly to S.I.R. not destroy them, knowing that perhaps they could be useful ... At least for now. [It's my ... huh ... dog. Yeah. He accompanies me on walks.]

[B-but ... it is green! It's a servant of Satan, it should be destroyed!]

Quickly he pulled his cap over his face forward to not being shown, responding cautiously [Yeah, well ... he has an incurable disease that made him be. I still remember when he was ... normal.]

[He was possessed by the devil, Father! So that's why the color changes! We should exorcise him or put him down!]

This angered him deeply. Simple humanoids giving orders to the mighty Zim?! It was the last straw for the invader.

[Listen, I am your parental unit! And Zim is always right! So when I say it is normal, it means IT IS NORMAL, DID YOU UNDERSTAND, INFERIOR CREATURE?! NOW TAKE ME FOR THE NEAREST CITY OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!! DID YOU WANT MY FORGIVENESS CANCELLED???!!!]

With the last sentence they shut their mouths at once and quickly they murmured [Yes, sir, forgive us, mercy!]. And soon, with a smile from "ear to ear" Zim was escorted like a precious cargo beyond the forest.

----

Description
Rating:  PG-13 (maybe)
Warning: It may have violence and sexual scenes. If you don't like a gay story (male/male), please, don't read
Helper: GoldShadow
Beta: Rauschele
Who translated english-french: thundervolt

Summary:
"Once upon a time, there was a magic King, who created a child from a demon as his father. Together they spread terror and chaos in the  faraway lands... And built a forbidden love."

"Jesus, salvator mundi
Tue famuli subveni
Quos pretioso sanguine
Quos pretioso sanguine
Redemisti"

Chapter 1

--

"Are there just tree and animal dung in that putrid planet?! This forest never ends!"

"Lord ... I must report that we started to walk only five minutes ago ... "

"Do not interrupt ZIM! Keep moving, YOU LAZY SCRAP! "

"YES, SIR!"

The morning sun shone on the high leaves of the dense forest, while near the ground still seemed at night, but the invader was exploring the land with disdain, his face contorted by the smell of the environment. How it did bother him.

"Argh, stupid creatures with their intestinal organs." He said, covering his thin antennae for no longer need to smell it.

"... Master by the research we did last night with the long-eared creatures called 'hare', they need the organs to not blow up like a lethal stink bomb. "

"S.I.R., my brain is intelligent enough to remember it and NOT WANT TO REMEMBER NEVER MORE, DID YOU UNDERSTAND BETWEEN THE LINES?"
Even screaming so loudly he couldn't blame the robot. After the fifth hare about to be opened it has spit a yellow liquid in Zim, making him now mention about poop and pee involuntarily.
He would love to erase that data from his memory without mercy, but he made a promise that he would report all his steps and activities for his leaders.

They were adults in regards to leadership, but curious as a child ... and Zim was much worse than that.

---

"You took too long." The words fell like ice from the lips of the male leader.

"Aw, don't be so annoying to him, Spork. I bet his journey was more tiring than our days without doughnuts. You can stop bowing now, Invader."

"Forgive Zim, my Tallest, I didn't know the distance from my precious homeland to here would be so far." Slowly he stood erect from his almost painful bow of 180 degrees, thanking Miyuki in his mind.

Being hard when she needed be, she gave more value to her army though. It could tell she was the sensitive and caring side of Spork, but that wasn't considered a compliment in Irk's system. Be "cheesy" could be a flaw in the Empire's current.
But the female leader knew it, using her partner as controller of her impulsive acts in wars.

Both were essential to Irk. Both controlled and conquered more than 43 galaxies, a great act in the history of the planet.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we don't have all day ... or night ... whatever." Spork said bored "We're making a bet on how long this time you will end this planet. 3 days? 1 hour? What do you think?" He asked with a smirk.

Zim gasped. He feared they would ask this, but now he would have to reveal his plan which was scheduled a few months ago while his ship was going to Earth. It was now or never ...

"My Tallest, asking permission to not destroy this planet!... At least... not... now?" He couldn't contain stuttering slightly while the face of his rigid leader was writhing in hatred with the words, slowly rising from his throne.

"My antennae are damaged?"

"Huh, n-no, my Tallest, your antennae are perf-"

"Then I heard right." He interrupted him, his voice sharp as a spiderleg. "Our best invader has just done an act of rebellion against the Empire."

"N-no! S-sir, I think you're precipitating a-"

"The Tallest NEVER precipitate, Zim!"

"Obviously, I'm sorry for my rudeness and stupidity, b-but what I'm saying is-"

"MY EMPIRE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU, SLAG?! DO YOU HAVE ANY OBJECTION AGAINST OUR LAWS? "

"N-NO, MY TALLEST!"

