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Description
Chapter Two

It wasn't as if Spike didn't notice that something was 'off' the next morning, and he tossed in his bed hoping Xander wouldn't wake him up. He was hung over, and didn't want to fess up to his drinking just yet. He couldn't place the off-ness. He understood the headache, and his limbs felt heavy but that should be normal after a night on the town. But no, there was something else. He didn't even have to move, he knew something wasn't right.

“Spike! Get out of my bed!!” Xander screeched in his manly high-pitched whine. Spike growled violently and covered his ears.

“Bloody hell can't a vamp get some sleep in here?!” he groaned, and his answer was met with a sharp slam of a bathroom door.

“Out!” the human yelled, the door only slightly muffling his voice.

Then he noticed what had been so off. His clothes were all tight. His eyes shot open and he looked down.

“Bloody fucking hell!!” he cussed loudly, unbelieving.

This couldn't be happening, he told himself. There was no way this could be real. He was a vampire for hell's sake! This can't happen overnight anyway!

He stood up, his shirt riding up and his jeans straining. They hurt like fuck, way too tight.

Everything was so tight because Spike obviously had outgrown them at some point in the night. Spike's mind still couldn't register why or how, but he could see the results of whatever had happened easily. Anyone could. Spike's toned, 130-pound body had blimped out to at least 250. His stomach was sticking out of his tight black sleeveless shirt, the fabric covering the large gut but stretched thin so you could see the pale skin through it. A bit of his stomach dangled out beneath it, as well. As Spike thought about it, his shirt was not even sleeveless, his fat arms had pushed up the sleeves of what had been a perfectly nice-fitting T-shirt. He didn't even want to look at his legs as he could feel the cold air that led him to believe that they had quite literally ripped at the seams.

He was so surprised and horrified that he couldn't move. It wasn't as if this was really happening, right? He thought that over and over before he finally moved up a hand, placing it on his stomach. In that moment, all of his happy delusions of this being a dream crashed down. No. This was very, very real. And he hadn't been this afraid of anything recently, demons, vampires, the first evil. Nothing was this bad.

“Spike if you aren't out of my room I swear I'll pull out the stake Buffy gave m--”

Xander paused, having just walked into the room. Xander looked up, still too deep in shock to even wonder what the human boy was seeing. A hugely fat vampire, sitting in his bed in half-ripped clothes, hand on his belly looking completely lost.

“Spike!” Xander's face turned into a surprised horror. “Spike what happened?!”

“Hell if I know!!” Spike cursed, his fear finally making the familiar turn into anger. “I just woke up like this!”

Xander took a cautious step forward, as if Spike where contagious. His mind was making snap connections. The spell. No. No way. He was casting it on himself, not Spike! It couldn't have been him. This was a demon, or an evil witch, or something. It wasn't him.

But it was less rational thinking on Xander's part and more of frantic hoping.

“I-It's a spell, right?! It has to be...” Xander was freaking out. Spike glared up at him.

“I just said I have no bloody clue, Harris!” he snapped back.

The two stayed like that for several long seconds. Both of them where staring at Spike's stomach, as it was extremely visible. Finally Xander shook his head.

“W-we can call Giles. He'll know what to do...” He mumbled to himself, starting to the phone.

At first, Spike's foggy mind didn't hear a thing, but as the words sunk in his stood up and grabbed Xander's wrist before it could touch the plastic phone. He didn't say a word, but Xander seemed to understand. No Giles. No Buffy. No Scooby Gang was going to see him like this. Xander paused for a moment, then pulled back.

“Spike this could be something really bad!” Xander said in his high-pitched frightened voice. “We need to...”

“Need to what?” Spike asked, dangerously.

“...” Xander had no words for a moment, and then looked away. “Willow? Sh-she wouldn't tell anyone. And she's a witch.”

Defeated, Spike knew they needed some sort of help, and he let the boy call Willow. But he wasn't going to sit and listen to the conversation. He couldn't. Instead, he concentrated on freeing himself from the tight black jeans he'd fallen asleep in the night before. If he didn't have vampire strength, he was positive he wouldn't have been able to fit out of them. By the time Xander had hung up with the redhead, Spike was nude with only a blanket covering his bits. He never wore underwear, and was starting to regret that as he realize how he must have looked.

