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Flintpaw had just departed from a clan meeting and was over all feeling in a sour mood. Every time Crookedstar had given an announcement, he just felt a familiar emptiness well up inside of him. He couldn't quite pin point what triggered such a reaction within him, however he tried to avoid clan meetings all together.
Why did he feel this way? Was it due to the fact that Crookedstar wasn't capable enough and another leader could get her job done better that her? Was it because she had picked Slatestripe as a deputy when surely other cats could do a better job? Flintpaw believed with all of his heart that someone out there could do a better job! In fact, he had heard many stories of leader's past who have lead this clan a hundred times better than this!

Unfortunately, he simply couldn't figure out who this mysterious hero cat of his dreams was and it tore him apart at times like these.
---
For the past half moon, Aspenpaw had felt positively numb. The meeting had not mentioned what she had been hoping for the most... the location of her father. She knew that after the many nights traveled, that she might not ever see Ashstep again. At least she had her littermates, right? And Sootwing was still here...

... But whatever was stopping her from speaking at all was just too strong for her mind to get past. She heard rumors of a vigil planned in Ashstep's honor, and the thought made her not want to eat anymore. She felt weak in the legs, and a pang in her stomach, as she just sat there, blankly staring at the grass under her paws.

Sootwing had come by and coaxed her to get up, but Aspenpaw just couldn't. The spotted she-cat gave her a good lick on the ear before hesitantly leaving her daughter's side. The olive eyes of Aspenpaw were dark, and a million miles away. With every fiber in her being, she wanted to open up and speak to her Mama, like she always could as a kit. But as she focused more and more on her training, survival, and trying to not feel the wave of anguish that was sure to attack her every sense. She wanted her Mama, and she wanted her littermates back to the way they all once were.

They say that tragedy brings a family together, but Aspenpaw could just feel that it wouldn't be the same way for her. Mintpaw was as hopeful as ever, so certain that Ashstep would return. Webpaw tried not to think about it, and he immersed in his training. Mumblepaw was doing what she wished she could do, and stuck close to Sootwing, being openly afraid for his life and hers.

She felt like a mouse among rabbits, sometimes. Why this was the way it was with her own family, she'd never know.
---
Flintpaw had spotted a distraught Aspenpaw. He had wanted to console her, however, he simply wasn't in the mood for such things. No cat looked good after an announcement was made to stop looking for their dad. Sure, Aspenpaw was a tough cat and had plenty of litter mates to go cry to despite not really being one for that sort of thing, but he remembered whenever he felt bad like this his litter mates weren't very helpful when it hit too close to home.

He gave a sharp snort and made a stumbling dash towards an old beech tree with a gaping hole near it's roots. He didn't want to revisit this feeling of complete and utter helplessness. He didn't want to see Crookedstar's stupidly cruel face surveying the camp, and he didn't want to see anyone cry, including himself.
---
Aspenpaw was still stuck to the ground, as if her paws were tree roots. She just had to... think. Think about what could come next.

Her verdant eyes barely moved when it fixated on one thing after the other. The whispers from cat to cat and the laughter from one to another bounced off of her emptiness. She secretly hoped to be consoled by someone, anyone who could understand. Ringtail could, but couldn't understand why she's be so torn up about this. He hated his father, and he had hated Ashstep, as well.

Her pink-gray nose twitched when she caught the scent of a friend, lifting her hopes ever so slightly. Fintpaw wasn't one for sympathy, or emotional conversations, but any talk was good talk right about now. Even if she couldn't mourn, maybe he could be a distraction.

But she stayed put, and kept her eyes straight ahead. It hadn't rained at all since the day Ashstep had disappeared, and the wind was disturbingly warm.
---
Flintpaw sat in the darkness with his back to the mouth of his literal panic room, sucking in deep breaths as to stifle all of his primal emotional responses. He wanted to yell at the top of his lungs. He had wanted to run bawling to his mother like a kit. He wanted to give Crookedstar such a beating that her weird smile would be set straight for once!

How DARE she stop looking for Sorrelfire?! He stopped breathing for a second; that wasn't the topic at hand! He was mad about someone else's loss, right? A true warrior din't cling to his own past after all. I meant looking for Ashstep. I know that... He continued his frantic breaths as if he had been underwater for a long time, only this time he had picked up the scent of Aspenpaw. Sadness and desperation soon overtook him. No one seemed to understand his long term anguish. Wolfpaw did not understand. Sparrowpaw did not understand! They were too close to the problem to come even close to understanding his personal torment. He took in a final breath and tilted his head slightly to see the outline of Aspenpaw at the corner of his eye.

"Aspenpaw?" He croaked sorrowfully.
---
Aspenpaw flattened her black ears to her head, but still kept her empty eyes locked on something only she could see. She twitched her whiskers and huffed in recognition.

From her peripheral vision, she spotted the same face as Fintpaw... except it wasn't like his normal self. Nope, not at all. This surprised her- she swiveled her head over to him in surprise. At last, the numbness was pieced by something. She still felt weakened in her entire being, but that horrible look on her confident friend's face was startling.

"You don't wear sadness well, Flintpaw," she informed him. His bright green eyes almost looked tearful.
---
"Thanks. I know." He muttered, attempting make it seem as if it was a joke out of the mere fact that the might Flintpaw felt emotions other than mischief. He turned his head as far as it would go to spot her; she too displayed an unfitting saddened expression. "You don't wear it well either." He rasped, trying with all of his will not to let too much anger and sorrow flood out at once. He took in a loud wet sniff and promptly returned his face back to his wall, watching a black beetle wriggle and fall to the earthy floor. He let out a few light coughs that were dangerously close to sobs and he contorted his face, screwing it into a neutral state as if to ward off a deep set frown. He took in one last sharp breath before he began to break.

"I hate this. I hate this a lot." He breathed shakily, squeezing his little green eyes shut.
---
Aspenpaw nodded, but couldn't respond. Her voice kept on getting trapped in her throat. It had only been two weeks! Surely they could keep on looking. Even if it were for not! Seeing Ashstep dead or alive would give her closure, something she could get past.

The she-cat decided to scoot over to Flinpaw's side without energy. She'd crack a joke about how she was still taller than him if it weren't such a bad time. This was her joke buddy- someone she could have a laugh with. But when they were both quiet, sad, and dumbfounded... She couldn't find the foothold she was always so used to.

She let the black tom lean on her side. He'd grown so skinny and light over the last moon that had passed. Something must have hit him one day, because he had been acting like the shell of him old self. She hoped that for both of their sakes that he'd get better, soon.

Aspenpaw felt his breathing roughen the slightest bit. She had decided to say nothing, and keep looking straight ahead once more.
---
"I know it's up to a leader to make all of the rough decisions." He mumbled. "I just-" He covered a sharp intake of breath with a light cough. "I just don't understand; why does she keep leaving so many great cats behind?" He growled. "It's just not fair. It's not fair to us that she keeps leaving these guys behind! Why couldn't we just wait an extra day or two? Ashstep is an asset for the clan, unlike some of these guys you just chose to wait around for!" He blubbered angrily, replacing Ashstep's mention with his own father in his head; this was a healthy way to vent while helping Aspenpaw.
---
Aspenpaw nodded blindly, listening to Flintpaw, but not hearing him. She knew that the tom was at his emotional limit, but didn't dare comment on it. He had always prided himself on being as tough as nails; a survivor, and at this point in time, it was all he really had left.

