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Published: 2003-10-24 18:44:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 97; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 8
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Description
Light RiderInto the darkness,
On the steed of light,
To enter and brighten,
To free the imprisoned,
And to crush the demonic race.
Or at least,
That’s what it felt like.
Of course as the story goes,
The light rider got slain,
And the demons became victorious.
It was such a challenge,
Running, riding, into the unknown,
Grasping the sword tightly,
Not knowing who, or what, to expect.
Just knowing something’s out there.
Course the movies get it wrong,
They always do.
Confidence? No… Fear? Nothing but.
They came, and boy did they come.
Endless sieges of them,
Screaming and hording.
My blade, flying with unlimited supremacy,
My shield, glowing with undying defiance of death,
My horse, screaming with relentless ferocity,
My body, pumping with adrenaline.
For they will not stop me.
Until the fatal, and unfortunate swing,
That shining unused dark blade,
Flying towards me at incredible pace.
And so my body fell,
My soul continuing its rage.
So let them take my body, my sword, shield and horse.
For my soul will live on,
No matter how hard they strive,
My soul will not. Cannot. Fall.
It is the light. And it will forever glow.
Comments: 3
diamondie [2004-02-04 19:39:54 +0000 UTC]
If you cut down on your usage of cliché s, abstraction and repeition and tried to get more detail, concretion and originality (with a better vocabulary), you might get somewhere.
But this poem is also way too long for its subject. At times it sounds more like prose than a poem and the substance just doesn't last. The style varies too much, from pompous to colloquial. I also think most of the commas ending the lines aren't needed, they distract the reader.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Sprog [2004-01-10 19:11:46 +0000 UTC]
I want comments... mind i aint been on in months... lmao
👍: 0 ⏩: 0