Xander watched Spike from behind for a moment. The damage was pretty extreme. His backside was filled out, fleshy and jiggling as he was changing. His hips had widened to hit his new body, at least. He had a pair of love handles, but he wasn't really that big. His arms looked soft and Xander had a brief though of how they would probably make great pillows. But he shook those thoughts out.

'No gayness today, Xander.' He told himself. 'Not when you're on the verge of death if this is all you're fault.'

“She's coming. She'll be here in an hour. She was at Terra's house.” Xander told him.

“Go get me some clothes.” Spike said. His voice was dead even, holding everything back. Anger. Xander walked backwards for a few steps and nodded.

“I'll go buy some.” he said. Even if Spike could fit into his clothes (though doubtful), he wouldn't want to wear any of them.

After he heard the front door close, Spike growled and jumped up, his vampire face taking over. He kicked the bed, sending it to the other end of the room. He'd controlled himself enough that it didn't flip over. He was so angry, and he had no one to blame.

Yet.

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Xander wasn't surprised to find his room in shambles when he got back. He'd bought himself a good forty-five minutes getting clothes that looked like they would fit Spike. All black, since Xander figured he'd like that. He needed to buy some brownie points. Though, if this all was his fault, all the brownie points in the world wouldn't keep Spike from ripping him to pieces.

“Spike? I brought some clothes.” he called out.

He found Spike in the living room, blanket covering his bits and nothing else. All the windows were drawn and Xander wondered how Spike had pulled that off, since the sun had been streaming into the whole living room when he left. Looking at Spike, he blushed and turned his head away. It seemed that even when a spell makes him get tubby, he still wasn't exactly a modest guy. His body was still practically public property, fleshy or not. You'd think he'd pull the blanket up a bit higher, Xander knew he would have. But Xan didn't mention the nakedness like he normally would. Instead he passed him the clothes without making eye contact. Spike started putting them on right there.

Spike seemed oddly calm, but his eyes reflected his anger at all of this.

“I didn't have any bad blood.” Spike said. “I checked. Some can have a bad reaction if it's old or some sort of weird blood-type. But I've never heard of something like this.”

“Me either.” Xander said, sitting down next to Spike, who immediately stood up to put on the extra-large black jeans. When they were on, Xander thought he actually looked pretty good. Fat wasn't holding Spike back from being sexy. But he didn't dare say that.

Just as Spike was zipping up the jeans, there was a knock on the door. Xander ran to go get it. Willow and Xander greeted each other and Xander whispered for her to be careful because he didn't know how Spike was dealing with this. One second he was watching TV nude, the next he was kicking beds across the room and beating up walls (there were a few new holes in Xander's bedroom).

Xander was actually quite proud of Willow, who's eyes only widened for a few seconds when she first saw Spike before she started talking to him. To be fair, she found a 250-pound Spike fully clothed in clothes that fit him. Xander found him bursting out of a pair of trousers. Asking if he felt different anywhere, what kind of blood he'd eaten, any strange demons he'd fought. Spike answered her calmly as he could, but his voice gave him away yet again. Sometimes the answer would come out agitated (“If I had drank bad blood I would have fucking tasted it, okay?!”), but he stayed calm enough.

“I think it's a spell.” Willow said after more questions. “I can try to find out who cast it and when, but I need some materials first. I can get them at the Magic Box right down the street...”

“Have fun.” Spike said, standing up and heading to Xander's room, slamming the door behind him.

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Willow couldn't believe it.

Xander wouldn't... Xander couldn't! He wasn't even a wicca, so how could he cast such a powerful spell on purpose?

She was sitting in the empty room that was Spike's, which Xander's picture floating infront of her. In the picture, he was reading out loud. Willow vaguely recognized the words, but she wouldn't be able to translate them unless they were on paper. She ended the spell by waving her hands and dismissing the spirits politely.

For a moment she just sat there, not sure what to do. And then she went to find Xander.

But Xander was already waiting for her, right outside the door. He was leaning against it. When she opened it, he fell in a bit and then walked in, closing it behind him.

“Xander how could you?” she asked. “I mean, really how did you do it? You don't know how to do spells it could have backfired and hurt you! And I mean even if Spike's a jerk he doesn't deser-”

“It DID backfire, Wills.” Xander whispered.

There was a pause while Willow waited for an explanation.

“The spell wasn't suppose to affect Spike...”

“Who were you trying to make fat, then?” Willow's voice was high-pitched and worried. “Xander you know magic is never the answer for revenge.”