Cautiously, Aspenpaw lifted her white-tipped tail and laid it on his back. Though she was the one who was just being affected by the recent disappearance, she could tell that Flintpaw was sneaking his own fears and sadness into his words. She was an intuitive cat, and she'd known him for moons now.

"I'm sorry, Flintpaw," she meowed at a normal volume. He was having as just a bad time as she was. Though she wasn't the one who needed to be apologizing, she could tell by how he'd been acting for their whole apprenticeship that he needed some apology. Some compensation.
---
"Sorry? You? Sorry?" He asked with a somewhat irritated laugh. "What did you do? Loose your dad? No, Aspenpaw, Crookedstar should be the sorry one." He spat bitterly.

She wasn't even the leader dad would've wanted; she was the Stormstar guy's deputy and he didn't even last three moons! That may have been my father's only lapse of judgment in his life and it may have just costed him it!

He twisted his face, filling with absolute rage. He was unable to articulate his thoughts despite it being the best opportunity for him to do so.

"I just hate feeling so...Angry all the time, you know?" He sobbed violently. "I hate every little thing that has happened in these past moons and everyone in charge of our deteriorating clans, I mean just look at us!" He laughed bitterly. "We're no better than some nomadic loners! Loners without a concern for who looses their freaking families and just expects them to be a good warrior when all they really want is their father!" He shrieked, no longer concerned with getting noticed by his clanmates.

I may be a pathetic mess right now, but I could not care less. He assured himself.
---
"I... can understand..." she mewed with an unintentional waver in her voice, "W-we have to do what's best for the greater good, Flintpaw, and..."

She had to stop herself. Yes, what she was saying was logical and the only thing that made sense here, her emotions decided to hijack her thoughts right there. She let the tom keep crying into her before she continued.

"It wasn't fair to just leave Sorrelfire when we lost him," she agreed, heat growing in her voice, "He was our leader, once upon a time, and though he was strong, that missing leg had to have given him trouble."

Given us trouble.

Conspiracy theories never made sense and were laughed at by everyone including herself, but in this time of absolute grief, it would help her cope.

"W-what if she did it on purpose?" she asked quietly, "What if she stopped looking for him as quickly as she did because he was a slow walker? And what if she left Papa behind because... because..."

She couldn't find a reason for Ashstep, but she still had to find something to grab onto.
---
"Because he has a rivalry with Ringtail?" Flintpaw spat bitterly. "Think about it; Ringtail is a warrior without mercy which can be seen as 'stronger'. Ashstep may have been a distraction from other threats; they may have wanted to give him an enemy that wasn't in the clan, to help his direct his rivalry at real time threats, you know? Hah! Great StarClanI'm going to kill that wrenched tyrant!" He hissed, his claws tearing up the ground beneath him.

"Father! Where'd you go?! Are you dead?! Are you dead like Poppykit, Spiderkit, and Icewing? Are you all hanging out there in StarClan together, waiting for vengance; to throw the careless leader into the Dark Forrest?" He rambled softly, his eyes glazing over with anger. He could literally feel himself shutting down; his breath became shallow, his eyesight grew dazed, and his nose began to run furiously from the surplus of tears he was holding back.
---
"Do you ever... just feel like screaming?" she asked him seriously. She felt a tear roll down her face as she said it.

When Flintpaw looked at her quizzically, the whites of his eyes were reddened and both eyes were puffy. It really hurt her to see him like this... she also understood why the suggestion confused him. She was always one who was quiet, reclused herself and thought things out until it was all better all on her own.

"Let's go far away from here," she continued, "If they leave us behind, who cares? Let's just go to some hill somewhere and... Scream."
---
Flintpaw sat silence, tears simply flowing freely down his cheeks without much input. He really did like the idea of yelling mindlessly right now. As usual, Aspenpaw knows just what to do. He concluded, feeling comforted by the she-cat.

"Y-Yeah. That does sound like a good idea. At this point I wonder if I even have a preference of staying in the clan or leaving." He admitted darkly. His eyes flashed with anger and mischief, almost like his normal self. "Hey, I'll race ya there!" He yowled, clambering out of the dank beech tree den.
---
Eyes flashing at the mention of a race, Aspenpaw was instantly happy.

"Who do you think I am, Slugfoot?" she mewed, glad to muster up some feeling- it had been even greater that it ended up being a spark of joy.

"And with leaving the clan... We'll just figure it out when we get there,"

Their racing was ceremonious. It always was. The dramatic crouching, the evil-eyes. It was a constant in these mad times, in their mad times. An escape from the craziness, and outlet for the grief.

"Ready... Set..."

And like she always did, she gave Flintpaw the signal to start. She turned her head over to the tom, her olive eyes as bright as the old days. He needed the futile extra second to stand a chance. They both knew it.
---
Flintpaw dashed up ahead. "Just try to keep up, Brokenpaw!" He roared, an odd mixture of familiar glee and rage still controlling his thoughts. He knew full and well he simply wasn't even going to win a race against her, however that simply wasn't the point of this! The both need to do something that made them happy and distracted enough to forget their troubles even if it just for a few moments.

Flintpaw had begun to whoop and holler blindly into the night, zigzagging wildly as he avoided the surrounding trees at the last possible moment. He felt almost as if he was flying! He felt as if he could simply take to the skies away from this cruel situation they had found themselves in.
---
Now this was something new. Running blindly into the dark... Her sense told her that it was stupid, but the rest of her wanted the thrill.

The darkness cast by the night left everything else with the color of silver and darker. The tree leaves- gray. The grasses beneath them- darker gray. Working with the monochrome visual cues, she was able to meet up with Flintpaw's tail, and then his nose. They were now neck-and-neck- the best part of these races.

She saw the tom scramble for a leap over an unseen obstacle, and Aspenpaw timed it to leap over the same thing. Whether it was a rock or a tangle of brambles, it was gone. Behind her now.

She butted his shoulder with her own, laughing at the imagine expression on his face. Like the good old times, and their hammed-up rivalry...
---
Flintpaw suddenly took a sharp turn to face Aspenpaw as her head lightly butted his shoulder. Adrenaline and humor soon white washed every thought that he had.

"Oh, okay, I see how it is! You wanna go? You feeling tough?! Fight me one on one!" He challenged playfully, bouncing from side to side in a strongly exaggerated fashion. By now, impulse had completely taken over. "Come on! Put 'em up! I'll even let you get the first hit since you're just a cute little featherweight!"
---
Chuckling with hysteria, Aspenpaw decided to peel ahead of him, "You'll have to catch me first!"

Though the happiness was overpowering, she knew that it was only temporary. Like a poppy seed, it would wear of after awhile. But in the moment, she didn't care. She let thoughts about her father fly off in the dark, and her anger towards their leader evaporate from her core for at least this moment.

She felt the speed of her running decrease as they met a slight uphill. It was perfect- they would be like wolves when they reached the top.
---
"Oh trust me; I'll catch you!" He yelled, bolting up the hill with all of his might. He felt almost as if he was actually catching up with her; how exiting! For once running for running's sake felt...Fun! He could certainly see the excitement with it even without the competitive elements to it.

