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Chapter 10

Throughout the rest of the night he kept dismissing the previous thoughts that started running through his mind. Shaking his helm at the very notion that the bond his spark was forming was anything more than platonic. As if that would erase whatever he was feeling.

Like a close friendship..... A really close friendship.... Damn it.

Who was he kidding? Himself?

As much as he could mull over the idea. Was he even allowed to experience such a relationship with you? Not even taking into the fact that you both were not even of the same species or even from the same planet on top of that; But that the fact that he has been at war for so long. Longer than your entire lifespan and then some.

Could a war hardened hero who is still fighting in this seemingly endless battle be allowed to have a chance at such a raw and intimate relationship?

Wheeljack found himself stairing at his servos. Examining the scars and feeling the phantom stickiness of their lifeblood.

Could he do it?

After fighting for so long. Bloodying his servos with the energon of so many and stained of all the friends that he lost. It made it hard for him to try again to form any kind of relationship and ended up shutting himself off from making any new bonds. As he would say alone is usually a lot less complicated.

Less complicated for his spark in the end. So he wouldn't feel that familiar pain every time he would watch one of his friends and brothers in arms die right in front of his own optics. Watching helplessly over and again. With that he clenched his fists tightly and looked back at your peaceful sleeping form cuddled up against him.

It scared him when he noticed he started to bond with you. But he didn't realize just how bad he missed that connection. To be so close to someone. Sure there was bulkhead. But he tended to keep even him at arms length away. He was too scared to get hurt.

Every time his spark pulled to you it would startle him and he would try to withdraw a bit. Only for it to pull to you again even harder.

It was like his spark was fighting against him. A personal game of tug of war with his mind and spark. And in the end of either one winning he would still lose the game.

He yearned to be closer to you. To get to know you better. Regardless of how you both would end up. Getting caught up in your species allure. How despite being a more fragile being you had bravery such a liveliness. How you wouldn't hesitate to put yourself in harms way to protect him.

But he felt like if he let his spark take control he might ruin the great relationship you both were starting to have. Getting carried away and pushing too far. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

He always had a habit of leaving before anything got serious but he made you a promise. One he intended to keep.

He might break his own spark if he left. Knowing how bad it would hurt you. Someone who already lost so much. Or worse if you end up being the one that decided to leave.

So he decided. He won't give in. No matter how tempting.

~

Eventually as he started to land you roused from your deep sleep with a yawn.

You blinked up at him through lidded eyes. At first you looked a little confused. He could see you mentally connecting the dots and remember where you were and how you got there. Your brows pinching together in a thoughtful look.

"Morning sunshine. Sleep well?"

You rubbed your eyes a bit to wipe away the sleepyness and gave a silent nod.

Your body felt quite weak and heavy. Enhancing your desire to sleep in a bit longer in efforts to alleviate some of your exhaustion.

"You alright?"

"Hmn?" You gazed up at him with your hazy lidded eyes. He could tell you were still fatigued from your sluggish movements.

"Why don't you go lay down in that bed of yours. I'll go out for a bit while you rest."

You stared at him for a moment. Contemplating on his proposal. Which was difficult while your mind swam in thick mental fog.

You didn't want to leave him but you also didn't want to make him feel restricted.

Your expression fell slightly and gave a slight nod with ambivalence but then smiled lightly at being able to catch a little more sleep. The feeling was quite bittersweet.

You were so tired you didn't even have the energy to speak.

He couldn't help but think about how cute you were acting.

He carefully picked you up and carried you all the way to your quarters. Gently lowering you to your feet and placing you by the doorway before turning to leave.

"Thank you. Please be careful and return safe." your groggy voice called out before he left.

You wouldn't bear the thought of not saying goodbye and if by some horrible chance he didn't return you would never get to tell him.

Especially after losing your family. Saying goodbye and cherishing the time you spend with your loved ones is absolutely important. You would be damned if you made the same mistake again.

He stopped for a moment to turn his helm to you. Seeing you resting your weight on the doorframe. Your tired eyes looking at him with so much concern. The vulnerability making you look smaller than you normally did. "Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it." He told you reassuringly and with that he exited the ship.