“It wasn't revenge....” Xander mumbled. But he knew he wouldn't get off that easily. “It was for me... I wanted to lose weight... I didn't think....”

Silence again, and Willow bit her lip. Flashes of the past filled her mind. Xander in the hospital, only fourteen years old. Xander apologizing, swearing he'd eat. Hearing him throw up at slumber parties...

“Xan...”

“I couldn't stop thinking about it, Willow.” his voice cracked. “I... I didn't want to make you upset, but I don't.... I didn't want to be...”

Willow wrapped her arms around Xander, pulling him in closer.

“You should have told me.” she claimed. Xander nodded and pulled her into him, needing the comfort just as much as she did.

“I'm sorry.”

After they stayed like that for a long time, Xander finally pulled away and showed Willow the spell he had used. Willow saw that if the spell hadn't backfired, it would have worked. Xander would have lost weight... But he wouldn't have stopped.

“It would have killed you...” Willow said, staring with fear at the words. “You would have died.”

Xander didn't seem surprised, which scared Willow even more.

“I just wanted to lose weight.” he finally said. “I didn't care about much else...”

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Willow cautiously entered the room where Spike was sitting on the bed. Xander had already left, he said he would spend the night at Terra's house. He would be safe there if Spike went on a rampage or hired other vamps to hurt him, and Spike wouldn't dare hurt Willow, or so they hoped. Plus he was chipped.

The vampire was glaring at the wall, and didn't move when she walked in. She knew that he was having problems coping, and assumed she should be happy he wasn't punching anything or threatening anyone or throwing things. For a minute she stood at the door frame, unable to will herself to come closer.

Spike looked just as angry as when Willow had first seen him, his eyebrows narrowed and his jaw set. Trying to stay calm even as his pride was being torn to pieces. The clothes Xander had bought for him fit him well enough, and actually looked pretty good on him. He was sitting at the end of the bed with his feet on the floor, his stomach was filling a bit of his wider lap, and Willow was afraid to go in and tell him it was permanent. Spike wasn't supposed to be able to hurt humans, but the chip was acting up and...

“You can come in, Red. I won't bite.” Spike said, his gaze was still fixed on the wall but Willow shouldn't have been surprised that he knew she was there.

Willow nodded and stepped into the bedroom. She took a deep breath. She had prepared for this, and she knew what she wanted to say, what point she wanted to get across, it was just so hard to do it. She sat down next to Spike, and handed him the picture.

“What's this?” Spike asked, his voice wavering with impatience and anger.

“That's Xander when he was nine. He doesn't know I still have it.”

Spike looked at the picture and frowned. It was obviously Xander in the picture, and he was quite chubby for a little kid. He wore a large red shirt and jeans. Okay, not just chubby. Quite fat, really. He was sitting on a couch next to an obvious Willow who was clad in tights and a jumper. It seemed neither of them knew they were being photographed as they watched television.

“He was pretty chubby when he was a kid. Until he was ten...” Willow bit her lip. “His father and mother... They fought all the time. Eating made him feel better, I guess... But when they weren't fighting each other, they would pick on him.”

Spike heard the witches voice wavering as though she were about to cry.

“I-I was only there once, his father called him names when I was standing right there. His mother joined in... I was *right there*. I couldn't say anything....... Xander cried and said it was only because his father was drunk... but they did it all the time, I could tell.” she said. “Xander never told me the length of it... It must have gotten bad, you know? He has a scar on his stomach, he says he got it in battle now, but... he got it when he was seven, so...”

Willow straightened her shoulders.

“He couldn't take it. After awhile, it just got to be too much. He stopped eating, and when he did he threw it up...” she said. “He was twelve or thirteen at the time. I knew something was wrong, but... I didn't understand what.”

Spike stared at Will, sucking in his cheeks. It was sad little tale and all, but he failed to see what this had to do with him at all.

“He got help. During high school. In our senior year I told him I was worried, because he was still doing it. He started eating again, of course, but he'd fast for weeks or make himself throw up after he ate. He'd binge, too...” she took a deep breath. “He got better, but the thoughts are always there. And now he started gaining back weight, and he was scared. So he stole one of my spell books.”

Spike's eyes widened and his unnecessary breathing stopped. His mind was starting to connect things, but he couldn't act on it.

“He used the right spell. He said it all right, but... Xander is not a witch. He didn't know the right mindset.” she looked up. “Spike, he didn't mean for it to backfire the way it did.”

