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Description
Monsters and Ladybugs
By Kitteh and NeoFox
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Smeets will eat our souls if we dare claim Invader Zim. So yeah, Jhonen can keep his smeets of DOOM! We just want to borrow Dib and Dwicky for a fic, so calm yourselves.
Summary: DADR. Three years later Dwicky comes back to fix what he messed up. But the little boy he left behind is no longer the same energetic soul from before and now may just be too broken to reach.
Beta: Azi / Pseu

Chapter 17

It had been hours, maybe even a whole day, since the traumatizing incident that had happened in the asylum. The doctors that worked in the medical wing weren't exactly enthused to take such a patient, but they had no real choice either. An injured leg, a broken nose, a split lip, and one too many bruises. It all led up to Dib having to stay in that one part of the asylum for as long as the doctors said so.

It had been a good hour or so since the sedative had worn off, and since then no doctor had been in to see Dib. Such an incident usually caused the staff to stay clear of the patients for a good while. He was restrained with his arms unbound from the straight jacket and instead strapped down to his sides. Both legs were strapped down as well. It didn't matter to the staff whether one was bandaged up. They still didn't want to take chances.

The sedative might as well have still been in his system because the entire time it had worn off Dib hadn't made a single move. The whole time his head had just been to the side. His eyes only blinked every once in a while, but other than that, nothing.

Still, despite all else, Dib's ever watchful vigil stayed at his side. He'd seated himself near the wall, and hadn't moved since they'd placed Dib in the bed after fixing his 'self-inflicted' wounds. With knitted fingers, elbows resting on his legs, Dwicky stared at Dib going over and over again in his mind to what could have caused the outburst, the violent behavior. None of it made sense, nothing added up. Although he knew Dib was of a coherent mind now, Dwicky couldn't bring himself to speak up. The last words Dib had spoken to him had left a searing imprint, and he feared what answers he would get if he opened his mouth to break the medicated peace between them.

Dwicky lowered his head, resting his brows on his hands, the vision of black and red on his lap; Skeets, the plush had indirectly been the one to keep him company instead it seemed. With a heavy exhale, Dwicky ran his fingers through his shaggy hair for the thousandth time, and found no comfort in it, nor no resolve. Finally, he raised his head, wetting parched lips, he barely found a voice to speak just one simple word "..Dib?"

Dwicky's voice did nothing to phase Dib. He continued to stay just as still as ever. It would seem as if he might have not even heard the other voice in the room at all.

After a few moments, Dib gave a slow lazy blink of his eyes. It could have easily been a natural reaction. Something he just had to do. His voice though made it obvious that it was his own reaction. "Liar..." That same word from before was spoken again. Spoken in such a broken voice.

Dwicky's hands fell to his lap, on Skeets, barely grasping the soft fuzzy plush. His breath caught in his throat at the word he was hearing again. Barely a swallow would pass down, though he gripped the plush; the toy was never meant for his comfort. "W-what do you mean by that, Dib?" he tried to make his voice stronger, but it would only come out weak, and afraid for the boy.

There was a long silence once more from Dib. It seemed as if he wouldn't actually answer, that he would drift away once again while staring at nothing at all.

"You tried to make me believe it wasn't real." When he finally spoke up again his voice was still quiet. Still just as distant. "You tried to make me believe nothing was real. She was real. She was right there. She hurt me. You're a liar. You didn't help me. You didn't protect me." He just barely closed his eyes. "Liar..."

Dwicky went rigid, sitting straighter. He leaned closer, through the gap between them that was much too far. "Who hurt you, Dib?" His brows furrowed tightly, wrinkling his forehead in worried lines. "Who was 'real'?" it was hard to keep his voice from shaking, and his grip on Skeets tightened; one thing at a time, one thing at a time, he could assuage Dib later. But Dwicky wanted so badly to get up and unclasped Dib from the bed, to gather the boy against him and just take him away. He knew better. Dib wouldn't take to touch so soon, especially his. It was back to square one, back to painstakingly difficult stage one.

Dib opened his eyes back up at the questions. The slight bit of movement he heard come from Dwicky had him tensing up, but he made no move other than that. "The alien." His eyes went completely wide once the last word left his mouth. "The Irken. She hurt me. She did it." Slowly he finally turned his head so that he could look Dwicky in the eyes. His own still wide and fearful. "Tak. Tak is real. Tak is an alien."