You clumsily hobbled to your bed and crashed on top of it. Snuggling under your comfy blankets and quickly falling back asleep.

While you passed out wheeljack felt slightly at a loss.

He was thrown off a bit. Wreckers were not a sentimental and mushy group. Well maybe except bulk.

Hearing your voice call out to him like that. Not many have said stuff like that to him. Since things he did before; returning was never a guarantee. In fact most didn't.

Occupational hazard.

But now he had to; For you.

It was also your voice itself that caught him off guard. The sheer vulnerability in it as the soft raspyness of exhaustion made the emotionally charged words you spoke have even more of an effect. as you frantically tried to call out to him before he left. It only strengthened the desire to protect you. Someone so vulnerable and put so much trust into him. His spark pulsed possessively. It automatically wanting to protect someone who cared so much for him. That and maybe there was also a little something else as well that he won't admit to himself. Something that stirred within his spark.

~

You woke up suddenly as the images of bloody hands started to recede from your vision.

You knew you wouldn't be able to go back to sleep without the threat of another nightmare so you took the time to slowly crawl out of bed begrudgingly and get something to drink.

You slowly padded your way to your makeshift kitchen and rummaged around the cabinets. After you finally found some cups you went to the water container and filled your new cup.

You looked around a bit and took everything in again. Everything you could need was there but there wasn't any active plumbing. Which was an important thing to remember. Especially when nature calls.

It wouldn't be long before you would probably need to use the bathroom. So you set your now empty cup down and began your search for your new guardian.

You walked out and absentmindedly walked to the front of the ship. Taking in that you were by yourself. Panic stirred in your chest before you remembered that he said he was going to head out for a bit.

The tightness in your chest eased some and thought of what you could do while you waited.

You walked back to your living space and tried to organize your stuff some more from what you didn't get to last night.

Once you finished that large task of rearranging, hanging up clothes, and finding places for various smaller items; you sat back and wiped your forehead with a sigh.

You felt the tension tightening your chest return when you noticed how he still wasn't back yet.

Pushing the slight panic down your throat you decided to start pacing the ship. It couldn't be THAT much longer for him to return right?

You tried to press down your worry with logical explanations to every scenario of why he wasn't back yet. Trying not to think of the worst ones. Though no matter how hard you tried to push them away they always came to the forefront of your mind.

You decided to freshen up a bit the best you could without running water. Once you did that you found yourself pacing around the jackhammer once again. Trying to distract your mind.

You had just made another countless lap around the large ship when you almost made a break for your phone to comm him. You had to make sure he was OK.

The hatch opened and your foot caught a slightly raised panel and tripped over yourself while your leg happened to give out. Your body tumbled roughly to the floor with a hard thud.

You felt relief flood though your nerves as you watched him emerge. Not thinking about the rough fall you just had.

You watched as his expression changed to one of worry as he saw you slightly sprawled out on the floor.

He quickly got to your side and bent down to help you up. "babe what happened? You alright?"

You nodded as he held out his servo so you had some stability to get your footing again. "I'm fine. Just tripped that's all," you lied. You were a bit too embarrassed to admit what really happened. Like why you tripped in the first place.

"Try not to hurt yourself as soon as I'm not here to help ya." he told you softly with a bit of sympathy.

You gave him a forced smile in response. You didn't want to seem that helpless.

"Feel rested now?" wheeljack asked you once you were steady on your feet.

You stretched a bit and fought off a yawn. You were still a bit tired since your nightmare cut your sleep a bit short but it was something you were no stranger to. "Yeah I'm good now."

"Well I'm glad. Makes this easier."

"makes what easier?" you tilted your head curiously.

"I'm taking you out for a bit. I came back to get ya."

Your face lit up a bit. "Oh OK!"

"ready?"

A grin brightened your features. "Yes!"

He carefully picked you up and carried you outside before transforming down around you and taking off.

A twinge of guilt flashed over his spark and almost made him wince.

He left earlier mostly to clear his head and sort out out his thoughts. He wanted to get his spark under control again before he ended up doing something he would later regret. It seems like every day he loses a bit more of the grip he has over it.