Without warning, Spike burst across the room and kicked the wall. He didn't turn back as he spoke.

“This is Harris's fucking fault?!” he growled.

“Spike please, he's sorry.” Willow begged, half-fearing Spike, but also half-pitying him. She understood why he was so angry. Spike always had been the vain type, and this had to be a huge blow to his pride.

“I'll kill 'em!” Spike growled. Willow didn't look up, but she could tell he had gone vamp-face.

“I told him to leave.” Willow said. “He's already gone.”

“I'll find him.”

He was leaving the room already, headed towards the door. The sun hadn't set yet, but it was starting to, so Willow ran after him.

“Wait!” She called. “Spike he really didn't mean it!”

“You can't take it the fuck back, can you!?” Spike turned to her. Willow jumped, feeling threatened by his bumpy face and angry voice, and threw he back against the wall, covering her face.

Spike saw how scared the pretty witch had become and took a deep breath, calming himself into his normal human features. He didn't want to scare her. God knows she didn't do this.

“... Red...” He said in a now calm voice. “... You can't. It's a curse. The fact that it was an accident just makes it more impossible to fix.”

His voice had gone from calm to pathetic pretty quick, he thought. He didn't want to be seen like this. What would they all say? It was bad enough Willow saw it, and Xan... What was the human doing right now? Running for his life, probably. Well, jogging. Xander could barely run back when he was in shape. Willow nodded weakly and bit her lip.

“It's... not that bad. Really it's not.”

But Spike could hear the squeak in her voice. The high-pitched dissonance that told him she was lying. It was bad. It was about two-hundred-fifty pounds of bad. And he couldn't take it. He sat down on the couch, cradling his head in his hands, growling to himself.

'Fucking Harris.' he thought, staring at the ground. His face stayed human, but his anger bordered uncontrollable. 'Fucking HARRIS.'

Willow's body rested on the couch next to him, but out of reach. He had frightened her, so he didn't exactly expect her to cuddle up against him.

“I'll look.” she said. “I mean-- I'll try to find a way.”

“There is no way.” Spike said. “I ain't a warlock, but I've been around long enough to know the rules. And you are too young and … well...”

He knew they both were thinking of Dark Willow.

“I won't have you messing with powerful magic, pet.”

They both sat in silence for a very long time. Spike's mind had started racing at first. What would people say? How would he keep his reputation up? First he was metaphorically neutered, kept from killing or even hurting humans... And now? Now he was a joke. He'd always felt like one, but this was too much. Buffy would laugh. He couldn't take that, not from her. Though the love he once felt had been crushed to tiny bits by constant rejection, the crush hadn't left him. He still wanted her to want him. And the others... Willow had been sweet, but that was Willow. And Harris could probably tell it was his fault from the very beginning.

“If the spell had worked, it would have killed him.”

Spike's head jumped to the side, narrowing his eyes.

“I won't die.”

“No. Even if you were human... It backfired, so...” Willow took a deep breath. “But if it had worked the way it was supposed too...”

They sat in silence for a moment. Spike knew the question he wanted to ask, but he could tell the answer by how the witch's hands where shaking.

“Did he know it would kill 'em?”

Willow didn't speak for a moment, gulping in air. She was crying.

“He... He said...” her voice wavered. “He knew it might... but....”

Spike didn't know what to do as the young redhead started to fold into herself. He just sat there, useless as usual. So... Xander wanted to die? That seemed unlike him. He probably just didn't think about it, right? Lucky git. Instead of starving himself to death, he... Thinking about it, Spike got pissed off again, but his attention turned to Red when she spoke.

“He wanted to be skinny that bad.” she said.

“Well then I guess it's a good thing, than?” Spike asked, half-sarcastic.

Willow bit her lip, but didn't say anything. Spike could tell that yes, that's what she thought. Better Spike be fat and both of them live then Xander be dead over something so stupid. Her shoulders started to shake as he kept crying.

“Come on Red...” Spike finally decided to try to help. He scooted over just a bit, and Willow folded into him without a thought. He froze, not used to having people actually *touch* him, much less when he was fat. She was curling into a soft belly, sandwiched between that and a fat arm, and he felt weird having her feel him this way. “Calm down then.”

He felt her tears soak his new over sized t-shirt and looked to the door.

'Fucking Harris.' he thought angrily. 'This is all your fault.'