Dwicky couldn't move, his own eyes grew wider as Dib stared at him. The boy's words rung over, and over, and over, and over through his mind but still they just wouldn't sink in. He leaned back in his chair feeling he couldn't sit up on his own anymore. His hands grew cold, despite being buried against the fuzzy texture of the plush he held. "T-tak?" he quietly spoke. That girl at Dib's, with the mole, who snidely laughed when he came over, and today held Gaz in comfort just before Dib's sister glared something evil at him. "Your sister's friend?"

Dib's eyes grew wider at the question and there was actual fear in his expression. "She's in my sister's head. She's in her head." He struggled against his bonds which caused his back to arch on the bed. He ignored the pain that went through his body in favor of glaring at Dwicky. His wide gaze narrowed. "She's back! She has my sister! She's going to get to everyone else!" He fell back down and kept still once more. His eyes wet. "She hurt me..." The last few words were sad and pathetic.

That had done it. That had Dwicky raising to his feet to slowly walk to the side of the bed. But, he didn't touch Dib, he simply placed Skeets where he belonged: beside Dib, near his cheek. Dwicky then collected his hands back to his sides, he tried to keep the forlorn expression off his face; a platonic was a hard one to keep, but the anxious worry was always there. "Tell me what happened Dib. Please, take a calm, deep breath, and tell me carefully what happened, in your own words. I promise to listen, but please remain rational." His hands tightened at his sides, angry at himself for keeping such a calm tone considering; but really, it was the only way to keep things from becoming worse.

Dib immediately pressed his cheek against Skeets once the plush was placed beside him. He gave out a small tiny whimper as he tried his best to find some comfort from the plush. His body seemed to relax just a bit, but the entire time he kept his eyes on Dwicky. "She made me believe. She forced me to believe." He closed his eyes again and instead buried his face further against the plush. "She hurt me just to make me believe. I saw her. I saw everything that made her real. She's not human." He raised his eyes back up once more to look at the other. "She did all of this to me."

Dwicky's gaze flitted down to the bandaged leg then back up to Dib's bruised and bandaged face. It was getting harder and harder to keep it all in, it left Dwicky with nothing but a despondent empty feeling; a helplessness. But, he had to be the one with all the answers, Dib had no one else. Now even less than what Dwicky thought he had. Dwicky forced himself to speak on. "What did she do, Dib? Tell me specifically, what did she do when she came into your room with your sister." He could feel his nails digging into his palm, his fists so tight at his sides they shook.

Dib opened and closed his mouth a few times. The fear returned to his face even though Skeets was right next to him. "She...," he started quietly and slowly his voice rose bit by bit, "...she forced me to look at her. She turned her disguise off. I saw what she was because she was right in my face. I wouldn't believe so she lifted me up." His breathing became heavy as he continued on. "She used those legs. We were so high up. She dropped me, and it hurt. My leg hurt so much." His hands clenched despite the bonds. "She kept stepping on it. She kept threatening me. I had to believe. It was all true. It was all right there." He turned his head just so he could bury his cheeks against Skeets once more. "She was going to hurt Skeets. Tak wanted Gaz to hurt him. I bit Tak, so she punched me. She kept hitting me." His voice started to become panicked. "They told me not to let go though. I only let go when she hurt me enough." He raised his eyes back up to look at Dwicky again with angry teary eyes. "You lied to me!"