You seemed fine but he had a sneaking suspicion that you didn't simply trip earlier. The expression on your face when you saw him said everything. Your eyes don't lie.

It only twisted his spark more.

He cruised through the the landscape before hitting the highway in comfortable silence. Letting you rest longer if you so desired.

But soon he just couldn't take it anymore. The guilty feelings continued to gnaw at him before he finally caved.

You jumped in the seat when he activated his holoform.

Wheeljacks holoform couldnt contain his laughter at your reaction.

You held your hand over your frantically beating heart. It would still take some time to get used to them being able to materialize their holoforms out of nowhere.

You puffed your cheeks and let out a small huff from him laughing at you.

"Sorry babe can't help it."

"uh huh sure." you clicked your tongue with a touch of sass. But you fought your growing smile. It was hard for you to stay mad at him for long.

"so where are we going?" Your curiosity growing.

"just in town for a bit. That way you can pick up anything ya need."

You let out a little hum and closed your eyes. Resting your head back against his comfortable seats. Relaxing in the comfort and peace that you felt with him.

"So why did you activate your holoform?"

"Eh just in case. Besides. I thought you liked my holoform?"

You opened your eyes and peeked over to see him giving you a cheeky grin.

You then remembered back to what happened the last time with his holoform yesterday. Feeling your ears get warm you looked out the window. "I don't know what you're talking about."

You cast another sideways glance at his holoform. You had to admit you did like it. No matter if he was in his bipedal mode, alt or holoform; he was really attractive. Wether you wanted to admit it or not.

You bit your lip. You shouldn't be thinking like that. He was supposed to be your guardian. Regardless of the potential forming bond or not. You still weren't even sure what he thought of you. You didn't want to overcomplicate things. Catching feelings could complicate your relationship.

You chewed on your bottom lip trying to distract yourself from the thoughts that tried to take over your mind; when his voice brought you back from the depths of your guilty imagination.

Your inner turmoil and guilt did not go unnoticed to your guardian.

"If ya keep biting your lip like that you're gonna make it bleed." He pointed out. His holoforms eyes moving to gesture at your abused lips.

You quickly turned your head further away from his holoform but you knew the action was futile.

You snuck a glance back at him to see a smirk spread across his holoforms scarred lips. Your heart beating a little faster.

"fragger." you breathed out. He must suspect your inner turmoil. Or at least a little. He flirts with you too much to not to.

"You know it." he stated with teasing pride.

"Whatever."

"What'cha thinkin' about?"

"gah! Wouldn't you like to know!" you quipped

"I do."

"I'm not telling."

"why not?" He questioned you further. His cheshire grin getting even wider.

"Because."

Silence temporarily fell over the both of you before a mischievous expression crossed his face and looked over at you.

"Was it about me?"

"I'm not telling," You quickly snapped.

Hearing the defensiveness in your voice his holoforms eyes lit up. "So it was. Was it something dirty?"

"ACK! I told you it wasn't you!" you cried.

"I don't know. Those looks told me otherwise."

"Wheeljack!" you pleaded.

You wished he would drop this conversation before it got even more carried away. The last thing you needed was for him to figure out you tempted the idea of thinking of doing slightly indecent things with him. But to make the situation worse he probably already knew.

"Sorry babe. I can't help myself."

"doesn't it feel weird?" you asked out of nowhere. Trying to redirect the conversation.

"hmm?"

"To use your holoform like this with me?" You clarified.

"Nah. I see it as just another extension of myself." he then looked back over at you. Eyes glittering with familiar mischief again. "Makes messin' with ya all that much easier."

"Of course you would say something like that." though you couldn't deny the little skip your heart did when he looked at you like that. It almost made you wonder if there was more to those glances and gazes. Or if it was just you getting your hopes up at his naturally flirty behavior.

"I can't help myself. You make it too easy with all those expressions and noises ya make." his grin went even wider even predatory. "I want to see how much more I can get outa' ya."

Your breath hitched for a moment while you calmed your heart. That definitely had a second meaning to it.

He felt your body get warmer and knew he got you good. He loved doing that to you.

"Pervert." you mumbled.

