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tera633 — Shockwave and Minibots v2

Published: 2010-11-08 01:44:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 17546; Favourites: 318; Downloads: 54
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Description EDIT: *supergeek17 made some very good suggestions for making this more readable, so I added space betweeen paragraphs and dashes in Blurr's dialogue. Hopefully that helps!

So...I discovered my stats page. Turns out my most viewed and faved deviation was Shockwave and Minibots , my second deviation ever posted. Since I'm almost at 5,000 pageviews I decided it was time to repost the dang thing the way I wanted it posted the first time to celebrate.

So, besides the obvious relining and coloring, I added a background, a collar for Cliffjumper, and made Blurr a bit longer (and more....Blurr-y). I changed Bumblebee's expression and fixed a few other small things that bugged me.

So. I hope everyone enjoys the revamp. Below is the plot bunny that started all of this...

~~~~~
~~~~~
~~~~~
(Through a series of deceptions, the Minibots have been kidnapped by Shockwave and declared offline by the universe. Trapped in an underground hideout, the small group is locked in a cell together before Shockwave explains his new plan to them. He wants to utilize their combined potential as an intel team….trained by none other than himself.)

(The scene takes place moments after the picture.)

“Why the slag would we want to learn ANYTHING from YOU?” Cliffjumper snarled, still tugging uselessly on the cuffs around his ankles and wrists.

“Because if you fail my tests then you will remain here for as long as I see fit…or until you grow the ball bearings to try again.” Shockwave replied coldly. The minibots glanced at each other uneasily.

They were all huddled in an abandoned lab, their wrists and ankles cuffed together, trapped with Shockwave. They’d been here for almost seven orns now, long enough to tell them they hadn’t been found by the Autobots yet…and probably wouldn’t be for some time.

“What Wasp have to do to get out of creepy bot’s lair?” The green minibot spoke up suddenly, his optics flickering erratically with fear.

Shockwave sat down on his makeshift command chair, steepling his claws. “You just have to pay attention…and obey every single command I deem fit to give you. Surely that isn’t so hard.”

Blurr narrowed his optics but didn’t speak. He hadn’t spoken at all since their capture. It probably had to do with whatever Shockwave had growled into his audio on the way here. Bumblebee shuddered. “Okay, traitor. Even if we DO learn your stupid tricks, what makes you think you can keep us here forever?”

“Oh, I have no intention of doing so.” Shockwave stood again, dramatically sweeping his arm towards the far door. “Down that hall is a maze. Through that maze, which can only be traversed by myself or an extremely skilled Intelligence agent like myself, is a spacebridge linked to Earth and Cybertron. The access codes are locked deep inside the computer on the wall behind you. Again they are heavily encrypted.” Shockwave transformed into Longarm and grinned at them, amused at the almost instant shift to hatred and trust battling on their faces. “If you can crack the codes and make it through the maze without being caught, you’re free. However…” He shifted back again. “If I do catch you…you will be severely punished. Am I understood?” Each minibot shuddered again beneath that horrible red iris. “Good. I’ll be back in the morning for your lessons.” The tall Decepticon paused in the doorway. “By the way, the last to escape will be remaining here, with me, on a permanent basis. Happy planning.” And then he was gone.

There was dead silence for a long moment.

“Primus-slagged-backstabbing-no-good-son-of-a-glitched-motherboard-who-does-that-fragger-think-he-is-he’d-better-hope-i-don’t-get-outta-here-when-he’s-nearby-because-I’ll-…” All of Blurr’s pent-up anger spilled from him in a rush.

“Don’t worry, Blurr, we can always…” Bumblebee tried to interject but was overrun by Cliffjumper.

“That slagging traitor’s BETTER run! Soon as I get my hands on my cannons again I’m going to…”

“Hold on, Cliffjumper, I’m sure that if we just…”

“Wasp doesn’t want to go offline…” Wasp began to moan, rocking back and forth in his cuffs, tugging Bumblebee along with him. “Wasp has so much he wanted to do…Why won’t anyone leave poor Wasp alone?”

“Wasp, stop rocking! I need to think! Could we all just…”

“…and-then-i’m-gonna-stick-that-into-the-compactor!THEN-i’m-going-to-wring-his-rusty…”

“…when Sentinel learns about this….”

“Wasp doesn’t want to die!”

“WOULD YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE FRAG UP?”

They fell silent, turning to stare at the irate yellow mech squished between them.

“Look, I know. You’re scared, you’re pissed, and you hate him. So do I. The reality is, none of this whining is going to help us get outta here!” Bee took a deep cycle of air before he continued. “Now I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to take his lessons-shut up, Cliffjumper-and I’m going to play his little game –don’t look at me like that, Blurr- and I’m going to do what he said: pay attention. I’m going to get out of this, and I want to bring all of you with me.”

“But-Shockwave-said-that-one-of-us-will-get-left-behind-…”

“No he didn’t. He assumed. If we all work together, we ALL get out. Got it?”

“Oh,I-see. If-we-all-escape-at-the-exact-same-moment-assuming-nothing-goes-horribly-wrong-then-we-all-get-out-and-then-we-can-all-turn-the-tables-on-him-and…”

“Right, exactly, please stop talking for a minute or slow down.”

Cliffjumper had stopped struggling momentarily in favor of thinking it over. “You know…you kind of make sense, Bumblebee. Why weren’t you already part of the intel team?”

Bumblebee sighed. “I took the rap for a friend of mine and Sentinel busted me.”

“Bumble-bot did not make the Elite Guard?” Wasp sounded surprised.

“Of course not! You found me on Earth, remember?” Bumblebee trailed off. “You really thought I was on the Elite Guard?”

Wasp shrugged. “Elite Guard is not as bright as Wasp thought it was, remember?”

Bumblebee rolled his optics, annoyed. “Okay, moving on.”

“So-what’s-the...plan-then?” Blurr asked, trying to space out his words.

Bee bit his lip. “Well, if we’re all getting out then we should all decide on one, shouldn’t we?”

“You don’t even HAVE a plan, do you?” Cliffjumper guessed.

Bee’s faceplate heated up. “Hey, at least it’s working this far, right?”

Wasp slumped. “We are so slagged.”