"You can't run forever!" He panted as he was beginning to see what was beyond the top of the hill. Tops of trees and specks of stary light was starting to shine brilliantly in the dusky sky.
---
She decided to fake the tom out by coming to an abrupt stop, letting him fly right past her. Laughing, she started to chant.

"Missed me, missed me!" she laughed. He turned back around in confusion, but his bright eyes were already too late. She easily picked up to her full speed and barreled herself at Flintpaw, effectively tackling him easily to the soft grass of the ground.

The two rolled the rest of their way up their tall hill, and here she could clearly see the tom in the moonlight. She was happy to see that he was happy between tussles, but still saw the pushed back anguish still swimming in the back of his mind. She probably looked like that, too, but this wasn't the time for that. It was still time for play.
---
"You're going to get it now!" He laughed, stubborn to not let her pin him down. Although it was somewhat tiring to keep them rolling up the hill, he kept it going, hoping for an opening to jump downhill and descend upon his rival.

It had been so long since he'd had a decent tussle without the critiques of near by mentoring warriors. This was simply blind play; a concept that was near death in his mind that was only just now jump started back to it's original glory. This type of behavior would earn them a scolding if they would be at camp, but luckily for them, ShadeClan didn't matter to them for once in their young lives.

By now, the rivaling dynamic duo had almost reached the hill's peak, their tussling slowing with each heart beat they continued.
---
She swiped left, ducked right, and relished each toss as if it were her last. This was one of the last nights either of them would really get to be a kit, so she was going to make the most of it.

She lightly nipped at Flintpaw's ear, and felt the weight shift around just as she did so. The black cat was so hard to clearly spot under night's shadows, and he'd taken full advantage of it. Tactical as always- it was something any warrior could appreciate. Something she always liked about him.

"I'll get you yet!" she gurgled under the weight of the tom's paws. Sure enough, she thrusted the smaller cat off of her.

Everything was so vividly alive under the star light. It almost took her back to simpler times, back when their dads were still alive. Back when just leaving home was a thrill they would never forget.
---
Flintpaw swiftly rebounded, bouncing off of the down slanting hill's vantage point. He leaped behind Aspenpaw and quickly butted his head into her side, effectively pushing her slightly up the hill. After this one push had proven itself to be ineffective, he gently took her by the scruff and hoisted her to the top with a grunt of effort.

"Ha! I finally caught you!" He declared triumphantly, looking around the scenery he was newly presented with. Bright icy light flickered in the now young night and reflected off of the plantlife around them. The oak and maple trees seemed almost as if they were glowing with a dull aura.

The night's light was as beautiful as it was cold. It reminded them as their typical day to day routine; bouncing from one place to another, absent of any feeling of home and security. Normally scenes such as the likes of these would make him feel utterly alone, but with Aspenpaw here with him he felt the companionship and confidence that he thought was long since absent.
---
When Aspenpaw managed to roll away from the tom's paws, she stood up, tipped her head to the sky, and gave a primal scream.

It had been a long time since she'd felt this alive, with everyone dying left and right and little food to ever go around.

She was like a wolf when she howled to the moon to the cats in StarClan that had abandoned them above. They were both likely to die young, but if only for tonight, they were here, they were alive.

The howls clawed at her throat like a fox's fangs, but she didn't much care. The volume showed the world that she was here, and it helped her realize, too, that she still had the energy to live life to its full extent.
---
Flintpaw looked over at a suddenly screaming Aspenpaw, eagerness setting his eyes aflame. He very quickly joined her in her dog like cries of despair. He let out a piercing yowl, throwing his head back as he went.

Flintpaw belted out a second and a third one, barely taking the time to breathe in between them. He felt very faint as he continued, but he simply couldn't find it in himself to stop. His fury had been eating at him from the inside for seasons and only now was he beginning to feel somewhat alleviated from it.

He sucked in a breath so deep that his chest and throat was starting to hurt. He released a primal scream, his young voice crackling like the dry forest floor of Leaf Fall. He could feel hints of tears welling up in the corner of his eyes and something about it made him feel all the more alive.

I am free! Nobody can tell me what to do or anymore!
---
Aspenpaw was both happy and scared to see the intensity of Flintpaw's yowls, so she started up another scream, as well.

She screamed for her clan, she screamed for Sorrelfire. She screamed for Dappleberry, Honeystorm, Bluegaze, Spiderkit, and Poppykit. She screamed for Flintpaw and the pain she knew she was sure she was feeling.

And most of all, she screamed for her father.

"WHERE DID YOU GO?!" she shouted off into the empty night, "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO?!"

She was crying with Flintpaw. She needed this. She needed to feel what she was going through. With every last claw and scratch to her heart, she took in the pain like an old friend. Sadness was better than nothingness- it was something she needed in order to heal.

But for now, she was just hurting. Each wound was being re-opened in order to heal properly. She was in pain, her friend was in pain, and they'd go through it together... Once they were done taking the most primal parts of it themselves, that is.
---
"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM FROM US, HUH?!" Flintpaw roared. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE SO MANY?! PEPPERFANG! LIONROAR! MUDSPLASH! LIZARDPAW! KOISPLASH!" He belted, his voice quickly becoming raw. All of his sorrows had suddenly sprung to life in his head, warm and familiar faces flashing before his eyes, all of which were long since dead or in unknown locations. Tears suddenly sprung to his eyes. "ASHSTEP! SORrelfire..." His voice faltered as he took a moment to asses the gruesome amount he had experienced.

"It's just so UNFAIR! He shrieked once again, his anger coming back to him as if it were a second wind.
---
Aspenpaw continued her blind, garbled roars. Clawing at the grass they stood on. The cold, black sky looked red with the blood of their loved ones. They knew that death was inevitable, but the reality was that they were already afraid. No cat their age should have to fear death, but they were living in times where life could be taken away in only a second.

She felt the streams of tears become a torrent as she continued her onslaught of never ending cries. She felt the slow creep of a headache reach the back of her eyes, but she pressed onward. This intense, horrible sadness could only be expressed in the way the duo was right now.
---
After what seemed to be about the entire night, Flintpaw's outrageous roars of protestant fury had subsided. His throat felt as if it had been gouged out by a badger and he was simply exhausted beyond all belief.

Yelling may even have only a tiny part of the blame when it came to him feeling tired, it was more than that. He was tired of being on the losing team, losing loved ones when you were losing battles like a bunch of losers; it made him feel sick! His clan had been chewed up and spat out again by circumstance and no amount of yelling can bring it back to it's nostalgic glory.

Flintpaw promptly plopped himself onto the ground and gazed absentmindedly up at the stars. I wonder if any of you guys are up there and saw this whole display.
---
Aspenpaw gave one last cry before slumping to the ground, letting her tears flow as freely as they'd always had that evening. A headache reared its ugly face, but the apprentice had decided to act as if it never existed.

What an odd way of mourning this all was. An unfiltered, uncontrolled shouting into the night. Maybe she was just bogged down from her tiredness, but she did feel a little better now.

"I'm glad I suggested this," she mewed with a voice like gravel, "Sometimes... you just need to feel heard, you know?"

But it wasn't because she called to her ancestors that made her feel heard- it was the fact that someone was with her to take it all in with her. Flintpaw knew exactly what she was going through, and he had taken in her tantrum as if it were water. She was heard now. She'd made her point. And the searing anger that itched in her paws had completely emptied out... for now, that is.

