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Roskvape — COUNTERFEIT SQUIRE - Chapter 10 - Part 5
Published: 2013-09-09 05:29:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 330; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description Tears welled in Lady Dagny's eyes, backed by a spark of fire. She didn't speak, and in the silence, only the jongleur's song could be heard.

"Get up," Lady Dagny said edgily.

Christabelle obeyed.

"The Church's God preaches forgiveness regardless of the manner of offense." Sir Guy's wife glanced back at her guests and lowered her voice. "But the old gods would hold with nothing less than justice."

The golden-haired woman slapped Christabelle across the face hard enough to leave an angry mark.

The violent sound and motion spurred all the guests to their feet. Ill at ease, they stared at the scene. Welby stood among them, without the slightest hint of recognition in his face.

"If your father were alive, I'd have him publicly thrashed!" Lady Dagny's fire flared and quieted. "But his death, that is the old gods' own punishment, and I shall not argue with their judgment."

The guests seemed more alarmed by her mention of the old gods than by the fight.

Lady Dagny turned upon them bitterly. "This is not God's land, this is the old gods' land. The old gods punish my doubt in them with death. Death of my three sons. Death of my husband! Death!"

One of the guests, an old woman, hastened to shush Lady Dagny. "Come away, dear. Sit. You, young man, finish the song!"

The jongleur cleared his throat and continued, and no one thought to close the door. "Then a knave with heart of coal, the duke's last breath stole.

"Which, in truth, is just as well, before men to him could tell,

"They found son Piers buried deep, sent by battle to eternal sleep.

"Under and an old towering tree, carved with words for all to see."

Christabelle's breathing lurched to a halt. Many villeins bore the common name of Piers, but few died in battle, and fewer still died in battle and were buried beneath trees with carven epitaphs. Piers—her father—a duke's son! So his presumptuous theories on his origins had somehow been true, yet he would never know.

Had—she paused at the brink of either a revelation or a wild coincidence—had the power-hungry Inquisitor somehow known? It would explain his efforts to kill her too. Not that it mattered. Women couldn't inherit the positions of their fathers. Perhaps the Inquisitor had thought she might play the role of Piers's son just for that purpose.

"Come." Gideon touched her shoulder. "Let us leave."

Christabelle, still on one knee, looked up at him. If he had heard the song, it brought no revelation to his ears. But then, he hadn't known her father's name, or that she'd buried him during the battle.

She thought briefly about telling him, but she shrugged it away. Her father had gotten his wish, and no doubt he had been reburied with full honors. She, on the other hand, had seen what power could do to both the people who possessed it and to the people around them. She wanted nothing to do with it.

She stood, touching her stinging cheek. "My business here is finished. What shall we do now?"

He glanced to the south. "Return home?"

Christabelle dropped her eyes, sharply aware of the void left by her mother and father. Perhaps Gideon had lost his father, but he still had a mother and sisters waiting for him in Gaveston. "I don't have a home."

He smiled and caught her hand, tugging her towards the waiting horses. "As long as I'm alive, you do."
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Comments: 3

GoneBatty385 [2013-09-30 23:06:10 +0000 UTC]

I finally got around to reading some of your longer works. I read both this and Knight's Honor, and I think it would be difficult for me to discuss them without drawing some comparisons. I hope you don't mind if I include some thoughts on Knight's Honor in this comment.


First, I want to just put it out there that I enjoyed reading your short stories more than your novels (novellas?). Counterfeit Squire and Knight's Honor both have good writing and plots that are interesting enough to keep me reading, but I thought they lacked a little something, I'm not sure what. Whatever it is, your short stories have it.


Keeping in this strain, I think I'll mention all of my critical thoughts first. I hope this doesn't make me seem like a terrible person; I'll have some good stuff at the end, I promise.


I enjoyed reading Counterfeit Squire a little more than Knight's Honor, so I'll talk about the latter first.


My biggest issue with Knight's Honor is more a matter of disappointment than dislike. I am rather disappointed that we never get more than a superficial glimpse at the magic in the world, particularly that which makes the Shadowdancers what they are. The only thing we really get to see about them is their changing eye-colour–although Kree must have a crazy amount of self-control to go as long as she did without ever changing her mood in front of others, particularly when Ral was annoying her. We never get any specifics about what it means that she has great skill at thievery–does she know how to steal and pick locks and such without being told? Or does she just pick it up really quickly? Can this skill be applied to other projects, such as understanding complex mechanics, or is it strictly restricted to stealth and robbery? And what’s up with the "voice of her Shadowdancer blood" in her head? Is it a separate entity, or is that just how she thinks about her inner monologues?



Another thing that I didn’t much care for was the (for me) somewhat anticlimactic, everything-falls-together-and-they-live-happily-ever-after ending. Much of the story was predictable, at least to some extent. For example, I was suspicious almost from the beginning that Hagan was a Shadowdancer.



Counterfeit Squire was better insofar as predictability is concerned, though it still has a fairly happily-ever-after ending. Maybe I just like tragedies? I don’t know.



I found the epiloguic ending with Lady Dagny to be a bit anticlimactic (again); I thought that you should have ended it with their punishment for her deception and the subsequent departure from the castle, but maybe that’s just me. It would have left the Sir Guy bit as a loose end, but a minor one in my eyes. You could have cleared up the fact that Piers was actually nobility while they were at the castle, or something. Anyways, that’s my two cents.



On to greener pastures...



I love the sense of setting that you create in your writing. While reading both novels, I had no trouble imagining the scenes unfold. Your dialogue is great–different styles for different characters, which is how it should be–and your characters tend to be very consistent throughout the works.



I also like the way you sometimes throw in some technical word–in such a way that it clearly fits, and is easy to understand even for those of us who do not know very much about the medieval period. It shows that you did at least a little bit of research into the times, and as a reader, I appreciate an author who is willing to go the extra mile in order to add some accuracy to her details. And as a (beginning) writer and a student of English Literature, I appreciate the difficulty of discovering what sources are actually reliable while researching–it’s a lot more work than people think to sift what people know from what they "know."



Overall, good job with them. It can be tough to write a long story and keep it interesting, but you pulled it off well. Your plot lines are sensible and easy to follow, and your information is consistent. I particularly liked Counterfeit Squire. I think my favourite part about it is Piers and the reader’s understanding of him. You start out hating him as Christabelle does, but well before she figures out that he’s actually a good person, you (or, at least, I) actually begin to like the guy. Subtle pun intended. His death scene is truly tragic, probably my favourite scene; a real tear-jerker.



Anyways, wow, this is a lot longer than I had anticipated. Sorry about that. Had a lot to say, I guess.

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pwn78 [2013-09-19 02:57:26 +0000 UTC]

You never cease to amaze me with your writing. Keep it up!

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Vipersbite [2013-09-09 12:12:15 +0000 UTC]

Just as wonderful as the last one i read!~ Thank you for the read!~


so now you work with kree? XD

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