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A deep hollow crevasse splits apart my chest,
All I desire is to engage in blissful rest
But my stomach coils up like a snake about to strike,
And my mind settles in for a long and numbing night.

I'm flailing around in my ever buzzing head,
Trying in vain to retire to my bed.
The knot in my middle threatens to expand
And I'm drowning in a flood which encompasses dry land.

The centre of my being is screaming out for aid,
But my soul continues sorting through mistakes I have made.

Swallowing is painful and my eyes sting with tears.
Anything to wash away the strength of my fears.
Twisting and turning, bile rises to my throat
As I endeavour blindly to just stay afloat.

The evening has ended and the light cracks through glass.
I need to be away from me to make this feeling pass.
Throw myself into interactions with friends,
Social butterfly; a means to justify the ends.

I try to envelop myself in harmful substances,
Any sweet surrender to change circumstances.
I need to seek my haven: safe and pure and free.
But my brain continues talking and refuses harmony.

I try to smoke out the devil with endless cigarettes,
But he knows my game. He never forgives; never forgets.
So I retreat once again behind the pasted smile
And desperately hope the pain will pass in a while...