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it is spring now and somehow you have found a way back into my life.

you asked me without saying a word to jump with you. jump, and you would catch me.
        hitting the ground was the cruelest way to learn what alone really is.

a slamming door. a beating heart. a ticking clock.
                sometimes i need to know why things work, and why people give up.

you have been avoiding me like gunfire, afraid of the damage i might do to you.
        my hair grows even without you around, and my legs manage to work without the eggshells you had me crawling on. i have been quietly managing.
i only wish you had figured things out sooner than the last second; i am not so fond of change but your troubled mind changes with the seasons.
and the tide turns but we won't be there to see it, and the stars shine though we cannot sit beneath them anymore.
        the sun still sets even though you broke this.

it will be summer soon enough, but it will never be ours again.
sometimes i need to understand, but i never could figure you out. you never let me.
        an overworked mind and a box i will never open are my only souvenirs of the summer; raw lips and a weary soul are what you left me with.

i lose track of the days now, and the weekend is just the start to another week. that night in January, i gave up on you. but March still managed to hurt in a way it shouldn't have, because so many Sundays passed silently and i wasn't supposed to care. maybe you realized i was a fraud before i knew, and i should have given up on myself when you did. Heaven knows i wasn't smart enough to leave, but you were.

        and so my hands will shake again and my shivering will not be from the cold; i will never again give someone so much of myself and one day i will find a way to stop waiting for you.

today i heard the church bells ringing and remembered you. things won't be the same, but i'm trying to move on.
looking up at the sky still hurts my eyes, but i watch the clouds anyway - i'm learning it's okay that they don't always make sense. and i'm teaching myself how to walk by the water and not need you beside me, because i can still be honest with the waves in a way that you couldn't with me.
        there are oceans of unsaid words left between us; i fear the bridge between our ports has collapsed under the strain.

                sometimes when people leave, they never really find their way back.

the trees are growing leaves before my eyes and i don't know what spring will bring, or who summer will see me walking beside. my arms are tired and strained from carrying around a heavy heart and the weight of so many mishandled words; i still miss your ocean eyes.
        there are so many rivers and lakes between us now, and i am busy drowning in them.