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Description
  Sitting in the lounge in our bus normally makes me feel safe and comfortable but not even the rain hitting the window as we drive past yet another harvest field that looks so empty and barren it looks dying in the morning light. We left the party hours ago and I should be sleeping to regain some strength for tonight's show but no matter how much I try I can't relax enough to keep my eyes closed and sleep is out of the question it seems. Sighing silently I press my forehead against the cold glass once more because it feels good to have the chilly material against my warm skin. A sleeping tree breaks the monotone landscape where it stands by a ditch in the middle of the land reaching to the cloudy sky where the sun is trying desperately to break through though I hope it won't be able to. The weather as it is perfect the way it is as it fits my mood perfectly and I silently wish for the rain to keep falling all day regardless of the whining I know will come from CC when he wakes up and sees it. I really love the water falling heavily all around us and the sound of it hitting the bus's roof is soothing the burn inside my aching body like it knows exactly what is going on.
  Trailing a water drop down the window I wonder what Juliet is doing right now, if she ever thinks of me, if she misses me like I miss her, if she is having second thoughts or doubts about us ending. Maybe if I turn my phone back on I will find a message or missed calls by my special girl but if I don't I don't think I can handle knowing that she didn't try to get in contact with me so I leave the device untouched on the table. I don't know when I started hating that black little thing that used to be so dear to me but I really do and everything it stands for as well. Logic tells me it isn't the phone's fault but my heart is telling me it is it that keeps me from talking to Juliet right now and if it wasn't so fucking stubborn it would be ringing and I would hear her beautiful voice again. I really miss just listening to her telling me about her day and laughing at things she's heard or seen since we last talked and it's getting to me that she is so close yet not talking to me because of something I didn't do.
  If I had been paying attention to what happens around me I would have known I'm not the only one up anymore but it isn't until someone sits down next to me I am aware that one of the boys has woken for whatever reason. An arm finding its way around my shoulders before I'm pulled into a warm hug tells me it's our lead guitarist being my company and without a second thought I lean against his chest as he rests his head against mine. The annoying smell of Ashley's toothpaste tells me someone needs to go shopping when we stop next and it brings a smile to my face that Jake dared to borrow something that personal from Ash. It fades quickly though as we pass a small river reminding me of the first trip me and Juliet took when we had just met and found ourselves in something resembling a countryside though we had barely left LA behind and the arm around me tightens some. I know he can feel me being sad without a word being uttered and once more it scares me how well my band mates knows me though it's probably the only way we can live together without killing one another.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
"Just like you…"

  His voice is rough from sleeping but it sounds like safety to me and I wish it would stay like that though I know it will change when he starts using it and it annoys me to know that I have to wait to hear it like that again. I can't explain why something so strange bothers me and I wish I came with a manual so I could find out what is really going on because I have no clue how to react or what to do with myself anymore. Being this way is frustrating without any answers to all the questions twirling around in my head all the time leaving me no rest and another toe deep sigh slips me Jake pulls me closer. I want to feel the comfort in him that I know he wants to give me but I can't even relax enough to enjoy the warmth coming from his half naked being and it makes me worry about losing something I wasn't even aware I had. Staring out the window I try to find something to focus on so I don't have to look at Jake because that would make me cry and I'm tried of crying when it does me no good other then putting me to sleep and it's too late for that right now.
  Nights never last long enough for me to enjoy them unless I'm awake like now and then they're too long to keep me from doing stupid things like thinking and analyzing what is going on around me. I've tried so long so hard not to let her take over my mind yet every time I close my eyes I see her smile at me in that special way I love so much and made me feel so special I could fly every single time. Just thinking about the way her eyes glitter when she laughs or how her hair falls down around her face framing it turns her into the most beautiful painting anyone has every created makes my heart bleed even worse. There are so many things about her I don't want to forget and I think the guys would have to brainwash me to erase the memories of how her locks feel against my skin or her lips tenderly brushing against mine before actually kissing me. Barely noticing it Jake moves to stand but his voice breaking the silence is what makes me understand he is going to leave me alone with my thoughts again and I silently try to decide whether I'm happy about it or want him to stay.

"Yeah, well I needed to take a piss and now I'm heading back to bed but you're sitting here without any intention to move."
"Thinking…"
"That won't do you any good though, sleep will."
"I know."

  He is right and we both know it but it isn't very appealing to return to bed when I know I won't be able to sleep and all I can do is try to lay as still as possible not to wake Jeffree up because he needs his beauty sleep. Or so he claims anyway and I'm not really in the mood to bitch with him about something like that when the problem is easily solved by me staying where I am. Sinking deeper into the seat I shake my head then turn to look at my friend though his expression shocks me and I feel bad for not being a better person or at least strong enough to care for someone else then myself. His blue eyes are filled with worry as they meet mine and I smile weakly at him as if that would make things better but we both know it's just an act that no one within the band would ever buy. A thought hits him while looking at me though I'm kind of confused when he suddenly throws a glance at the bunk area then smiles teasingly at me before turning serious again and I want to laugh at the unsaid insinuations thought that would be rude.