"Oh, could you two stop?! This is making me have a headache." Miyuki finally said, stroking her temples. Quickly the other leader turned to her angrily.

"But you heard what he just said?? He doesn't want to destroy the planet!! "

"Not now, m-my Tallest!" Zim stammered, almost at his limit. "But I will! I-I only ask a l-little more time. "

"See? He WILL destroy the planet, just not now, hasty." And giggled, which resulted in a scowling face from the other. "Now tell me, soldier" she began, turning to the little alien. "Why this sudden idea?"

Zim was still trembling slightly, a bit traumatized by the Spork's shouting. That didn't mean this was the first time, though he couldn't help to feel afraid of his beloved leader. Sighing he began to recover his speech.

"You see, we always have destroyed, exploded and disintegrated the planets without even doing a deep research of their knowledge. Not that I think it's a bad idea doom everything, in fact I LO-VE it, really." He added quickly, afraid that Spork could have another attack, though being sincere at the same time "What if, with the technology of other galaxies, we could do bigger and better weapons that could double, no, quadruple the Empire?! So I humbly ask for my Tallest to give me a limited time to collect information of this planet, and so, see if it has something useful here before I destroy it. What do you think?"

The leaders looked at each other surprised. It was strange an alien with so little high with an idea of that magnitude.

"Why ... do you think it would help? What is your purpose?" Miyuki asked, his eyes slightly trembling.

Then he opened a malicious smile.

"To see more blood, of course! Bodies on the floor, dead by several fun ways! Mass destruction! Fire! Explosions! Paaaaants ...." he whispered, shaking his wrists with excitement. He could hardly wait for new technologies, new weapons in his hands, ready to be used on enemies. Imagine creatures being crushed, frozen, burned, cut in half! That would be the paradise ...

And with that the Tallest concluded in their minds with relief: he was still the same idiot as ever. Helpful, the best invader they had, but idiot. He didn't even imagine remotely how that idea could revolutionize for trades and other n-universal issues. Their leader seats would have their asses sitting there for a long time.

"Okay, Invader Zim" Spork said then in a voice quieter but laughing inside. "After much thought, the result is ..." He showed his thumb up. "Positive. You have our permission to the research."

The small Irken had to restrain himself to not laugh with joy. Finally! Some fun!

"How much time is required for this 'great' idea?" Miyuki asked, trying to be kind with a drop of irony.

"I ask for three years, my Tallest! According to the calculations of my computer it's 45 years in this place, and that's enough even for those who live here evolve on their weapons, improving the destruction to my leaders. "

"Well, we give then three years. Good luck, Invader." Three years was more than enough for them to use this idea on other planets to their advantage.

They were curious like a child. And selfish like one too.

In their faces it could see a single enigmatic smile, something the Irken on Earth couldn't see, too busy being happy with the acceptance.

"Don't worry, Zim will tell everything I see, touch, smell and stuff! And I'll show you the best technology that you've never seen in your life! You'll be so proud of me! "

---

"But I think a gun with rabbit manure as ammunition is not exactly what would made them proud," he thought annoyed, as he stepped in silence, his robot following him mechanically. Until now he didn't find anything interesting in that place infested by trees. And there seemed have no living being smart enough to do something besides stinky balls.

"Okay, now I'm tired." He stopped suddenly, without any inspiration to continue that stupid walk. "There's some intelligent form of life around here?"

S.I.R. gave a slight buzz, his eyes focused beyond the wild planting.
"There is a village of humanoids ... in a stone fortress. "

"Great! Non-filthy creatures!.... wait, 'stone'?" he narrowed one eye as a confusing signal.

"Yes, sir."

"That's not possible ... THAT'S TOO PRIMITVE!" If he had hair he would disheveled like crazy.

"But there are some humanoids mounted on  long snouts creatures and they are using a kind of ... metal armor. "

Zim was even more confused.

"Hm ... maybe this is a way to reflect the attacks of the laser cannons? ... It must be a pretty powerful metal..."his eyes widened with an innovative sparkle "Maybe the building is only a camouflage of what they REALLY have there. Yeah ... Maybe it's to attract the enemies who think they are too weak to defend themselves and then, then ....! BAM!" his own palm excited "Something destructive happens!"

"... or maybe they are really weak, master ... "

"S.I.R.! Don't say nonsenses! This is what they want YOU to think! So stay mindful as Zim! Hah, I'm so smart!" concluded with his hands in his own waist, proud of himself.

"Yes, master, you are."

"That's why it was a good idea to leave the ship where it was. To avoid being caught by surprise. Try your best to think as logically as your Master." he smiled at him before faced the trees while they walk again. "We just need to know the distance to pick it up later... how long it takes to walk from the ship to the 'latrine' of stone? "

"'Fortress'."

