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Pain

This Will not be a poem, it will not be a song. This is me talking to you.. the reader..
This is my escape. This is my last and only way to communicate who i truly am to anyone. I might know you or i might not. It doesn't matter. You are Human, I have to think some Humans go through the same things as me.. maybe.. maybe not. I however dont want to seem selfish and make this whole thing about myself. If i could remain Humble in the eyes of the reader that would prove to myself that something.. is still left in me. I haven't turned into another person incapable of loving someone other then myself.

Dispite that however i must say a few things.
My Life is a Huge mess. A Job that only pays for a life on the edge. on the edge of Sanity. A family.. totally broken. A girlfriend that seems to only want to fight at every little opportunity. Secretly i think she enjoys being upset.. there she must feel more herself.. perhaps with more purpose. Perhaps.. shes as lost as i am. My Parents hate each other.. my brother.. only learning that from both of them. Im not there for him anymore.. i cant help him in the little moments between my parents when he is alone.. i cant help him learn to be a man.. it hurts me dearly to see people break his spirit.. i remember how he felt. I want him to feel more joy then Sadness.
I live in a world of problems.. day to day... one at a time.. The future? I dont want to know the Future. Its Scary right now. The Whole entire world.. The Beauty of it being Destroyed in so many places. The Love.. The Hope.. for so many... its gone.. Whats left of them.. the ones who understand it all... is a shell.. I wish i was not so smart.. i wish i was ignorant of the problems, the greed, and lawlessness of the world. Maybe i would find Peace. So many things i cant Change or Fix, So many Causes for Concern.. so much Death, so much... Selfishness.

But.. We are Human.. There will always be those that fight the good fight.. who wont let their greed or personal gain get in the way. Only Kindness and Love are what will help us Change the World. Not fear.. not Hate. Secretly we all know this. Only the Brave Speak out.. while the many hide away in our sadness and hope .. if we still have it. I cannot see an End to this fight when so many have lost or never known goodness. Kindness.. love. Most people have something left in them.. you see it when someone receives a hug .. it could have been years since their last... but to that person... to feel an embrace could be a life altering thing.. it changes people.. shows that there is still faith.. still something to be had in this world. Still something worth fighting for.. this thing.. we call love.

A heart in every person.. is there... is capable of bringing love to others. Don't you want to live in a world where everyone loves each other? Where there is no more reason for hating someone.. no more reason to be selfish. The Tears down my face only make saying Each sentence harder. Don't you want to be around only good people in your life. Only people who truly care. Don't you want to see a world where even if our time is short.. it mattered..

This Enormous Burden.. The Burden that i carry with me every day.. Causes so much Pain in what is left in my Heart. It is everywhere.. we cant escape it.. the world we live in. It makes leaving my Little apartment every day very hard. It makes Embracing my Lover harder.. knowing that im a lucky one.. to have someone.. even if fighting happens often. Many have no one.. And the thought of that hurts my heart so much.. i want to go up to each lonely person in this whole world.. and just be there for them.. the way im there for My girlfriend. I want to lead the way.. I want people who have never known that someone who doesn't know them, could still love them.

No one ever told me what the meaning of love is.. I hope that comes close. I hope that in times of great sorrow and times of happiness that love will never change. I think.. maybe.. If One person.. can feel this way.. who has known love.. and known the hole that it left afterward... Maybe... hope, and joy and all things that are good.. wont be completely lost, because i know there are people out there who only want what is right. Who arent totally selfish.. who love and are loved in return.. even through all of our imperfect mistakes. If i ever meet you people.. the ones who know.. who have this pain in our lives.. but can still keep it together.. can still make our lives and those around us worth living... I couldn't express in words... just how much we have in common.

All life is precious. All things that breath.. all things that are there to exist.. We all mean something.. we matter.. together.. therefore.. i believe.. we can all.. love.. together.