"... Are we going to be okay?" she once again pierced the air. Tonight really was something else- she was never one to speak without reason.
---
Flintpaw averted his gaze from the cold sky and upon his friend. After her question, he paused for a moment, unsure how to respond.

"Are we going to be okay?" That's a good one. Are we even okay now as it is?

"I'm...Not sure." He finally rasped. "Probably, I guess. The farther away we get from the old territories, the more safe we get. So physically, I'd say yes," He meowed, looking down at his paws as he continued, "However, after all of the great cats we have seen taken before our eyes. The absolute carnage we witnessed in that fateful battle, I'm not sure we can fully bounce back from that." He concluded solemnly. He looked back up at the now somewhat faded night sky. It's getting pretty late... He thought.

"So, Aspenpaw, what are we going to do now? Do we stay here and let them leave us behind; abandon the legacy of these fallen warriors that we are responsible for keeping in our hearts? Or do we come back to the clans and serve them with our lives and hope that we somehow find some kind of sustainable territory for everyone we have left?" He asked, coughing after saying so much with a raw voice.
---
At first, Aspenpaw didn't answer. She instead fixed her gaze onto the snowy stars above. On a normal night, the elegant moonlight and the dotted stars would feel welcoming, especially to a ShadeClan cat, but tonight, it had felt like the whole scene had clawed itself from leafbare. As if the scene were cruel, there were legends told about each star being a fallen warrior. Though Aspenpaw wasn't sure she believed in an afterlife anymore, the thought was especially haunting.

"... I don't know, Flintpaw," she answered honestly, shrugging her shoulders, "I mean, there's safety in numbers, but why should we go back? Yes, we need to honor everyone who died before us, but..."

She gave a sigh.

"... What about us? What would be best for us in the present, Flintpaw?"

She didn't like the selfish thought process at all, but for tonight, she was unfiltered. She was really able to speak her mind... It was something she hadn't been able to do in ages. Not since the first rainfalls of newleaf, really... Ever since the Wicked came, she'd been quiet, uncomplaining, but today had just pushed her off the edge. What maturity and honor she had before, it had vanished with tonight's starlight.

"Why should we go back to the cats who gave up on our family?" she continued, "Why should we go back, if they'd just as easily leave us behind, too?"
---
"Because there's still family left to go back to." Flintpaw replied sharply, only now just realizing how worried his own mother might be. "Great StarClan, how could've I forgotten?! Mother still needs me! Wolfpaw and Sparrowpaw still need me! As long as their still around, I am determined to remain loyal to my broken clan to the bitter end." He looked over at Aspenpaw, bight purpose in his eyes. "I would hope that you would feel similar for the likes of Sootwing and your siblings! They need you more than ever! And what about that uncle of yours? Aren't you one of the only cats he has left that means anything?!" He rambled passionately.

"Aspenpaw...I can tell you that I'm going back. Blazestrike may have been born a rouge but she still remains loyal to her clan; like her, I shall have no sense of entitlement to the finer things in life." He concluded, standing up to make his departure. "So...What are you going to do?"
---
She continued to cry, harder this time. Why had it been that the world wanted to test her now, of all times? She was always certain of what she wanted to do, it was in her character! All decisions were quick and decisive, and she'd always end up taking them to the grave... But maybe that was why she was so hesitant at this point in time.

"Sootwing and the others can survive without me," she murmured through her babbling tears, "It's not like I really talk to my siblings, anyway..."

She hiccuped when she tried to think further. Yes, she knew that her family would miss her, but it wasn't like Flintpaw's family, tightly-knit and half of them gone. Her family had been somewhat... scattered. Sure, she still spoke to Sootwing, but only her sister would really ever approach her to talk to her without reason. Webpaw would know what to do without her, and all Mumblepaw ever needed was Sootwing...

"Flintpaw, I know it sounds terrible, but I still don't know," she rumbled, "Flintpaw, please give me one more reason to come back. Anything."

She really did want a reason to return, but at the same time, maybe she was better off by herself. She had been a private cat, anyway... What if she was never meant to be a warrior in the first place? What if she was destined to abandon her corrupt clan, her home, for the sake of calling "every cat for themselves"? It was a specious notion, she knew, but maybe her life was out far beyond the clans, harbored in a twoleg place, or even a twoleg nest...
---
Flintpaw stared at her for a another hanging moment, pity flooding into his eyes.

Give her a reason? Why am I even doing this? Usually, when cats behave like such kits, I leave them be; I cannot tolerate weakness! So why...Why do I want her to stay? Weak cats just drag us down. A little voice in his head demanded him to take all he thought back; that it simply wasn't true, but why?!

He stared at her for another heart beat or so but quickly turned it away from her. His fur suddenly grew uncomfortably warm and it felt as though her olive green eyes were baring into his very being an was reading his every thought as if it were spoken aloud. Her grey fur glistened silver in the moonlight, her eyes shining brilliantly with tears. It reminded him of how his father had described the residents of StarClan; "Brilliantly lit cats with stars in their fur. Every one of them restored to their former glory."

Flintpaw couldn't agree more with this statement when it came to Aspenpaw in this moment, but why did he feel like this?!

Maybe it's because I need her.

He looked back up at her and coughed softly, suddenly feeling extremely self conscious. He had to tell her this so she might have a chance at staying, and yet... It was so hard!

He looked down at his paws, unable to look upon her brightly lit face. "Well,I need you, Aspenpaw! You make living in this situation tolerable and at times, dare I say, fun! I just...I don't know what I'd do without you..." He ranted, his fur finding itself to stand on edge as he made his passionate speech.

"So Aspenpaw, please, for my sake...Don't go..."
---
When the words hit the ear, Aspenpaw didn't take in the words as much as she should have. She was always used to her friend being a bit of a shallow, non-emotional tom who would lie in tight situations whenever he had the chance. Speaking to her in this way was something completely new, and it was therefore harder to understand truly what he was saying.

But, in a way, she had to agree. Other than what scattered family she had, she still had good-old Flintpaw to save the day. His stupid antics, the overzealous way he carried himself... so comical, and so familiar that she could never imagine him in any other way.

She still felt like a balled up wad of slime for not deeply caring about leaving her family, wanting to search for Ashstep until the days became years and the years lead to her death, but the idea that cats outside of her family cared about her made her concept of self improve by quite a bit.

She suddenly felt inspired.

"I'm sorry, Flintpaw," she repeated. This time, for herself.

His bright green eyes widened and gawked at her. And of course he did, the armored-heart tom had just poured all of his guts on the floor for her! She saw fires light in his eyes, and his face twisted up in an expression she'd never seen him wear before.

"I'm sorry that I ever wanted to leave."

----------

Pack your bags, kids; we're going on a feels trip! Thank Go Flintpaw was able to act like a freaking adult here; otherwise Aspenpaw would'eve left the clans for good holy moley!
The shipping begins...