Description
Chapter Two

It wasn't as if Spike didn't notice that something was 'off' the next morning, and he tossed in his bed hoping Xander wouldn't wake him up. He was hung over, and didn't want to fess up to his drinking just yet. He couldn't place the off-ness. He understood the headache, and his limbs felt heavy but that should be normal after a night on the town. But no, there was something else. He didn't even have to move, he knew something wasn't right.

“Spike! Get out of my bed!!” Xander screeched in his manly high-pitched whine. Spike growled violently and covered his ears.

“Bloody hell can't a vamp get some sleep in here?!” he groaned, and his answer was met with a sharp slam of a bathroom door.

“Out!” the human yelled, the door only slightly muffling his voice.

Then he noticed what had been so off. His clothes were all tight. His eyes shot open and he looked down.

“Bloody fucking hell!!” he cussed loudly, unbelieving.

This couldn't be happening, he told himself. There was no way this could be real. He was a vampire for hell's sake! This can't happen overnight anyway!

He stood up, his shirt riding up and his jeans straining. They hurt like fuck, way too tight.

Everything was so tight because Spike obviously had outgrown them at some point in the night. Spike's mind still couldn't register why or how, but he could see the results of whatever had happened easily. Anyone could. Spike's toned, 130-pound body had blimped out to at least 250. His stomach was sticking out of his tight black sleeveless shirt, the fabric covering the large gut but stretched thin so you could see the pale skin through it. A bit of his stomach dangled out beneath it, as well. As Spike thought about it, his shirt was not even sleeveless, his fat arms had pushed up the sleeves of what had been a perfectly nice-fitting T-shirt. He didn't even want to look at his legs as he could feel the cold air that led him to believe that they had quite literally ripped at the seams.

He was so surprised and horrified that he couldn't move. It wasn't as if this was really happening, right? He thought that over and over before he finally moved up a hand, placing it on his stomach. In that moment, all of his happy delusions of this being a dream crashed down. No. This was very, very real. And he hadn't been this afraid of anything recently, demons, vampires, the first evil. Nothing was this bad.

“Spike if you aren't out of my room I swear I'll pull out the stake Buffy gave m--”

Xander paused, having just walked into the room. Xander looked up, still too deep in shock to even wonder what the human boy was seeing. A hugely fat vampire, sitting in his bed in half-ripped clothes, hand on his belly looking completely lost.

“Spike!” Xander's face turned into a surprised horror. “Spike what happened?!”

“Hell if I know!!” Spike cursed, his fear finally making the familiar turn into anger. “I just woke up like this!”

Xander took a cautious step forward, as if Spike where contagious. His mind was making snap connections. The spell. No. No way. He was casting it on himself, not Spike! It couldn't have been him. This was a demon, or an evil witch, or something. It wasn't him.

But it was less rational thinking on Xander's part and more of frantic hoping.

“I-It's a spell, right?! It has to be...” Xander was freaking out. Spike glared up at him.

“I just said I have no bloody clue, Harris!” he snapped back.

The two stayed like that for several long seconds. Both of them where staring at Spike's stomach, as it was extremely visible. Finally Xander shook his head.

“W-we can call Giles. He'll know what to do...” He mumbled to himself, starting to the phone.

At first, Spike's foggy mind didn't hear a thing, but as the words sunk in his stood up and grabbed Xander's wrist before it could touch the plastic phone. He didn't say a word, but Xander seemed to understand. No Giles. No Buffy. No Scooby Gang was going to see him like this. Xander paused for a moment, then pulled back.

“Spike this could be something really bad!” Xander said in his high-pitched frightened voice. “We need to...”

“Need to what?” Spike asked, dangerously.

“...” Xander had no words for a moment, and then looked away. “Willow? Sh-she wouldn't tell anyone. And she's a witch.”

Defeated, Spike knew they needed some sort of help, and he let the boy call Willow. But he wasn't going to sit and listen to the conversation. He couldn't. Instead, he concentrated on freeing himself from the tight black jeans he'd fallen asleep in the night before. If he didn't have vampire strength, he was positive he wouldn't have been able to fit out of them. By the time Xander had hung up with the redhead, Spike was nude with only a blanket covering his bits. He never wore underwear, and was starting to regret that as he realize how he must have looked.

