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Chapter Three
Feeling Right At Home

“Oh,  crap,”  thought  Cyborg  with  wide  eyes  as  he  fidgeted  about.  “I  forgot  that  I  put  Spidey  on  the  couch!”  Cyborg  searched  his  thoughts  for  a  quick  explanation  to  why  Spider-Man  was  in  the  tower,  but  couldn’t  find  one.  Raven  nearly  drowned  in  her  tea  after  hearing  Robin’s  question,  for  she  was  far  too  busy  reading  her  book,  spending  the  morning  with  Cyborg,  and  enjoying  enough  pancakes  to  feed  a  small  army  to  remember  that  one  of  New  York  City’s  greatest  and  most  controversial  superheroes  was  lounging  on  the  couch.  Starfire  was  confused  as  ever.  She  hadn’t  the  slightest  idea  what  a  ‘Spider-Man’  was.  To  her,  she  pictured  a  Fang  look-a-like  inside  the  tower,  but  also  pictured  a  homeless  man  wearing  a  T-shirt  that  simply  read  ‘Spider-Man.’  Cyborg  finally  decided  to  just  let  it  out  in  a  plain  and  simple  fashion.

“Rob,”  he  started.  “That’s  no  homeless  guy  dressed  like  Spider-Man.  That  is  Spider-Man.”

At  first,  Robin  didn’t  know  exactly  what  to  say  or  do.  Spider-Man?  In  Titans  Tower?  Something  was  wrong  with  this  scenario  here.  Why  would  somebody  like  Spider-Man  visit  Titans  Tower,  or  Jump  City  for  that  matter?  He  raised  an  eyebrow  at  Cyborg,  then  made  his  way  over  to  the  couch,  where  the  oblivious  Beast  Boy  still  didn’t  notice  the  snoring  web-slinger.  Cyborg,  Raven,  and  Starfire  followed  quickly  behind  Robin.  Robin  closely  examined  Spider-Man,  from  head  to  toe.  He  then  looked  over  at  Cyborg.

“This  is  Spider-Man?”  he  asked.

“Yeah,”  said  Cyborg  in  an  assuring  tone.  “Why?”

“Well,  he  looks  kinda...”  Robin  looked  back  at  Spider-Man  and  mentally  searched  for  the  least  offensive  word  to  describe  his  condition.  “...scruffy.”  Robin’s  face  then  turned  a  tint  of  blueish-green  as  he  sniffed  the  air.  “And  he  smells  like  vomit.”

“Yeah,  he’s  had  a  rough  week.”  said  Cyborg.  Robin  looked  confused  at  the  moment,  which  was  a  rare  occasion  for  the  Boy  Wonder.

“You  know  him?”  he  asked  in  a  curious  tone  with  his  arms  folded.

“Yeah,  me  and  him  are  old  buddies,”  said  Cyborg.  “He  called  me  last  night  and  said  that  he  needed  a  place  to  crash  for  a  while.  I  told  him  that  it  was  cool  with  me  if  it  was  fine  with  everybody  else.”

Before  Robin  could  react,  the  all-too-familiar  sound  of  the  alarm  sounded  through  the  tower.  Despite  the  wailing  sound  and  the  red  flashing  of  the  siren  throughout  the  tower,  Beast  Boy  still  wasn’t  drawn  away  from  the  game.  The  rest  of  the  Titans  only  sighed  in  disgust.

“C’mon,”  Cyborg  said  hastily  and  annoyed  at  the  same  time.  “We  can  see  what’s  going  on  from  the  computer  in  my  room.”

The  Titans  that  were  still  tuned  into  reality  rushed  down  the  hallway,  following  Cyborg  to  his  room.  In  a  matter  of  seconds,  they  each  stood  in  front  of  a  large  monitor  while  Cyborg  punched  in  a  few  letters  and  numbers  to  see  what  the  problem  was.  The  monitor  had  shown  an  unknown  assailant  clad  in  red  and  yellow was  robbing  the  Jump  City  National  Bank,  and  that  he  had  taken  hostages.