Silence settled over you both but not for long.

You gave him a strange look as he started searching through different radio channels finding what music you listened to.

He stopped once he saw your eyes light up when he landed on a certain song and let it play while he watched you smile and do a little dance where you sat and sang the lyrics. You letting loose and having a bit of fun.

He almost let himself get too distracted while he watched you. He couldn't help himself.

You became aware of your surroundings and looked back at his holoform to catch him watching you with a smile spread across his lips. It replaced his casual half grin he usually had.

"Whyd' ya stop? You looked so cute."

You quickly hid your face. "No I'm not."

"Of course you are. Don't be so nervous around me. I like watchin' ya have fun."

"Ok." You mumbled softly. Suddenly feeling bashful.

He was right. You didn't need to act so awkward with him. You both knew each other for awhile now and were going to be around each other for a long time. It wouldn't hurt to get more comfortable around each other now that you both lived together.

The song ended and another that you liked started to play. So you rested against his seat and began to sing along. Trying not to be self conscious of your voice.

As the song continued you got more into it. Relaxing again in his presence and letting the walls come down.

You started to do dramatic hand gestures as you passionately sang the lyrics. Almost bursting into a full on dance in your spot. But still being mindful about your surroundings and being in a small inclosed space that's sentient.

Wheeljack laughed as you finished the song with dramatic flair.

You grinned widely at him with your hair more of a mess and out of breath.

"You did great babe." He praised as he examined your messy appearance.

"Thank you." You bowed slightly and began fixing your appearance.

He lifted his holoforms hand and began to help fix your wild hair.

You jolted slightly at the contact but let him help you.

"You won't crash by doing this right?" You questioned him cautiously.

"What do ya mean? I'm an excellent driver." He told you brimming with confidence.

You gave him the side eye "riiiiiiiightt."

"Haven't crashed yet have i?"

"Noo." You confessed a bit sheepishly.

"See? Besides I'm an expert."

"Sure wheeljack." You rolled your eyes at his cockiness. But it was a trait you liked about him. He had so much self confidence that you wish you had at least half as much for yourself.

He flashed you a smirk before fixing his gaze back towards the road.

You were glad it wasn't too much longer till you arrived where wheeljack wanted to take you. You needed to use the bathroom.

You both arrived at a grocery store so you could pick up whatever you needed that you didn't already have.

He pulled up at a spot near the side of the building and waited for you to make a move. Only to be confused to why you didn't seem like you wanted to leave.

"What's wrong?"

"There's going to be a lot of people in there." Your timid voice finally spoke up after the beat of awkward silence.

"And?" He urged.

"I usually have someone go with me."

"You'll be fine." He tried to reassure you. He had faith in you.

You pressed your lips together and fidgeted with the hem of your shirt. Obviously squirming in your discomfort.

"C'mon babe you'll be fine."

He tried to coax you but you still were unsure.

"Do you really need me to go with ya?" He finally caved.

You bobbed your head in agreement.

"Fine. But you know this could get me exposed."

You looked down at your lap. "I'm sorry." You told him meekly.

"It's fine. I don't really care. Prime and Fowler are the ones that make it seem important." He then lifted your chin to look at him. "Besides. I like a bit of a risk."

You gave him a small smile. With that he helped you out and walked in with you. Taking note at how you held onto his arm.

When he stepped into the building he could see why you immediately became overwhelmed.

The place looked lot bigger on the inside. Especially with the shelves upon shelves of things. Not to mention how many people he already saw walking around.

You had him follow you up to the entrance to the bathrooms before telling him to wait there for a moment. You couldn't hide your embarrassment and apologized a couple times with him reassuring you before you dissapeared inside.

You wanted to freshen up a little bit more before you continued your day. You already attempted to brush your teeth and etc but now with running water you would like to do a bit more thorough job again. Though you would prefer to have a shower. But you could go back to the base for that. Thankfully you still had your travel toothbrush in your pocket that you stashed while you were grabbing and rearranging your stuff from the base. Too bad you didn't have a comb but you can't have everything can you.

Once you took care of your business you emerged to find wheeljacks holoform resting against the wall. He looked realitively unfazed by his surroundings and blended in well.