Flintpw(stripe) belongs to me.
Aspenpaw(cloud) belongs to

----------
Points:
Full 25
Additional Character: (Aspenpaw) 10
Roleplay Transcript: 15
‣ Another 15 points also go to Sunny, if she wants them
TOTAL: 50 POINTS

Link to Feather Tracker:
Kracken-Of-The-Sea's Feather Tracker

Description
Flintpaw had just departed from a clan meeting and was over all feeling in a sour mood. Every time Crookedstar had given an announcement, he just felt a familiar emptiness well up inside of him. He couldn't quite pin point what triggered such a reaction within him, however he tried to avoid clan meetings all together.
Why did he feel this way? Was it due to the fact that Crookedstar wasn't capable enough and another leader could get her job done better that her? Was it because she had picked Slatestripe as a deputy when surely other cats could do a better job? Flintpaw believed with all of his heart that someone out there could do a better job! In fact, he had heard many stories of leader's past who have lead this clan a hundred times better than this!

Unfortunately, he simply couldn't figure out who this mysterious hero cat of his dreams was and it tore him apart at times like these.
---
For the past half moon, Aspenpaw had felt positively numb. The meeting had not mentioned what she had been hoping for the most... the location of her father. She knew that after the many nights traveled, that she might not ever see Ashstep again. At least she had her littermates, right? And Sootwing was still here...

... But whatever was stopping her from speaking at all was just too strong for her mind to get past. She heard rumors of a vigil planned in Ashstep's honor, and the thought made her not want to eat anymore. She felt weak in the legs, and a pang in her stomach, as she just sat there, blankly staring at the grass under her paws.

Sootwing had come by and coaxed her to get up, but Aspenpaw just couldn't. The spotted she-cat gave her a good lick on the ear before hesitantly leaving her daughter's side. The olive eyes of Aspenpaw were dark, and a million miles away. With every fiber in her being, she wanted to open up and speak to her Mama, like she always could as a kit. But as she focused more and more on her training, survival, and trying to not feel the wave of anguish that was sure to attack her every sense. She wanted her Mama, and she wanted her littermates back to the way they all once were.

They say that tragedy brings a family together, but Aspenpaw could just feel that it wouldn't be the same way for her. Mintpaw was as hopeful as ever, so certain that Ashstep would return. Webpaw tried not to think about it, and he immersed in his training. Mumblepaw was doing what she wished she could do, and stuck close to Sootwing, being openly afraid for his life and hers.

She felt like a mouse among rabbits, sometimes. Why this was the way it was with her own family, she'd never know.
---
Flintpaw had spotted a distraught Aspenpaw. He had wanted to console her, however, he simply wasn't in the mood for such things. No cat looked good after an announcement was made to stop looking for their dad. Sure, Aspenpaw was a tough cat and had plenty of litter mates to go cry to despite not really being one for that sort of thing, but he remembered whenever he felt bad like this his litter mates weren't very helpful when it hit too close to home.

He gave a sharp snort and made a stumbling dash towards an old beech tree with a gaping hole near it's roots. He didn't want to revisit this feeling of complete and utter helplessness. He didn't want to see Crookedstar's stupidly cruel face surveying the camp, and he didn't want to see anyone cry, including himself.
---
Aspenpaw was still stuck to the ground, as if her paws were tree roots. She just had to... think. Think about what could come next.

Her verdant eyes barely moved when it fixated on one thing after the other. The whispers from cat to cat and the laughter from one to another bounced off of her emptiness. She secretly hoped to be consoled by someone, anyone who could understand. Ringtail could, but couldn't understand why she's be so torn up about this. He hated his father, and he had hated Ashstep, as well.

Her pink-gray nose twitched when she caught the scent of a friend, lifting her hopes ever so slightly. Fintpaw wasn't one for sympathy, or emotional conversations, but any talk was good talk right about now. Even if she couldn't mourn, maybe he could be a distraction.

But she stayed put, and kept her eyes straight ahead. It hadn't rained at all since the day Ashstep had disappeared, and the wind was disturbingly warm.
---
Flintpaw sat in the darkness with his back to the mouth of his literal panic room, sucking in deep breaths as to stifle all of his primal emotional responses. He wanted to yell at the top of his lungs. He had wanted to run bawling to his mother like a kit. He wanted to give Crookedstar such a beating that her weird smile would be set straight for once!

How DARE she stop looking for Sorrelfire?! He stopped breathing for a second; that wasn't the topic at hand! He was mad about someone else's loss, right? A true warrior din't cling to his own past after all. I meant looking for Ashstep. I know that... He continued his frantic breaths as if he had been underwater for a long time, only this time he had picked up the scent of Aspenpaw. Sadness and desperation soon overtook him. No one seemed to understand his long term anguish. Wolfpaw did not understand. Sparrowpaw did not understand! They were too close to the problem to come even close to understanding his personal torment. He took in a final breath and tilted his head slightly to see the outline of Aspenpaw at the corner of his eye.

"Aspenpaw?" He croaked sorrowfully.
---
Aspenpaw flattened her black ears to her head, but still kept her empty eyes locked on something only she could see. She twitched her whiskers and huffed in recognition.

From her peripheral vision, she spotted the same face as Fintpaw... except it wasn't like his normal self. Nope, not at all. This surprised her- she swiveled her head over to him in surprise. At last, the numbness was pieced by something. She still felt weakened in her entire being, but that horrible look on her confident friend's face was startling.

"You don't wear sadness well, Flintpaw," she informed him. His bright green eyes almost looked tearful.
---
"Thanks. I know." He muttered, attempting make it seem as if it was a joke out of the mere fact that the might Flintpaw felt emotions other than mischief. He turned his head as far as it would go to spot her; she too displayed an unfitting saddened expression. "You don't wear it well either." He rasped, trying with all of his will not to let too much anger and sorrow flood out at once. He took in a loud wet sniff and promptly returned his face back to his wall, watching a black beetle wriggle and fall to the earthy floor. He let out a few light coughs that were dangerously close to sobs and he contorted his face, screwing it into a neutral state as if to ward off a deep set frown. He took in one last sharp breath before he began to break.

"I hate this. I hate this a lot." He breathed shakily, squeezing his little green eyes shut.
---
Aspenpaw nodded, but couldn't respond. Her voice kept on getting trapped in her throat. It had only been two weeks! Surely they could keep on looking. Even if it were for not! Seeing Ashstep dead or alive would give her closure, something she could get past.

The she-cat decided to scoot over to Flinpaw's side without energy. She'd crack a joke about how she was still taller than him if it weren't such a bad time. This was her joke buddy- someone she could have a laugh with. But when they were both quiet, sad, and dumbfounded... She couldn't find the foothold she was always so used to.

She let the black tom lean on her side. He'd grown so skinny and light over the last moon that had passed. Something must have hit him one day, because he had been acting like the shell of him old self. She hoped that for both of their sakes that he'd get better, soon.

Aspenpaw felt his breathing roughen the slightest bit. She had decided to say nothing, and keep looking straight ahead once more.
---
"I know it's up to a leader to make all of the rough decisions." He mumbled. "I just-" He covered a sharp intake of breath with a light cough. "I just don't understand; why does she keep leaving so many great cats behind?" He growled. "It's just not fair. It's not fair to us that she keeps leaving these guys behind! Why couldn't we just wait an extra day or two? Ashstep is an asset for the clan, unlike some of these guys you just chose to wait around for!" He blubbered angrily, replacing Ashstep's mention with his own father in his head; this was a healthy way to vent while helping Aspenpaw.
---
Aspenpaw nodded blindly, listening to Flintpaw, but not hearing him. She knew that the tom was at his emotional limit, but didn't dare comment on it. He had always prided himself on being as tough as nails; a survivor, and at this point in time, it was all he really had left.