"That's what I said. Answer me! "

"4 hours and 21 minutes, sir."

He stopped again. "... And how long are we walking? "

The machine stopped along, blinking his red eyes.

"By my calculations ... 7 minutes."

"GAH! We will never leave here at this rate!" Suddenly thick cables with clamps at the ends come out of the strange little metal backpack on his back, grasping around SIR "Fly now. You will take me there." Zim said simply.

The little robot just stared for a few seconds.

"Huh, sir, I think this will not w..."

"JETS AT 100% OF CAPACITY! ALL SPEED AHEAD! "

"YES, SIR!" Suddenly in a millisecond the machine was faintly in the air, the strings stretched, and Zim was fired at the forest that was just waking up.

But that, which seemed a wonderful plan, was actually a flop. And the alien realized this when his body was brutally against a tree trunk, 0.8 seconds after the takeoff.

And it didn't stop there.

"AAGH! S-S.I.--PUH! STO-TCH! I SAID STO-CAKUUH!!!" He was whining, screaming, asking for help, but the branches were whipping him, trunks were crushing him, the squirrels were biting him, while the robot rid of the obstacles with perfection ... And because of the noise of the jets, any other sound was muffled.
And two minutes the Irken had to endure.

2.

Minutes.

"I'll become a puddiiiing." the poor guy thought, totally torn apart with slime-green goo all over his head and swollen as if he had a lot of ripe fruit growing inside him.
He was almost losing consciousness when he saw a figure, quickly opening his eyes curious ... or it was more than one?

"SIR, STOP NO-KIPAAAH!" there was no use on cry or try to complete a sentence, that was the small finally realized. Then he grabbed the shimmering rope and pulled with all the strength that was left in his body.

Even though it was very lightly the robot felt, stopping at the same instant. Which didn't help much, because, blindly following the laws of physics, the alien continued at the same speed, hitting a last tree.

".... uuuh, doh ....." that was the only thing he managed to say before passing out and, without wanting, releasing his servant off his cables, falling into a bush that scratched with the thorns.

"YOUCH!" The Irken jumped out scared, falling on the dead leaves from the ground, exhausted.

"You're alright, Master?" Asked S.I.R. concerned with all sincerity in the world.

The other couldn't restrain a roar of anger, ready to strangle him before suddenly his antennae moved. His acute hearing was activated.

Voices.
Coming from not so far, maybe some 20 meters.

His head turned, alert. Were they the figures he had seen? Slowly calming down he tried to better understand what they were saying ...

"J'ai entendu quelque chose par là bas."

"Bien sur que tu a entendu , la foret entière l'a entendu ! C'est pourquoi nous ferions mieux de partir! Ce doit étre un avertissement à ne pas aller plus loin!"

Zim didn't understand of what they spoke at all. What a strange language ... Cautiously, he whispered to his little machine:

"Make a scanner of what they are talking and translate for me."

With the speed of a advanced computer his voice changed to harsh and human, imitating what the true bearers were speaking in a new language and in a low tone to avoid detection:

"Was it a man-eater wolf? Perhaps a griffin! We could cut off its head! Our Majesty would be so happy! Maybe it would help him in his incurable disease. Long live the king! "

"Did you hit your head on the boar's horn that we were hunting?! Of course it wouldn't help! It can be a guardian of some witch who lives near here! Imagine the curse that she could pray if we killed it! "

"Hm ... and if it is a phoenix?! They say that a feather is enough to give eternal life, that if it doesn't burn before. "

"... We can capture it! I heard that if you throw rock salt on the tail of a bird it can let him stuck. "

"In a NORMAL bird, you mean ..."

The invader got even LESS than before of they were talking about, blinking his large ruby eyes.

"It must be some kind of code of war." thought admired, before muttering to his companion. "With that amount of weird words they said you can already deduct all language, can't you? Do a file, so I download to my PAK. "

"Yes, sir." With a faint hum a cable went out the robot's head, connecting in the metallic backpack.

"Good job. While the download doesn't complete and my body is still healing, I need an outfit. Glad I brought my kit of disguises for occasions like that." Then his bag opened alone, giving to its owner a big purple box. With a squeeze on the button on the side of the thin crack that traversed half of the strange object, it opened and a small cylinder holding a screen appears, showing different types of people, from beggars to knights.

"Hm ... then that's a human with a metal armor. It seemed that the animal they use is called ... 'Whorse' ... but it's a disguise to big for you, S.I.R. I would have to ride you."

"That wouldn't be very pleasant, master."