Dwicky just stood there, watching hot tears fall down bruised and swollen cheeks, and for a moment he wanted to give in; he almost wanted to stop being 'Mister Dwicky the counselor' and just be Dwicky. Dwicky of three years ago who had an open mind thanks to an eleven year old boy who was so damn persistent in telling everyone the truth. But.. he couldn't. Life doesn't work that way, not on Earth.
Slowly Dwicky shook his head, his adams apple bobbing with a thick swallow. "I didn't lie to you, Dib. I haven't lied to you." he started so quietly, forcing his voice to grow more and more composed as he went on. "Your sister and that other girl say that you attacked them, then went about and caused these injuries on yourself. They looked roughed up, ragged, and were crying and screaming." Dwicky took a careful breath and rested his hands on the edge of the bed, still not touching Dib. "Orderlies say they might have heard you screaming wildly about something. And you have a bad history of unruly behavior." Unseen his fingers dug into the mattress. "Now, please" his voice strained with the plea ",Dib, think about this a moment: you were brought here because of things like this. Your story against theirs, and what the orderlies have to say. Think about this clearly Dib, I know you're very smart, you've proved it many times this week. What they did was cruel it sounds like, preying on your problems, but you have to understand that if you say what you think went on, and believe it, things will only get worse. Much worst than this, to be utterly honest with you, Dib." Dwicky rose a hand to his mouth after he was done, shutting his eyes; he felt like his heart was going to thud out of his mouth.

The angry look left Dib's face as quickly as it had come at Dwicky's words. What replaced it was a horrified expression. Even after the other quit talking all he could do was look at Dwicky. His mouth hung open as if to say something, but he couldn't speak. Only after he gave a slow blink of his eyes did words finally form. "You don't believe me..." There was obvious hurt behind those words. "You...don't..." Dib blinked his eyes again as his words trailed off. It only took a few quick seconds for his eyes to spring open and his back to arch off the bed once more. His eyes narrowed on Dwicky as he glared at the man. "Liar! You said you cared! You're supposed to care! Liar! Liar!" He tried to struggle more against the bonds. "Liar!!" He gave out a choked noise that was crossed between a scream and a sob, "I hate you!"

Dwicky nearly staggered back, flinching as if the screams were actual physical attacks; they might as well have been, they hurt just as brutally all the same. Had he not dug his fingers so deeply into the mattress he would have fallen back onto the floor, his legs felt almost too weak to hold him.

Dwicky inhaled raggedly, his breath hitching. "I do care, Dib. I do care. I care a hell of a lot. I wouldn't be here if I didn't care! I wouldn't have stayed since yesterday if I didn't care!!" his voice broke, and he once again covered his mouth after he shouted, chastising himself for losing his temper. He sniffed and wiped his nose against his wrist before lowering it back down. "I'm sorry, Dib. I never wanted it to be this hard. I never expected any of this to happen. I never wanted you hurt. I wish I was here to stop them-.. I didn't think she'd-." She was his sister for God's sake. It brought a bitter taste in Dwicky's mouth, that someone so young, and close to Dib could be so cruel. Dwicky blinked his aching eyes but it didn't help anything at all. "I still believe in you." he barely spoke up as he took a step back, hands relenting from the bed, one relenting to rub distraughtly at one eye. ".. maybe I should go." he thought aloud, though barely a whisper.

Dib had dropped back down to the bed. He no longer struggled while he listened to each word Dwicky said. The small bit of shouting the other did had him tensing up once more, but calming down after a few seconds. When all was silent again Dib spoke up. His voice no longer angry, but still just as hurt. "If you believe, then why won't you believe me? Why don't you care about what I have to say?" He turned his head a bit just so he could find comfort in Skeets once again. "Why?"

Dwicky walked back over to the chair. "I do." He plopped down in the chair, unable to stand on his own accord anymore. "I care about every word. I want to know what really happened." He raised his head, though it felt so heavy on his shoulders, and of all things to do he smiled weakly at Dib; he didn't know how he did it either. "But we went over before, aliens don't exist. You said it yourself. They must have used a mask, or some gizmo that did something. Your father's a scientist, right? Gaz has access to technologies that you haven't seen yet." Dwicky rubbed his face, pressing against his temples but as quickly he stopped; he couldn't break here, in front of Dib. Not now. "I'm willing to listen, Dib. To anything." He pressed his hands together, his voice falling quieter, so careful. "But..-just think about it, please, for a moment: what really happened." Dwicky pressed his lips to his hands a moment. "I believe you, Dib, that they hurt you. I know you wouldn't want to hurt yourself, right? Or anyone else?"

Dib gave a weak noise. A noise that sounded frustrated and frightened all at the same time. "I told you what I saw. I told you what happened. It all happened just like I said." His voice was becoming panicked as he went on. "She looked just like I said. I didn't seen anything that made her look like that. She looked just like Zim." He gave another small noise and just barely shook his head. "Her eyes were different though. Purple eyes. It was so real. It looked so real."