~~~~~
~~~~~
~~~~~
If you're interested in more (for example, how Blurr was captured) let me know. For now, have a good day.
Related content
Comments: 130

tera633 In reply to ??? [2011-09-06 16:23:29 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I almost feel bad for him...XD

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AmyRosetheHedgie [2011-08-07 07:38:05 +0000 UTC]

This story is awesome! I want more!!!

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sw124 [2011-08-01 05:43:02 +0000 UTC]

Will there be more?!

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tera633 In reply to sw124 [2011-09-06 16:24:06 +0000 UTC]

AS soon as I get my laptop back. Admittedly, I'm a little dry on ideas.

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sw124 In reply to tera633 [2011-09-06 16:31:02 +0000 UTC]

ok

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wastelanddragon In reply to ??? [2011-07-18 00:06:41 +0000 UTC]

lol

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tera633 In reply to wastelanddragon [2011-07-19 03:46:50 +0000 UTC]

XD

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kaileeyp In reply to ??? [2011-07-10 06:11:01 +0000 UTC]

Aha! Blurrs turning into a potty mouth xD

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tera633 In reply to kaileeyp [2011-07-10 06:47:23 +0000 UTC]

I had a bit of fun with that. Blurr's been stuck with him longer than the other three, so his patience is a bit thin at this point. I may have him use some extra words picked up from other planets he's scouted in the next chapter. XD

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kaileeyp In reply to tera633 [2011-07-10 15:23:52 +0000 UTC]

cant wait XD

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aquagirl555 In reply to ??? [2011-07-08 23:56:51 +0000 UTC]

I want more please!!!!!! This is great!

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tera633 In reply to aquagirl555 [2011-07-10 02:29:22 +0000 UTC]

LOL I'm just trying to think of what kinds of tests he'd put them through. :3

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aquagirl555 In reply to tera633 [2011-07-10 12:18:39 +0000 UTC]

Perhaps he has challenges that require particular skills. Like an obstacle coarse that requires speed, wile another would require stealth, another agility, another flexibility, and another challenge could deal with strength. And there could be mental challenges that test memory, coordination, and logical processing skills. Maybe even challenges that test hand to hand coordination or balance. Some challenges could be group things or one person at a time things.

Use your imagination and think of what exactingly Shockwave would want to know about them and how he could learn that via challenges.

Oh, another thing. If he makes them repeat certain challenges he could be slowly training them for whatever reason.

I hope this helps you. If you are having more trouble thinking of challenges go look up challenges used in things like Survivor or Big Brother, TV Game shows like that and try to incorporate them for giant alien robots.

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laraanita [2011-05-19 14:27:17 +0000 UTC]

Love the picture, love the story as well! Man I'd love to read the end of it.

