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Description
To anyone who reads the descriptions of these thank you, I'm gonna be REAL for a second.

I think I'm "going through it" right now, having a job again, working with people that I genuinely liked and even growing to like the job itself and getting paid pretty well all things considered plus actually getting back to back commissions as well, main job with a side hussle? It was the first time in months that I had been actually happy and was looking to go even further with myself as a person, for that to all be taken away over a flimsy face covering is extremely soul crushing.

When I got the job in the first place I wanted to give art a break since I couldn't make a career out of it the prior year, of course I would handle commissions but other than that I would post when I wanted, now with no job I don't even want to draw again, it just feels like a reminder of how much I failed last year and that I'm also scared of putting myself out there. Small dream of mine was to draw and write for Marvel and DC and then with enough experience self publish my own stuff, nothing is stopping me from putting a portfolio together and sending both companies one, I mean they've been putting out some terrible stuff on art and writing fronts lately so I got a good shot right? Honestly I just don't think I can handle that kind of pressure with meeting deadlines and what not. So why bother?

I think a lot about suicide, probably an unhealthy amount of times, that and other reasons are why I don't own any firearms, given the opportunity I absolutely would kill myself, but I've got tons of reasons not to so it's not an issue. And for the record I don't think about doing it, just the act and idea of taking your own life, an acquaintance recently took his life by driving into a tree at full speed which then caught on fire, I never formally met the dude, chatted with him a few times, played a few games, didn't even know what he looked like and yet his death even shook me. I couldn't put my friends of over ten years through that again so soon or even the people who I consider to be most important in my life.

And this isn't me asking for help emotionally or financially or even pity, I just need to get this off my chest and tbh this isn't the best post to put this heavy shit on lol I know (pun intended?). Too many people put their issues out on full display so they can have their assholes licked clean, I don't really do that. Just putting it out there. Thanks for reading.

Description
To anyone who reads the descriptions of these thank you, I'm gonna be REAL for a second.

I think I'm "going through it" right now, having a job again, working with people that I genuinely liked and even growing to like the job itself and getting paid pretty well all things considered plus actually getting back to back commissions as well, main job with a side hussle? It was the first time in months that I had been actually happy and was looking to go even further with myself as a person, for that to all be taken away over a flimsy face covering is extremely soul crushing.

When I got the job in the first place I wanted to give art a break since I couldn't make a career out of it the prior year, of course I would handle commissions but other than that I would post when I wanted, now with no job I don't even want to draw again, it just feels like a reminder of how much I failed last year and that I'm also scared of putting myself out there. Small dream of mine was to draw and write for Marvel and DC and then with enough experience self publish my own stuff, nothing is stopping me from putting a portfolio together and sending both companies one, I mean they've been putting out some terrible stuff on art and writing fronts lately so I got a good shot right? Honestly I just don't think I can handle that kind of pressure with meeting deadlines and what not. So why bother?

I think a lot about suicide, probably an unhealthy amount of times, that and other reasons are why I don't own any firearms, given the opportunity I absolutely would kill myself, but I've got tons of reasons not to so it's not an issue. And for the record I don't think about doing it, just the act and idea of taking your own life, an acquaintance recently took his life by driving into a tree at full speed which then caught on fire, I never formally met the dude, chatted with him a few times, played a few games, didn't even know what he looked like and yet his death even shook me. I couldn't put my friends of over ten years through that again so soon or even the people who I consider to be most important in my life.

And this isn't me asking for help emotionally or financially or even pity, I just need to get this off my chest and tbh this isn't the best post to put this heavy shit on lol I know (pun intended?). Too many people put their issues out on full display so they can have their assholes licked clean, I don't really do that. Just putting it out there. Thanks for reading.