Dwicky leaned back in his chair. Dib hadn't answered his question, and that had worry piled up upon worried. He hadn't gotten any sleep and he was craving his twelve cups of coffee something awful. "You said.." he started out slowly "the voices told you to bite Tak?"

The question had Dib tensing up once again. For a bit he stayed silent and refused to actually answer. His face nuzzled Skeets as best it could despite how bruised up and messed up it was. "Yes..." The word came out soft and hesitant. "Don't let her rip us apart anymore. She made Mister Dwicky lie. Lie about love, about believing." He finally turned his attention back to Dwicky. "That's what they said. That's what they said before they told me to bite her. I didn't want to hear anymore. I wanted her to stop. I wanted it all to just stop!" He shouted the last part in a choked voice while trying to bury his face once more.

Dwicky stood up again, but this time he carried the chair over with him to Dib's side. He sat down with a soft sigh, resting his hands in his lap. "Dib." He slowly rose a hand, resting it atop the boy's head, brushing back the dark hair, and hoping to anything Dib wouldn't flinch away. "You shouldn't be hearing voices still. I thought maybe you could overlook them somehow but.. Now, because of what happened, I think you need your medication changed."
It was disgusting to leave everything to pills; that was the worlds answer to everything. Sick? Pills! Flu? suppository pills! Surgery? Liquid pills into the veins you go! Sad: pills! Too happy: pills! Angry: pills! Crazy: pills, pills, pills and more pills!

"I haven't lied." Dwicky drew his hand back to push Skeets closer to Dib's face so the plush could be nuzzled better. "I want you to get better. I want you to get out." Warmth crossed the man's face as his voice fell quieter, since they were out in the open "And, I love you. And, I never stop thinking about you.. or worrying." He gave such a weak pathetic chuckle it could have been akin to a sob.

Dib closed his eyes tightly at the sudden contact. He kept them closed the entire time even as Skeets was pressed closer. The last few things Dwicky had to say was what finally had him opening them bit by bit. "It hurts." A small sound left him before he was able to go on. "Everything hurts. I don't want it to hurt anymore. Make all the hurting stop. Make it stop like you used to." He let his eyes drift closed again before he went on. "Please just make it all go away..."

Dwicky hesitated a moment, his hands fidgeting at each other and then the end of the bed. He wasn't sure what to do, how he could fix everything, or fix Dib. He rested one hand atop Dib's head, gently resting the other across his chest and leaned his head next to Dib's and Skeets in a sad but meaningful attempt at a hug; the best he could do considering. "I'm here. It'll be alright, Dib," He quietly whispered, "I won't let you hurt." His fingers gripped the jacket, clinging to it.

Dib tensed up once again at the touches. Still not sure how to feel about them. Earlier every touch he felt had meant pain. Now it was the exact opposite. It took him a long time to relax again and when he did he barely spoke up near Dwicky's ear. "She'll come back. If I stop believing, then she'll come back." A tiny whimper came that he couldn't hold in. "I can't stop. I can't stop believing, or she'll hurt me again. She'll hurt me worse." He gave another low sound before he closed his eyes. "She said next time they might bring Zim."

Dwicky ran his fingers through Dib's hair, brushing it back, trying to sooth the other. "I won't let her come back, Dib. I won't let her hurt you. I'll stay here and make sure you're safe," he tightened his arm over Dib's chest just a little more. "I'll take care of you, like I said. I won't let anything happen to you." He swallowed, his voice falling just that much quieter "I'll fix this."

The touches seemed to relax Dib on the outside even more, but it was easy to tell by his voice that he was still feeling much too troubled. "I can't be normal. I can't be okay. I have to stay here." His voice cracked, and the wetness that had been in his eyes finally fell. "I don't want to stay here. I don't want to hear them again. They weren't supposed to be real. None of it was." He just barely opened his eyes, but looked at nothing past Dwicky. "Why does it all have to be so hard? I don't know what to think now." He finally turned his eyes to the man next to him. "Dwicky..." The name was said as if the other had all the answers.