“This  is  serious,”  uttered  Robin  in  a  low  voice.  Without  hesitation,  Robin  darted  towards   the  living  room.  The  other  Titans  followed  closely  behind,  and  found  Robin  trying  in  vain  to  get  Beast  Boy’s  attention.  He  tried  everything;  yelling  in  his  ear,  stomping  on  his  foot,  waving  his  hands  in  front  of  his  face,  pulling  a  fog-horn  seemingly  out  of  nowhere  and  blowing  it  in  his  ear,  even  threatening  to  pull  the  Gamestation’s  plug.

Nothing  worked.

“Leave  him,”  Raven  said  flatly.  “He’s  lost  in  his  own  world  right  now.  If  we  don’t  hurry,  the  guy  robbing  the  bank  will  escape.”  Robin  let  out  an  annoyed  sigh  and  took  Raven’s  advice.  He  shot  one  last  irritated  look  at  the  mesmerized  Beast  Boy  before  taking  his  leader’s  stance.

“Titans,  GO!”

“Hurry  up,  ya  maggots!  We  ain’t  got  all  day!”

The  thugs  followed  the  orders  of  their  leader  without  question.  Their  leader  was  a  brute  of  a  man  nearing  6' 5",  and  had  an  accent  that  clearly  stated  that  he  grew  up  in  Brooklyn.  His  outfit  was  a  bit  outrageous  for  a  villain.  He  wore  crimson-red  pants,  boots  and  a  vest  of  the  same  color,  and  a  yellow  quilt-like  shirt  that  had  a  pattern  similar  to  the  skin  of  a  diamondback  rattlesnake.  He  also  wore  a  mask  of  the  same  design,  with  white  eye-pieces  to  see  through.  His  weapons  consisted  of  two  silver  gauntlet-like  gloves  and  anklets.

“Hey,  boss!”  yelled  one  of  the  thugs  as  he  ran  into  the  building.

“What!?”  yelled  the  said  person.

“It’s  those  kids  we  read  about  before  we  got  here!  They’re  outside  right  now!”

The  man  only  sneered  at  his  henchmen’s  statement.  Go  figure,  he  thought  to  himself.  I  thought  I  got  away  from  this  kinda  crap  when  I  left  New  York!  Ain’t  no  breaks  for  Herman  Schultz,  are  there?

“What  are  we  gonna  do,  boss?”  the  thug  asked  frantically.

“Listen  up!”  exclaimed  the  leader  of  the  operation.  “You  guys  take  the  hostages  and  get  all  the  cash  we  got  now  and  wait  for  me  in  the  back!  I’ll  take  care  of  those  super-punks!”  His  men  did  exactly  as  he  instructed.  No  sooner  than  the  last  man  left,  the  main  entrance  was  kicked  open.  As  the  assailant  turned  his  head  in  the  direction  of  the  commotion,  he  met  eyes  with  the  team  leader.  He  also  got  a  glance  of  the  others  as  well.  One  was  a  flying  red-head  wearing  an  outfit  that  looked  like  an  old  costume  from  some  lame  futuristic  flick.  The  second  was a Shaq  look-a-like,  save  for  the  fact  that  he  was  half  robot,  and  that  the  real  Shaq  was  at  least  a  foot  taller.  The  last  was  some  Goth  chick  in  a  black  leotard  and  a  blue  cloak.

“So,”  he  scoffed  as  he  turned  completely  in  order  to  face  his  opponents.  “You  must  be  the  Teen  Titans.”

“That’s  us,”  said  a  kid  wearing  a  domino-like  mask.  “And  who  are  you?  The  Diamond  Backed  Dork?”

“I’m  The  Shocker,”  the  man  said  calmly.  “I’d  tell  you  and  your  punk  friends  not  to  forget  it,  but  none  of  you  are  gonna  be  alive  long  enough  to  worry  about  it!”  Just  then,  his  hands  began  to  glow  a  bright  white.  A  loud  humming  sound  was  heard,  followed  by  him  thrusting  his  arms  forward  and  sending  a  radio  wave-like  beam speeding  towards  his  adolescent  foes.  But  instead  of  hitting  them,  like  they  expected,  it  hit  the  wall  behind  them,  causing  it  and  sections  of  the  ceiling  to  collapse  down  on  top  of  his  would-be  adversaries.  Before  anyone  could  react,  the  Titans  were  engulfed  in  concrete  and  a  cloud  of  dust.  As  the  dust  cleared,  nothing  was  seen,  and  all  that  was  left  of  the  north  side  of  The  Jump  City  National  Bank  was  a  pile  of  rubble.  The  Shocker  only  chuckled  proudly  at  his  efforts  as  he  cracked  his  knuckles  and  popped  his  neck.

