amazingmle11 [2015-06-29 17:08:00 +0000 UTC]

dropping in from

I saw this yesterday and I just couldn't forget it. It's a really nice poem, very poignant and sad. It's just a tiny bit sarcastic and dry, just enough that the poem doesn't get whiny, but not so much that you lose the sense of heartbreak. Very good job balancing the wit and the sadness. I think that some of the punctuation is a little awkward though. For example, I don't think you need quotation marks or the "..." after "later". Also, the comma at the end of the second line and the dash at the end of the fourth line seem a little bit redundant. The break in phrasing is marked clearly enough by starting a new line. And I don't think you need asterisks around "almost". If you want, you can make it italic, but the asterisks are a bit out of place. Overall, really nice poem.

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TheSerpentineSea [2015-06-27 19:02:21 +0000 UTC]

I really like this piece because of how concise and true it is for how short it is. Not that a short poem is bad- just that you did a really great job of summing up your feelings in seven lines. I specifically like your direct comparison between calls and postcards- like one is to be expected and on time, and the other is less reliable and takes more time- because it's true.  
One thing I wonder about is the hyphen after the fourth line. Personally, I use hyphens a lot, but the fourth and fifth line sound like they would be better off connected instead of split apart by a little line.  
Another thing is the wording of the sixth line. It would be perfectly okay if the punctuation showed the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh line were a single sentence, because then the sixth line wouldn't sound so.... stranded. If you would like to end the sentence after 'postcard' I would suggest changing the beginning of the sixth line from 'So that' into 'So then'. Try reading the lines like the way the punctuation separates everything and you'll see what I mean.
I hope this comment makes sense-- >.< XD XD Your poem is great!

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lydia-san [2015-06-15 16:47:00 +0000 UTC]

Whoa,,, this is really nice! The poem is short and straight to the point. And contains so much feeling in it.   
I can feel the pain and frustration... The topic you chose is also familiar, it's something that almost all of us have felt.
Love your choice of words, although simple but expressive. The whole idea is also great, about "pretending that it got lost in the mail"... it's brilliant.
And the way you put *almost*, well that's a nice touch   

If there's something to be improved from this poem... probably it would be better if you explore a bit about the feelings after the first line.
Said you would call me "later" --> then add i was hoping, i was blablablah (pour all the feelings here, I'm not a writer so I don't know how to do it, but I hope you get what I mean^^). It's not that I'm saying the reader don't understand the feelings.. By just reading a few sentences there, we all get the feelings. But by exploring more (adding some lines about that, i mean), the feelings will stay longer, and sometimes grew more intense as we read the whole feelings being poured into words... and the end result might be different.

But well.. it's great already. And you deserve a fav   
Keep up the good job

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Dreamworld88 [2015-03-24 19:24:02 +0000 UTC]

I like the poem, especially the line about the postcard. I don't think almost needs to be in asterisks, though.

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tmwillson3 [2014-10-11 15:31:41 +0000 UTC]

I feel for you with the postcard sentiment.  Sorry to hear about your friend.

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EpikalStorms [2014-09-29 19:45:15 +0000 UTC]

Aw. This is really sad

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