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Dear Sam Raimi,

I have recently had the displeasure of viewing the movie Spiderman 3, which, no doubt, you are responsible for. I have a number of complaints about your finished product, and I wish to bring them to your attention.

First of all, there is a disturbing lack of the character known as Venom. The previews for your film give the impression that Venom will play a large role, yet he is not even introduced until the last 15 minutes of the movie.

Next I wish to complain about the rather large portion of the film where the character Peter Parker apparently turns emo. Perhaps you were trying to convey that the alien symbiote had made him “evil,” but going out and buying a black suit, doing a pelvic thrust dance, and singing jazz songs while dancing on tables do not an evil man make. This section of the film is utterly ridiculous and I felt cheated by having to pay to watch it.

The last thing I feel I must bring to your attention is the sub-plot featuring a romance between the characters Harry Osborn and Mary Jane Watson. Nowhere in any of the Spiderman comic books or cartoons does such a romance exist. Granted, Harry and Mary Jane were together for a short time in the original comics, but this soon ended, and Mary Jane never strayed from Peter after they had become a couple. This sub-plot comes off as a meaningless, soap opera-esque appeal to preteen girls in the hopes that they too will spend money on a Spiderman movie. The comic books never pandered to little girls, and neither should the movie have. As is, it appears that Spiderman 3 was made less for the fanbase of the franchise and more for the money it stood to make by shamelessly trying to draw in every demographic.

Due to these glaring flaws in the film, I am forced to demand a refund of $8.25 and/or roughly two hours of my life that has been wasted.

Sincerely,
A Disappointed Fan