"Sorry to keep you waiting you quickly apologized."

"What next?" He asked as you led him to get a cart from the front.

"I'm just gonna grab a few essentials." Hopefully we won't have to come back for awhile. You wanted the necessities mostly. The less you have to go into crowded public areas the better.

He watched you with interest as you wandered through different aisles and looked at different items. Who knew there were so many variations for just one thing. It was a bit mind boggling how many options you had to choose from.

You found it interesting that wheeljack was behaving quite well. Especially when any other time with his holoform he liked to mess with you. It really made you forget that he wasn't human and you would catch yourself.

Though your surprise was short lived as it wasn't long before he started messing with you again.

You were briefly in the personal hygiene aisle when you noticed he wandered away for a moment. You were busy looking at something and didn't realize he wasn't standing right next to you untill you suddenly felt aware of your surroundings.

"Jackie?!" You whisper yelled in panic only to see him pop around the corner with a grin on his face.

Ok now what did he see?

He ended up leading you to where he was and grinned wide as he gestured to a particular 18+ selection with a casual "So, What's that for?"

You choked on your spit and tried to clear your throat before trying to answer casually. "It protects against pregnancy."

He gave a thoughtful hum before leaning in examining a few items closely. "I don't think that all of this is for preventing you from getting sparked."

"No. It's not." You choked out. Of course he would take an interest in this stuff. You wanted to die as he was holding a container for lube in one hand and looking at some rather
Racey devices in the other.

"Put that back we don't need it!" You snapped as you tried to grab the lube from his hands and put it back before someone sees you.

"You sure we dont?" He lifted the lube over your head and out of reach. Making you try to jump to grab it without any luck.

"I'm sure!" You growled in exasperation.

You didn't notice his arm wrap around you while you fought over the lube and before you made another jump in attempt to grab the item he was holding away from you he pulled you close so you were pressed firmly against him.

"We could give it a try." He gave a smug grin. He then placed the lube back and picked up the 18+ rated device again with mild curiosity. "You humans sure are into some interesting things."

"Stop that!" You swiped at his hand. Your face burning with embarrassment. It didn't help that you remembered that you were probably on camera right now. Making it that much more embarrassing. Someone had to have caught you guys little show by now.

You wriggled out of his grasp before more people caught you both and let out a loud huff. "Whatever you can stay there and look at the sex stuff. I don't care I'm leaving now!" You then walked back to the cart and started to walk away to the next aisle. Though you were quite honestly done and wanted to leave at this point.

It was only a few moments before he was back at your side and walking next to you casually like nothing happened. "This mech." You muttered as you made your way to the check out area.

You began to unload your cart with wheeljack helping you when you saw something you knew you didn't grab.

"Put this back." You growled as you picked up the lube bottle he was teasing you with earlier. How did he manage to slip that in there anyways?

"Why?" He questioned you casually with a shrug. His stoic expression never faltering.

"Ugh, You know what fine." You groaned at his antics. You weren't about to cause another embarrassing scene in front of a bunch of cashiers.

You both made it out realitively unscathed except for your pride being hurt from his relentless teasing. He sure knew how to rile you up without much effort. He really had no shame even in public.

Once you got back to his alt you froze in realization. "Oh crap I'm sorry." You groaned and pressed your palm to your forehead.

You gotten a bit more than you thought and now you weren't sure where you were going to put it all.

"What's wrong?" He looked at you curiously. Wondering why you had smacked yourself in the forehead. Did you forget something?

You looked down at your bags of things and looked from his alt to his holoform. "I'm sorry." You muttered

"For what?" With that he traced his gaze to where you had been looking at.

He then picked up a few bags and headed to his holoform. "Babe it's fine. Don't worry so much." He placed the bags in his storage compartment and took the rest that you had grabbed to help.

You pushed the cart back and joined his holoform inside his alt with a sigh.

"I still can't believe you made me get that lube." You grumbled as you buckled yourself in.

He just chuckled to himself as he pulled away from the store.

"So anything else we gotta do today?" You questioned him curiously as he headed back to the jackhammer.

"Was just gonna search the area for any decepticon activity and just look around.

