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As I untangle myself from my sheets

I see the sun slinking through my window.

Its touch tickles my nose

And I sneeze in disgust.

How dare such a warm presence

Touch the same skin that I abhor.

I shrink back down

Into the same darkness

That both holds me prisoner

And keeps me safe.

Safe from myself,

From my mind,

From the bones that ache with a longing that even alcohol can't curve.

Perpetual loneliness,

My greatest delusion.

And the depression sinks back in.

My therapist says I need to get out more,

To get in tune with my emotions,

Knowing full well that I feel nothing.

And who wants to be a shell

Surrounded by the living,

Like a pigeon among parrots,

When that same loneliness

That holds me hostage

Keeps me so safe?