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Description
((𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐭.))
Alt title: Prisoner Of My Own Mind

I haven't been doing well for the past few months. It's a LOOOT and it's not something I'm super comfortable sharing with just anyone who isn't a family member or super close friend (as of now), plus I'm exhausted. ;;
The title and this drawing in general, is inspired by AJR's The Good Part - www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il5Lk3… I relate to this song SO much. That, and it makes me think of someone and it hurts a lot

But I'll explain what this drawing represents and what I've been feeling like a little bit
I’ve been struggling with severe anxiety and depression and really BAD thoughts. I've also been having mental breakdowns. It’s awful...
I’m so sick and tired…
I've been going from being happy to extremely depressed super quick and it’s frustrating af to say the least. I hate that I rely on other's too much for my own happiness and self worth.
I feel trapped. I desperately just want to be happy, I want these feeling and thoughts to just STOP.
But I don’t want to be happy only for a short amount of time, I want the intrusive thoughts to go away forever. And I want to be able to make MYSELF happy.
This represents desperately trying to reach the light, but no matter how hard I try, I feel like I can’t ever escape the dark thoughts that creep back into my mind.
I’ve been hurting so fucking badly you have no idea. The feeling of worthlessness and loneliness is becoming too much for me. I worry I'm gonna die alone.
The intrusive thoughts and paranoia keep coming back over and over and over. "Do they actually love me or tolerate me? Am I annoying? Am I fun to be around anymore? Am I an idiot and people just pity me? Did *I* do something wrong??" Kind of thoughts. I have abandonment issues. I'm so scared of losing my close friends, I've had vivid nightmares about it. Recently a repressed memory was triggered; I'm having PTSD/trauma episodes. It's not fun.
There's a lot more I'm really struggling badly with but I'm not gonna get into that. I might write a journal entry about this tbh because honestly it's so relieving to me to get it out, but I'll think about it idk...

Just wanna reassure everyone I DO have people supporting me and a therapist now. It's so hard, but I'm really trying to get better. 💔

EDIT: Thank you all so much for your kind words!!;; <33 it really means a lot to me and stuff I needed to hear. I've been doing better recently, though my emotions still go up and down a lot :/ I'm trying my best though

Description
((𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐭.))
Alt title: Prisoner Of My Own Mind

I haven't been doing well for the past few months. It's a LOOOT and it's not something I'm super comfortable sharing with just anyone who isn't a family member or super close friend (as of now), plus I'm exhausted. ;;
The title and this drawing in general, is inspired by AJR's The Good Part - www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il5Lk3… I relate to this song SO much. That, and it makes me think of someone and it hurts a lot

But I'll explain what this drawing represents and what I've been feeling like a little bit
I’ve been struggling with severe anxiety and depression and really BAD thoughts. I've also been having mental breakdowns. It’s awful...
I’m so sick and tired…
I've been going from being happy to extremely depressed super quick and it’s frustrating af to say the least. I hate that I rely on other's too much for my own happiness and self worth.
I feel trapped. I desperately just want to be happy, I want these feeling and thoughts to just STOP.
But I don’t want to be happy only for a short amount of time, I want the intrusive thoughts to go away forever. And I want to be able to make MYSELF happy.
This represents desperately trying to reach the light, but no matter how hard I try, I feel like I can’t ever escape the dark thoughts that creep back into my mind.
I’ve been hurting so fucking badly you have no idea. The feeling of worthlessness and loneliness is becoming too much for me. I worry I'm gonna die alone.
The intrusive thoughts and paranoia keep coming back over and over and over. "Do they actually love me or tolerate me? Am I annoying? Am I fun to be around anymore? Am I an idiot and people just pity me? Did *I* do something wrong??" Kind of thoughts. I have abandonment issues. I'm so scared of losing my close friends, I've had vivid nightmares about it. Recently a repressed memory was triggered; I'm having PTSD/trauma episodes. It's not fun.
There's a lot more I'm really struggling badly with but I'm not gonna get into that. I might write a journal entry about this tbh because honestly it's so relieving to me to get it out, but I'll think about it idk...

Just wanna reassure everyone I DO have people supporting me and a therapist now. It's so hard, but I'm really trying to get better. 💔

EDIT: Thank you all so much for your kind words!!;; <33 it really means a lot to me and stuff I needed to hear. I've been doing better recently, though my emotions still go up and down a lot :/ I'm trying my best though