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Description

Scientific name: Bonasus bonasus
Other names: Bombardier bull, Bonasus
Ancestor: Wisent
Diet: Grass
Habitat and range: Northern-European and Northern-Asian plains, woods, and scrub
The Bonnacon is simultaneously one of the most fascinating, hilarious, and revolting animals of the Exocene Epoch. A perfect example of life imitating art is what they really are, and frankly, something like this was bound to happen eventually. Named for a remarkably similar medieval bestiary creature, the Bonnacons horns are curled inward, useless as a weapon or a tool for defense. However, it is a magnificent display feature, as males horns curl up into magnificent spirals, a gorgeous way to attract females. For the females (as pictured above), the horns curve back like an Oryx, and are a convenient appliance to scratch their necks for parasites. However, this talk of their horns merely dances around their most remarkable feature; their volatile feces. The Bonnacon has a system of chemical bladders near its colon, where similar to the Bombardier Beetle, they can spray predators with a caustic musk. Normally, the chemicals are housed in two separate bladders, and when are pumped to the rectum, mix into a highly volatile and caustic acid. But it doesn't end there; when larger more persistent predators are afoot, the Bonnacon can pour the acid into its colon, bathing its feces in the horrid liquid. Layers of continuously generated mucus similar to stomach lining prevents the acid from eating into its organs, so long as it doesn't hold the burning feces in for too long. Then, it sprays its excrement at predators, the added weight and stickiness making the acid all the more dangerous. If a piece of dung is soaked enough with the dangerous chemical agent and jettisoned at a high enough speed, it will erupt on contact, launching bits everywhere and giving a new meaning to the term "explosive diarrhea". Of course, the danger doesn't end there. Even laying idle on the ground, infused Bonnacon patties release a caustic fume, which causes second-degree chemical burns. Nobody knows for sure how evolution lead the European Bison to literally shit in the face of the Geneva Convention, or why they do not just use their considerable weight and musculature for defending themselves, but leading experts suspect witchcraft, because only a cruel and vindictive god would allow such ludicrous biology.

Description

Scientific name: Bonasus bonasus
Other names: Bombardier bull, Bonasus
Ancestor: Wisent
Diet: Grass
Habitat and range: Northern-European and Northern-Asian plains, woods, and scrub
The Bonnacon is simultaneously one of the most fascinating, hilarious, and revolting animals of the Exocene Epoch. A perfect example of life imitating art is what they really are, and frankly, something like this was bound to happen eventually. Named for a remarkably similar medieval bestiary creature, the Bonnacons horns are curled inward, useless as a weapon or a tool for defense. However, it is a magnificent display feature, as males horns curl up into magnificent spirals, a gorgeous way to attract females. For the females (as pictured above), the horns curve back like an Oryx, and are a convenient appliance to scratch their necks for parasites. However, this talk of their horns merely dances around their most remarkable feature; their volatile feces. The Bonnacon has a system of chemical bladders near its colon, where similar to the Bombardier Beetle, they can spray predators with a caustic musk. Normally, the chemicals are housed in two separate bladders, and when are pumped to the rectum, mix into a highly volatile and caustic acid. But it doesn't end there; when larger more persistent predators are afoot, the Bonnacon can pour the acid into its colon, bathing its feces in the horrid liquid. Layers of continuously generated mucus similar to stomach lining prevents the acid from eating into its organs, so long as it doesn't hold the burning feces in for too long. Then, it sprays its excrement at predators, the added weight and stickiness making the acid all the more dangerous. If a piece of dung is soaked enough with the dangerous chemical agent and jettisoned at a high enough speed, it will erupt on contact, launching bits everywhere and giving a new meaning to the term "explosive diarrhea". Of course, the danger doesn't end there. Even laying idle on the ground, infused Bonnacon patties release a caustic fume, which causes second-degree chemical burns. Nobody knows for sure how evolution lead the European Bison to literally shit in the face of the Geneva Convention, or why they do not just use their considerable weight and musculature for defending themselves, but leading experts suspect witchcraft, because only a cruel and vindictive god would allow such ludicrous biology.