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Description
I thought I knew the answer. But now I understand I'm further from it than ever before. Theres a faint image of the real me in my mind but it's so clouded with doubt and uncertainty, both my own and those around me, that I can't make it out. All I want is for the day I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. To be able to look at myself completely and agree that it is me. To be able to shop for clothes and like how I look in them. To not he judged by what I choose to wear. I just wanna be able to love myself. I'm tired of crying. The stress. The anxiety. The lack of sleep. The pain. The frustration. I'm so tired of everything. What's worse is I keep remembering my past too. How I was bullied for being different. How I was called a freak. Worthless. Nothing. And then I remember how I lashed out at some of my bullies. How I hurt them. How people started calling me a monster. How at the time I was scared yet also happy. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again but I'm so afraid I will. I also remember all people who I thought were my friends and how they abandoned me. And even though I have friends now I can't help but fear they will abandon me too. It makes me feel so lonely. With all these memories, feelings and thoughts. I'm afraid I'm going to return to that dark place I was at before. I don't want to go back there. My body is marked from the last time. But I can almost feel myself slipping closer and closer and it makes me so scared. I just wanted to figure out who I'm am. Maybe then I'd be happy. Maybe then I could move on. Maybe then I wouldn't feel the desire to run away from it all. and maybe the I wouldn't have this utter feeling of loneliness.

Description
I thought I knew the answer. But now I understand I'm further from it than ever before. Theres a faint image of the real me in my mind but it's so clouded with doubt and uncertainty, both my own and those around me, that I can't make it out. All I want is for the day I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. To be able to look at myself completely and agree that it is me. To be able to shop for clothes and like how I look in them. To not he judged by what I choose to wear. I just wanna be able to love myself. I'm tired of crying. The stress. The anxiety. The lack of sleep. The pain. The frustration. I'm so tired of everything. What's worse is I keep remembering my past too. How I was bullied for being different. How I was called a freak. Worthless. Nothing. And then I remember how I lashed out at some of my bullies. How I hurt them. How people started calling me a monster. How at the time I was scared yet also happy. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again but I'm so afraid I will. I also remember all people who I thought were my friends and how they abandoned me. And even though I have friends now I can't help but fear they will abandon me too. It makes me feel so lonely. With all these memories, feelings and thoughts. I'm afraid I'm going to return to that dark place I was at before. I don't want to go back there. My body is marked from the last time. But I can almost feel myself slipping closer and closer and it makes me so scared. I just wanted to figure out who I'm am. Maybe then I'd be happy. Maybe then I could move on. Maybe then I wouldn't feel the desire to run away from it all. and maybe the I wouldn't have this utter feeling of loneliness.