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Description
“Hey. Hey, kid. Wake up.” Devan shot up when his shoulder was shook, realizing he’d probably fallen asleep on the bus, seeing as how the bus driver gave him a kind smile. “Ticket sad you were going here, so i thought I’d wake up. You pretty much when out like a light when you boarded.”

“Thanks.” Devan sad gratefully, yawning and throwing his arms over his head. “I’m sorry if I caused a little trouble.”

“No harm.” The guy shook his head. “Not many people were on today thankfully. They’ve all gotten off before little you, so it was fine.”

Looking around, Devan had to agree. The bus was pretty empty.

“How many months along are you?” The man asked casually and Devan almost wanted to throw up. “How did you…?”

“You're not the first guy I’ve seen trying to keep it all in that head of yours.” The guy shook his head. “It’s more common than you think. I’ve seen a lot in the 40 years I’ve been here.”

Devan smiled sadly at the man’s remark. “I guess, but it’s not the greatest thing to be saddled with, according to a lot of the US.”

“Take it from me, Kid. Whoever is feeding you that stuff? They just don’t get it.” The old man shook his head. “I mean, sure, they think they get it, but in reality? They don’t know a dime from a nickel these days. Sometimes I wish we could just punch them.”

Devan had to laugh at that, feeling less nervous. Plucking up his courage, he had to ask. “You sound like you have experience.”

“Oh, Kid.” The man’s eyes became distant. “You think it’s bad now? Woo, back then, you could have been killed in the streets. It wasn’t illegal, but it was a shameful thing. Thankfully, I was one of the luckier ones. No family. No partner. No nothing, but my son came out of it okay. Big guy’s at Yale down south. Having the time of his life.”

“Wow.” Devan was at a loss for words. Here was a guy, that was unassuming by the look of him and yet told him something so personal. He wondered if, in the future after this, when Everleigh and Jane were older, would he be like this?

“Ah, well. Better get back to the roads. You look like you needed to hear something good, because you look a little like a gust of wind could knock you over.”

Devan bit his lip in reply, nodding. “Yeah, I just...I’m meeting up with their Dad today. Something like that.”

“Ah.” The older man nodded understandingly. “Haven’t seen him in a while, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, kinda...took off, I mean, I took off when I found out, needed some time by myself.” Devan shuffled. “Thought a quiet place would do.”

“Hmm, well, I can’t really help with that, but if there is one thing I can say, is to give him a chance.” The driver nodded as Devan looked at him. “You’re obviously making yourself sick with nerves about seeing him again, but may be it might not go as bad as you thinking.”

“Yeah...maybe.” Devan sad, awkwardly starting to move. “Thanks...uh,-”

“Call me Tom, Kid.” Tom shook his head. “Just happy to help.”

“Thanks, Tom.” Devan smiled again, a tiny bit brighter, before stepping off with a large sigh as he walked inside the mall and followed the noise. So...this was it. He was really doing this? Right now? Guess so.

Quietly, he pulled up his hood to cover his face and assimilated himself into the small crowd as the show began, managing to get close enough to the stage that he could reach out and touched someone if he wanted to, but still escape. It was only a little while he was going to be there. Just a second. He would watch him, see him do his show, maybe leave a note or something and then, leave. Like he was never there.

The show was enjoyable. The comedians made him laugh, the music made him sway (causing the girls to go into a kicking frenzy) and the more dangerous acts made his stomach turn, but nothing, nothing was as bad as the butterflies it had inside of it when Collins appeared on stage.

He looked tired. Or rather, the makeup on his face covered the worst of it, but not all of it. His eyes were a rosy red around the edges, darker than ever underneath and though his tricks were the same as they always were, his heart wasn’t fully in it.

Halfway though the show, he announced he would need a volunteer for his next act and hands shot up all around Devan, reaching out to his brother so he could look. Swallowing, Devan didn’t know what possessed him in that moment, but as Collins came over to look at them to see if anyone on this side was able to be picked, he just raised his hand and tugged at Collins’s jacket. The whole plan went into chaos after that. Devan tried to hide his face, but Collins was faster and Devan knew that by the stunned look at his face and sudden freezing of his body parts that he had seen him. Shit.