Xander watched Spike from behind for a moment. The damage was pretty extreme. His backside was filled out, fleshy and jiggling as he was changing. His hips had widened to hit his new body, at least. He had a pair of love handles, but he wasn't really that big. His arms looked soft and Xander had a brief though of how they would probably make great pillows. But he shook those thoughts out.

'No gayness today, Xander.' He told himself. 'Not when you're on the verge of death if this is all you're fault.'

“She's coming. She'll be here in an hour. She was at Terra's house.” Xander told him.

“Go get me some clothes.” Spike said. His voice was dead even, holding everything back. Anger. Xander walked backwards for a few steps and nodded.

“I'll go buy some.” he said. Even if Spike could fit into his clothes (though doubtful), he wouldn't want to wear any of them.

After he heard the front door close, Spike growled and jumped up, his vampire face taking over. He kicked the bed, sending it to the other end of the room. He'd controlled himself enough that it didn't flip over. He was so angry, and he had no one to blame.

Yet.

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Xander wasn't surprised to find his room in shambles when he got back. He'd bought himself a good forty-five minutes getting clothes that looked like they would fit Spike. All black, since Xander figured he'd like that. He needed to buy some brownie points. Though, if this all was his fault, all the brownie points in the world wouldn't keep Spike from ripping him to pieces.

“Spike? I brought some clothes.” he called out.

He found Spike in the living room, blanket covering his bits and nothing else. All the windows were drawn and Xander wondered how Spike had pulled that off, since the sun had been streaming into the whole living room when he left. Looking at Spike, he blushed and turned his head away. It seemed that even when a spell makes him get tubby, he still wasn't exactly a modest guy. His body was still practically public property, fleshy or not. You'd think he'd pull the blanket up a bit higher, Xander knew he would have. But Xan didn't mention the nakedness like he normally would. Instead he passed him the clothes without making eye contact. Spike started putting them on right there.

Spike seemed oddly calm, but his eyes reflected his anger at all of this.

“I didn't have any bad blood.” Spike said. “I checked. Some can have a bad reaction if it's old or some sort of weird blood-type. But I've never heard of something like this.”

“Me either.” Xander said, sitting down next to Spike, who immediately stood up to put on the extra-large black jeans. When they were on, Xander thought he actually looked pretty good. Fat wasn't holding Spike back from being sexy. But he didn't dare say that.

Just as Spike was zipping up the jeans, there was a knock on the door. Xander ran to go get it. Willow and Xander greeted each other and Xander whispered for her to be careful because he didn't know how Spike was dealing with this. One second he was watching TV nude, the next he was kicking beds across the room and beating up walls (there were a few new holes in Xander's bedroom).

Xander was actually quite proud of Willow, who's eyes only widened for a few seconds when she first saw Spike before she started talking to him. To be fair, she found a 250-pound Spike fully clothed in clothes that fit him. Xander found him bursting out of a pair of trousers. Asking if he felt different anywhere, what kind of blood he'd eaten, any strange demons he'd fought. Spike answered her calmly as he could, but his voice gave him away yet again. Sometimes the answer would come out agitated (“If I had drank bad blood I would have fucking tasted it, okay?!”), but he stayed calm enough.

“I think it's a spell.” Willow said after more questions. “I can try to find out who cast it and when, but I need some materials first. I can get them at the Magic Box right down the street...”

“Have fun.” Spike said, standing up and heading to Xander's room, slamming the door behind him.

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Willow couldn't believe it.

Xander wouldn't... Xander couldn't! He wasn't even a wicca, so how could he cast such a powerful spell on purpose?

She was sitting in the empty room that was Spike's, which Xander's picture floating infront of her. In the picture, he was reading out loud. Willow vaguely recognized the words, but she wouldn't be able to translate them unless they were on paper. She ended the spell by waving her hands and dismissing the spirits politely.

For a moment she just sat there, not sure what to do. And then she went to find Xander.

But Xander was already waiting for her, right outside the door. He was leaning against it. When she opened it, he fell in a bit and then walked in, closing it behind him.

“Xander how could you?” she asked. “I mean, really how did you do it? You don't know how to do spells it could have backfired and hurt you! And I mean even if Spike's a jerk he doesn't deser-”

“It DID backfire, Wills.” Xander whispered.

There was a pause while Willow waited for an explanation.

“The spell wasn't suppose to affect Spike...”

“Who were you trying to make fat, then?” Willow's voice was high-pitched and worried. “Xander you know magic is never the answer for revenge.”