Cautiously, Aspenpaw lifted her white-tipped tail and laid it on his back. Though she was the one who was just being affected by the recent disappearance, she could tell that Flintpaw was sneaking his own fears and sadness into his words. She was an intuitive cat, and she'd known him for moons now.

"I'm sorry, Flintpaw," she meowed at a normal volume. He was having as just a bad time as she was. Though she wasn't the one who needed to be apologizing, she could tell by how he'd been acting for their whole apprenticeship that he needed some apology. Some compensation.
---
"Sorry? You? Sorry?" He asked with a somewhat irritated laugh. "What did you do? Loose your dad? No, Aspenpaw, Crookedstar should be the sorry one." He spat bitterly.

She wasn't even the leader dad would've wanted; she was the Stormstar guy's deputy and he didn't even last three moons! That may have been my father's only lapse of judgment in his life and it may have just costed him it!

He twisted his face, filling with absolute rage. He was unable to articulate his thoughts despite it being the best opportunity for him to do so.

"I just hate feeling so...Angry all the time, you know?" He sobbed violently. "I hate every little thing that has happened in these past moons and everyone in charge of our deteriorating clans, I mean just look at us!" He laughed bitterly. "We're no better than some nomadic loners! Loners without a concern for who looses their freaking families and just expects them to be a good warrior when all they really want is their father!" He shrieked, no longer concerned with getting noticed by his clanmates.

I may be a pathetic mess right now, but I could not care less. He assured himself.
---
"I... can understand..." she mewed with an unintentional waver in her voice, "W-we have to do what's best for the greater good, Flintpaw, and..."

She had to stop herself. Yes, what she was saying was logical and the only thing that made sense here, her emotions decided to hijack her thoughts right there. She let the tom keep crying into her before she continued.

"It wasn't fair to just leave Sorrelfire when we lost him," she agreed, heat growing in her voice, "He was our leader, once upon a time, and though he was strong, that missing leg had to have given him trouble."

Given us trouble.

Conspiracy theories never made sense and were laughed at by everyone including herself, but in this time of absolute grief, it would help her cope.

"W-what if she did it on purpose?" she asked quietly, "What if she stopped looking for him as quickly as she did because he was a slow walker? And what if she left Papa behind because... because..."

She couldn't find a reason for Ashstep, but she still had to find something to grab onto.
---
"Because he has a rivalry with Ringtail?" Flintpaw spat bitterly. "Think about it; Ringtail is a warrior without mercy which can be seen as 'stronger'. Ashstep may have been a distraction from other threats; they may have wanted to give him an enemy that wasn't in the clan, to help his direct his rivalry at real time threats, you know? Hah! Great StarClanI'm going to kill that wrenched tyrant!" He hissed, his claws tearing up the ground beneath him.

"Father! Where'd you go?! Are you dead?! Are you dead like Poppykit, Spiderkit, and Icewing? Are you all hanging out there in StarClan together, waiting for vengance; to throw the careless leader into the Dark Forrest?" He rambled softly, his eyes glazing over with anger. He could literally feel himself shutting down; his breath became shallow, his eyesight grew dazed, and his nose began to run furiously from the surplus of tears he was holding back.
---
"Do you ever... just feel like screaming?" she asked him seriously. She felt a tear roll down her face as she said it.

When Flintpaw looked at her quizzically, the whites of his eyes were reddened and both eyes were puffy. It really hurt her to see him like this... she also understood why the suggestion confused him. She was always one who was quiet, reclused herself and thought things out until it was all better all on her own.

"Let's go far away from here," she continued, "If they leave us behind, who cares? Let's just go to some hill somewhere and... Scream."
---
Flintpaw sat silence, tears simply flowing freely down his cheeks without much input. He really did like the idea of yelling mindlessly right now. As usual, Aspenpaw knows just what to do. He concluded, feeling comforted by the she-cat.

"Y-Yeah. That does sound like a good idea. At this point I wonder if I even have a preference of staying in the clan or leaving." He admitted darkly. His eyes flashed with anger and mischief, almost like his normal self. "Hey, I'll race ya there!" He yowled, clambering out of the dank beech tree den.
---
Eyes flashing at the mention of a race, Aspenpaw was instantly happy.

"Who do you think I am, Slugfoot?" she mewed, glad to muster up some feeling- it had been even greater that it ended up being a spark of joy.

"And with leaving the clan... We'll just figure it out when we get there,"

Their racing was ceremonious. It always was. The dramatic crouching, the evil-eyes. It was a constant in these mad times, in their mad times. An escape from the craziness, and outlet for the grief.

"Ready... Set..."

And like she always did, she gave Flintpaw the signal to start. She turned her head over to the tom, her olive eyes as bright as the old days. He needed the futile extra second to stand a chance. They both knew it.
---
Flintpaw dashed up ahead. "Just try to keep up, Brokenpaw!" He roared, an odd mixture of familiar glee and rage still controlling his thoughts. He knew full and well he simply wasn't even going to win a race against her, however that simply wasn't the point of this! The both need to do something that made them happy and distracted enough to forget their troubles even if it just for a few moments.

Flintpaw had begun to whoop and holler blindly into the night, zigzagging wildly as he avoided the surrounding trees at the last possible moment. He felt almost as if he was flying! He felt as if he could simply take to the skies away from this cruel situation they had found themselves in.
---
Now this was something new. Running blindly into the dark... Her sense told her that it was stupid, but the rest of her wanted the thrill.

The darkness cast by the night left everything else with the color of silver and darker. The tree leaves- gray. The grasses beneath them- darker gray. Working with the monochrome visual cues, she was able to meet up with Flintpaw's tail, and then his nose. They were now neck-and-neck- the best part of these races.

She saw the tom scramble for a leap over an unseen obstacle, and Aspenpaw timed it to leap over the same thing. Whether it was a rock or a tangle of brambles, it was gone. Behind her now.

She butted his shoulder with her own, laughing at the imagine expression on his face. Like the good old times, and their hammed-up rivalry...
---
Flintpaw suddenly took a sharp turn to face Aspenpaw as her head lightly butted his shoulder. Adrenaline and humor soon white washed every thought that he had.

"Oh, okay, I see how it is! You wanna go? You feeling tough?! Fight me one on one!" He challenged playfully, bouncing from side to side in a strongly exaggerated fashion. By now, impulse had completely taken over. "Come on! Put 'em up! I'll even let you get the first hit since you're just a cute little featherweight!"
---
Chuckling with hysteria, Aspenpaw decided to peel ahead of him, "You'll have to catch me first!"

Though the happiness was overpowering, she knew that it was only temporary. Like a poppy seed, it would wear of after awhile. But in the moment, she didn't care. She let thoughts about her father fly off in the dark, and her anger towards their leader evaporate from her core for at least this moment.

She felt the speed of her running decrease as they met a slight uphill. It was perfect- they would be like wolves when they reached the top.
---
"Oh trust me; I'll catch you!" He yelled, bolting up the hill with all of his might. He felt almost as if he was actually catching up with her; how exiting! For once running for running's sake felt...Fun! He could certainly see the excitement with it even without the competitive elements to it.