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tera633 In reply to laraanita [2011-05-21 16:41:14 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad you like it and I hope someday I can add on to it for you. :3 Out of curiosity, what would you like to see in the next piece? *shamless fishing for plot ideas* I have some things ready to go but I'm trying to flesh it out a bit.

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laraanita In reply to tera633 [2011-05-21 17:27:31 +0000 UTC]

I have honestly no idea D= Sorry

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tera633 In reply to laraanita [2011-05-21 20:31:31 +0000 UTC]

LOL it's okay, I'll figure it out. :3

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fireweed15 [2011-04-08 03:45:43 +0000 UTC]

This plotline. I love it. 8D Your characterization is lovely—everyone is so perfectly spot on, it’s awesome. Your Wasp... I want to hug him.

I do have two little critiques, though. One, I would suggest putting spaces between paragraphs. As it is right now, the ficlet looks like a massive wall of text; putting spaces between paragraphs makes everything a little more reader friendly.
Second is Blurr’s dialogue. Writing everything as one big speech dump is certainly in-character; for a while I wrote his lines that way. After it got to be really cumbersome to write and to read, I switched back to writing his lines normally. Unless one just stumbled into the fandom, odds are good the reader will understand that Blurr is a fast-talker.

Anyway—this is really awesome, and I really hope you do more with this when you find the time!

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tera633 In reply to fireweed15 [2011-04-17 17:24:45 +0000 UTC]

*Wasp needz a hug.*

I edited the piece a bit, and I want to thank you for pointing that out. It does read much easier now. I used dashes in Blurr's speech instead of spaces, though, so I would have wriggle room when he learns to slow down a bit. Do you think that looks better?

Thanks again for your awesome in-depth commentary! You've been incredibly helpful!

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fireweed15 In reply to tera633 [2011-04-24 23:00:03 +0000 UTC]

*Wasp does need a hug plz*

You're very welcome. I'm glad you found the tips helpful. The spaces really make everything a lot easier to read, as do the dashes.
Oooh, cookie.

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Creativesm75 [2011-03-27 17:42:15 +0000 UTC]

cool

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Dragongirl124680 [2011-01-17 03:38:44 +0000 UTC]

oh, they'll have revenge...

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tera633 In reply to Dragongirl124680 [2011-01-20 04:39:57 +0000 UTC]

count on it.

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Dragongirl124680 In reply to tera633 [2011-01-20 20:47:54 +0000 UTC]

and I may have to join them...

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Kittylover9399 [2011-01-08 05:26:10 +0000 UTC]

how...did he capture Blurr? O-o;

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

tera633 In reply to Kittylover9399 [2011-01-08 16:45:46 +0000 UTC]

Heheh....Uh, you remember the cube scene? I....edited it. :3 (Has a ton of work to finish on the sketches.)

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Kittylover9399 In reply to tera633 [2011-01-08 18:29:38 +0000 UTC]

orly? is this anywhere? >3

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debbittybears [2010-11-19 02:22:07 +0000 UTC]

(this is flaire)TERA!!!! YOU MESSED IT UP!!! YOU GAVE BLUR TWO LEGS!!!!! ITS KILLING ME!!!!! (INSERT BANGING OF HEAD HERE) HOW COULD YOU GLITCH ON AN IMPORTANT PEICE OF THE STORY!!! (papabear says to do your homework) wahhhahh sob (more banging)

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tera633 In reply to debbittybears [2010-11-19 07:58:19 +0000 UTC]

*rofl* I know, I know, but I didn't want to give anything away!!! Thanks, btw. LOL. I actually changed the story a bit...>3 Don't worry about it...heheheh....

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debbittybears In reply to tera633 [2010-11-19 23:56:36 +0000 UTC]

rofl? what does that mean? oh well,then you better send it to me...or call...or write.....just get it to me somehow ok?
-flaire


p.s.
I am so glad growing up is an option otherwise life would be dull.keep up the good work.see you at cristmas!!

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tera633 In reply to debbittybears [2010-11-20 00:59:03 +0000 UTC]

ROFL=Rolling On Floor Laughing
LOL. You'll hbout it, I promise.

XD

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debbittybears In reply to tera633 [2010-11-20 04:50:50 +0000 UTC]

good...Dalmar's still crazy but even more obsessed about anima,i know, hard to believe,but its true.anyway see ya.
-flaire
p.s.(tace)hhhiiiii!!!!!
LOL(lots of love)
the NNF really misses you.

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tera633 In reply to debbittybears [2010-11-20 15:08:37 +0000 UTC]

Nah...totally believable, sadly. X3

p.s. Hi!!!

...the...NNF? OH! Nut Farm! LOL, got it.

