HOME | DD

Description
I watch you from across the room, my mind yearning for the acknowledgement I know will never come. Just a hello, a sign that you know I exist, would justify my irrational love. Yet even in the world of my little mind, where nothing is ever out of place or unwanted, even there, you do not see me. You pay for your coffee; you walk right by. Your eyes cut at me, but I am as glass to you: physically there but invisible to the eye except for a glimmer that you choose to ignore. As you walk past, I try so hard to stare, to make eye contact…anything so that you may no longer pretend I do not exist before you. It is all futile.
My heart sinks as you push out the door. I watch hazily, tearfully, as you grasp her elbow and walk her to your car, talking as if to your best friend. You see, I wish I was her… Even more, I wish you were really him. Oh, I am not crazy. I know you can't be him. The days when he was physically available to me are long gone. However, at times, I still harbor the thought that maybe, if I wish hard enough, he will become you, or you will become him; whichever way it must work. As you walk past me to the woman who may or may not be the love of your life, each time, I realize that you are not him, will not be him. You are no replacement except in my own fragile heart and deceptive mind.
I watch you, for months. I know your favorite drink. I know that the brunette you brought with you two weeks ago liked morning bagels with tea and thought she would be "the last one." She was wrong… I knew before she did, because I watched you with the cashier, saw the restlessness on your face I had seen with all of the girls before. None of them suit you. Oh, I know you are not him. I have resigned myself to the fact that he will never walk this earth again, that he is happy in some other world, apart from me. You are not him…but I know you as well as ever I knew him. Trust me, none of them suit you.

Description
I watch you from across the room, my mind yearning for the acknowledgement I know will never come. Just a hello, a sign that you know I exist, would justify my irrational love. Yet even in the world of my little mind, where nothing is ever out of place or unwanted, even there, you do not see me. You pay for your coffee; you walk right by. Your eyes cut at me, but I am as glass to you: physically there but invisible to the eye except for a glimmer that you choose to ignore. As you walk past, I try so hard to stare, to make eye contact…anything so that you may no longer pretend I do not exist before you. It is all futile.
My heart sinks as you push out the door. I watch hazily, tearfully, as you grasp her elbow and walk her to your car, talking as if to your best friend. You see, I wish I was her… Even more, I wish you were really him. Oh, I am not crazy. I know you can't be him. The days when he was physically available to me are long gone. However, at times, I still harbor the thought that maybe, if I wish hard enough, he will become you, or you will become him; whichever way it must work. As you walk past me to the woman who may or may not be the love of your life, each time, I realize that you are not him, will not be him. You are no replacement except in my own fragile heart and deceptive mind.
I watch you, for months. I know your favorite drink. I know that the brunette you brought with you two weeks ago liked morning bagels with tea and thought she would be "the last one." She was wrong… I knew before she did, because I watched you with the cashier, saw the restlessness on your face I had seen with all of the girls before. None of them suit you. Oh, I know you are not him. I have resigned myself to the fact that he will never walk this earth again, that he is happy in some other world, apart from me. You are not him…but I know you as well as ever I knew him. Trust me, none of them suit you.