“Piece  a’  cake,”  he  said.  “Looks  like  I’m  catching  a  break  after  all.”

The  Shocker  turned  away  from  his  opponent’s  unmarked  graves  and  made  his  way  towards  the  exit.  It  was  a  great  day  for  him  and  his  gang.  Lot’s  of  stolen  money,  the  famous  Teen  Titans  were  destroyed  by  his  hand,  and  there  wasn’t  a  single  web-slinger  within  a  thousand  miles  to  foil  his  plans.  But  just  when  he  thought  that  nothing  could  possibly  go  wrong,  a  rumble  was  felt  beneath  his  feet.  Fearing  the  worst,  he  turned  in  the  direction  of  the  debris  that  was  once  the  front  of  the  bank.  The  entire  pile  was  now  enveloped  in  black  energy,  and  every  piece  was  suddenly  flung  in  every  direction.  The  Shocker  managed  to  destroy  the  debris  that  were  hurtled  towards  him  with  relative  ease,  save  for  one  piece  of  concrete  roughly  the  size  of  a  softball  that  clocked  him  right  between  the  eyes.  Though  it  caused him  to  lose  balance,  it  didn’t  phase  him  enough  to  lose  his  focus.

“Ow...”  he  said  dryly  as  he  rubbed  his  forehead.  When  he  finally  came  to  his  senses,  he  learned  that  he  wasn’t  getting  his  break  after  all.  Standing  before  him  were  the  Teen  Titans,  none  bearing  even  the  smallest  scratch.  Much  to  his  dismay,  the  one  wearing  the  mask  was  rubbing  his  chin  and  had  a  look  on  his  face  as  if  somebody  had  asked  him  a  stupid  question.

“So,”  the  Bird  Boy  said . “You’re  called  The  Shocker,  but  you  don’t  use  electricity...I  don’t  get  it.”

“If  that’s  all  you  got,”  said  the  half-robot.  “You  might  as  well  just  fall  down  and  give  up.”

“Dammit...”  The  Shocker  muttered  under  his  breath.  He  really  hated  it  when  people  didn’t  get  why  he  was  called  The  Shocker.  Anyone  who  took  basic  geology  would  know  that  his gloves  were  used  to  produce  powerful shockwaves  through  whatever  he  hit  with  them. Still,  that  was  the  least  of  his  worries  at  the  moment.  Right  now  he  needed  to  figure  out  how  he  was  going  to  defeat  these  super  punks  and  how  he  was  going  to  escape  before  an  army  of  cops  arrived  at  the  crime  scene.

“This  just  ain’t  my  day...”

Meanwhile,  back  at  Titans  Tower...

“Ugh...crap.  Where  am  I?  And  what’s  that  God-awful  noise?”

Peter  Parker  uncomfortably  rose  from  his  slumber.  He  had  been  sleeping  peacefully  for  nearly  six hours,  and  now  he  was  given  a  rude  awakening  by  some  nerve-racking  Rage  Against  The  Machine  song.  As  he  sat  up,  his  eyes  peeled  themselves  open,  though  it  seemed  like  they  were  being  pried  open  by  a  crowbar  due  to  the  fact  that  he  was  still  dead  tired.  His  vision  was  fuzzy  at  first,  barely  making  out  the  shape  of  a  U-shaped  couch  and  someone  sitting  on  it.  After  about  a  minute,  his  vision  cleared.  He  could  clearly  see  that  he  was  in  a  large  living  room,  and  the  person  on  the  couch  was  none  other  than  the  wise-cracking,  shape-shifting  Beast  Boy.  Then  it  hit  him.

“Heh,  I’m  in  Titans  Tower,”  he  said  aloud.  As  he  swung  his  legs  off  of  the  couch,  his  feat  hit  something  that  felt  like  a  sack  of  dirty  laundry.  As  he  looked  over  to  see  what  It  was,  he  saw  that  it  was  his  gym  bag.  “Vic  must’ve  brought  it  up,”  he  thought.  As  he  stood  up  to  take  his  morning  stretch,  he  felt  an  unbearable  pain  in  the  pit  of  his  stomach,  signifying  that  the  noise  wasn’t  the  only  thing  that  woke  him  up.

