HOME | DD

Description
Fist hits wall. The blow leaves a dent, a hole. The remnants of his anger. Relief flows through her body, she is unharmed this round.  Sweat sliding from his face as it drops like a ghost to the floor. A cascade of water flows from the eyes of the weak one. She wipes them away.  Unnoticed in the corner is where I am, sitting in my silence.

Hands on ears. This noise is killing me, murder. I am already dead to this all, but with every strike it hurts more. I exhale with regret. I should’ve helped, I should’ve fought. I still am here, crouching in my silence.

The battle is over. His words have stopped so he walks away. TV on and the noise burns, scolds. We breathe, we are unharmed this round. I hug the weak one and try to make her better, I want to make it better. Everything will be ok, until the next match. Noticed in his chair is where he is, we are cringing in his presence.

The bell tolls, I’m late. Out of school and into car. Hateful words are said, and the war begins again, I was only late. I try to act passive, and let his words not even scratch. His words don’t hurt, but his fist does, his next weapon of choice. As he uses it to break me down, he loves to see me weep. He loves to see me weak.

Home is where the hell is.  Family time spent in the dark. No lights other than the colors vomited from the screen. No voices other than the lies screamed to the air. Our eyes open, our mouths shut. Family time spent in the dark.

Lights out, sheets up. I’m not even safe in my dreams. I’m not even secure in my own mind, my own room. He’s the monster lurking under my bed. He’s the monster throughout all my days, and into my nights. I’m not even protected here.

* * *

I push her hair back with my fingertips lightly brushing her face. The light reflects off her eyes, and makes them seem too real. I look at her, all of her. I see right through her and all her faults. I see right through her and all her perfection. I stare and I gaze. She doesn’t seem to mind the lack of words.

My stomach in knots every time she touches me, my breath short every time I see her. My heart beats irregularly every time I hear her voice. I smile and laugh whenever she’s around. All the badness disappears whenever I am with her. My Father disappears with the sight of her face, the sound of her voice, and the touch of her hands. I hope this will be love. I think this might be love.

I tell her I will never hurt her. I tell her I will never harm her. I will never be like him. I won’t make her feel like that. She is my everything. I never believed in love. I never believed I could ever feel this; have this. She changed everything. I will never be like him.

* * *

Sobs break the night air. Coldness overtakes my lungs, but I feel nothing when I’m like this. My throat’s sore and my hands ache. I must stop. I can’t stop. My rage heightens and my mentality is scrambled. My mind wanders and I lose my train of thought. My thoughts have been misplaced.

I have lost myself in my thoughts.

I lied and I convinced. I hit and I apologized. I will never again make her hurt. It was only this once. I will never again harm her. Never again.

Her eyes aren’t as alive, and her skin not as flush. She looks like she has died. Died inside herself, but living all the same. She is going through the motions but with no motivation. I have created this monster. She is the one that lingers in my dreams, and keeps me up late at night. I have created this monster.

* * *

Fist hits wall. The strike leaves an indent, a pit. The remnants of my anger. Fury flows through my blood, vexation on my mind. Sweat slides down my face as it plummets mutely to the ground. A torrent stream pours from the eyes of the strong one. She slaps my face with agitation surging through all her being. She stands strong with opposition. I am done, so I walk away.

Flip on the light and look in the mirror. My fathers sternness stares  back. This is what I am. This is who I am. The mirror shatters with the pressure from these forsaken hands. Blood everywhere. Glass everywhere. My reflection distorted tells the story of who I am and how I got this way. I’m here, standing in my tragedy.

This is who I am. This is what I have become.

I am the monster  throughout my days, and into my nights. I am the monster of my dreams. I have turned into what was the source of all my pain. I have turned into what I have hated.

I have become the monster under my bed.

I have become the monster in the mirror.

Description
Fist hits wall. The blow leaves a dent, a hole. The remnants of his anger. Relief flows through her body, she is unharmed this round.  Sweat sliding from his face as it drops like a ghost to the floor. A cascade of water flows from the eyes of the weak one. She wipes them away.  Unnoticed in the corner is where I am, sitting in my silence.

Hands on ears. This noise is killing me, murder. I am already dead to this all, but with every strike it hurts more. I exhale with regret. I should’ve helped, I should’ve fought. I still am here, crouching in my silence.

The battle is over. His words have stopped so he walks away. TV on and the noise burns, scolds. We breathe, we are unharmed this round. I hug the weak one and try to make her better, I want to make it better. Everything will be ok, until the next match. Noticed in his chair is where he is, we are cringing in his presence.

The bell tolls, I’m late. Out of school and into car. Hateful words are said, and the war begins again, I was only late. I try to act passive, and let his words not even scratch. His words don’t hurt, but his fist does, his next weapon of choice. As he uses it to break me down, he loves to see me weep. He loves to see me weak.

Home is where the hell is.  Family time spent in the dark. No lights other than the colors vomited from the screen. No voices other than the lies screamed to the air. Our eyes open, our mouths shut. Family time spent in the dark.

Lights out, sheets up. I’m not even safe in my dreams. I’m not even secure in my own mind, my own room. He’s the monster lurking under my bed. He’s the monster throughout all my days, and into my nights. I’m not even protected here.

* * *

I push her hair back with my fingertips lightly brushing her face. The light reflects off her eyes, and makes them seem too real. I look at her, all of her. I see right through her and all her faults. I see right through her and all her perfection. I stare and I gaze. She doesn’t seem to mind the lack of words.

My stomach in knots every time she touches me, my breath short every time I see her. My heart beats irregularly every time I hear her voice. I smile and laugh whenever she’s around. All the badness disappears whenever I am with her. My Father disappears with the sight of her face, the sound of her voice, and the touch of her hands. I hope this will be love. I think this might be love.

I tell her I will never hurt her. I tell her I will never harm her. I will never be like him. I won’t make her feel like that. She is my everything. I never believed in love. I never believed I could ever feel this; have this. She changed everything. I will never be like him.

* * *

Sobs break the night air. Coldness overtakes my lungs, but I feel nothing when I’m like this. My throat’s sore and my hands ache. I must stop. I can’t stop. My rage heightens and my mentality is scrambled. My mind wanders and I lose my train of thought. My thoughts have been misplaced.

I have lost myself in my thoughts.

I lied and I convinced. I hit and I apologized. I will never again make her hurt. It was only this once. I will never again harm her. Never again.

Her eyes aren’t as alive, and her skin not as flush. She looks like she has died. Died inside herself, but living all the same. She is going through the motions but with no motivation. I have created this monster. She is the one that lingers in my dreams, and keeps me up late at night. I have created this monster.

* * *

Fist hits wall. The strike leaves an indent, a pit. The remnants of my anger. Fury flows through my blood, vexation on my mind. Sweat slides down my face as it plummets mutely to the ground. A torrent stream pours from the eyes of the strong one. She slaps my face with agitation surging through all her being. She stands strong with opposition. I am done, so I walk away.

Flip on the light and look in the mirror. My fathers sternness stares  back. This is what I am. This is who I am. The mirror shatters with the pressure from these forsaken hands. Blood everywhere. Glass everywhere. My reflection distorted tells the story of who I am and how I got this way. I’m here, standing in my tragedy.

This is who I am. This is what I have become.

I am the monster  throughout my days, and into my nights. I am the monster of my dreams. I have turned into what was the source of all my pain. I have turned into what I have hated.

I have become the monster under my bed.

I have become the monster in the mirror.