"Did Jeffree leave already?"
"No."
"No?"
"No. He's still sleeping in my bunk."
"Oh. Do you want me to wake him up for you?"
"No."
"Are you sure? He could keep you company."
"Yeah I'm sure. Don't worry about it."
"But…"
"Go to bed Jake. I'll see you in a couple of hours."
"Ok."

  Turning away from him is hard because I know in my broken heart he is just trying to take care of me but I can't handle it right now and the dead landscape outside the window is once more all I can see. The dried grass covering the fields we pass by are swaying in the wind though the heavy rain is trying to beat it to the ground and out of nowhere I feel jealous of its strength and how strong each blade is as it fights the weather. If I was anything like it I would be standing tall with my head held high without spending yet another endless night thinking about Juliet and missing her until my stomach hurt but I'm too weak. Wrapping my arms tightly around my shivering body I want to crawl into a ball in a dark place where no one can see me or find me but I know the guys wouldn't let me and Ash would most likely drag me into the light again claiming he found something I just have to see.
  Closing my eyes I lean my forehead against the window sighing softly at how cold the glass is against my skin and Jake immediately close in on me and is about to sit down when I lift my hand to him to stop it from happening. My friends need their sleeps more then they need to take care of me when the only person that can stop my pain is Juliet and she won't go anywhere near me. A hand lands on my shoulder before squeezing gently then it's gone and I'm on my own like so many times before and it feels really good knowing that no one else is concerned about my wellbeing. Everyone has been on their tiptoes around me since the concert yesterday like they expect me to have a breakdown and shave my head or something else completely insane like playing naked on the freeway. Though it sounds kind of tempting to dance around in the rain without any fabrics keeping the cold water from reaching my body I don't want to freak the others out because I love them as much as they love me. The voice behind me is tired to the point of exhausted and it proves to me what I just thought as Jake offers to stay up with me if I need it though we both know I'll turn it down for his sake.

"Are you sure you don't want company then?"
"Yeah. I think, I just want to sit here a little longer, it's peaceful."
"Alright. Just wake me up if you need anything or change your mind."
"Ok."
"I mean it Andy."
"I know you do. Thanks."
"Alright, night then."
"Night."

Description
  Sitting in the lounge in our bus normally makes me feel safe and comfortable but not even the rain hitting the window as we drive past yet another harvest field that looks so empty and barren it looks dying in the morning light. We left the party hours ago and I should be sleeping to regain some strength for tonight's show but no matter how much I try I can't relax enough to keep my eyes closed and sleep is out of the question it seems. Sighing silently I press my forehead against the cold glass once more because it feels good to have the chilly material against my warm skin. A sleeping tree breaks the monotone landscape where it stands by a ditch in the middle of the land reaching to the cloudy sky where the sun is trying desperately to break through though I hope it won't be able to. The weather as it is perfect the way it is as it fits my mood perfectly and I silently wish for the rain to keep falling all day regardless of the whining I know will come from CC when he wakes up and sees it. I really love the water falling heavily all around us and the sound of it hitting the bus's roof is soothing the burn inside my aching body like it knows exactly what is going on.
  Trailing a water drop down the window I wonder what Juliet is doing right now, if she ever thinks of me, if she misses me like I miss her, if she is having second thoughts or doubts about us ending. Maybe if I turn my phone back on I will find a message or missed calls by my special girl but if I don't I don't think I can handle knowing that she didn't try to get in contact with me so I leave the device untouched on the table. I don't know when I started hating that black little thing that used to be so dear to me but I really do and everything it stands for as well. Logic tells me it isn't the phone's fault but my heart is telling me it is it that keeps me from talking to Juliet right now and if it wasn't so fucking stubborn it would be ringing and I would hear her beautiful voice again. I really miss just listening to her telling me about her day and laughing at things she's heard or seen since we last talked and it's getting to me that she is so close yet not talking to me because of something I didn't do.
  If I had been paying attention to what happens around me I would have known I'm not the only one up anymore but it isn't until someone sits down next to me I am aware that one of the boys has woken for whatever reason. An arm finding its way around my shoulders before I'm pulled into a warm hug tells me it's our lead guitarist being my company and without a second thought I lean against his chest as he rests his head against mine. The annoying smell of Ashley's toothpaste tells me someone needs to go shopping when we stop next and it brings a smile to my face that Jake dared to borrow something that personal from Ash. It fades quickly though as we pass a small river reminding me of the first trip me and Juliet took when we had just met and found ourselves in something resembling a countryside though we had barely left LA behind and the arm around me tightens some. I know he can feel me being sad without a word being uttered and once more it scares me how well my band mates knows me though it's probably the only way we can live together without killing one another.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
"Just like you…"