Dwicky raised his head a little so he could look at Dib and try not to fall apart himself. He pressed his lips together into a thin line and smiled something fragile. "We'll um.. get your medication looked into. I'll talk to the doctors about that, and what happened. And I'll make sure you won't be having any other visitors." He relented a hand from Dib's head just so he could run it through his own with a tired sound. "That's a start. Right? We can go from there, right?" He very gently brushed away the boy's tears from his battered cheeks.

Dib blinked his eyes at the feel of fingers on his bruised skin. After a few seconds, he just barely gave a small nod at the other's questions. It was the only real response he could give for the moment. He stayed quiet and relaxed as he laid there next to Dwicky. Finally after a while he spoke up just as hesitant as before. "Don't ever leave me. Please don't ever leave me. I'm sorry I started hearing them again. I'm sorry I saw what I saw." The panicked look returned to his face as he stared at Dwicky. “Just don't leave me again, please. Please don't lie to me..."

Dwicky rested his hand on Dib's forehead, drawing away tension with soft strokes of his fingers. "I'll stay with you until you leave the infirmary. I'll make sure everything is okay." He ran his fingers through Dib's hair again it was still slightly matted by sweat and blood. "I'll.. -I'll see if.. after you can stay with me on a more permanent basis." Dib would need constant supervision, an absolute dependent but- it was far better than staying here tied up, shoved away and forgotten in some stuffy padded room to rot away, because that's what was 'best for him'.
Dwicky gave the smallest of smiles, trying to keep that optimism in his voice "I've done everything I said I would. I won't stop now."

Each word Dwicky said had the panicked look slowly leaving Dib's face until it was gone completely. "Stay with you..." He slowly closed his eyes again while trying his best to lean into the touch on his skin. "Away from here. Away from what's not supposed to be real." He gave a tiny sigh while turning his head just a bit more to press his face against Skeets, but also near Dwicky's hair. "I want that. I want to be okay again." His fingers twitched a bit before they actually moved as much as they could. It wasn't a lot, but they were able to grab just a bit of Dwicky's shirt since the man was so close, his grip not at all tight. "I want it all back."

The man's hand slipped from clutching Dib's jacket down to the clinging hand on his shirt. He clasped the boy's hand, slipping fingers between Dib's. "Everything will be alright again." Dwicky neared his head to Dib's, brushing a small comforting kiss at the boy's temple. "Just relax. Take it easy for now. Clear and rest your mind, you've been through quite a bit." He leaned his brow against Dib's, shutting his own eyes. "When you're good and calm, you'll be allowed to have the restraints removed on the bed. But you'll still have to stay here in bed until the doctor says you can leave." Dwicky gave a calm exhale now that Dib had relaxed. "Okay, Dib?"

Dib didn't tense when Dwicky took his hand. The small kiss only had him blinking his eyes, and giving out a sad noise. As soon as Dwicky leaned against him though, he quieted down, just barely tightening his hand within the other's. He slowly nodded his head again, the action only caused him to flinch a bit. "Okay." His voice was still low, but the panic and hesitation were both gone. "I'll try. I promise I'll do better this time. I just want it all to go away." He let his eyes fall shut once more while trying to press closer to Dwicky. It was impossible considering the restraints. "I'm sorry..."

"It's alright." Dwicky quickly reassured. "It's good you're eager to give things another chance. It's good you want to keep on trying." Relief flooded through Dwicky, and he almost went limp right there and then against the edge of the bed. He felt very lethargic all of a sudden, the constant worry had drained him. The sudden urge to crawl up onto the bed with Dib, to curl around the sad little bound boy became appealing; but of course it was as far from the safe thing to do right now. It had Dwicky letting out a very subtle, exhausted, and longing sigh.

Dwicky ran this thumb over Dib's fingers, closing his own that much tighter around the other's. "You should probably get some sleep now. Some rest that isn't drug induced." He placed another kiss, by Dib's ear where no bruises were. "It'll do your body good. You'll feel more refreshed, more alert when you wake up. I'll get a cold compress.. for your face."
Dib gave only a small whimper at Dwicky's words and tried his best to nod his head once again. It was becoming harder to do though, so he easily gave in after only a few quick seconds. He let out a heavy breath that caused the jacket to shift on his body and right after it his voice could just barely be heard. "Don't leave me. Stay with me while I sleep." Despite how quiet his voice was becoming, and relaxed he seemed to be, Dib still kept a tight hold on Dwicky's hand. "Don't go."