“Man,  I’m  hungry!”  he  said.  “Hey  kid,  where’s  the  kitchen?”

There  was  no  answer.

“Um...hello?”  he  said  as  he  waved  his  hand  In  front  of  the  green  teen’s  face.  Still,  there  was  no  response.  “Okay...never  mind,”  he  said  cautiously.  “I’ll,  uh,  go  find  it  myself.”   At  first,  Spider-Man  was  in  a  bit  of  a  dilemma.  His  knowledge  of  the  Teen  Titans’  base  of  operations  matched  his  skill  in  the  culinary  arts,  which  were  so  bad  that  he  couldn’t  even  spread  peanut  butter  without  tearing  the  bread  in  half.  With  that  said,  it  would  prove  problematic  to  find  the  kitchen  by  himself.  His  problem,  however,  was  instantly  solved  as  soon  as  he  noticed  that  the  living  room  was  melded  with  the  kitchen.  The  second  he  spotted  the  refrigerator,  he  leaped  over  the  couch  and  darted  towards  the  ‘fridge.  His  hand  was  less  than  an  inch  from  the  door  handle  when  he  suddenly  stopped  in  his  tracks.  Even  though  he  felt  hungry  enough  to  eat  a  grilled  great-white  shark,  he  would  be  in  vain  if  cooking  was  involved.  He  took  a  deep  breath.

“Here  goes...”

He  slowly  opened  the  refrigerator  door,  almost  as  if  he  were  expecting  some  kind  of  monster  or  a  Xenomorph  to  leap  out  and  bring  him  to  his  doom.  All  of  his  tension,  however,  vanished  instantly  once  he  discovered  that  the  Teen  Titans’  refrigerator  was  the  equivalent  to  leftover  heaven.

“Hallelujah!”  he  exclaimed.

Beast Boy’s  luck  with  his  game  was  changing  for  the  worst.  He  had  a  five-star  wanted  level,  and  the  only  weapons  he  had  were  a  shot-gun  and  a  baseball  bat.  His  armor  was  gone,  he  was  on-foot,  and  his  health  was  dropping  like  brick.  He  was  surrounded  by  cops,  and  soon  enough  the  word  ‘WASTED’  was  played  across  the  screen  as  CJ  dropped  to  his  knees  and  to  his  death.

“Crap...”  said  a  mournful  Beast  Boy.  “Maybe  I  should  give  this  game  a  rest?  I’m  getting kinda  hungry...”

Beast  Boy  sat  his  controller  on  the  floor  and  made  his  way  towards  the  kitchen  craving  a  triple  tofu  burger  with  lettuce,  onions,  tomatoes,  kosher  pickles,  and  lactose-free  cheese.  Once  the  ‘fridge  was  in  his  sight,  he  noticed  that  someone  was  raiding  it.  The  open  door was blocking whoever it was, so Beast Boy figured it was either Robin or Cyborg. After all, who else could it be?

“Hey dude?” he said as he removed a pan from the bottom cupboard. “Could you get the tofu out for me? I’m gonna make some-”

The ‘fridge raider closed the door and looked upon Beast Boy. Judging from the 16 piece bucket of Popeye’s fried chicken under one arm, the boxes of shrimp-fried rice and extra spicy Mongolian beef in the other arm, and the slice of Pizza Hut’s meat lovers pizza hanging out of his mouth, his eating preferences and habits were similar to Cyborg’s. That, however, was irrelevant at the moment. With Beast Boy being Beast Boy, he let his imagination get the best of him.

“Aaagghhh,”  he  screamed.  “It’s  a  member  of  the  Scruffy  Spider  Ninja  clan  and  he’s  come  to  rid  the  world  of  vegetarians,  vegans,  and  animal  rights  activists!”  Beast  Boy,  without  looking,  opened  a  drawer  and  pulled  out  an  object  that  he  planned  on  using  for  a  weapon  and  pointed  it  at  his  opponent.  “Stand  back  dude!  I’ll  cut  ya!”

