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sufferbleedingcorpse — Depressive
Published: 2003-09-24 04:21:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 54; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 17
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Description
A shattered shell of a broken soulScattered across the hollowed ground
A fell wind blows through body and mind
As a far bell tolls out grief untold
A searing soul shard slain by lust
And a want of something that could never be
It's a cruel world, and a crueler wasteland
Where emotions screaming as they fade away
Dust and dusk, sulking figures slinking
Cacophonic calling out to something so far away
And the nightmare creature that you created
Born of skin, flesh, and fear of a shattered dream that should not have been
You did this, you wanted this
Your beautiful creation is slowly tearing all our minds apart
You can't see what this has done because you've always been so blind
And the way out died off long ago, in the blanketing darkness of a forgotten dream
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Comments: 2
... screw what the other person says... use what you want...
good poem... simple but effective picture for it...
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phrases such as "searing soul" and " shattered shell of a broken soul" and "in the blanketing darkness of a forgotten dream" are severely overused by many people who have taken a hand at writing. a suggestion is to try and find more original ways to say the things you've said. it creates a more vivid image that can relate to a larger audience. there is nothing wrong with emotion, but to amplify it so that it means anything else to anyone (besides severely angsty/depressed teenagers) you need to have originality.
just a thought.
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