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The tall archeologist hurried into his friend's office. His manner was excited. "I think we may have a breakthrough at last!" he cried, brandishing a small object.

The youthful archeologist looked up. Half-abstracted, he began to mutter a reply. "I hope so, it's about time we..." he began before his colleague's excitement penetrated his awareness. "So our deduction must have been correct. There was something in that old building after all."

The tall archeologist continued, "And this recorded transcript will be really valuable. Look at the date. It's right from the second stage of the Purge."

The youthful archeologist took the transcript from his friend. "The second stage? We've found almost nothing from that period. Let's listen to it here."

The tall archeologist agreed. He took the transcript back and brought it over to their latest piece of equipment. "Thank goodness this machine plays almost everything," he remarked for maybe the dozenth time that month. They smiled at each other as they heard the first sounds, then listened, enthralled, to a piece of hidden history:

Studio Announcer: Here at WTKL, we take great pride in bringing to you, our audience, all the most entertaining of the headline stories of today. Getting a good laugh from the news will bring you more good laughs in life. That's always been our philosophy. Now today, that happens to be even more pertinent than usual. You're about to hear our top show, Mark and Mark Til After Dark. Today, the two Marks have an extra-special guest.

One of the hottest headlines of this year, and the last few years as well, and certainly the most risible, has been the story of a man who is only known by the moniker of the Barefootin Tickler. Today, you'll hear all about this strange man and how he's earned his reputation. Mark and Mark have as their in-studio guest someone whose name you're about to know a lot better. He's Basil Regis Foster Otto Inman II, and he's written the book that will be debuting at #1 on the best-seller list next week. It's the definitive examination of the history, methods and motivation of the Barefootin Tickler, called Kickin Off His Shoes (and His Plan to Get Yours, Too). Dr Inman in this exclusive interview will tell the Marks all about this mysterious stranger. It'll be a real hoot. So, without further ado, it's time for Mark and Mark Til After Dark! [theme music plays]

Hot Mark: Good afternoon, everybody!

Smart Mark: I'm Mark.

Hot Mark: And I'm Mark.

Smart Mark: And we're...

Both: Mark and Mark Til After Dark

Hot Mark: A big hello to all our listeners, and welcome to the programme. Oh, and thanks to our announcer, Julian. Since I'm the good-looking one...

Smart Mark: Are you sure you're the good-looking one?

Hot Mark: I have to be. I'm definitely not the brainy one.

Smart Mark: I can't argue with that.

Hot Mark: Then since that makes you the brainy one, Mark, why don't you tell the audience who we have as our studio guest today?

Smart Mark: Okay, Mark. We have a special treat for all you listeners today. As Julian was saying just before we came on, we like to focus here on the most amusing stories in the headlines. And this one's a genuine laugh a minute. Today we're going to learn all about this character who's become known far and wide as the Barefootin Tickler...

Hot Mark: The Barefootin Tickler? What's that about?

Smart Mark: Well, that's what today's special in-studio guest is going to tell us, Mark.

Hot Mark: Oh, yeah, you're right.

Smart Mark: Our guest is an eminent professor, Basil Regis Foster Otto Inman II. Ever since he learned of the existence of the Barefootin Tickler, Dr Inman's been making a study of this strange character and his exploits. He's published a book which will be on top of the best-seller list next week. We're proud to interview such a distinguished guest for our audience. Here in our studio, I give you Dr Basil Regis Foster Otto Inman II.

Basil: Thank you, Mark. And thank you, Mark.

Hot Mark: So, Basil, we understand you've been tracking down and studying some weird dude they've been calling the Barefootin Tickler.

Basil: Yes, I have.

Smart Mark: I'm afraid, Dr Inman, that I didn't get a chance to look at the promotional copy of your book you sent us. Julian was going to send it to me, but he must have mislaid it or something. Now, I remember hearing about the Barefootin Tickler shortly after he must have gotten started, though at the time some people thought he was just an urban legend.

