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Silkworm
Published: 2002-07-12 00:17:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 1174; Favourites: 8; Downloads: 118
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Description
fold into yourself.encase yourself in this
chrysalis, thick shell
from wind, water, sun.
curl into a bud, a bulb,
a small seed of what you will be.
your plastic coating dries,
cracks, splits down the length of your side.
push a wing, a head, a leg
through a small slit,
force your body from your case,
into air.
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Comments: 14
Sorry, didn't get to finish that comment.
This was a very good read! Your use of half rhymes and alliteration are particularly well done in that they aren't overused and are fairly understated, which really helps the flow of the poem. Great work!
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great image and great ideas.
i take issue with your chrysalis- first because you use "plastic" to describe something so organic, and second because silkworms form cocoons, not chrysali. change the image or change the title.
but that's nitpicky. congrats on DP.
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Like everyone else said, its simple yet effective.. AMAZING in my eyes.. You inspire me..
+Fav
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more thought provoking than a lot of the poetry i've read for a while, and being so succinct makes it stick in my mind.
as an aside, it was your nick that made me take notice of you. the lovesong of alfred j prufock was one of my favourite poems as an impressionable youth, great to be reminded of it.
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simple and clear. I like it. One thing that distracted me a little was the transition between "this" and "chrysalis", because most of the other lines are complete thoughts and its hard to switch gears for only one set of lines. other than that a solid work.
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Perfectly and absolutely wonderful. I love the sound of a poem like this, the excellent relationship of nature to life, of struggle we can watch to struggle we can feel. It reminds me of poetry by keen who also writes nature to human nature. It's beautiful.
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Simple, straightforward and a structurally tight weave. This "birth" lets us observe the spirit soaring. There is only one word that interupts the continuity of the very tight choice of words and structure that shows the spiritual chrysalis.
All your word choices invoke nature, or a natural state that is not touched by man and the things they make:
chrysalis, thick shell, wind, water, sun, bud, a bulb, a small seed, a wing, into air etc.
The word that breaks away from the images of nature is "plastic"
"your plastic coating dries,
cracks, splits down the length of your side."
Plastic is manmade and is a very odd fit for this poem that invokes nature in it's imagery of the emerging soul/person. IMHO, perhaps the words "organic, bio-organic" or some other word that can describe the cocoon by invoking imagery that is nature-related.
Other than that, this is as I said, strong work. Congrats on the DP!
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not normaly into the poem side of DevARt but dicided to see what it was all about, after seing this I might come back more often! great poem very powerful, it does seem to explain itself.
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This is great. Concise, decievingly simple, and I like the (seemingly) unintentional off-beat rhyme scheme that pokes up here & there.
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this is beautiful. i have absolutely nothing to pick at on this one.
my favorite of the work you've posted so far.
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I could say a lot about this one, how it implies a certain connection with how we live our own lives, but I think you're right, it does explain itself and needs nothing else.
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