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Tugera [2010-11-13 21:00:08 +0000 UTC]

Ooh, and like the little ficcy. <3

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tera633 In reply to Tugera [2010-11-17 14:37:21 +0000 UTC]

Hehe...any fun ideas to help me write more?

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Tugera In reply to tera633 [2010-11-17 20:07:35 +0000 UTC]

Ummm.. Bumblebee-Wasp fight at some point..? <33
And I dunno how high a rating you're wanting.. x3
..Maybe the minis could try to gang slag the big bot, at some point..

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tera633 In reply to Tugera [2010-11-19 08:06:40 +0000 UTC]

LOL. I think BB vs Wasp is a given.
I'd like to avoid having to post any "M" rated stuff, due to a few younger viewers (though plenty is left to the imagination). Doesn't mean I won't consider it, though...hard not to. X3
Shockwave dogpile. XD

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Tugera In reply to tera633 [2010-11-19 08:34:43 +0000 UTC]

<3 >D
Ah, I see. xD
Go for his antlers..! >D

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tera633 In reply to Tugera [2010-11-19 18:13:23 +0000 UTC]

ROFL. Thanks a lot, now Cliffjumper'smovd from nomming his foot and chomping on his antennae! XD

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Tugera In reply to tera633 [2010-11-21 18:05:24 +0000 UTC]

Yay~ sounds fun. xD

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Tugera In reply to ??? [2010-11-13 20:49:38 +0000 UTC]

Hehe.. Looks like he's slightly lost control of them.. x3

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tera633 In reply to Tugera [2010-11-17 14:36:51 +0000 UTC]

Hence his exasperation. XD I just couldn't imagine Blurr or Cliffjumper making things easy for him if they could help it. They probably won't get away, but they sure as the pit can make his life a living smelter. X3

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Tugera In reply to tera633 [2010-11-17 20:00:20 +0000 UTC]

Wasp looks like a goood lil slave tho. x'3
Hehe.. Cliffy should do something to his pede. xD

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tera633 In reply to Tugera [2010-11-18 17:26:48 +0000 UTC]

I'm starting to think he and Wasp are the only ones smart enough to know getting out won't be that easy. X3
I seriously considered having him gnaw on it, just for kicks and grins, but find myself frustratingly lacking in time.

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Tugera In reply to tera633 [2010-11-21 18:04:51 +0000 UTC]

Hehe...

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soralover012 In reply to ??? [2010-11-10 22:25:41 +0000 UTC]

Me:

Kai: *attacks Shockwave and noms him* I may look like a human, but i'm part wolf! *howls*

Sora: Why does she 'leap before thinking'?

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tera633 In reply to soralover012 [2010-11-17 14:39:24 +0000 UTC]

ROFL.

Minibots: *try to make a break for it while he's down*
Me: *watches them go, then looks back at Shockwave* You locked the doors, didn't you.
Shockwave: *just chuckles and continues his efforts to dislodge the lycanthrope-like thing attached to him*
Me: *waves at Sora* Hi!

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soralover012 In reply to tera633 [2010-11-17 16:15:53 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

Sora: Hello and to say, beofre you locked the door, i placed a jamming device on it to stop you from controling it ^_^
Kai: *bites harder* My teeth won't break >3
Me: *goes with the mini-bots*

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tera633 In reply to soralover012 [2010-11-18 17:35:43 +0000 UTC]

Shockwave: *thinks about that for a moment* Very clever. *windmilling his arm in growing irritation*
Tera: *snickers and heads off after Sora*
Cliffjumper: *on Blurr's shoulders, banging on the doorpad and cursing* Locked!
Wasp: *sighs unhappily* Wasp told you. Bigbot is smart. Oh, we NEVER get ut of here! *whines*
BB: *uncertainly pats Wasp* Hey, don't get your transistors in a bunch. There's always another way out.
Wasp: *knocks away his hand irritably* No there isn't.
BB: Is so!
W: Isn't.
BB: Is!
Blurr: *growls at them while trying to hold still so CJ won't fall off* Okayseriouslywuoldyoutwojustshutupforaminutesowecanthinkthisthroughandfindanactualplanofactionbecausei'vealreadyhadaverybaddayandyourincessantbickeringisn'tHELPING.

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soralover012 In reply to tera633 [2010-11-18 18:57:54 +0000 UTC]

Me: I have a jammer, which could distrupt the waves of the door lock *holds out the device*
Sora: *appears* Well Kai's hung on for long

Kai: *clings on* You'll never get rid of me!!

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