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Description
Hello.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Well, nothing much, I guess. Sitting. Thinking. No, contemplating. Sounds more like 'doing something'. Does that count as 'doing something'?

Close enough. What are you contemplating about?

Oh, you know. This and that. My life, the world. Nothing really.

Want to talk about it?

I don't know. I don't usually talk to random girls . Especially not about something that's just weird and in my head.

Well, you've got nothing to lose and I'd love to hear it.

True, I suppose. You know, I was thinking about the world.

You mentioned that.

More specifically, the end of the world. This year, it's supposed to be 'game over' but frankly, I don't think that's going to happen.

No?

No! I've seen so many 'ends of the world' come and go. Y2K, Nostra-what's-his-face, Jehovah's witnesses' wild guesses. Yeah, most of them were probably even more backwards than the Mayans were 5000 years ago, but I still doubt they calculated something like the end of the world. They were just jealous because we would have more awesome stuff and they decided to mess with us. Or they were lazy procrastinators and figured: yep, 5000 years should be enough for now. So, no, the Mayan apocalypse won't happen. And you know why? Because the apocalypse is already happening!

No way!

Yes way! I believe the end of the world started ages ago. The Big Bad and the Big Good decided that having a punch out on Earth was too exciting or whatever and chose to settle their eternal dispute with a game but it couldn't be just any game. It had to be one of grand scales and huge stakes: One that wouldn't be decided with one blink of an eye. One that would perfectly represent the struggle between good and evil:
Monopoly!

Monopoly?

YES! Think about it. This is a game from the deepest abyss of hell. Ever played Monopoly? Of course you have. Ever finished a game? Thought so. You'd have to be immortal with no better shit to do to see a game finished without anyone conceding, and thus it's the perfect game to settle something like that.

So, when is it going to end?

I'd say 'Only Big Good knows' but he's playing the freaking game, so... no one knows.

Wow, that's pretty deep.

I know, right? But I feel kinda bad.

Why?

You know the Four Horsemen? These are apparently the heralds of the apocalypse, so they had to come to Earth ever since Big Good and Big Bad started playing that cursed game and are now stuck here, forced to sort Their shit out for over who knows how long now. And no one can read the signs. Worst off is probably Death because she has to -

Wait up! How do you know Death is a 'she'?

Huh? Oh, well, that's just major guesswork on my part. See, I think that the Big Good is huge on sexual equality, and since there are four horseman, obviously two have to be female. Right? Well, since punching each other for no adequate reason is pretty much a male thing, I figured that War has to be a guy. Probably one of those big, burly ones with muscles so huge that he can barely wipe his own ass. Pestilence obviously has to be a guy, too, because while being sick is completely gender-neutral, women deal with sickness like a boss, whereas men are obnoxious drama queens about it. Thus, by default, Death and Famine have to be girls.

Yeah, I'm convinced. Go on.

Where was I? Oh right. Death is probably worst off because she's the only one who still does her job properly. I mean, think about it. War hasn't been exactly Captain Ambitious after World War II and is probably lazying around in front of his TV watching reality shows all day. Yeah, there are a couple of skirmishes here and there but nothing you could call a proper and decent huge war. Or what about Pestilence? He's the absolute worst of the bunch. His last top hit was centuries ago and now: mad cow disease, avian flu, swine flu and let's not forget the bog-standard flu that he re-releases every single year. Sweet baby Jesus, it's as if he's channelling the creative spirit of Nickelback or something. It's worse than Wham's Last Christmas.

Okay, so the guys pretty much suck but what about Famine? She's still pretty active.

Yeah, I guess so. But I can't help thinking that Famine is all about business now. She way too much into fashion and it's all she's doing these days. Just look at the catwalks all over the world. They still make anorexic girls run away in tears. Understandable, though. I mean, she can choose to not eat because she's the embodiment of hunger. That's so good it's almost cheating. Coming around full circle, Death is the only one who does her job properly and she's stuck with the crappiest one.

How so?

Well, she has to do the daily clean up. The other three are just doing their stuff but people are always dying and every day she's the one who has to deal with them, lead them to paradise or hell or whatever, listen to them ramble and rant all the time.

I don't know. Doesn't sound like it's that bad of a job all the time.

If you believe that then you obviously haven't met true morons yet. She's probably getting shit from them, although it's not her fault.

How do you know she's not the one who's killing?

Nah, I don't think so. Probably some union regulations or something like that. Worst thing, if she's stuck with some real idiot, she can't even punch them to shut them up. Because they're already dead. How do you hurt someone who's already dead?

She could hurt them mentally.

Ooooh, that's a good point. Never thought about that one.

So, are you ready?

Would it change anything if I'd say no?

Not really, no.