After a couple shunned seconds of silence and loads of murmurs from the crowd, Devan hightailed out of there as fast as he could (which wasn’t much given he was carrying two rather large 7 and a half month size infants in a giant water balloon on his front) towards where he had last seen the exit signs.

He felt the panic wash over him as he looked around frantically, sweat starting to pour down his forehead. The classic makings of a severe incoming panic attack. He needed out now.

20 minutes later saw him stumbling out into fresh snow, flakes dusting his hair as his world spun in circles, him trying desperately to set it straight so he could find his way back to the bus stop and go home. Home, where it was safe. Where no one could find him.

Suddenly, however, in the middle of his haze, he was lept on, arms wrapping themselves around him. Being already having a panic attack, Devan freaked out, already exhausted limbs struggling to get away from the person obviously trying to mug him. “N-N-No, p-please. N-N-No! Let me go. Let me go!”

“Shh, hey, hey Devan, Devan it’s okay.” The familiar choked up voice that entered his ear broke his heart all over again, but it caused him to stop struggling and just slump, the owner of the voice almost staggering as they tried to keep them both up. Turning his head and body, he fell into Collins’s embrace like a folded up accordion, grabbing onto tuffs of his shirt and breaking down in tears. Feeling dampness in his head, he knew Collins was doing the same, but couldn’t help but beg. “I want to go home. Please, I just want to go home.”

“Okay, okay, we’ll go home. We’ll go home.” Collins looked desperately around, seeing a taxi rank and hailing a cab before ushering Devan in, despite both of them clinging to eachother like they would disappear if they let go. Devan, finally and gently coaxed out of his stupor, but drained, tiredly rattled off the address to Collins’s raised eyebrows before setting his head into Collins’s collarbone, looking out the window.

Now or never, it seemed.

Description
“Hey. Hey, kid. Wake up.” Devan shot up when his shoulder was shook, realizing he’d probably fallen asleep on the bus, seeing as how the bus driver gave him a kind smile. “Ticket sad you were going here, so i thought I’d wake up. You pretty much when out like a light when you boarded.”

“Thanks.” Devan sad gratefully, yawning and throwing his arms over his head. “I’m sorry if I caused a little trouble.”

“No harm.” The guy shook his head. “Not many people were on today thankfully. They’ve all gotten off before little you, so it was fine.”

Looking around, Devan had to agree. The bus was pretty empty.

“How many months along are you?” The man asked casually and Devan almost wanted to throw up. “How did you…?”

“You're not the first guy I’ve seen trying to keep it all in that head of yours.” The guy shook his head. “It’s more common than you think. I’ve seen a lot in the 40 years I’ve been here.”

Devan smiled sadly at the man’s remark. “I guess, but it’s not the greatest thing to be saddled with, according to a lot of the US.”

“Take it from me, Kid. Whoever is feeding you that stuff? They just don’t get it.” The old man shook his head. “I mean, sure, they think they get it, but in reality? They don’t know a dime from a nickel these days. Sometimes I wish we could just punch them.”

Devan had to laugh at that, feeling less nervous. Plucking up his courage, he had to ask. “You sound like you have experience.”

“Oh, Kid.” The man’s eyes became distant. “You think it’s bad now? Woo, back then, you could have been killed in the streets. It wasn’t illegal, but it was a shameful thing. Thankfully, I was one of the luckier ones. No family. No partner. No nothing, but my son came out of it okay. Big guy’s at Yale down south. Having the time of his life.”

“Wow.” Devan was at a loss for words. Here was a guy, that was unassuming by the look of him and yet told him something so personal. He wondered if, in the future after this, when Everleigh and Jane were older, would he be like this?

“Ah, well. Better get back to the roads. You look like you needed to hear something good, because you look a little like a gust of wind could knock you over.”