“It wasn't revenge....” Xander mumbled. But he knew he wouldn't get off that easily. “It was for me... I wanted to lose weight... I didn't think....”

Silence again, and Willow bit her lip. Flashes of the past filled her mind. Xander in the hospital, only fourteen years old. Xander apologizing, swearing he'd eat. Hearing him throw up at slumber parties...

“Xan...”

“I couldn't stop thinking about it, Willow.” his voice cracked. “I... I didn't want to make you upset, but I don't.... I didn't want to be...”

Willow wrapped her arms around Xander, pulling him in closer.

“You should have told me.” she claimed. Xander nodded and pulled her into him, needing the comfort just as much as she did.

“I'm sorry.”

After they stayed like that for a long time, Xander finally pulled away and showed Willow the spell he had used. Willow saw that if the spell hadn't backfired, it would have worked. Xander would have lost weight... But he wouldn't have stopped.

“It would have killed you...” Willow said, staring with fear at the words. “You would have died.”

Xander didn't seem surprised, which scared Willow even more.

“I just wanted to lose weight.” he finally said. “I didn't care about much else...”

OooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Willow cautiously entered the room where Spike was sitting on the bed. Xander had already left, he said he would spend the night at Terra's house. He would be safe there if Spike went on a rampage or hired other vamps to hurt him, and Spike wouldn't dare hurt Willow, or so they hoped. Plus he was chipped.

The vampire was glaring at the wall, and didn't move when she walked in. She knew that he was having problems coping, and assumed she should be happy he wasn't punching anything or threatening anyone or throwing things. For a minute she stood at the door frame, unable to will herself to come closer.

Spike looked just as angry as when Willow had first seen him, his eyebrows narrowed and his jaw set. Trying to stay calm even as his pride was being torn to pieces. The clothes Xander had bought for him fit him well enough, and actually looked pretty good on him. He was sitting at the end of the bed with his feet on the floor, his stomach was filling a bit of his wider lap, and Willow was afraid to go in and tell him it was permanent. Spike wasn't supposed to be able to hurt humans, but the chip was acting up and...

“You can come in, Red. I won't bite.” Spike said, his gaze was still fixed on the wall but Willow shouldn't have been surprised that he knew she was there.

Willow nodded and stepped into the bedroom. She took a deep breath. She had prepared for this, and she knew what she wanted to say, what point she wanted to get across, it was just so hard to do it. She sat down next to Spike, and handed him the picture.

“What's this?” Spike asked, his voice wavering with impatience and anger.

“That's Xander when he was nine. He doesn't know I still have it.”

Spike looked at the picture and frowned. It was obviously Xander in the picture, and he was quite chubby for a little kid. He wore a large red shirt and jeans. Okay, not just chubby. Quite fat, really. He was sitting on a couch next to an obvious Willow who was clad in tights and a jumper. It seemed neither of them knew they were being photographed as they watched television.

“He was pretty chubby when he was a kid. Until he was ten...” Willow bit her lip. “His father and mother... They fought all the time. Eating made him feel better, I guess... But when they weren't fighting each other, they would pick on him.”

Spike heard the witches voice wavering as though she were about to cry.

“I-I was only there once, his father called him names when I was standing right there. His mother joined in... I was *right there*. I couldn't say anything....... Xander cried and said it was only because his father was drunk... but they did it all the time, I could tell.” she said. “Xander never told me the length of it... It must have gotten bad, you know? He has a scar on his stomach, he says he got it in battle now, but... he got it when he was seven, so...”

Willow straightened her shoulders.

“He couldn't take it. After awhile, it just got to be too much. He stopped eating, and when he did he threw it up...” she said. “He was twelve or thirteen at the time. I knew something was wrong, but... I didn't understand what.”

Spike stared at Will, sucking in his cheeks. It was sad little tale and all, but he failed to see what this had to do with him at all.

“He got help. During high school. In our senior year I told him I was worried, because he was still doing it. He started eating again, of course, but he'd fast for weeks or make himself throw up after he ate. He'd binge, too...” she took a deep breath. “He got better, but the thoughts are always there. And now he started gaining back weight, and he was scared. So he stole one of my spell books.”

Spike's eyes widened and his unnecessary breathing stopped. His mind was starting to connect things, but he couldn't act on it.

“He used the right spell. He said it all right, but... Xander is not a witch. He didn't know the right mindset.” she looked up. “Spike, he didn't mean for it to backfire the way it did.”

