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Description
A significant amount of things had happened during my time in college; one of the most important ones was hitting the lowest point in my life. What frightened me most was realizing that I couldn't do it on my own anymore, unfortunately the state of being I had known to maintain the mental fortitude was eventually going to kill me.

It was a surreal to admit I had a problem; I needed help. Drop all the bullshit you've conditioned yourself to say, separate fact from fiction. And actually going thru with it, albeit slow and directionless, but actually taking that small step.

This came in the form of counseling, therapy, trying medication, a rather enraging psychologist; but most importantly it got me to admit that not only was I in a lot of pain, but I wanted to change and I hit that desperation where I would do anything to get out of it. These years later till this day, I still catch myself ruminating, but from a better place.

I'm not making comics and animation left and right; my stories and characters have barely seen the light of day. I'm not the draftsman I wished I was. I'm not living the dream and aspirations I had growing up, I'm not able to live off my art in the form I want to. Sometimes I felt like my time in college was squandered, while everyone was growing as an artist and having the time of their life, I felt like I was stuck in one place trying to figure out problems that should've been solved many years ago. But by the end of the 4 years, you come to this sobering realization that its absolutely not the case.

We are only human, there are only so many things we can balance and prioritize. It doesn't seem fair to say I walked out of 2014 with this experience; to sum the year up I need the previous years. It was like one very giant year that left me broken in most places but the means to mend them; I'm still a miserable pisspot but I've learned to be a happy sonuvabitch at the same time.

2015 feels like it will be a strange year. I'm in a strange place where I do actually want to fail at something -- not actively self-sabotage myself, but because it will give me closure that I've tried my damnest at what I want; give me the opportunity to fail and I can be content with myself, to know that I tried and risked. I've spent so long stuck in that other place, for the first time in many years I don't mind the mental fog; if I walk off a cliffside, I'll worry about it then. But not now; right now I still have time. No desire for success or failure, just do.

I'll refrain from going on a novel, but here's a shoutout to all of you still in that dark place, trying to come in terms with yourself, addictions, abuse, identity, everything else.

You exist and you're fucking worth it.

So here's to 2015. The odd year in which I want the opportunity to fail hard.

: ]

Description
A significant amount of things had happened during my time in college; one of the most important ones was hitting the lowest point in my life. What frightened me most was realizing that I couldn't do it on my own anymore, unfortunately the state of being I had known to maintain the mental fortitude was eventually going to kill me.

It was a surreal to admit I had a problem; I needed help. Drop all the bullshit you've conditioned yourself to say, separate fact from fiction. And actually going thru with it, albeit slow and directionless, but actually taking that small step.

This came in the form of counseling, therapy, trying medication, a rather enraging psychologist; but most importantly it got me to admit that not only was I in a lot of pain, but I wanted to change and I hit that desperation where I would do anything to get out of it. These years later till this day, I still catch myself ruminating, but from a better place.

I'm not making comics and animation left and right; my stories and characters have barely seen the light of day. I'm not the draftsman I wished I was. I'm not living the dream and aspirations I had growing up, I'm not able to live off my art in the form I want to. Sometimes I felt like my time in college was squandered, while everyone was growing as an artist and having the time of their life, I felt like I was stuck in one place trying to figure out problems that should've been solved many years ago. But by the end of the 4 years, you come to this sobering realization that its absolutely not the case.

We are only human, there are only so many things we can balance and prioritize. It doesn't seem fair to say I walked out of 2014 with this experience; to sum the year up I need the previous years. It was like one very giant year that left me broken in most places but the means to mend them; I'm still a miserable pisspot but I've learned to be a happy sonuvabitch at the same time.

2015 feels like it will be a strange year. I'm in a strange place where I do actually want to fail at something -- not actively self-sabotage myself, but because it will give me closure that I've tried my damnest at what I want; give me the opportunity to fail and I can be content with myself, to know that I tried and risked. I've spent so long stuck in that other place, for the first time in many years I don't mind the mental fog; if I walk off a cliffside, I'll worry about it then. But not now; right now I still have time. No desire for success or failure, just do.

I'll refrain from going on a novel, but here's a shoutout to all of you still in that dark place, trying to come in terms with yourself, addictions, abuse, identity, everything else.

You exist and you're fucking worth it.

So here's to 2015. The odd year in which I want the opportunity to fail hard.

: ]