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nylaXunderneath — Below rock bottom

#fantasyart #fantasylandscape #storytelling #depressionsadness #aiartwork
Published: 2023-02-10 14:20:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 519; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description (Authors warning this comes from a dark place one that im very happy to have survived, but if you're in a state of mental instability i recommend giving this read a pass, and i really really hope you do get better.)

There's a place below rock bottom, many people don't talk about it, mostly because 90 percent of people who find it... they don't come back, and those who do are far too traumatized to speak of it.

You see rock bottom has a mountain to climb back up from. The place beneath the surface does not. There are endless black skys over white sandy ground, though with every footstep on this sand, your feet feel like they've been drug down just a little further. To simply walk is a war in and of itself, your body telling you the pain isn't worth the cost of going on. the empty black sky mocks those who stare up at it, as there are no stars, there is no sign of life, and the little light that does shine down. Nothing more then a bright circle that barely resembles anything at all.

There are no voices, no sounds, the wind if it does blow leaves not but an annoyance for an already gut busting journey back to the top. All the while your mind recalls the reasons why you're here to begin with, the sound of them almost resembles screaming with the shattering of the silence that surrounds you. A silence that consumes you until the point that it becomes you, and you find yourself asking the question, how much is to much, how far do i go before i decide this is were it stops... this is were i stop.

Though it's not quite the question that is the danger, it's the idea that in this place there is a point to stop, because to stop is too admit defeat, not just mentally, no just physically, but on level of consciousness that even if i tried to explain to you, inevitably you would call me insane. But it is there bustling in the deep dark corners of the mind, the incomprehensible part of the mind that ordinary people never bother to explore because of all the mundane distractions that life throws at you in any given moment. in this place though there is nothing but the exploration of the mind, that is all there is because to not do so is to loose the little bit of sanity left, that thread between the needle that is hung above the head precariously below a knife that is always threatening to cut it.

And the mind is a fickle thing to begin with, fragile especially in the category of emotion, which is for most the direction the mind tends to lean in the beginning. It starts with self hatred, you recount everything about yourself that you can't stand, and then it moves into denial, were you make petty excuses for the reasons you hate those things about yourself, throwing darts at everything and everyone. It's the parents that made me this way, it's the friend that didn't care that made it that much worse, the ex boyfriend or girlfriend that didn't love me enough.

Eventually those thoughts die, and your left with yourself, and you have to come to terms with the fact that a lot of it was just you. you didn't take responsibility for your mental state, you didn't try hard enough to get the help you needed to not drive those people away, you didn't love them as much as they loved you. And the cycle becomes it's own beast that tears chunks of your very being from your body. You're left as a figure, a poor representation of what is supposed to be a human, but there is no definition nor features to define you as a human, let alone a person with individual thoughts or emotions.

Numbness, this is the final plunge, you no longer feel or want to feel, you'd be happy if existence swallowed you whole and left nothing behind. And it is here were many hard fought battles are lost, because for most there is nothing left to grasp onto to climb back up, there is no rope, no life line, no one's coming to rescue them. So this is were they remain... still like statue, still like the eery feeling in the air before a major storm. Just shadows and amalgamations, not even really people anymore, whatever was left died along the journey to find that rope, and in the end when they looked up... it wasn't there.
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