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orangetot — Family Meal
Published: 2004-03-28 17:00:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 214; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 22
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Description
Mum was asleep on the sofa next to me. She smelt of cream and mushrooms and other things that came from the fresh food aisle. Nan was having nostalgia. A fun family past time that meant I could simply nod at memorised intervals. The TV was muted, the man on the screen had a name that rhymed with one of a boy I knew. I frowned at him. I wondered what would happen if I touched the screen.I nodded. She continued to talk. Mother continued to sleep.
Boxes where piled up near the front door. Neatly labelled with thick marker in case I forgot what I owned in the ride to my new house. I had to sleep on the floor tonight, my bed was in a new place and my body was lagging by a day.
I nodded.
The TV had been turned up now, but she still spoke. The next time I ate off these plates, I would be a guest. The man even had the same colour hair. I wondered if he laughed the same way too. I would have to sleep without a stitch. Its what happens when you pack without thinking. I’d have to try and not be too cold.
I nodded.
“…six whole days. It was like she didn’t want to come into this world. Wanted to stay with me, she did. Or maybe she wanted that birthday. I don’t know.”
I nodded, she watched the TV.
Thursdays child has far to go. I was born on a Monday.
She slept.
I wondered what she dreamt.
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Comments: 2
i like the setting and the atmosphere. i like how it's not weighted down with descriptive terms. it's made up of more sentences to compensate, brings a little bit of a younger feel to it. "My nan was having nostalgia." i think could be reworded. it sounds a little awkward. i agree with ost2life about the "nan" and "mum" thing.
great job. i like this quite a lot. ^_^_^
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i do like alot how warm and inviting the scene is, it seems almost sad in it's reflection but bursting with anticipation as well for the changes occuring. the use of short sentances intersperced with the longer more descriptive sentences makes it feel very thoughtful.
That said, the things I'd change are little things, you refer to your mother and nan as my mum and my nan, it makes it feel less like we're there in the memory and more like we're just being told a story.
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