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I know you haven't heard a lot from me but as you might have guessed, I've been through a breakup lmao
It's alright though cause the relationship was one of the most toxic ones I've ever witnessed
even though it seemed perfect, it absolutely wasn't and it truly breaks my heart to shock you like this
I haven't had any freedom, I almost needed to give up my entire YouTube career cause at first, it seemed to be just standing in the way of our "perfect relationship"
Meaning I almost deleted all of my accounts I had over here entirely (because my ex partner decided to randomly sell his mountain bike(??))
So therefore I would've had to delete my YouTube channel in return for that cause he gave up his most loved hobby apparently just for me
I managed to keep my head above water though since he willingly did that and because of safety reasons as well
But there are absolutely no life endangerments in a regular Youtube or deviantart or Instagram page that is not threatened by anyone or anything
I am so incredibly sorry to burst this perfect bubble for you but there was not one good thing in the entire relationship and I'm extremely glad none of you actually drew this absolute psychos sona
I'm gonna keep mine though cause well
She's me and I love her ha
Still hasn't got a name I'm comfy with though ugh
Anyways, I beg you please
If one of your friends or close friends start to act suspiciously kind and distant and so on in their new relationship
You should immediately try to contact them and privately meet up with them, just you two
No partner whatsoever
Since everyone was like super!! Happy with me and didn't feel the need to intervene I had this huge feeling of oppression
Cause like.. Everybody seemed to be fine with my sudden change of behavior
Not posting anything random/funny/idiotic (regarding stories on Instagram) anymore, posting the absolute perfect posts you can only dream of - that seemed to be happy as ever - and suddenly having like some sort of constant companion that I seemed to be dragging with me everywhere
Yeah no it was all so he could keep an eye on me. Basically on every site I was on
Except for Twitter where I had like more than 3k followers (and somewhat Tumblr as well) yeah that doesn't exist anymore since he made me delete my account cause quote "some random dude could actually try and flirt with me over there and he doesn't want that" (he didn't know shit about Twitter and it seemed kinda threatening to him cause apparently all you do on Twitter is date everybody who talks to you)
But for the rest (I'm talking bout deviantart), he tried to make it look like it was all just cause he's "interested in me" and "so proud of me"
No
It was purely out of controlling purposes
And everybody thought it seemed too cute to be real
It's honestly really sad cause I've left all of my guy friends hanging in the dark since I was too paranoid and nearly shat myself even trying to talk to them cause he'd even control my phone when I wasn't around (for example when I simply went for a piss lmao he'd stand up unlock my phone, next thing I know he's standing in the hallway looking at me with the most absolute deadly expression asking me "if I'm really sure I didn't text with any men")
Like I wasn't supposed to have any guy friends cause no matter how long our friendship was, they could!! For some reason!!! Still try n get me!!!!!!!!!!!
Funniest thing was when my homosexual trans friends texted me after not having heard from them for a long time
One heart emoji = 10 minutes full of pure stress & discussion that I should immediately block the shit outta them

Be careful who tells you they love you til the end of the world, to the moon and back, for always and forever
Cause goddamnit
This psycho terror he's producing right now is even worse than I could have ever imagined
This is worse than everything bad I've ever had put into one jar I'm not even kidding

Besides all that I'm staying relaxed though, I know I'm much smarter than him & there's nothing that can happen to me
So I'm good

Since I'm allowed to say it again:
I love you all so much, please take care of yourself and your friends cause they might need you the most when it absolutely seems to be the least
I'm saying this one more time cause I had to handle this whole thing all by myself and I'm not sure if some of you would be able to do so as well without taking any greater damage (I'm talking about absolutely not being able to talk about any of the bad to absolutely anyone)

Stay safe

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Update cause I forgot to add one thing
If you won't hear from me for a while it's because he probably went for me
A couple of days ago he threatened to file charges against me for apparent "character assassination" by telling him he nearly ripped out my arm once
Which is total bs cause there was neither any character assassination (if that's even a real word/description) nor was it a lie in any form
He indeed hurt me really bad by violently grabbing my arm and pulling it (which I had behind my back) drastically forward, making the whole movement look really really false if you did it naturally (he defended himself with the following: I lied because it didn't even hurt and he only """held""" me)
Just because I tried to give him the keys (for his flat) he gave me a couple of months ago back cause I couldn't deal with him always telling me "he wants them back" and then not taking them back anymore
(he did that over and over again, I simply got tired of it and couldn't keep them with me no longer due to exactly these thoughts)
So yeah I don't know if he will also report this journal, all I know is that I am telling the story just how it happened, no lies, no exaggerations