  His voice is rough from sleeping but it sounds like safety to me and I wish it would stay like that though I know it will change when he starts using it and it annoys me to know that I have to wait to hear it like that again. I can't explain why something so strange bothers me and I wish I came with a manual so I could find out what is really going on because I have no clue how to react or what to do with myself anymore. Being this way is frustrating without any answers to all the questions twirling around in my head all the time leaving me no rest and another toe deep sigh slips me Jake pulls me closer. I want to feel the comfort in him that I know he wants to give me but I can't even relax enough to enjoy the warmth coming from his half naked being and it makes me worry about losing something I wasn't even aware I had. Staring out the window I try to find something to focus on so I don't have to look at Jake because that would make me cry and I'm tried of crying when it does me no good other then putting me to sleep and it's too late for that right now.
  Nights never last long enough for me to enjoy them unless I'm awake like now and then they're too long to keep me from doing stupid things like thinking and analyzing what is going on around me. I've tried so long so hard not to let her take over my mind yet every time I close my eyes I see her smile at me in that special way I love so much and made me feel so special I could fly every single time. Just thinking about the way her eyes glitter when she laughs or how her hair falls down around her face framing it turns her into the most beautiful painting anyone has every created makes my heart bleed even worse. There are so many things about her I don't want to forget and I think the guys would have to brainwash me to erase the memories of how her locks feel against my skin or her lips tenderly brushing against mine before actually kissing me. Barely noticing it Jake moves to stand but his voice breaking the silence is what makes me understand he is going to leave me alone with my thoughts again and I silently try to decide whether I'm happy about it or want him to stay.

"Yeah, well I needed to take a piss and now I'm heading back to bed but you're sitting here without any intention to move."
"Thinking…"
"That won't do you any good though, sleep will."
"I know."

  He is right and we both know it but it isn't very appealing to return to bed when I know I won't be able to sleep and all I can do is try to lay as still as possible not to wake Jeffree up because he needs his beauty sleep. Or so he claims anyway and I'm not really in the mood to bitch with him about something like that when the problem is easily solved by me staying where I am. Sinking deeper into the seat I shake my head then turn to look at my friend though his expression shocks me and I feel bad for not being a better person or at least strong enough to care for someone else then myself. His blue eyes are filled with worry as they meet mine and I smile weakly at him as if that would make things better but we both know it's just an act that no one within the band would ever buy. A thought hits him while looking at me though I'm kind of confused when he suddenly throws a glance at the bunk area then smiles teasingly at me before turning serious again and I want to laugh at the unsaid insinuations thought that would be rude.

"Did Jeffree leave already?"
"No."
"No?"
"No. He's still sleeping in my bunk."
"Oh. Do you want me to wake him up for you?"
"No."
"Are you sure? He could keep you company."
"Yeah I'm sure. Don't worry about it."
"But…"
"Go to bed Jake. I'll see you in a couple of hours."
"Ok."

  Turning away from him is hard because I know in my broken heart he is just trying to take care of me but I can't handle it right now and the dead landscape outside the window is once more all I can see. The dried grass covering the fields we pass by are swaying in the wind though the heavy rain is trying to beat it to the ground and out of nowhere I feel jealous of its strength and how strong each blade is as it fights the weather. If I was anything like it I would be standing tall with my head held high without spending yet another endless night thinking about Juliet and missing her until my stomach hurt but I'm too weak. Wrapping my arms tightly around my shivering body I want to crawl into a ball in a dark place where no one can see me or find me but I know the guys wouldn't let me and Ash would most likely drag me into the light again claiming he found something I just have to see.
  Closing my eyes I lean my forehead against the window sighing softly at how cold the glass is against my skin and Jake immediately close in on me and is about to sit down when I lift my hand to him to stop it from happening. My friends need their sleeps more then they need to take care of me when the only person that can stop my pain is Juliet and she won't go anywhere near me. A hand lands on my shoulder before squeezing gently then it's gone and I'm on my own like so many times before and it feels really good knowing that no one else is concerned about my wellbeing. Everyone has been on their tiptoes around me since the concert yesterday like they expect me to have a breakdown and shave my head or something else completely insane like playing naked on the freeway. Though it sounds kind of tempting to dance around in the rain without any fabrics keeping the cold water from reaching my body I don't want to freak the others out because I love them as much as they love me. The voice behind me is tired to the point of exhausted and it proves to me what I just thought as Jake offers to stay up with me if I need it though we both know I'll turn it down for his sake.

"Are you sure you don't want company then?"
"Yeah. I think, I just want to sit here a little longer, it's peaceful."
"Alright. Just wake me up if you need anything or change your mind."
"Ok."
"I mean it Andy."
"I know you do. Thanks."
"Alright, night then."
"Night."