"I agree. Hmm .." he wondered distractedly "... and if I did the same game as them? Pretend that I am ... urgh ... 'Nice'?" said trembling with disgust by the word. Then he saw a prototype of himself with long black hair to the trapezius, eyes with white sclera and purple iris and clothes which seemed to alien as bag of snacks that has the validity over since 1000 years ago, along with a strange necklace. "... Perfect! They would never suspect! "

"Great, master, so you better get dressed soon, the humans are only eight meters."

"Do not rush me, junk!", The Irken tried to maintain a low voice to the others didn't  hear them. Activating the box, it shook in his hand, and the next moment the machine had grown to the size of Zim, covering him for awhile.

" Est-ce que tu vois la même lumière que moi?" exclaimed one of the hunters, pointing to a shrub that emanated a soft light not far from them.

"Ce sont les ailes de feu du Phénix , soyons prudent!" said one of his companions, making a nod to the others follow him.
The men prepared their arrows in their bows as they walked slowly to the strange glow. They felt an uncomfortable silence in the air as they were approaching, the light falling. Just a few more steps ...

Then, leaping ferociously over the plant, the weapons pointed to the small clearing.

"AAAAAAHH!" Cried a small man, his slippers and his old brown cloak rustling against the leaves as he retreated by fright. The cap – even with the sudden assaults in order to stay away from the men - not slipped to the shoulders, instead it covered more the stranger's face, but it could see a radical black hair, normal for that times, coming out of the circle of darkness. And a simple necklace, made of a thin rope and a wooden cross, hung around his neck.

The hunters could only stare wide-eyed.

[S-sorry, Father, we thought it was a creature of the forest! Are you okay?!] they exclaimed worried, trying to get closer to see if he was injured.

Inside the cap Zim looked totally shocked and surprised at the reaction ... "Father"? They recently treated him as a threat, and now were now so ... smooth. If it wasn't for the full download he would have stabbed them with his spider legs thinking they would kill him. However, suspicious, he rose quickly, taking a few steps back. That only left the humans scared.

[We really are sorry, Father! Please forgive us and clean us from our sins! We don't want to go to hell for pointing a gun to your holiness!], then they knelt, intertwining their own hands. And more and more those beings surprised him in a strange way.

[It's ... eh ... okay. I forgive you.] , finally said the fake human, entering in the game.

[Oh, thank God.], they sigh of relief, rising with joy. [What you are doing so within the forest of 'Fontaine Belle eau' , Father? Didn't you know that's a dangerous place? Only hunters are allowed to enter here.]

[Oh yeah, it's b-because that ...] "Think of an excuse! Think!" the Irken thought in panic [... I-I ... Zim always do morning walks, you know? To feel this wonderful stench of manure hare ...]

Blinking confused for such a bizarre response, one of them laughed nervously. [Eh ... heheheheh ... that'ss right, all creatures of God need to be visited ...]

[... Except griffins ...], one said suddenly.

[Shut up, fool! Griffins are the devil's!]

[... And Phoenix?]

[... I have no idea ...?], the man stared at the alien in disguise. [Phoenix are creatures of God or of the devil, Father? We wanted to use a gift to the King, but if it is only illusions of hell, then it could be fatal!]

[Hu-hum ....] "God"? "Demons"? And the mention of those strange names again ... Now he was in trouble, he didn't know what to say, beginning to stammer ...

Suddenly a strong bark scared everyone, and a huge green animal with red eyes appeared in front of the fake priest, growling to the humans.

[AH, what's that??!!], they shouted, pointing their bows and arrows ominously for the animal.

[T-This is!], Zim began quickly to S.I.R. not destroy them, knowing that perhaps they could be useful ... At least for now. [It's my ... huh ... dog. Yeah. He accompanies me on walks.]

[B-but ... it is green! It's a servant of Satan, it should be destroyed!]

Quickly he pulled his cap over his face forward to not being shown, responding cautiously [Yeah, well ... he has an incurable disease that made him be. I still remember when he was ... normal.]

[He was possessed by the devil, Father! So that's why the color changes! We should exorcise him or put him down!]

This angered him deeply. Simple humanoids giving orders to the mighty Zim?! It was the last straw for the invader.

[Listen, I am your parental unit! And Zim is always right! So when I say it is normal, it means IT IS NORMAL, DID YOU UNDERSTAND, INFERIOR CREATURE?! NOW TAKE ME FOR THE NEAREST CITY OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!! DID YOU WANT MY FORGIVENESS CANCELLED???!!!]

With the last sentence they shut their mouths at once and quickly they murmured [Yes, sir, forgive us, mercy!]. And soon, with a smile from "ear to ear" Zim was escorted like a precious cargo beyond the forest.

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