Basil: Oh, no, he's definitely real. I've been going to the towns he's visited, and I've interviewed many of the people who have had, shall we say, first-hand experience of him.

Hot Mark: And you wrote a book about him?

Basil: Yes. I wasn't sure what to call it, but then one of my publisher's assistants came up with the title.

Smart Mark: I see in my notes the title is Kickin Off His Shoes (and His Plan to Get Yours, Too).

Basil: That's right. There's no mention of tickling in the title, but the front cover picture just has a kicked-off pair of shoes in the background and a big black feather in the foreground that appears to be just about to tickle a pair of bare male feet. They belonged to another of my publisher's assistants.

Hot Mark: Oh! Was it his own idea or something?

Basil: No, it was someone else who had the idea.

Smart Mark: It doesn't seem to be the kind of thing you'd see listed in the job description.

Basil: I can tell you what happened. We had this meeting, and as soon as the idea was put forward to have this cover, everyone agreed at once it was perfect. The only thing left to settle was whose feet to use.

Hot Mark: Yeah, I'll bet nobody wanted to volunteer for that.

Basil: No, it was actually the opposite. Everybody volunteered. So, in the end, rather than decide by a lottery drawing, they made a contest out of it and my publisher asked me to choose the winner.

Smart Mark: I should switch to your publisher. Mine is such a control freak, he'd have insisted on making that selection himself.

Basil: But he couldn't. He was in the contest himself. In fact, he almost won. He finished third, I recall.

Hot Mark: I probably would have let him win on purpose.

Basil: Oh, but it was an anonymous contest. They all sat on a long table they use for demonstrations behind a curtain, with only their bare feet showing. I went up and down the line, judged their feet as best I could, then wrote out their order of finish on slips of paper and put them between their toes. That way, nobody would know how the others finished, except for the winner. But my publisher told me later he was happy to finish third out of nine, because he was the oldest man there.

Smart Mark: On that note, it's time for our commercial break. When we come back, we'll talk about how Dr Inman came to write about the Barefootin Tickler and what made the book a best-seller. Again, the man is Dr Basil Regis Foster Otto Inman II, and the book is titled Kickin Off His Shoes (and His Plan to Get Yours, Too). We'll be right back.

[commercials play]

Hot Mark: We're back with Dr Inman and his very long name. If you don't mind my asking, Doctor, if you're the second, who was the first?

Basil: There's a reason for my having such a long name, and a reason for my being "the second". I'll tell you later on.

Smart Mark: Oh, so it's not just that it's someone other than your father, because then you'd be Junior.

Basil: You're right. Maybe you can come up with a guess later.

Hot Mark: Speaking of names, who came up with that nickname, the Barefootin Tickler? Was it what he called himself, or did some journalist make it up?

Basil: That's a good question. Even now, I'm not completely sure. I tried to get to the origin, but none of my interviews ever yielded anything conclusive.

Smart Mark: So how did you hear about what's been going on in the first place?

Basil: Now that, I can tell you, was absolutely clear. There was an architects' conference right near where I lived, and I went over one day to have lunch with my friend Oliver. He had a cousin, Professor Graves, who had been supposed to speak at the conference, but had withdrawn. I'd known Graves for some time. He was only about 35, but looked, dressed and acted as if he could have been 60. Very long-winded and inclined to talk shop all the time. He'd gone to a town that had been nicknamed Viennetta and rented a house there while he did some research. So, one day, Oliver found he had to pass right by Viennetta, and thought he'd drop in on his cousin. When he arrived and Graves came out to meet him, Oliver couldn't believe it. Graves looked about nineteen or twenty. He was wearing shorts and a golf or tennis shirt, and was barefoot, which Oliver told me was really strange, because they had both hated going barefoot since they were kids. Graves had Oliver take off his own shoes when they went in, and they went to the study. Then Graves broke the news that he'd given up architecture and the book he'd been writing for a dozen years, and had taken up something new. Then he got a call and told Oliver he had to go take care of something but would be back in ten minutes, and Oliver should make himself comfortable. When Graves left, Oliver began looking around, and saw a couple of notebooks that looked like part of that new direction. One had "Feathers" written on the cover and the other had "Brushes". Oliver told me then he felt some weird sense of panic, wrote a note, and hurried away. He said he got almost halfway home before he realized he'd forgotten his shoes. So then, as he was telling me this over lunch, I looked down and realized he'd slipped his shoes off, which was something he never did. And Oliver told me he'd been doing that a few times, but he didn't know why.