"I'll stay." Dwicky weakly echoed, raising his head so he could smile just as tiredly down at the boy. He once again smoothed Dib's hair back a moment, proving to the other it was alright to feel safe, relaxed. "Let me just go grab you a cold compress." He moved down to touch assuring kisses to the boy's fingers so he could pull his hand free of the grip. "I'll be quick." Dwicky back stepped then quickly went off to pester the negligent orderly that worked the infirmary. It took a few minutes but Dwicky returned with what he sought wrapped in a towel so it wouldn't be too cold for Dib's skin. Carefully he placed it near the most swollen of places on Dib's head. "How's that feel? Need anything else?" The man's thick brows furrowed.

Dib's eyes were open when Dwicky returned, and he had shot his gaze over to where the other walked back from. The cool feeling against his skin had his body flinching just a bit before he was able to relax again. He gave a small noise before actually answering Dwicky. "Feels good. Feels better." He allowed his eyes to close since he knew Dwicky was back in the room with him, and nuzzled his face back against Skeets. "I don't need anything else. I'm okay..."

Dwicky nodded before he returned himself back to his seat by Dib's bed. He reached back over, and ran his fingers through the stringy hair, toying with the now rather sad looking scythe-lock there. "Just relax now. I'm right here, you can go to sleep." Tiredly he rested an arm on the edge of the bed, pillowing his cheek against it as he continued to pet the boy's hair. "I'll be right here when you wake up. I promise."

The touches on his hair were causing Dib to become even more relaxed, and all he could do was give a small 'hmm' in response to Dwicky. Sleeping sounded so good despite what had happened. Besides, Dwicky was there, and he had promised to stay. It all caused Dib to want to drift off even more. So, he gave into the need, and after many long moments, his breathing finally slowed as he fell asleep.

Dwicky stayed as he was long after he heard Dib fell asleep, listening to the slow easy breathes, bathing in the peace that had come after the storm. He shifted just enough to rub at his eyes, making a quiet noise before he buried his face in his arm finding no real comfort in it.
Eventually his hand stopped, and he raggedly exhaled against the mattress. Slowly, Dwicky retracted his hand and sat up taking a shallow breath. "I'm.. just going to take a quick bathroom break," he spoke almost inaudibly, it was best if Dib didn't hear it anyway. "I'll be quick," he finished anyway.

Silently Dwicky rose from his chair, stepping away clumsily as vertigo washed over him from standing so suddenly. Every step felt so audible; he tried to stay quiet as he snuck out of the infirmary. Out in the hall he didn't bother to silence his footsteps as he clambered down them, paying no mind to the screams of the damned and psychotic as he turned the sharp corners to get to the furthest men's room his legs would allow him to go.

He slammed his palms against the door shoving it open. He sharply turned to slam it shut, whipping the lock closed. Once inside he let out a strangled scream as he slammed his fists against the door. Fiercely kicking at the wall, his scream only elevated in pitch as pain shot through his foot. In retaliation he kicked the garbage over, the contents spilling over the tile.
"There wasn't suppose to be another Irken! " He shouted with such frustration his voice warped in the echo. "There wasn't!! THERE WASN'T!!" He beated at the sink, jerked around, and smashed his fists against the paper towel dispenser. He found small satisfaction when the plastic cracked and the whole thing became unhinged from the wall. "I didn't know he knew another Irken! Another alien! I didn't! I DIDN'T!! He wasn't suppose to! To know her!" Dwicky's voice broke, hitching on air he could no longer take in. His hands shook, and he gripped at his own hair, raking fingers through it. Rubbing his palms down his face found no solution nor solace. Down his hands fell, limp at his sides, and he turned finding a glimpse of his ragged reflection in the mirror. Just as quickly, he looked away making a disgusted sound, but it ended in a sob.

"Damn it." Dwicky hung his heavy head, but the rest of him sunk down as well, his hand on the wall doing nothing to hold him up. His vision blurred wetly, and he squeezed his eyes tightly, leaning his head heavily against the cold tile of wall. "... it isn't fair."