You made a sound of acknowledgement. You relaxed as he began to play some of your favorite music and let your mind wander.

It wasn't long before you arrived back at the jackhammer. He let you out and helped carry your stuff to your kitchen area.

You were surprised that he didn't immediately dissipate his holoform and transform but instead stand off to the side to watch you organize and put things away.

"No offense but why haven't you transformed yet?" You glanced at him with a cocked brow.

"I wanted to watch you. I've never watched a human do casual things so I wanted to just observe." He shrugged at your question.

"A little strange but I get it. You werent as close with humans as the others are so you was still learning." You acknowledged what he meant. It made you suddenly remember the first time you rode with him.

He was coming up to an intersection with you both casually talking when you noticed the light turn red. Wheeljack was startled to death as you began to scream in fear. He blew through the light full speed and almost hit a car. Which at that moment a cop light up behind you siren blaring. "Do you think we should pull over or do you think you can outrun them?!" You yelled frantically, Hands tightly gripping his door and seat. He could feel your pulse racing. "Hmm. I can lose them." He replied casually and with that you both went on a wild police chase. You eventually lost them when you went off road. It felt like hours before the adrenaline left your body. It was then when you stresfully went over traffic safety. Making him promise to never do that again.

You shook your head at the memory. Since then wheeljack seemed to take an interest in different human things. Not failing to ask different questions and randomly observe.

You had finished putting mostly everything away before wheeljacks holoform inclined his head towards some things that you left out. "Why didn't you put those away too?"

You turned to give him a wide smile. "Because, it's time to have breakfast!" You told him cheerfully.

He observed you quietly with a smile as he watched you do a little dance as you prepared your meal.

You sat down but looked at him awkwardly. "Im really sorry but not gonna lie I don't feel all that comfortable with you watching me eat. It makes me feel paranoid." You confessed sheepishly.

"Alright I'll leave you be. Let me know when you are ready." He told you with a dismissive wave of his hand before his holoform fizzled away. You felt a little bad for sending him off but you still felt self conscious.

You finished eating and tried your best to clean up before joining him back outside.

You still felt a bit guilty but he seemed unfazed. "Ready to go?" He asked with his door popped open for you.

Once you were settled he began to head in a different direction. "You don't need to apologize so much you know. Have some confidence in yourself." He told you after a moment of silence.

You shrunk in on yourself slightly "sorry." You mumbled awkwardly.

You could imagine him shaking his helm at you. "You were so confident the second time we met. I was a bit surprised." He confessed to you.

You looked down at your lap and fidgeted with your hands. "I really wanted to see you again. But I still feel a bit bad it wasn't on the best terms."

"Sure the circumstances weren't great but atleast something good came out of it.

You hummed in agreement. It was quite bold that you tried to join their revenge mission. Wheeljack was still quite hurt from the fresh wound of losing a friend. It was almost rude of you to try to join them. But you had a feeling that if you didn't you probably wouldn't have ever seen him again. And you couldn't let the opportunity pass you by. Otherwise you wouldn't be here with him now.

For wheeljack it was quite bittersweet. He never wanted to lose seaspray but he couldn't help but feel a bit guilty in being glad at having a reason to come back to earth. Because now he couldn't bear the thought at losing you. Nobody quite cared for him like you did.

"I'm still sorry you had to lose a friend. I know it's hard and I shouldn't have pushed to interfere that day."

Wheeljack let out a sigh. "I can't really blame you. I know you meant well so there isn't a need to apologize now. I think you already made up for it."

You smiled but you still felt the twang of guilt. "How about you telling me some stories of you and the wreckers? You can still keep the memory of him alive."

Warmth filled wheeljacks spark "Sure have you heard me tell the story of darkmount pass?"

You grinned eagerly. "Not quite. But I'd love to hear you tell it."

"So we were vastly outnumbered....." He began his harrowing tale.

The rest of the day you both rode around while searching for decepticons or energon and sharing stories of the past. You about the better times before the tragedy and him of some of his many crazy battles with the decepticons. Feeling the warmth of the bond growing while you both got even closer as the day passed. You knew he could feel it too.