Spider-Man  looked  on  in  confusion.  He  set  all  of  his  food  on  the  counter  and  faced  the  lean  green  teen.  He  then  scratched  the  top  of  his  head.

“Okay,”  he  finally  said.  “First  off,  you’ve  been  watching  too  much  anime  and  playing  too  many  video-games.  And  second,  how  exactly  do  you  plan  on  cutting  me  with  an  ice-cream  scoop?”

To  Beast  Boy’s  dismay,  his  opponent  had  a  good  point.  “Ice-cream  scoop?”  he  said  confused  and  frantic.  “I  thought  I  got  a  knife...”

“Well, that wasn’t so bad,” Cyborg said as he brushed the dust from his frame. “I told you that guy was a pushover.”

“Could’ve been worse, Cyborg.” Robin pointed out. “A lot worse.”

“But it wasn’t,” corrected Raven, using her usual blunt tone. “We beat The Shocker, and he’s on his way to jail. As our leader, you need to stop exaggerating the scenario.”

“She’s right Rob,” Cyborg said as he lightly elbowed Robin in the shoulder. “You really ought to stop seeing things for what they could have been and start seeing things for what they are; we beat The Shocker, the money was returned, he and his thugs are going to jail, and Beast Boy’s gonna get the beating of his life for ignoring us at the tower. Now let’s get our butts outta here before a million reporters come and start asking us a million questions we don’t know the answers too!”

Cyborg had a point. If there was one thing Robin hated more than an unfinished job, it was the media asking millions of unwanted questions, (particularly in his relationship with Starfire.) Without hesitation, each Titan quickly entered the T-Car and headed back to Titans Tower. Raven rode shotgun while Starfire and Robin sat in the back. As they drove, Robin thought about what Raven and Cyborg said to him as he rested his arm on the open window. As long as he could Remember being leader of the Teen Titans, he was a bit overbearing at times; a habit no doubt inherited from his old-time-mentor. He also took certain things a bit too seriously, like waking everyone up at seven o’clock A.M. on Sunday morning for physical training.

‘Maybe they’re right,’ he thought. ‘Maybe I should lighten up a bit...’

“Robin?”

Robin drew is attention from outside of the car and met eyes with a concerned Starfire.

“I’m sorry to have disturbed you,” she said with a voice that matched her look. “But you’re right arm has been damaged during our battle with The Shocker. Do you mind if I examine your injuries?”

“Uh, yeah,” said Robin, still half lost in his thoughts. “Sure thing Star.”

Starfire gently took Robin’s arm in her hands as he continued to look out the window. He didn’t receive any serious injuries; just a few bruises and a couple scratches. Nevertheless, it was more than enough to worry Starfire. As Robin continued to watch the world go by, (what else can you do while riding in the back seat?,) he suddenly felt something soft and slightly moist touch one of his bruises. His head quickly shot in his arms direction, and his heart jumped to his throat once he realized that Starfire was kissing each of his bruises.

“Uh...St-Starfire?” he managed to say through compressed lungs. “Wh-what are you doning...daning. DOING! What are you doing!?”

“I’m sorry if I offended you,” said Starfire. “But it has come to my attention that on this planet mothers often kiss their children after they have been hurt. I assumed that this method had some kind of healing factor. I guess I was wrong...” She lowered her head, slightly ashamed. As usual, Robin was quick to solve the conflict. He smiled as he gently lifted her head back up by placing his fingers under her chin.

“It’s okay, Star,” he said. “I’m not offended or anything. You just startled me. That’s all. Besides, it actually felt kinda...nice.”

Starfire returned Robin’s words with a big smile. “I’m glad to be of service.”

Soon enough, they made it back to Titans Tower. An exhausted Cyborg put the T-Car in park and exited in a clumsy fashion. Raven was the only one that noticed, mostly because she was the only one who was paying absolute attention to him at the moment. Robin and Starfire were to deep into their conversation to notice Cyborg’s clumsiness. Once Robin realized that the car was stopped, he took the initiative.

“Okay team,” he said to the group. “Let’s get upstairs and discuss the situation with Cy’s hibernating arachnid friend.”

“That ‘hibernating arachnid’ has a name, you know,” Cyborg spoke in a slightly defensive tone. Realizing that he pushed the wrong button with Cyborg, Robin turned and faced him.

