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Description
I created LOSING FACE when I was 16 years old, following a depressive episode caused by my bipolar disorder. I began painting this piece because I wanted the people around me to know how I was feeling on the inside, as I felt like I was losing their love and respect. Or otherwise, losing face.

The main drawing point is an eye because I wanted it to be like taking a look into my own thoughts. On the whites of the eyes, there are several phrases. Phrases like “nothing i can do”, “let me out”, “i can’t do this”, “let me out”, “leave me alone”, etc., which signify that my discomfort was so severe that I just wanted to leave my own body. Then phrases like “who are you”, “don’t touch me”, and “don’t think”, which signify my not knowing how to deal with this new emotional presence and feeling uncomfortable even by my own touch or thoughts.

In the iris, there are many screaming faces, which happen to be my own face. That decision was made during the sketching process because I wanted the people who looked at the painting to feel my pain. And acknowledge that I was screaming on the inside every single day.

In the pupil, there are two snakes, light and dark, wrapping around the light of the eye, and attacking the words mind, body, and soul. This is because I felt that both sides of me were attacking my mind, body, and soul. Not only the new emotional presence that I had been experiencing. This is because during a depressive episode, impulsivity and self destruction is on full blast. I was going days without sleep, starving myself for days on end and then binging my brains out for weeks, and I wasn’t taking my medication purposefully. So, both parts of me were destroying me.

Lastly, in the light of the eye, there is a headstone shaped mirror with flowers lay on the ground and the words engraved reading, I HATE YOU. I added this last detail because I wanted to emphasize the self hatred this episode caused. I was in it so deep that I could well have laid myself to rest if it weren’t for the fact that I finally reached out for help.

I am almost 18 now, and so far from this headspace that I finally felt comfortable putting this piece out there for others to see and find comfort in as well. Please remember it is always okay to reach out for help. You won’t LOSE FACE.

Description
I created LOSING FACE when I was 16 years old, following a depressive episode caused by my bipolar disorder. I began painting this piece because I wanted the people around me to know how I was feeling on the inside, as I felt like I was losing their love and respect. Or otherwise, losing face.

The main drawing point is an eye because I wanted it to be like taking a look into my own thoughts. On the whites of the eyes, there are several phrases. Phrases like “nothing i can do”, “let me out”, “i can’t do this”, “let me out”, “leave me alone”, etc., which signify that my discomfort was so severe that I just wanted to leave my own body. Then phrases like “who are you”, “don’t touch me”, and “don’t think”, which signify my not knowing how to deal with this new emotional presence and feeling uncomfortable even by my own touch or thoughts.

In the iris, there are many screaming faces, which happen to be my own face. That decision was made during the sketching process because I wanted the people who looked at the painting to feel my pain. And acknowledge that I was screaming on the inside every single day.

In the pupil, there are two snakes, light and dark, wrapping around the light of the eye, and attacking the words mind, body, and soul. This is because I felt that both sides of me were attacking my mind, body, and soul. Not only the new emotional presence that I had been experiencing. This is because during a depressive episode, impulsivity and self destruction is on full blast. I was going days without sleep, starving myself for days on end and then binging my brains out for weeks, and I wasn’t taking my medication purposefully. So, both parts of me were destroying me.

Lastly, in the light of the eye, there is a headstone shaped mirror with flowers lay on the ground and the words engraved reading, I HATE YOU. I added this last detail because I wanted to emphasize the self hatred this episode caused. I was in it so deep that I could well have laid myself to rest if it weren’t for the fact that I finally reached out for help.

I am almost 18 now, and so far from this headspace that I finally felt comfortable putting this piece out there for others to see and find comfort in as well. Please remember it is always okay to reach out for help. You won’t LOSE FACE.