"You can't run forever!" He panted as he was beginning to see what was beyond the top of the hill. Tops of trees and specks of stary light was starting to shine brilliantly in the dusky sky.
---
She decided to fake the tom out by coming to an abrupt stop, letting him fly right past her. Laughing, she started to chant.

"Missed me, missed me!" she laughed. He turned back around in confusion, but his bright eyes were already too late. She easily picked up to her full speed and barreled herself at Flintpaw, effectively tackling him easily to the soft grass of the ground.

The two rolled the rest of their way up their tall hill, and here she could clearly see the tom in the moonlight. She was happy to see that he was happy between tussles, but still saw the pushed back anguish still swimming in the back of his mind. She probably looked like that, too, but this wasn't the time for that. It was still time for play.
---
"You're going to get it now!" He laughed, stubborn to not let her pin him down. Although it was somewhat tiring to keep them rolling up the hill, he kept it going, hoping for an opening to jump downhill and descend upon his rival.

It had been so long since he'd had a decent tussle without the critiques of near by mentoring warriors. This was simply blind play; a concept that was near death in his mind that was only just now jump started back to it's original glory. This type of behavior would earn them a scolding if they would be at camp, but luckily for them, ShadeClan didn't matter to them for once in their young lives.

By now, the rivaling dynamic duo had almost reached the hill's peak, their tussling slowing with each heart beat they continued.
---
She swiped left, ducked right, and relished each toss as if it were her last. This was one of the last nights either of them would really get to be a kit, so she was going to make the most of it.

She lightly nipped at Flintpaw's ear, and felt the weight shift around just as she did so. The black cat was so hard to clearly spot under night's shadows, and he'd taken full advantage of it. Tactical as always- it was something any warrior could appreciate. Something she always liked about him.

"I'll get you yet!" she gurgled under the weight of the tom's paws. Sure enough, she thrusted the smaller cat off of her.

Everything was so vividly alive under the star light. It almost took her back to simpler times, back when their dads were still alive. Back when just leaving home was a thrill they would never forget.
---
Flintpaw swiftly rebounded, bouncing off of the down slanting hill's vantage point. He leaped behind Aspenpaw and quickly butted his head into her side, effectively pushing her slightly up the hill. After this one push had proven itself to be ineffective, he gently took her by the scruff and hoisted her to the top with a grunt of effort.

"Ha! I finally caught you!" He declared triumphantly, looking around the scenery he was newly presented with. Bright icy light flickered in the now young night and reflected off of the plantlife around them. The oak and maple trees seemed almost as if they were glowing with a dull aura.

The night's light was as beautiful as it was cold. It reminded them as their typical day to day routine; bouncing from one place to another, absent of any feeling of home and security. Normally scenes such as the likes of these would make him feel utterly alone, but with Aspenpaw here with him he felt the companionship and confidence that he thought was long since absent.
---
When Aspenpaw managed to roll away from the tom's paws, she stood up, tipped her head to the sky, and gave a primal scream.

It had been a long time since she'd felt this alive, with everyone dying left and right and little food to ever go around.

She was like a wolf when she howled to the moon to the cats in StarClan that had abandoned them above. They were both likely to die young, but if only for tonight, they were here, they were alive.

The howls clawed at her throat like a fox's fangs, but she didn't much care. The volume showed the world that she was here, and it helped her realize, too, that she still had the energy to live life to its full extent.
---
Flintpaw looked over at a suddenly screaming Aspenpaw, eagerness setting his eyes aflame. He very quickly joined her in her dog like cries of despair. He let out a piercing yowl, throwing his head back as he went.

Flintpaw belted out a second and a third one, barely taking the time to breathe in between them. He felt very faint as he continued, but he simply couldn't find it in himself to stop. His fury had been eating at him from the inside for seasons and only now was he beginning to feel somewhat alleviated from it.

He sucked in a breath so deep that his chest and throat was starting to hurt. He released a primal scream, his young voice crackling like the dry forest floor of Leaf Fall. He could feel hints of tears welling up in the corner of his eyes and something about it made him feel all the more alive.

I am free! Nobody can tell me what to do or anymore!
---
Aspenpaw was both happy and scared to see the intensity of Flintpaw's yowls, so she started up another scream, as well.

She screamed for her clan, she screamed for Sorrelfire. She screamed for Dappleberry, Honeystorm, Bluegaze, Spiderkit, and Poppykit. She screamed for Flintpaw and the pain she knew she was sure she was feeling.

And most of all, she screamed for her father.

"WHERE DID YOU GO?!" she shouted off into the empty night, "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO?!"

She was crying with Flintpaw. She needed this. She needed to feel what she was going through. With every last claw and scratch to her heart, she took in the pain like an old friend. Sadness was better than nothingness- it was something she needed in order to heal.

But for now, she was just hurting. Each wound was being re-opened in order to heal properly. She was in pain, her friend was in pain, and they'd go through it together... Once they were done taking the most primal parts of it themselves, that is.
---
"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM FROM US, HUH?!" Flintpaw roared. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE SO MANY?! PEPPERFANG! LIONROAR! MUDSPLASH! LIZARDPAW! KOISPLASH!" He belted, his voice quickly becoming raw. All of his sorrows had suddenly sprung to life in his head, warm and familiar faces flashing before his eyes, all of which were long since dead or in unknown locations. Tears suddenly sprung to his eyes. "ASHSTEP! SORrelfire..." His voice faltered as he took a moment to asses the gruesome amount he had experienced.

"It's just so UNFAIR! He shrieked once again, his anger coming back to him as if it were a second wind.
---
Aspenpaw continued her blind, garbled roars. Clawing at the grass they stood on. The cold, black sky looked red with the blood of their loved ones. They knew that death was inevitable, but the reality was that they were already afraid. No cat their age should have to fear death, but they were living in times where life could be taken away in only a second.

She felt the streams of tears become a torrent as she continued her onslaught of never ending cries. She felt the slow creep of a headache reach the back of her eyes, but she pressed onward. This intense, horrible sadness could only be expressed in the way the duo was right now.
---
After what seemed to be about the entire night, Flintpaw's outrageous roars of protestant fury had subsided. His throat felt as if it had been gouged out by a badger and he was simply exhausted beyond all belief.

Yelling may even have only a tiny part of the blame when it came to him feeling tired, it was more than that. He was tired of being on the losing team, losing loved ones when you were losing battles like a bunch of losers; it made him feel sick! His clan had been chewed up and spat out again by circumstance and no amount of yelling can bring it back to it's nostalgic glory.

Flintpaw promptly plopped himself onto the ground and gazed absentmindedly up at the stars. I wonder if any of you guys are up there and saw this whole display.
---
Aspenpaw gave one last cry before slumping to the ground, letting her tears flow as freely as they'd always had that evening. A headache reared its ugly face, but the apprentice had decided to act as if it never existed.

What an odd way of mourning this all was. An unfiltered, uncontrolled shouting into the night. Maybe she was just bogged down from her tiredness, but she did feel a little better now.

"I'm glad I suggested this," she mewed with a voice like gravel, "Sometimes... you just need to feel heard, you know?"

But it wasn't because she called to her ancestors that made her feel heard- it was the fact that someone was with her to take it all in with her. Flintpaw knew exactly what she was going through, and he had taken in her tantrum as if it were water. She was heard now. She'd made her point. And the searing anger that itched in her paws had completely emptied out... for now, that is.