“Look Cy,” he said. “I know he’s your friend and all, and I didn’t mean to sound like I don’t care. It’s just that I’ve heard way to many bad things about Spider-Man to let him stay here without giving it some serious thought.”

“And what?” Cyborg said. “You believe everything you hear? What if I told you that Batman and Slim Shady, or Eminem, or whatever the hell he calls himself were lovers? Would you believe that too?”

“Something like that is just stupid. The things I heard about Spider-Man were convincing enough for me.”

“Oh yeah, ‘Doc Ock and Spider-Man rob national back, even though anyone with half a brain would realize that Spidey was trying to stop him.’ Yeah, real convincing Rob.”

At this point, Robin was starting to get angry with Cyborg and his sarcasm.

“Are you being funny?” Robin said, pointing a finger at Cyborg. “If you are, say so, because I’m not laughing.”

“I don’t need to be funny!” said a now angry Cyborg. “Your scrawny ass in that ballerina suit that you ironically call an outfit is enough to make everybody laugh!”

“Yeah!? Well at least I have a body to wear clothes in, you Terminator throw-back!”

Now that Robin had crossed the line, Cyborg was furious.

“Alright, punk!” Cyborg said as he took a fighters stance. “You’re going down now, Bird-Boy!”

“Bring it on!” Robin bellowed as he drew a birderang. Just when they charged each other, Cyborg was gripped by one of Raven’s trapping spells and Robin was pinned to the floor by Starfire. Though both Robin and Cyborg struggled to get free, they were both in vain. The spell that Raven used could hold King Kong in place, and Starfire was almost ridiculously stronger than Robin.

“Please stop!” Starfire pleaded. “Please do not fight! Do either of you not remember the events that took place the last time you fought?”

“Oh, dudes, you’re back! Where were you?”

Every one turned their heads in the direction the voice came from, and met eyes with none other than Beast Boy. To no surprise, he was still completely oblivious to what was going on.

“Look, Beast Boy,” Raven said as calmly as she humanly could. “Now is not the time for you or any of your stupid jokes. Robin and Cyborg are very angry with you for ignoring us, so get out of here before Starfire and I let them go.”

“Hey, chill out!” Beast Boy said with his hands in front of him. “I’m just down here ‘cause Spidey wanted to give Robin something.”

This statement made everyone wonder. “Give me something?” Robin said, confused as ever. “Like what?”

At this point, Raven and Starfire let Robin and Cyborg go. Beast Boy walked up to Robin while digging in his pockets.

“Where’d I put it? Ah, here it is.”

Beast Boy pulled out a wrinkled wad of money, no doubt caused by him simply stuffing it his pocket. As Robin took the cash and carefully unfolded and unwrinkled it, he revealed it to be six one-hundred dollar bills.

“Why’s he giving me six-hundred bucks?” said Robin with a raised eye-brow.

“Uh...let me think for a minute...” Beast Boy said while scratching the back of his head. “Um...uh...now I remember! He ate all the food in the tower, except the tofu, he used up eight bars of soap and two bottles of shampoo in his shower, some of your deodorant, and some of that...stuff. You know, the pink foamy stuff you put in your...trapping...bomb...things with that stuff that makes it so you can’t move...”

“What?” said Robin. “What was he doing with my trapping foam?”

“There’s no shaving cream in the tower,” said Beast Boy. “He had to improvise.”

“...where is he now?”

“He’s upstairs playing Metal Gear Solid 3...oh crap! I’m missing his boss fight!”

Beast Boy changed into a cheetah and dashed back the way he came from. The other Titans followed as closely behind as possible, though none of them could actually keep up with him. Eventually they made it back to the living room, where an eager Beast Boy was cheering on a now invigorated and clean-shaved Spider-Man pounding buttons on the gamestation controller. Now, however, he wasn’t wearing his costume. This time he was wearing a New York Jets jersey, grey jogging pants and a pair of...white bunny slippers?

“Robin?” Starfire asked. “Is it still necessary to discuss the Spider-Man’s business on staying here?”

“Robin only shrugged. “Seems pretty pointless now,” he said. “Looks like he’s feeling right at home.”

End Chapter Three