HOME | DD

sola-scriptura — 2002 to Now
Published: 2003-07-17 03:19:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 140; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 25
Redirect to original
Description The last two years of my life have been a mix of euphoria and pain. 2002 was by far the best year of my life but this year has been the worst.
I had just finished my last year of school at Annandale Christian School (Grade 10), and I was happy to not be going back. The only real thing that I can remember about that year was being rejected by a girl called Louise Gleeson, and then being made fun of by my former best friend because of it. I was hoping to go to a state school but my mother forced me to attend Calvary Christian College. This sucked because I was not a Christian at the time and I had a dislike for private schools because of my years at Annandale. I came to Calvary not really knowing anyone except for a person who went to the church I was forced to attend, but I had really only spoken to him once or twice. I found that their were two people in my class that I had known since I was four in my mum’s Sunday school, so I was not completely alone. I could also vaguely remember two other people from a youth group that we all attended, but at that time I was two shy and quiet to actually form a friendship with them. I went through half of grade 11 without a qualm, and I was actually a lot less shy then I was at my last school. About half way through the year I got to know a girl called Chiara Miller, which is the girl that I later fell for. At that time though it was a mystery to me why so many guys had a crush on her, so go figure. I later mock proposed to her, and instead of a ring I gave her a battery, and she said yes to the engagement. She became my fiancée but she never wanted to get married. Once I became a Christian I started to encourage the class to fulfil their dreams and to love one another, and she started to like me for real after that. This is what she said in a Christmas card that she gave me at the end of 2002:
Dear Alex,
Thankyou for being you. You are an encouragement to everyone. I admire you and have the greatest respect for you. You love God so passionately, and have a huge heart. You have been my peace and solitude this term and I don’t know how I could of got by without you. I thankyou for all the spares in the library where we just sat together and you drew and we said nothing. They mean more to me than you’ll ever know. Just you being there meant heaps to me. So thanks. I pray that God will bless you immensely in all that you do over Christmas and the new year.
Love in Christ,
Chiara
PS. Thanks for being the quiet friend but also the loud and boisterous fiancée.
The next day I gave her a card that I had made, she read it, gave me a hug and told me I was beautiful. A few days later I told her that I loved her and she said that if I was serious about her well then I would wait till the end of grade 12 to date. I said I would, and she told me not to worry, and that she would wait for me also. Well, to cut a long story short, I got the feeling that she no longer felt the same way about me, and then when I heard that she was flirting with my best friend, I believed the person who told me that and I didn’t exactly treat her like I used to. The problem was that even though she said she felt the same way about me as I did about her, she did not really care about me. She wouldn’t come and sit with me if I was alone or looked like I was bored, she would rather talk to someone else. That always happened though, her, my best friend, my father, I have watched them all walk around not giving a damn about me, and I am sick of it. Well she stopped liking me after that, I had ruined any chance I had with her, but I don’t really think there was much of a chance to begin with. I was not just miserable to her though, I was miserable to most people. That was because my father was killing himself. For about 3 days he did nothing but lie on his bed, drink beer and go to the toilet if he needed to. He did not eat or bath. After he totally burned out he came to live with me, my mum and my sister for a while. He eventually went to rehab for what was supposed to be a 34 week period, but he had left and was back on the drink and drugs within a week. He has since gone to someone’s house, beat up two men and left them on the ground in their own urine. They got him back though, they smashed all the windows in what was supposed to be my car for when I got my license. I let my emotions and my circumstances control how I acted and I hurt people in the process. I eventually gave a very abusive letter to Chiara, and she said she never wanted to speak to me again. I wrote it because I was sick of being the nice guy who just takes rejection after rejection lying down. I was sick of being a doormat, and I went overboard. I later apologised to her, but things still haven’t gotten back to the way they were, and unfortunately I don’t think they ever will. But I am sick of being a nice guy, it doesn’t get you anywhere in life, dp was right. I’m never going to find someone for me, why even bother. I am destined for rejection, always have been, always will be. I need a rest, I’m sick of grade 12, why even bother, I’m only going to fail, and then I’ll have to repeat