Hot Mark: That's spooky. But how did that lead you to the Barefootin Tickler?

Basil: At first, I thought it was the town. Maybe some atmospheric change had gotten people acting out of character. Something in the water, as it were. I didn't have any real thought of doing something, only then, a couple of weeks later, I had a phone call from Oliver. He'd relocated to a town called Nouxpier, and asked if I'd like to visit him the weekend after next. When I agreed, he asked if, on the way, I could pick up a few things from his old home, and donate all his shoes to charity, because he wouldn't be needing them any more. That made me think I had to do something.

Smart Mark: I can see that. It was much the same pattern as earlier. But it's time for another commercial break. When we come back, we'll ask Dr Inman more about his friend Oliver, and how he got put on the Barefootin Tickler's tracks.

[commercials play]

Hot Mark: Welcome back to Mark and Mark Til After Dark. Just before we left, Dr Inman told us about his friend Oliver, who suddenly moved and gave away all his shoes, even though he'd always hated going barefoot.

Basil: Thanks, Mark. The same pattern twice in a row made me suspicious. I did what Oliver asked. When I went to visit him, he surprised me by trying to get my shoes off the way his cousin had done to him, but I pretended I had a terrible fungus infection and had to keep my feet covered at all times. He himself was barefoot for the entire duration of my visit. But he seemed guarded about why, so I didn't mention the subject. At one point, we talked about his cousin, Professor Graves, and Oliver said something about a stranger, someone he hadn't met but his cousin had. That was my first clue that whatever was happening was a result of human agency. I also agreed to run another errand for Oliver that would take a couple of hours, but managed to videotape what happened when I was gone. It turned out Oliver had hosted a foot-tickling party, something that would never have interested him before. I decided I'd go investigate in Viennetta right away. That stranger Oliver had mentioned had taken hold of my imagination as behind it all.

Smart Mark: So you left Nouxpier without any strange change in behaviour or sudden urge to take up the barefooter lifestyle yourself, then?

Basil: Right. I'd been careful in Nouxpier to see only Oliver, but decided to take a different tack when I went to Viennetta. I'd approach the town in the guise of a researcher, talk to as many people as possible, and hint about that stranger until people who thought I knew more than I did filled in the blanks for me and then some.

Hot Mark: Clever. You'd let them think they were just giving you details of things you already basically knew.

Basil: Pretty much. Viennetta turned out to be a bit of a revelation. I'd come across the occasional barefooter before, but never a whole town. Yet the whole time I was there I didn't see even one single man wearing any kind of shoe.

Smart Mark: Well, that fits the legend. What happened when you mentioned the stranger?

Basil: That's when it began to get really interesting. Different guys had different perspectives about the stranger. Some mainly just remembered his barefeet, some how he got them out of their own shoes, and some what a demon foot tickler he'd been. But the more of his converts I interviewed, the more the picture came together.

Hot Mark: Converts?

Basil: Yes; he appears to be on a mission. And from all the interviews I've conducted in other towns he's visited as well, his mission seems to be meeting with uninterrupted success. I wasn't sure what I'd find out at first, but, even though the stories the men of Viennetta told me were often largely different, it was clear that, whether he'd called himself the Barefootin Tickler or the guys in the town just remembered him that way, he had made them all into genuine converts to barefootin and feet-tickling. I decided I'd get the most useful information from Professor Graves.

Smart Mark: Of course; he was a lot like you, and he'd experienced one of the biggest changes in lifestyle. We'll take a quick station break and be right back.

[station break plays]