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instead of sleeping like a normal person im up drawing and playing video games at 2am because im so anxious about school
its like..i don't even wanna go to school anymore. even driving by it on weekends makes my stomach do a complete 180. i know i have to go to school..but i just can't. i've already missed too many days(and failed 2 classes this semester because of it) and if i miss another one im gonna fail 9th completely.
i feel so defeated honestly...i was determined to kick highschools ass and here i am. up at 2am crying like im 4 years old again over stuff i can't really control. it gets hard to remind myself that things get better,especially when im like this. i really want to push harder and do well for the people i care about(my best friend and a few others, and of course people here) but i feel like i can't. some days are hard and they suck.(that sounded alot better in my head) i don't want to disapoint everyone again. its so hard to keep up the illusion that im happy when im not. i cant let my friends know that i feel like im breaking down,because their lives are so awful compared to mine, which in retrospect, really isn't that bad. it makes me feel so awful for constantly complaining and whining all the time. i just wish i had someone to talk to about all of this. i've never felt more disconnected and distant. its been..5 months into high school and i feel like i haven't connected with anyone. i really hate spending lunch by myself because it drags on for HOURS(30-40 minutes). its even worse seeing people walk with their friends like normal..i wish i could do that im sorry to everyone here, deviantart is one of my last outlets(besides video games and art). i can't help but feel like an attention hog sometimes aha

Description
instead of sleeping like a normal person im up drawing and playing video games at 2am because im so anxious about school
its like..i don't even wanna go to school anymore. even driving by it on weekends makes my stomach do a complete 180. i know i have to go to school..but i just can't. i've already missed too many days(and failed 2 classes this semester because of it) and if i miss another one im gonna fail 9th completely.
i feel so defeated honestly...i was determined to kick highschools ass and here i am. up at 2am crying like im 4 years old again over stuff i can't really control. it gets hard to remind myself that things get better,especially when im like this. i really want to push harder and do well for the people i care about(my best friend and a few others, and of course people here) but i feel like i can't. some days are hard and they suck.(that sounded alot better in my head) i don't want to disapoint everyone again. its so hard to keep up the illusion that im happy when im not. i cant let my friends know that i feel like im breaking down,because their lives are so awful compared to mine, which in retrospect, really isn't that bad. it makes me feel so awful for constantly complaining and whining all the time. i just wish i had someone to talk to about all of this. i've never felt more disconnected and distant. its been..5 months into high school and i feel like i haven't connected with anyone. i really hate spending lunch by myself because it drags on for HOURS(30-40 minutes). its even worse seeing people walk with their friends like normal..i wish i could do that im sorry to everyone here, deviantart is one of my last outlets(besides video games and art). i can't help but feel like an attention hog sometimes aha