it, goody. I’m sick of having to love these people who don’t give a damn about me, I’m sick of having to explain myself all the time, I’m sick of being rejected. My ex best friend is always too busy to hang out with me, and he’s had such a perfect little life that he can just tell someone who’s hurting to get over it, yet he doesn’t know anything about it. I’m sick off having to put up with the little tryhards who think everyone else is sheltered yet they don’t know anything about the real world. They think there a rebel if they go to some party, yet they don’t have any idea what they are getting themselves into. I hate it when people say that alcohol and drugs are okay, I feel like showing them what it is truly like to be an addict. I wonder how they’d feel if they were like that guy who sits on the side of the road everyday with nothing but his alcohol. I wonder how they would feel if they had to watch their children being killed in front of them because they couldn’t pay a biker gang what they owed it. Those are the types of things that come from alcohol and drugs, Alcohol is listed as a poison, do I need to say anymore. I wonder if they think that alcohol was good for my father when he had to take it to keep his anger under control, “oh so you were only talking about becoming a casual drinker, well why don’t you keep your mouth shut, save me from having to listen to that crap you spout out 24/7.” Those tryhards only know the very beginning, and I have seen people go through my house who aren’t even at the end yet, and those tryhards would have trouble believing how they live. I can say all this because my mother takes in addicts and teaches me about them and tells me about them. And because of this, I could easily say that I know the most out of my class about drugs and alcohol, and I wouldn’t be spouting crap like Justin or some other wannabe rebel.
On a lighter note, sorry that that last section wasn’t really part of the story, it was just something that I was thinking about at the time. I really don’t have much more to say, I don’t care whether you understand me or not, and if you are a casual drinker, get a brain and stop it before you find yourself in the gutter. Yeah Kids, stay away from drugs and alcohol (read that last part as if I am an old man).
Oh yeah, I have to admit that I was being a bit too harsh on my father in the first part of this story. The truth is that he is my father, and no matter what he has done he deserves my respect. He may not be the best father in the world but he’s the one I have and he is my best father so far, even if he has been my only one. You see, respect should not be something that can be earned and lost, it should be something that is given out freely to everyone. I hear that someone did something wrong and they lost the respect of another person and it disgusts me because why should good will be destroyed by a simple mistake. We all make mistakes, and if I made one I would like to know that I still had the respect of some people. Humans are a bunch of cut throats all trying to pull each other down and it has to change. I think it’s time we realised what is truly important, because I think that love is going to outlast hate any day, and doesn’t love cover a multitude of sins. If someone hurts you, well then just either tell them how you were hurt by what they did or just put it behind you. Hope you liked the story, I wrote it a while ago and as such I am not half as depressed as I used to be, so yeah, see you later I guess.
Oh yeah, I just need to inject a shameless little advert into this story. If you are a graphic artist, who does digital, varied, dark and gothic art well then come and join a new club I am setting up. People who do 3D art and photo manipulators are also welcome to join. Tell your friends, tell everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The club will be called artists-incorporated, AI for short. Come and join and I will tell you the details of the first ever competition to be held.
Related content
Comments: 3

losttruth [2003-07-18 05:23:15 +0000 UTC]

i don't even know where to begin, so i won't for now.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

dragonorion [2003-07-17 12:29:58 +0000 UTC]

*sniff*

*hugs*

~Orion

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

lollie [2003-07-17 11:31:18 +0000 UTC]

ok, i am sorry alex, but you need to deal with anger in your life and stop being so negative, you are scaring the pants off of me! I think its good that you are honest, but does everyone on DA need to know about chiaras letter, i mean are you trying to get sympathy? I can understand that you have had it hard and i cant even understand whats its like to have a father like that, i dont have a father figure to compare him with except God and and i dont knowe, alcohol in excessiveness is bad ok, but even Jesus drank wine now and then and you seem as tho your saying that every one who touches alcohol is bound for the gutter. You are a great friend, and i respect you and stuff but i dont understand why you are being so down about everything, it isnt healthy, get it out, pray about it and put it at the cross, i love you has a sister in Christ and i am worried, plz let me know you are ok! i am sorry if i seem harsh, i am worried is all!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0