Description
Hello.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Well, nothing much, I guess. Sitting. Thinking. No, contemplating. Sounds more like 'doing something'. Does that count as 'doing something'?

Close enough. What are you contemplating about?

Oh, you know. This and that. My life, the world. Nothing really.

Want to talk about it?

I don't know. I don't usually talk to random girls . Especially not about something that's just weird and in my head.

Well, you've got nothing to lose and I'd love to hear it.

True, I suppose. You know, I was thinking about the world.

You mentioned that.

More specifically, the end of the world. This year, it's supposed to be 'game over' but frankly, I don't think that's going to happen.

No?

No! I've seen so many 'ends of the world' come and go. Y2K, Nostra-what's-his-face, Jehovah's witnesses' wild guesses. Yeah, most of them were probably even more backwards than the Mayans were 5000 years ago, but I still doubt they calculated something like the end of the world. They were just jealous because we would have more awesome stuff and they decided to mess with us. Or they were lazy procrastinators and figured: yep, 5000 years should be enough for now. So, no, the Mayan apocalypse won't happen. And you know why? Because the apocalypse is already happening!

No way!

Yes way! I believe the end of the world started ages ago. The Big Bad and the Big Good decided that having a punch out on Earth was too exciting or whatever and chose to settle their eternal dispute with a game but it couldn't be just any game. It had to be one of grand scales and huge stakes: One that wouldn't be decided with one blink of an eye. One that would perfectly represent the struggle between good and evil:
Monopoly!

Monopoly?

YES! Think about it. This is a game from the deepest abyss of hell. Ever played Monopoly? Of course you have. Ever finished a game? Thought so. You'd have to be immortal with no better shit to do to see a game finished without anyone conceding, and thus it's the perfect game to settle something like that.

So, when is it going to end?

I'd say 'Only Big Good knows' but he's playing the freaking game, so... no one knows.

Wow, that's pretty deep.

I know, right? But I feel kinda bad.

Why?

You know the Four Horsemen? These are apparently the heralds of the apocalypse, so they had to come to Earth ever since Big Good and Big Bad started playing that cursed game and are now stuck here, forced to sort Their shit out for over who knows how long now. And no one can read the signs. Worst off is probably Death because she has to -

Wait up! How do you know Death is a 'she'?

Huh? Oh, well, that's just major guesswork on my part. See, I think that the Big Good is huge on sexual equality, and since there are four horseman, obviously two have to be female. Right? Well, since punching each other for no adequate reason is pretty much a male thing, I figured that War has to be a guy. Probably one of those big, burly ones with muscles so huge that he can barely wipe his own ass. Pestilence obviously has to be a guy, too, because while being sick is completely gender-neutral, women deal with sickness like a boss, whereas men are obnoxious drama queens about it. Thus, by default, Death and Famine have to be girls.

Yeah, I'm convinced. Go on.

Where was I? Oh right. Death is probably worst off because she's the only one who still does her job properly. I mean, think about it. War hasn't been exactly Captain Ambitious after World War II and is probably lazying around in front of his TV watching reality shows all day. Yeah, there are a couple of skirmishes here and there but nothing you could call a proper and decent huge war. Or what about Pestilence? He's the absolute worst of the bunch. His last top hit was centuries ago and now: mad cow disease, avian flu, swine flu and let's not forget the bog-standard flu that he re-releases every single year. Sweet baby Jesus, it's as if he's channelling the creative spirit of Nickelback or something. It's worse than Wham's Last Christmas.

Okay, so the guys pretty much suck but what about Famine? She's still pretty active.

Yeah, I guess so. But I can't help thinking that Famine is all about business now. She way too much into fashion and it's all she's doing these days. Just look at the catwalks all over the world. They still make anorexic girls run away in tears. Understandable, though. I mean, she can choose to not eat because she's the embodiment of hunger. That's so good it's almost cheating. Coming around full circle, Death is the only one who does her job properly and she's stuck with the crappiest one.

How so?

Well, she has to do the daily clean up. The other three are just doing their stuff but people are always dying and every day she's the one who has to deal with them, lead them to paradise or hell or whatever, listen to them ramble and rant all the time.

I don't know. Doesn't sound like it's that bad of a job all the time.

If you believe that then you obviously haven't met true morons yet. She's probably getting shit from them, although it's not her fault.

How do you know she's not the one who's killing?

Nah, I don't think so. Probably some union regulations or something like that. Worst thing, if she's stuck with some real idiot, she can't even punch them to shut them up. Because they're already dead. How do you hurt someone who's already dead?

She could hurt them mentally.

Ooooh, that's a good point. Never thought about that one.

So, are you ready?

Would it change anything if I'd say no?

Not really, no.