"... Are we going to be okay?" she once again pierced the air. Tonight really was something else- she was never one to speak without reason.
---
Flintpaw averted his gaze from the cold sky and upon his friend. After her question, he paused for a moment, unsure how to respond.

"Are we going to be okay?" That's a good one. Are we even okay now as it is?

"I'm...Not sure." He finally rasped. "Probably, I guess. The farther away we get from the old territories, the more safe we get. So physically, I'd say yes," He meowed, looking down at his paws as he continued, "However, after all of the great cats we have seen taken before our eyes. The absolute carnage we witnessed in that fateful battle, I'm not sure we can fully bounce back from that." He concluded solemnly. He looked back up at the now somewhat faded night sky. It's getting pretty late... He thought.

"So, Aspenpaw, what are we going to do now? Do we stay here and let them leave us behind; abandon the legacy of these fallen warriors that we are responsible for keeping in our hearts? Or do we come back to the clans and serve them with our lives and hope that we somehow find some kind of sustainable territory for everyone we have left?" He asked, coughing after saying so much with a raw voice.
---
At first, Aspenpaw didn't answer. She instead fixed her gaze onto the snowy stars above. On a normal night, the elegant moonlight and the dotted stars would feel welcoming, especially to a ShadeClan cat, but tonight, it had felt like the whole scene had clawed itself from leafbare. As if the scene were cruel, there were legends told about each star being a fallen warrior. Though Aspenpaw wasn't sure she believed in an afterlife anymore, the thought was especially haunting.

"... I don't know, Flintpaw," she answered honestly, shrugging her shoulders, "I mean, there's safety in numbers, but why should we go back? Yes, we need to honor everyone who died before us, but..."

She gave a sigh.

"... What about us? What would be best for us in the present, Flintpaw?"

She didn't like the selfish thought process at all, but for tonight, she was unfiltered. She was really able to speak her mind... It was something she hadn't been able to do in ages. Not since the first rainfalls of newleaf, really... Ever since the Wicked came, she'd been quiet, uncomplaining, but today had just pushed her off the edge. What maturity and honor she had before, it had vanished with tonight's starlight.

"Why should we go back to the cats who gave up on our family?" she continued, "Why should we go back, if they'd just as easily leave us behind, too?"
---
"Because there's still family left to go back to." Flintpaw replied sharply, only now just realizing how worried his own mother might be. "Great StarClan, how could've I forgotten?! Mother still needs me! Wolfpaw and Sparrowpaw still need me! As long as their still around, I am determined to remain loyal to my broken clan to the bitter end." He looked over at Aspenpaw, bight purpose in his eyes. "I would hope that you would feel similar for the likes of Sootwing and your siblings! They need you more than ever! And what about that uncle of yours? Aren't you one of the only cats he has left that means anything?!" He rambled passionately.

"Aspenpaw...I can tell you that I'm going back. Blazestrike may have been born a rouge but she still remains loyal to her clan; like her, I shall have no sense of entitlement to the finer things in life." He concluded, standing up to make his departure. "So...What are you going to do?"
---
She continued to cry, harder this time. Why had it been that the world wanted to test her now, of all times? She was always certain of what she wanted to do, it was in her character! All decisions were quick and decisive, and she'd always end up taking them to the grave... But maybe that was why she was so hesitant at this point in time.

"Sootwing and the others can survive without me," she murmured through her babbling tears, "It's not like I really talk to my siblings, anyway..."

She hiccuped when she tried to think further. Yes, she knew that her family would miss her, but it wasn't like Flintpaw's family, tightly-knit and half of them gone. Her family had been somewhat... scattered. Sure, she still spoke to Sootwing, but only her sister would really ever approach her to talk to her without reason. Webpaw would know what to do without her, and all Mumblepaw ever needed was Sootwing...

"Flintpaw, I know it sounds terrible, but I still don't know," she rumbled, "Flintpaw, please give me one more reason to come back. Anything."

She really did want a reason to return, but at the same time, maybe she was better off by herself. She had been a private cat, anyway... What if she was never meant to be a warrior in the first place? What if she was destined to abandon her corrupt clan, her home, for the sake of calling "every cat for themselves"? It was a specious notion, she knew, but maybe her life was out far beyond the clans, harbored in a twoleg place, or even a twoleg nest...
---
Flintpaw stared at her for a another hanging moment, pity flooding into his eyes.

Give her a reason? Why am I even doing this? Usually, when cats behave like such kits, I leave them be; I cannot tolerate weakness! So why...Why do I want her to stay? Weak cats just drag us down. A little voice in his head demanded him to take all he thought back; that it simply wasn't true, but why?!

He stared at her for another heart beat or so but quickly turned it away from her. His fur suddenly grew uncomfortably warm and it felt as though her olive green eyes were baring into his very being an was reading his every thought as if it were spoken aloud. Her grey fur glistened silver in the moonlight, her eyes shining brilliantly with tears. It reminded him of how his father had described the residents of StarClan; "Brilliantly lit cats with stars in their fur. Every one of them restored to their former glory."

Flintpaw couldn't agree more with this statement when it came to Aspenpaw in this moment, but why did he feel like this?!

Maybe it's because I need her.

He looked back up at her and coughed softly, suddenly feeling extremely self conscious. He had to tell her this so she might have a chance at staying, and yet... It was so hard!

He looked down at his paws, unable to look upon her brightly lit face. "Well,I need you, Aspenpaw! You make living in this situation tolerable and at times, dare I say, fun! I just...I don't know what I'd do without you..." He ranted, his fur finding itself to stand on edge as he made his passionate speech.

"So Aspenpaw, please, for my sake...Don't go..."
---
When the words hit the ear, Aspenpaw didn't take in the words as much as she should have. She was always used to her friend being a bit of a shallow, non-emotional tom who would lie in tight situations whenever he had the chance. Speaking to her in this way was something completely new, and it was therefore harder to understand truly what he was saying.

But, in a way, she had to agree. Other than what scattered family she had, she still had good-old Flintpaw to save the day. His stupid antics, the overzealous way he carried himself... so comical, and so familiar that she could never imagine him in any other way.

She still felt like a balled up wad of slime for not deeply caring about leaving her family, wanting to search for Ashstep until the days became years and the years lead to her death, but the idea that cats outside of her family cared about her made her concept of self improve by quite a bit.

She suddenly felt inspired.

"I'm sorry, Flintpaw," she repeated. This time, for herself.

His bright green eyes widened and gawked at her. And of course he did, the armored-heart tom had just poured all of his guts on the floor for her! She saw fires light in his eyes, and his face twisted up in an expression she'd never seen him wear before.

"I'm sorry that I ever wanted to leave."

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Pack your bags, kids; we're going on a feels trip! Thank Go Flintpaw was able to act like a freaking adult here; otherwise Aspenpaw would'eve left the clans for good holy moley!
The shipping begins...

Flintpw(stripe) belongs to me.
Aspenpaw(cloud) belongs to

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Points:
Full 25
Additional Character: (Aspenpaw) 10
Roleplay Transcript: 15
‣ Another 15 points also go to Sunny, if she wants them
TOTAL: 50 POINTS

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Kracken-Of-The-Sea's Feather Tracker