Devan bit his lip in reply, nodding. “Yeah, I just...I’m meeting up with their Dad today. Something like that.”

“Ah.” The older man nodded understandingly. “Haven’t seen him in a while, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, kinda...took off, I mean, I took off when I found out, needed some time by myself.” Devan shuffled. “Thought a quiet place would do.”

“Hmm, well, I can’t really help with that, but if there is one thing I can say, is to give him a chance.” The driver nodded as Devan looked at him. “You’re obviously making yourself sick with nerves about seeing him again, but may be it might not go as bad as you thinking.”

“Yeah...maybe.” Devan sad, awkwardly starting to move. “Thanks...uh,-”

“Call me Tom, Kid.” Tom shook his head. “Just happy to help.”

“Thanks, Tom.” Devan smiled again, a tiny bit brighter, before stepping off with a large sigh as he walked inside the mall and followed the noise. So...this was it. He was really doing this? Right now? Guess so.

Quietly, he pulled up his hood to cover his face and assimilated himself into the small crowd as the show began, managing to get close enough to the stage that he could reach out and touched someone if he wanted to, but still escape. It was only a little while he was going to be there. Just a second. He would watch him, see him do his show, maybe leave a note or something and then, leave. Like he was never there.

The show was enjoyable. The comedians made him laugh, the music made him sway (causing the girls to go into a kicking frenzy) and the more dangerous acts made his stomach turn, but nothing, nothing was as bad as the butterflies it had inside of it when Collins appeared on stage.

He looked tired. Or rather, the makeup on his face covered the worst of it, but not all of it. His eyes were a rosy red around the edges, darker than ever underneath and though his tricks were the same as they always were, his heart wasn’t fully in it.

Halfway though the show, he announced he would need a volunteer for his next act and hands shot up all around Devan, reaching out to his brother so he could look. Swallowing, Devan didn’t know what possessed him in that moment, but as Collins came over to look at them to see if anyone on this side was able to be picked, he just raised his hand and tugged at Collins’s jacket. The whole plan went into chaos after that. Devan tried to hide his face, but Collins was faster and Devan knew that by the stunned look at his face and sudden freezing of his body parts that he had seen him. Shit.

After a couple shunned seconds of silence and loads of murmurs from the crowd, Devan hightailed out of there as fast as he could (which wasn’t much given he was carrying two rather large 7 and a half month size infants in a giant water balloon on his front) towards where he had last seen the exit signs.

He felt the panic wash over him as he looked around frantically, sweat starting to pour down his forehead. The classic makings of a severe incoming panic attack. He needed out now.

20 minutes later saw him stumbling out into fresh snow, flakes dusting his hair as his world spun in circles, him trying desperately to set it straight so he could find his way back to the bus stop and go home. Home, where it was safe. Where no one could find him.

Suddenly, however, in the middle of his haze, he was lept on, arms wrapping themselves around him. Being already having a panic attack, Devan freaked out, already exhausted limbs struggling to get away from the person obviously trying to mug him. “N-N-No, p-please. N-N-No! Let me go. Let me go!”

“Shh, hey, hey Devan, Devan it’s okay.” The familiar choked up voice that entered his ear broke his heart all over again, but it caused him to stop struggling and just slump, the owner of the voice almost staggering as they tried to keep them both up. Turning his head and body, he fell into Collins’s embrace like a folded up accordion, grabbing onto tuffs of his shirt and breaking down in tears. Feeling dampness in his head, he knew Collins was doing the same, but couldn’t help but beg. “I want to go home. Please, I just want to go home.”

“Okay, okay, we’ll go home. We’ll go home.” Collins looked desperately around, seeing a taxi rank and hailing a cab before ushering Devan in, despite both of them clinging to eachother like they would disappear if they let go. Devan, finally and gently coaxed out of his stupor, but drained, tiredly rattled off the address to Collins’s raised eyebrows before setting his head into Collins’s collarbone, looking out the window.

Now or never, it seemed.