Without warning, Spike burst across the room and kicked the wall. He didn't turn back as he spoke.

“This is Harris's fucking fault?!” he growled.

“Spike please, he's sorry.” Willow begged, half-fearing Spike, but also half-pitying him. She understood why he was so angry. Spike always had been the vain type, and this had to be a huge blow to his pride.

“I'll kill 'em!” Spike growled. Willow didn't look up, but she could tell he had gone vamp-face.

“I told him to leave.” Willow said. “He's already gone.”

“I'll find him.”

He was leaving the room already, headed towards the door. The sun hadn't set yet, but it was starting to, so Willow ran after him.

“Wait!” She called. “Spike he really didn't mean it!”

“You can't take it the fuck back, can you!?” Spike turned to her. Willow jumped, feeling threatened by his bumpy face and angry voice, and threw he back against the wall, covering her face.

Spike saw how scared the pretty witch had become and took a deep breath, calming himself into his normal human features. He didn't want to scare her. God knows she didn't do this.

“... Red...” He said in a now calm voice. “... You can't. It's a curse. The fact that it was an accident just makes it more impossible to fix.”

His voice had gone from calm to pathetic pretty quick, he thought. He didn't want to be seen like this. What would they all say? It was bad enough Willow saw it, and Xan... What was the human doing right now? Running for his life, probably. Well, jogging. Xander could barely run back when he was in shape. Willow nodded weakly and bit her lip.

“It's... not that bad. Really it's not.”

But Spike could hear the squeak in her voice. The high-pitched dissonance that told him she was lying. It was bad. It was about two-hundred-fifty pounds of bad. And he couldn't take it. He sat down on the couch, cradling his head in his hands, growling to himself.

'Fucking Harris.' he thought, staring at the ground. His face stayed human, but his anger bordered uncontrollable. 'Fucking HARRIS.'

Willow's body rested on the couch next to him, but out of reach. He had frightened her, so he didn't exactly expect her to cuddle up against him.

“I'll look.” she said. “I mean-- I'll try to find a way.”

“There is no way.” Spike said. “I ain't a warlock, but I've been around long enough to know the rules. And you are too young and … well...”

He knew they both were thinking of Dark Willow.

“I won't have you messing with powerful magic, pet.”

They both sat in silence for a very long time. Spike's mind had started racing at first. What would people say? How would he keep his reputation up? First he was metaphorically neutered, kept from killing or even hurting humans... And now? Now he was a joke. He'd always felt like one, but this was too much. Buffy would laugh. He couldn't take that, not from her. Though the love he once felt had been crushed to tiny bits by constant rejection, the crush hadn't left him. He still wanted her to want him. And the others... Willow had been sweet, but that was Willow. And Harris could probably tell it was his fault from the very beginning.

“If the spell had worked, it would have killed him.”

Spike's head jumped to the side, narrowing his eyes.

“I won't die.”

“No. Even if you were human... It backfired, so...” Willow took a deep breath. “But if it had worked the way it was supposed too...”

They sat in silence for a moment. Spike knew the question he wanted to ask, but he could tell the answer by how the witch's hands where shaking.

“Did he know it would kill 'em?”

Willow didn't speak for a moment, gulping in air. She was crying.

“He... He said...” her voice wavered. “He knew it might... but....”

Spike didn't know what to do as the young redhead started to fold into herself. He just sat there, useless as usual. So... Xander wanted to die? That seemed unlike him. He probably just didn't think about it, right? Lucky git. Instead of starving himself to death, he... Thinking about it, Spike got pissed off again, but his attention turned to Red when she spoke.

“He wanted to be skinny that bad.” she said.

“Well then I guess it's a good thing, than?” Spike asked, half-sarcastic.

Willow bit her lip, but didn't say anything. Spike could tell that yes, that's what she thought. Better Spike be fat and both of them live then Xander be dead over something so stupid. Her shoulders started to shake as he kept crying.

“Come on Red...” Spike finally decided to try to help. He scooted over just a bit, and Willow folded into him without a thought. He froze, not used to having people actually *touch* him, much less when he was fat. She was curling into a soft belly, sandwiched between that and a fat arm, and he felt weird having her feel him this way. “Calm down then.”

He felt her tears soak his new over sized t-shirt and looked to the door.

'Fucking Harris.' he thought angrily. 'This is all your fault.'