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Learning to breathe
Published: 2002-11-22 01:38:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 3676; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 379
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Learning to breathe W8BNMSWD V Cº»1º»1 mBIN€ ‚�³ð ÐÏࡱá > þÿ & ( þÿÿÿ % ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿì¥Á s ¿ × jbjbÀ À ªk ªk × ÿÿ ÿÿ ÿÿ ] ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ æ æ æ æ æ ò æ � ê > @ @ @ @ @ @ , k ô _ ‚ l ¢ l – ¢ ¢ – – – " ¢ ¢ > ¶ Î ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ > – ¨ – > ¢ ¢ > Á9º æ æ < Z > You walked on waterand I raced up to touch your feet.
Tried to pull you under–
be your breath
but got lost in the waves,
beached on glacial shores.
Muddied hands with silt
and painted the names
of those who have run
palms down belly softly
across my abdomen.
You got lost in constellations
and psychodynamic theory;
blinded by the sunlight
when you were just close
enough to touch it.
I renamed you once more
for good measure.
We do this in knots,
count the tension marks up my back.
Proof of earthquake activity.
My pulse shakes
as this building breaks
and you will take me out of myself for the sake of being able
to find yourself as change
forgotten in my pocket bottoms.
Turning my head
when you hit the side walk,
smash the glass– embedded.
In your step I lost faith,
like everything else– underwater.
My tank cracked
the fish flailing from my cupped
left hand, cradled next to my chest.
I could save one if only
to be alright tomorrow,
awake the next morning.
Things seem to fall away like that.
You found me naked and scaled,
floating in your bed.
No sense of movement
in your lips on mine.
Blue and purpled kisscoldtouch.
We are silent like blindness.
I am lost like breath.
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Kim McDowell 2SORTú € 2 STR
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Comments: 39
Damn, 2002? DA lasted longer than I thought. Was this always corrupted, by the way?
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i wouldn't change one word. it's too perfect this way.
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well just this morning I woke up to find a message on my irc client.... and it left me breathless with my heart sprinting as if it wanted to come out of my chest.... I was furious!!
Then again I said wtf am I making myself miserable for? but then I read this and to tell you the truth I was left speechless... and breathles.... I tried to recall what happened (regarding the msg) and I managed to clear my mind.. mia culpa! (my fault!) let's get on with life and thanks for the inspiration....
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funny.... and strange it seems beyond symbolism and into the relm of b-movie SiFi, 80's puppeter horror movies and Robo Cop 2&3.
Odd work.
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Quite a beautiful piece. Touching and moving.
Wonderful work.
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wow....The last three lines kinda....I don't know. It made me feel, or think..something. What it is I don't know what, but life is a discovery and I'll find out sooner or later...
Ooh...I feel enlightened....What a powerful peace. I mean, all poems are words and sentences interlaced with thought, feelings, the author's soul, and...- What I'm trying to say (very uneloquently) is that this is so moving I have just realised my computer is a metre away from were it originally was a minute ago.
Well done, you. I am SO moved. I am SO amazed. I mean....wow. Im going to shut up now..... as I am rambling but..yeah....you are amazing.......keep writing stuff......wow.
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I love this poem, everything about it, the language, the feeling of movement, the shockingly quick snaps between images. I really loved the way the poem scythed through my emotions in so few short lines, it will never feel the same on the second read, I know this is true of most poems that "affect" people, but this one especially.
Some of the lines really stand out, very punchy and hard hitting, beautiful contrast with some of the softest, most careful lines i've read in a long while. I think the contrasts in the poem actually help BUILD the tension of the piece because until the last three lines, you dont know what the conclusion will be.
Excellently written, I think this falls nicely between the emotional stance of personal feeling and experience and the more clinical aspects of discription and meaning between the lines.
I enjoyed this for the original way it was written, a well deserved DD.
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I could never compliment this piece as well as everyone else already has. let alone as well as I feel it deserves.
Instead I will simply say thank you for sharing this amazing work with us all.
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I am a pretty smart person when it comes to some things, but I couldnt understand what this poem was trying to say.
There were a few parts I didnt like, but my favorite was "i am lost like breath" the rest i just couldnt understand at all.
im gonna get bashed for this
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poems dont usually take me by the hair and lead me around like this one did, good job!
pac man likes it, A+
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thats the most beautiful poem i've ever read....thats definetly going to be a FAV...if i can get it to work, lol
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Lovely twist back to the beginning with the last line. Be your breath, only to become lost.
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god.. the way you conveyed the feeling in this poem threw beautifully written metaphors really makes me shiver, i was truly caught in every word that you typed, as i absorbed there greater meaning... great job man, kudos
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Wow. A DD for poetry that's actually good. This doesn't happen often. Congratulations.
maria
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this is fabulous. loved the yearning to be their breath, and in doing so a wish to harm them emerges. and renaming... that strikes me with the familiarity of someone who wanted to reshape the person they loved so that i was their world. i like the concept of ownership that's mirrored here with the fish cradled in your hand. i must say that 'across my abdomen' did jar a little when i read it, and i thought the ending should have come at 'in your lips on mine'. but overall, this is beautiful.
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i read it already
and it's gorgeous!!
great talent!
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i'm more visual type, so i'll vote for the image which i find gorgeous!!
i'll read it whan i catch time.
but i'm sure allready it's a for me!
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Very impressive. I need to start paying attention to the Daily Deviations again.
Everyone else pretty much got the same out of this that I did.
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*grins*
So happy to have commented before the DD--and a well-deserved Daily Deviation it is!
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i love the line 'over my abdomen'
it made it so
intimate
sharing something with the reader
bringing them in
amazing
i love it
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there is some very amazing imagery here. I really enjoyed that first couple of lines.
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Very beautiful language and imagery - this is a gorgeous poem.
It really deserves DD - and about a hundred more comments. Preferably more detailed than this one. n.n;;;
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this poem has the promise of greatness.
second stanza: 'across my abdomen...' is redundant and i think you can lose it without loss in the tension of the piece. there is a shift in the imagery from reference to sky, beaches, earthquake, and shattered aquariums... considering what transitions best, you might consider removing the earthquake reference and stay closer and true to your sky-beach-contained/shattered ocean imagery.
food for thought.
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well, this is one of few writings that left my mouth wide open in awe. +fav.
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Interesting....
I'm so glad to see some writing get DD.
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that..brought tears to my eyes, and i'm serious. It was terribly awesomely beautiful, and for once someone pulled a string attatched to my heart. In a sense i'm afraid, but because it touches me so deeply all i feel is..
..nothing...
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Positively impressed. Feels kind of transcendentalist, a sort of transference between objects of a similar spiritual nature. This poem is a journey, and that's something that all poets should strive for.
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Very somber. This has some very interesting levels as you peel it back.
-JD-
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Those last three lines are a great summing up to such a really, really good poem
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O! The relation. I ripped my heart out again when I read this. Those times with her...
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