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"Of all qualities human, I treasure polite
Although many men now would call etiquette trite,
But I think I can lead them to seeing the light
And I've made it my mission to set the world right;
This has been my one passion since I was a lad
Seeing people act rudely would make me feel sad,
So much brazen misconduct had gotten so bad
That there's only one thing that could make me feel glad;
So I alter behaviour, and always for good
Just to leave people acting the way that they should,
Being quiet and calm, as I knew that they would
And I've met with success quite as far as I could;"

Half the barefooted townsmen felt sad at the news
For they started to think they were destined to lose,
If they tried to convince him or get him to choose
Just to show us his barefeet and kick off his shoes;
And they'd never get someone so fancy and fine
To keep wiggling his toes the way I wiggled mine,
Til he finally went and crossed over the line
As he said tootsie tickling sure sounded divine;
And if no more feet tickles were what he had planned
This cold Dean of Decorum with icy command,
All the men and boys feared, if he backed up his stand
Maybe even barefootin might quickly be banned;

Then the Dean of decorum looked over the square
And he wasn't well pleased at the sight he saw there,
Though his nose had seemed truly well held in the air
He could easily see the dudes' feet were all bare;
It was all that he'd feared as he'd entered the street
For the sound that he'd heard wasn't what he'd call sweet,
And he'd sensed all too surely the sight he would meet
A whole town of dudes tickling each other's bare feet;
Then I noticed a path was beginning to clear
As the Dean of Decorum began to draw near,
"It's the Barefootin Tickler," he said with a sneer
"I've arrived just in time; I was sure you'd be here;"